05x14 - Doug Gets His Wish

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

-♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪
-[chattering]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

-[chuckling]
-Pfft.

[growling]

[screaming]

[yelping]

[whistling]

[indistinct talking]

[screaming]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[Doug] Dear journal...

I think I'll go to a movie.

Hold it there, mister!

Don't you have homework to finish?

I just have a little left.

I'll finish it after dinner.

OK, dad. See ya.

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo da da doo doo ♪

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo da da ♪

You sure you got time for this, man?

You finished your report?

Aw, I got all weekend.

Well, that's it.

The lawn's mowed, the trash is out.

the only thing left is homework.

Yeah.

-[whimpers]
-Homework.

Um, dad?

Do you have any more chores I could do?

Oh, man.

Why can't I have a teacher
who gives less homework?

♪ dum dum dum dum dum dum da ♪

[imitating Rod Serling] Witness a simple
request from an overworked boy.

A plea every bit as heartfelt
as it is dangerous.

For in a moment or two

Doug Funnie of Jumbo street, Bluffington

will find out that some things

aren't as easy as they seem.

As he becomes the latest
applicant to a school known as--

[Doug] Skeet, what are you doing?

I don't know, man. Just kidding around.

I wish Ms. Kristal was kidding around.

Boy, do I hate homework.

[footsteps]

[door creaks]

[whistling]

That's me!

[whistling]

So anyway, Journal, as usual

this morning I still had some
leftover homework.

[bell rings]

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo da da ♪

[Doug] There's always
a lot of homework to do

for Ms. Kristal's class

'cause she really gets into reading.

Books like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde...

Aha!

Arrghh!

[Doug] Or Peter Pan...

I'm flying! Whee!

[Doug] We're still trying to figure out
how she did that.

I probably mentioned how much
she got into Moby d*ck.

Not to mention Kidnapped...

but worst of all was

Today was pretty much like any other day

in Ms. Kristal's class.

[bleating]

Four legs good.

Two legs baa-ad!

Who'll tell me about the sheep?

What do they represent in this allegory?

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Oh, W-Willy, where have you been?

Fishing, probably.

Roger, please.

I'm sure Willy has a perfectly good reason

for his tardiness.

Hmm.

Duh...

[Principal] Attention, Ms. Kristal's class

This is your ex-mayor, principal White.

My son Willy was
a little late this morning

because he was fishi...
I mean, helping his dad.

Now, back to... whatever it is you do.

Can... can anybody tell me why the sheep

changed what they said? Willy?

-[whispering]
-Huh?

Because they, uh...

didn't want anybody to find out

that they were sheep?

[laughing]

[bell rings]

And remember, you're memorizing a poem.

We want to hear it next week.

at least 10 lines!

Willy, could I speak to you
for a moment, please?

Willy, can you think of any reason

that you might be having trouble

keeping up with the work?

Um, well, for one thing

that story could never happen.

-It-it couldn't?
-No way.

It's impossible for animals
to take over a farm.

Unless they had, like, a bazooka

or if they were some kind
of transformer animals

who could turn into
a four wheel drive vehicle.

Now that would make sense.

But isn't it still possible to get ideas

or learn something from a story

even if it could never happen?

Duh, beats me.

Here's something you could memorize called

"a really, really long esoteric poem."

I wish we had a teacher
who gives less homework.

Hey, here's one.

"Rhyming couplets and other tiny poems."

[groans] It's stuck!

[thud]

Sorry, boys. I must've put them away

before the varnish was dry.

It'll be fixed.

Parent-teacher conference?

Parent-teacher conference, what's that?

[slurp]

I think it's where

the parents and the teachers

have a conference?

I was afraid that's what it meant.

Oh, I hate talking to teachers.

I'm a principal, not a teacher talker.

Do I have to go? What's it about?

It's just because I wouldn't read some
dumb fairy tale.

Fairy tale? You're too old
for fairy tales.

You're old enough to be
reading comic books by now.

I would if I could get mine back.

That's my Super Stretcho Elasto Man.

Correction. It'll be yours...

when I'm through with it!

I told you I'd let you have it back

when I'm done reading it.

Come on, dad. You've had it forever.

[snaps]

Aah! My hair!

You should've listened
to your teacher, son.

That's the only way you'll grow up to be
ex-mayor

like me, your father.

Not this teacher. She's the worst!

Oh, Willy, please.

How bad can one little teacher be?

Uh, she... I heard she, um...

I heard she...

Yes, what?

Didn't vote for you in the last election.

What?!

Hmm.

Of course, it can't be all Willy's fault.

He understands the material well enough
when he studies.

Can you think of anything that
might be affecting

Willy's performance in class?

-You're fired.
-What?!

You heard me. Fired! El-canned-doh.

You may have taught English, sister

but now you're history! Good day.

-But--
-[Principal White] I said good-day.

All right, young persons, quiet down.
Quiet down.

To show everyone how concerned I am

with each of you future voter's education

I'll be your English teacher from now on.

[all gasps]

But what happened to Ms. Kristal?

That's a very good question.

Now, let's see.

"Great expectations."

Nope. There must be something to study...

Aha!

I know just the thing!

"Now, Super Stretcho Elasto Man

let's see how this ball bounces!

Boys, vulcanize him!"

A comic book?

He's reading a comic book?

"Ha ha ha ha ha!"

-[bell rings]
-That was so cool.

Remember, I want everyone
to get their own copy

of the new Super Stretcho Elasto Man

And read it over before tomorrow.

[all talking]

I don't get at.

How could they just fire
Ms. Kristal like that?

I'll tell you how.

It's 'cause, uh, she's a bad teacher.

Are you kidding?

She was a great teacher!

Uh, well, I never learned anything.

[Doug] The next day
Skeeter tried to start a petition

to get Ms. Kristal back.

But, Skeeter, Mr. White's so easy.

Yeah, why would you ever
want Ms. Kristal back?

She was hard.

[Doug] Even Chalky wouldn't sign.

You know I'd love to, but frankly

I could use this break from homework.

It'll give me more time
for sports and clubs and stuff.

Hey, mosquito dude,
OK if I take my signature back?

The only people who signed my petition

are you and me, and I don't think
you can sign for Porkchop, Doug.

Don't worry, Skeet.
We'll think of something.

[Doug] Skeeter tried to sneak in
stuff he liked to read

but it was no use.

What's this, young person?

"Lord of the flies"?

It's about, uh, this guy

who's lord of the flies?

Religious material can be read
on your own time, laddie

and what are you up to there?

Well, now, lookie here.

"Quailman versus professor Noodlehead."

What's this, doodling during class time?

Uh, yes, sir, but it's like
a comic book. See?

Very good! You should be more like him.

He'll be one of the great authors someday.

All right.

Now, you want to be extra careful

around the drill press.

Any loose clothing or... what?

[children shouting]

I'll see to this. Kids running amok.

They think they run the school.
I'll show 'em.

[children shouting]

-Hey, you kids!
-[all] Huh?

Where's your teacher?

Mr. Heaver, I must ask you kindly

not to interrupt my lesson...

Super Stretcho Elasto Man
versus Charles Dickens.

Elasto man's winning.

-[children laughing]
-Ha ha ha!

You're lucky you're in home school.

At least principal White will never fire
your dad.

Cheer up, Skeeter.
Principal White can't teach all the time.

He can't teach. Period.

I mean, he's busy.

He'll probably get somebody to replace him
before you know it.

[Doug] Patti didn't know how right she was

'cause the very next day...

[reading very softly] "Super Stretcho
Elasto Man

got hit on the head.

Pow. Now he's OK."

-Your ex-mayorship?
-Yes, young person?

You stopped reading aloud
a few minutes ago.

Did i? Oh, it's just so exciting.

Where did I leave off?

Excuse me, Mr. White.
The press is here to see you.

The press?

Oh! Well, students, listen.

I have to go tell the papers

what a magnificent job I'm doing.

Willy, will you take over the class
while I'm gone?

-[all] Huh?
-Who, me?

These young persons need someone

who's hands on. Take charge.

I'm guiding their education
in the same way

I guided this city when I was mayor.

You mean you put all your relatives
on the payroll?

Well, yes, but that's not
what I'm talkin' about.

Uh, can we start over?

[children shouting]

OK, everyone, quiet down.

Just... hey, listen up! I'm your teacher!

Bring back Ms. Kristal!

What?! You want homework again?

Yes! Come on, everybody. Are you with me?!

Huh?

Why should we do more work?

You know, I never thought Willy could make
so much sense

but-but he is.

We already do all the work

and who gets paid? The teachers!

I sure haven't learned anything. Have you?

I say, let's give the teachers homework!

[all] Give teachers homework!

[Doug] Of course,
I didn't buy any of it...

When I thought about it later.

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo da da ♪

[Doug] Still. it was hard
not to like having all that free time.

Don't you have homework, son?

No, dad, not a lick. Whoo-hoo!

♪ Da da doo doo doo da da ♪

[Doug] Since principal White
never came back to class

Willy was our teacher all the time now.

-"Funnie, Doug."
-Here.

"Klotz, Roger."

Anybody know where Roger is?

Whoo-hoo!

Ahee! Ho ho!

Here.

OK, class. Time for a test.

Aw!

Test? We haven't done anything.

Wait a minute.

How many ring dilly dings can you eat?

They're free!

My dad paid for them.

[cheering]

[slurping]

[burps]

It's horrible, man.

I think my brain's starting to shrink.

Come on. It's not that bad.

What are you talking about, man?

All I'm saying is... I mean... [slurp]

Willy's not the greatest teacher, sure

but, well, you got to admit

those ring dilly dings were tasty.

Come on, Skeet. I mean,
how much can your brain shrink anyway?

After all, it's just one class.

But haven't you noticed, man?

All the teachers are acting different
around Willy.

[Doug] Skeeter was right about that.

It was like they're all afraid
they were gonna get fired.

I thought we weren't
gonna play that anymore.

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Now, everyone, uh...

uh, turn to the next one!

[playing be kind to your
fine-feathered friends]

Uh, should I drop and give myself 20,
Mr. White?

[Doug] That was bad enough...

but that night, when I went
to the store for mom

something happened that
made everything even harder.

Here. Let me help you. Doug!

-Ms. Kristal?
-Doug, it's nice to see you!

But you know, they do have carts.

I was just getting a couple things.

Everybody misses you, Ms. Kristal

especially Skeeter.

Well, I'm, uh, afraid I wasn't getting
through too well

but thanks for the thought, Doug.

Well, I better run.

My cats will think I deserted them.

Bye, Ms. Kristal.

Walking home, I felt pretty awful.

Skeeter's right. she is a good teacher.

[bark]

I guess I forgot how much I like
Ms. Kristal, Porkchop.

Skeet, I was thinking about what you said.

About how great it would be
to join the ice frolics?

No, about Ms. Kristal.

Hey, Doug. Teacher wants to see ya.

Teacher?

I decided it was time we had
a student-teacher conference, Funnie.

What about?

I'm not so happy with your performance
lately.

What?

He means the way you're
planning against him.

Yeah. Ned saw you talking to Ms. Kristal
yesterday.

Believe me, Funnie

whoever's against me is, uh, not for me.

Hey, man, he's allowed
to talk to anybody he likes.

It's a free country.

You wish!

It's true. It's in the constitution.

I'd lend you a copy to read,
but there aren't any pictures in it.

[laughing]

Oh, you think that's funny?

Well, you're dispended from school.

-What?
-Dis...pend...ed!

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

Dispended from school.

That's the worst thing.

There isn't even such a word as dispended.

It's hopeless.

Well, maybe I can go
to home school with Patti.

It'd be better than
going to school with Willy.

[Doug] After Willy "dispended" Skeeter

things really got bad.

Mmm!

[gulps]

More pie! Ha ha ha!

[Doug] And with report cards coming out

Willy was worse than ever.

Connie had to clean his locker.

if she wanted to pass.

Hey, nobody's touched
those socks in years!

Hey, get away! Toxic! Gross!

[Doug] Then Chuck had to walk
backwards for a whole day

or he'd get an "F."

Ohh! Ooh!

[thud]

[laughing]

[Doug] He even decided
he didn't want to play the tuba anymore.

Very good...

Willy.

Very... [straining]

good.

[Doug] He even wrote his own pledge.

[all] I pledge allegiance to Willy White

whose dad is principal

and he's all-powerful.

[Doug] And then he said...

It's only the beginning! Don't worry.

We aren't going to have any hard teachers

for a long time!

Perfect.

[Connie] it's gone too far.

Somebody has to stop Willy!

Even if it means doing homework again?

Anything! Just as long as
I don't have to say that stupid pledge!

I always thought Willy was dumb

but he outsmarted all of us.

If only we could show people

what a good teacher Ms. Kristal was.

Yeah, but for that, we'd have to...

-Wait a minute!
-What is it, Doug?

I think I know how
we can prove to everyone

Ms. Kristal is a great teacher!

Even though I knew
it might get Ms. Kristal in trouble

I decided I had to ask mayor Tippi

to bring her case up
at the school board meeting.

Of course, it was just
what principal White was waiting for.

I didn't want to make this public

but certain people just have to make
a big fuss.

All I can tell you is

not only did Willy not learn anything

but this woman did not vote for me!

Hmm?!

You can't fire someone
for the way they vote, Bob.

I certainly can!

Can't I?

Excuse me. I wonder if I could--

No, no, no, no. I have the floor.

And I hope everyone realizes

I was just joking before.

The real reason I fired her is

my concern for education.

For the voters of the future,
like my son Willy.

Look at the poor little guy.

I never learned a single thing.

[sobbing]

Oh, no!

You know, he's got a point about this.

Come on. Let's get out of here!

This is making me sick. Oop!

Excuse me, Mayor Dink. May I speak?

I told you I'm not finished here!

I just wanted to ask Willy a question.

Oh, well. That's different, isn't it?

I thought you were going to try to talk.

Go ahead, young person.

Ask away.

I just want to ask Willy

if he remembers back in the fall

when Ms. Kristal taught us that book
about that sea captain named, uh...

Moby d*ck?

The one who, uh, craved fishsticks.

-Uh, that's not right.
-Sorry.

The whale is Moby d*ck, dude

and the captain guy's name
was Captain Ahab.

[laughing]

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Well, uh, wait a second.

Let me ask you this one.

Well, you remember how Ms. Kristal

taught us about
Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, right?

About this doctor who fights a monster

who's attacking London

and he gets into a big battle
with a hairy monster--

No, Doug.

Don't you pay attention, dork?

They were the same guy!

Dr. Jekyl had this secret potion

that let his monster side come out.

That's who Mr. Hyde was.

It's, like, an allegory
about the good and evil

that resides in all of us. I think.

What are you all staring at?

You learned all that from Ms. Kristal?

Yeah, I mean, no. I mean, dad?

Gee, Willy, you lost me
on the allegory thing

but did Ms. Kristal really teach you
to be so smart?

No!

I mean, well, maybe.

That woman is not just a teacher.

She's a miracle worker!

I think we've heard enough.

[cheering]

Oh, boy, Ms. Kristal!

Yeah!

I-I guess I knew more than I thought.

[Doug] So before we knew it...

Life in Ms. Kristal's class
was back to normal.

The candle was nearly burnt out

when, by the glimmer
of the half-extinguished light,

I saw the dull yellow eye
of the creature open!

He breathed hard...

[Doug] The person who turned out to be

the most impressed by how smart Willy was

was Willy.

All of a sudden, he was acting like
learning was fun.

[Ms. Kristal] Whom with suck
infinite pains and care

I had endeavored to form!

Aah!

Put away that comic book, Roger,
and pay attention.

[Doug] He ended up tutoring the whole g*ng

but mayor Tippi did ask Ms. Kristal

to make a little change in her class.

She made her add one more student

and, boy, was he sweating it out.

Well, journal, I'd better stop writing now

because I have something
really exiting to do...

homework!

Object lesson in dreams that come true.

As the old saying has it

having Willy teach the class
is a bad idea.

A lesson well-learned here in--

Skeet!

Consider if you will

his young friend in the corner
in a funny suit.

[Doug] I'm trying to do my homework here!

[Skeeter] And consider another young man

who actually thinks homework is exciting.

[Doug] Shut up!

[closing theme music playing]