05x03 - Papa Was Almost a Rolling Stone

[bunniefuu]

Guess what this is

some kind of pirate radio setup.

I guess the arc baby gave it away.

Hey Greg, guess what this is?

-I have no idea.
-It's a complete two watt radio station.

We thought this would be fun for Dharma
to play with while she was recuperating.

This helped me through the summer of 82
when I couldn't leave the house.

-Remember that Dharma?
-Sure.

The air was too thick
and the ground was too soft.

Sure, 82.

Hey, you want to do a radio show with me?

We could b*at the
D stir in the G man on the big rock weasel.

I don't think so Dharma.

That kind of attitude is going
to ruin rocktober G-man.

You guys realize this is against the law,
you have to have a license
from the FCC to broadcast.

This is pretty small time, Greg.

But Dharma, if you do get caught
don't panic and try to flush the equipment.

First of all that was an illegal cable box...

and I was trying to hide it
behind the toilet it fell in.

Then when it dried out we got show time.

Nermeen Roshdy
+971561234154

Season 5 _ Episode 3
Papa was almost a Rolling Stone

Enjoy the watching!

You're listening to radio Dharma.

All Dharma all the time. You give me


Radio Dharma!

Morning Greg. Morning Marcy.

I'm a wacky sidekick.

I see, you guys really think
anybody's listening?

Yeah, tons of people.

We checked you could pick us up
all the way down to the laundromat.

That's right, it's the all wrap
and all rock and mega music station

where you get weather on the half hour
traffic on the ones and continuous
music, music, music!

I'm gonna get some coffee coffee coffee.

All right and back to our contest question.

Would you rather be hit
on the fire or have a on your

again, our number is 8-5-7-2-3-4.

Wow! Dharma, we have a caller.
We have a caller.

You're on the air,
please turn down your radio.

Hi, this is Dave, I love your show.
I'm a long time listener first time caller.

What?!

Could you play some Springsteen?

I would love to but we only have the reel-to-reel
hooked up so our selection is limited.

Abby and Dharma seeing wheels on the bus.

Check this out.

It's a tape of my father's band rehearsing,
I never knew he recorded anything.

Get here, get here

and the moody blues recorded
off the mike Douglas show august 5th 1972.

Wow 72 that's when peter frampton
was with the moody blues let's hear that.

Peter frampton never sang
with the moody blues. He sure did dude.

You're out of your mind.

The opinions of my husband Greg
do not necessarily reflect

those of the station,
the management or my wacky sidekick.

Ok, 1972 Moody Blue, seven sojourn.

No Peter Frampton, got the CD right here.
CD's not gonna help you, dude.

They removed his name when
they reissued it contractual reasons.

That is a load of ball.

Greg, we are on the air.

All right this is some very exciting
radio people frampton or no frampton.

You be the judge. Here are the blues

the wheels on the bus go round and round.

-Greg we should go
if we're going to get 18 in.
-Hold on.

Yes 72 moody blues no frampton.

Well there you have it.

Hey, hold on! What is this? Wait wait.

Wow!

-That's not mine.
-No, it's mine.

I've been looking for this for


That's just a damn shame. Look at that,

it been rolled up in a ball all this time
not a wrinkle.

The fish around in that box Greg, there should
be a pair of burnt orange hush puppies.

I wonder what got into your mother there.

I can't imagine.

Hey hey.

Listen to this.

Core lither.

That is my father.

I was nothing but angry. I know it's
our number one most requested song really.

A guy called in and said play it again.

That's really good.

Larry always said he was a pretty good musician
but I never took him seriously you know I mean

he also said he was the Gerber baby
and that once he taught a monkey to fish.

You and I had
very different childhoods didn't we.

He really was a good musician.

You gotta wonder what happened you know how
it is people get busy to start a career.

No that's not it.

Edward! Where are you going?

Bob Gunderson is thinking about selling his boat,
I thought I'd take a look.

And do we really think
we want to present ourselves

to the public in this.

We're comfortable in this.

Oh Edward Montgomery,

you know if I let you do things
just because you're comfortable

while you'd spend your day sitting in
a lazy boy recliner

watching a large screen television sipping
beer out of a can.

If I change my clothes,
can I have a lazy boy.

I'll say hi to bob gunderson for you.

By the way I'm not wearing underwear,
I don't know why I ever did.

Hello!

No they turned off the radio station.

Because my wife had to go
to physical therapy.

Yes they can turn it off
because it's not a real radio station.

Fine, write a letter.
I'm not gonna put a record on.

I I actually you know what

there is a record I want to play.

OK um.

Here are the moody blues

from their album seven sojourn
on the original vinyl

which does not feature mr peter frampton

something known to anyone capable
of tying his own shoes

and I think you know who
you are and I think you owe me an apology.

Hello!

Thank you ma'am.
Would you mind saying that on the air?

Hold on.

Go ahead.
OK.

I just wanted to say I was listening yesterday
and I really liked the way you handled that guy.

Well, he didn't do his homework.

We need people like you to drown out these other
idiots who love to just run their mouths off.

Well well I I'm just one guy but I do
what I can do a bunch of crackpots.

Elvis is alive cigarettes cause lung cancer I see
spaceships well wait hold on there I think it's

pretty widely accepted that
cigarettes do cause lung cancer.

Says who?

Yes in 40 years of research.

By doctors who are paid shills of the
chewing gum industry.

Hold on or don't.

Hello! What a wacko htakes!

Takes all kinds.

You want to talk about a conspiracy.

Let's talk about major league baseball
juicing up the ball to get more home runs.

How do you know it's the ball?
Maybe they're just getting better players.

It's the same guys only now
they're hitting more home runs.

Look at the stats.

It's an interesting question.

Major league baseball
are they juicing the ball.

What do you think? Give me a call.

And while we wait, here are the
moody blues who being English...

are probably not baseball fans,
but might enjoy rounders.

The English game
from which baseball is derived.

Wow! I used to love that song.

Who was that?

-It's you Larry.
-Wow! Yeah.

Hey Harry, listen to that.
Your old man wrote that.

So Larry did you ever do gigs?

Did you ever get up on stage
and yell, "Hello San Francisco"?

Closest I ever got was,
"Hello shapiro bar mitzvah!"

Oh man! They did this 26-minute
free form Hava Nagila.

It's a tough one to end.

I should have seen your father
in those days Dharma, he loved performing.

He would get on stage and just light up.

Once, and everyone did back then.

So why did you quit, you know, music?

Let me explain something to you
about the music business, Dharma.

You can't get anywhere unless you're willing
to sell your soul to corporate America,

for a sack of magic beans, a handshake

and a one-way ticket to where are you now.

Abby, why did he really stop?

He was just starting out and he knew he'd
be on the road and you were on the way.

He gave it all up because of me.

No, gave it all up for you.

How is that better? That is not better.

The running suit, Greg.

The ugly orange velour running suit,
he was with you when he found it.

And he has not taken it off since.

What do you think people? Is dad out
of line or should mother take a chill pill.

Our lines are open.

What people?
Who are you talking to, Gregory?

Sorry mother it's the top of the hour,
gotta go.

Time for as I see it with Greg Montgomery.

This is san Francisc folks,
and it rains from time to time.

If you're a local television station there's
no need to send your weather man outside,

we know what rain looks like...

just tell us it's raining

and do it from a regular desk
not from action storm watch central.

And remember folks...

we've got 99 years to go,

let's not be hasty and naming something
this storm of the century.

Think about that while Mr Leo Sayer...

makes you feel like dancing.

-Nice.
-Thank you.

Hey! Check this out.

Every Monday night is open
mic night at positively 4th street.

That's great I'll give them a plug on
"In the town with Greg Montgomery".

No, I'm thinking a little father-daughter
dinner with Larry

pull out the old guitar and then bing
bang boom he's back in the music business.

How how exactly is that gonna happen?

I have no idea, that's why I said bing
bang boom instead of something specific.

Wow! That was good.
Promise you won't tell Abby I had meat.

That was eggplant, Larry.

Oh man! I could have had meat.

-Guess what? They have an open mic night
going on here.
-Cool.

There is not one dessert here
you could add meat to.

I signed you up.

-To sing here?
-Yeah.

I'm thinking you get back on stage, work
your songs, get your chops back.

Hang on.

I don't even have my guitar.

-It's in the car I'll go get it.
-No stop, wait!

Take a look at these people.

They don't want to hear
from an old guy like me.

Larry it's open mic night nobody
wants to hear from any of these people.

Sorry rock on.

Dharma, I'm not gonna sing,
I haven't rehearsed.

I'm logee from the eggplant.

If you want a little practice
then you'll come back next week...

-do a couple Mondays and then I...
-Dharma...

I'm not gonna play not now not ever.

What? Why?

What's the point?

The point is you love music,
you could be great.

-No, maybe once.
-Come on.

Dharma, let it go.

-Why?
-Because I'm the father and I said so.

Because I'm the father and I said so?!

Come on Larry you're kidding right?

I'm 52 years old and I have other things
to do with my life now.

Fine Larry, fine. You have your excuses,
you always have your excuses.

Well, you know what, Don't use me
as one of them. Come on Marcy.

Dharma, Dharma!

For those of you who were
with us yesterday our legal puzzler,

"What single act is a crime, a breach
and a tort?"

the answer is of course embezzlement.

And that sound tells us it's time
to wrap up "Greg's Legal Pad" for today.

And now side three
of the Rock Opera Quadrafinia.

-What happened?
-Her father didn't want to go on,

and they had a big fight
in the middle of the restaurant,

and I didn't get to play
Foggy Mountain Breakdown.

My father gave up something
he was really good at

and I want to help him get it back
and he won't let me.

Dharma, you sure you're doing this for him?

Cause it sounds
more like you're doing it for yourself.

Don't talk to me in your radio voice.

Look, you have no reason to feel guilty.

Maybe he did quit because of you but it's
not your fault,

you didn't choose to be born.

In what universe did I not choose to be born?

-I should have seen that coming.
-Yeah.

Do you know the transmitter's unplugged?

What?

We must have forgotten to plug it back in
after we're using the heating pad.

-Marcy, when was this?
-Yesterday.

So for an entire day I've been sitting here,
talking to myself.

But Greg, you were having fun
and isn't that what really matters.

No Marcy,

what really matters is that basically I was sitting
in my bedroom talking into a hairbrush on K Greg.

I used to pretend
that my parents were still married,

and the whole family worked together
and we solved crimes.

Thank you Marcy.

Somehow that actually makes me feel
a little better.

-Hey!
-Oh, hey!

I brought you back your guitar.

Thanks.

Listen Larry, I'm really
sorry about what happened.

I should never have called you a quitter.

I don't remember you calling me a quitter.

Not in so many words, but all that stuff
I said about excuses I shouldn't have said that.

-But you didn't call me a quitter.
-Yes I did, Larry. It's the same thing.

A person who always has excuses
is basically a quitter.

-Well, that's a little rough.
-Yes, and I shouldn't have said it.

I understand in the heat of the moment,
but coming back and grinding on it.

What I'm trying to say is that if you stopped
your music career because I was born

that's something I should be proud of.

I mean how many other kids have a dad
that would make a sacrifice like that?

Dharma,

let me show you something.

Dear Mr Finkelstein,

unfortunately your submission
to electoral records does not

meet our needs at the present time.

It's a rejection letter.

One of many.

Not suitable.

Not interested. Columbia House of records
and tapes is not a recording company.

Many people thought
I quit music because of you.

And it was easy to let them think that

rather than to let them know
what was really going on.

If someone had liked your stuff,
you would have gone out on the road.

Oh yeah, in a minute.

But then I would have missed out
on being there to see you grow up.

So that's the story.

It just wasn't that good.

No Larry, you can't base that off
of one box of rejection letters.

I got five.

But I really loved your song.

-Maybe you were just ahead of your time.
-You know, that's what they said
about my spray-on gravy.

One thing about angels,

they ain't always right.
We had a little baby girl

made from San Francisco like,
we called her Dharma

because the truth was plain to see

the miracle of life one and one is three.

He played music, he talked about legal stuff,
he had a total blast, didn't you, honey?

no, I did not.

Not now he didn't, but then he did.

do your radio voice for them?

-Can we just drop this, please?
-Good, smooth.

I say if a man finds something
that makes him happy more power to him.

-Would you like some more wine?
-Yes.

Oh sorry.
No, no problem, it's 100 % synthetic.

-It blots right up.
-It's just like astro turf.

-Watch this and these are beats.
-That is enough, Edward.

I have done everything that I could for you,
I have stood by you in thick and thin.

I put aside my dream
so that you could build an empire.

I have endured the pain and humiliation
of childbirth to bring your son into the world.

-Humiliation?!
-Hold your questions to the end.

I will not spend
the rest of my days on the...

fuzzy and stain repellent arm of a man who
chooses to dress like...

a rec room davenport.

Dad, maybe you should give up
the running suit.

Son, I know your mother.
Eventually, she'll get used to it.

-I guess.
-And then I'll take it off.

Thank you for watching.