05x07 - Used Karma

[bunniefuu]

Driving yourself crazy with all that research.

I'll tell you how to buy a car, my friend.

Police auction.

No thank you.

I got this baby for 4000 bucks.

I'm sure on a hot day
you can still tell it is a canine unit

but that's a hell of a deal.

Look at this car it rated number one
in the National Transportation board crash test

but Consumer Reports gives it
the worst repair record.

It's nice red.

I wouldn't mind something
a little sportier for myself

but Dharma definitely needs something
safe and boxy

and Swedish.

Pete, is that a b*llet hole?

Yeah, I told you about that girl Tanya, right?

Check out this bad boy,
it says 700, I bet you can get it for 500.

Where do you dock it?

I hope they move it before Dharma sees it.

Hey boys! Check out my new weels.

You mean because she might buy it.

Nermeen Roshdy
+971561234154



Episode_07
Used Karma.

What do you think?

Well it's... it's...

Totally bitching.

Yes, that's just the Mojo star
was looking for.

Oh no! I want you to arrange the Jack-O-Lantern
so they don't look arranged.

Look at this little window.

Hello out there!

I used to have a car like this.

Your mother never looked prettier
than riding beside me the wind in her hair

Edward, I've never known you
when you drove a convertible.

I wonder what ever happened to that girl.

Dad, will you explain to Dharma
that when you buy a used car

you're just buying someone else's problems.

Honey, you don't know anything
about this car.

I know a lot of about it.

It's a great ride, it's cool color...

and it has a very roomy trunk.

You don't know how it was maintained
we don't know how it was driven...

you don't know anything
about the previous owner.

Sure I do.

He...

he liked racehorses.

He smoked Lucky Strikes.

And he...

had a head.

Smart hat buddy.

Here Ed, this could be
your Halloween costume.

Hey Kitty, what do you think
for the country club thing.

Absolutely not, we're going
as Robin Hood and maid Marion as always.

I hate Halloweens
I'm never allowed to eat the candies.

Some kid always eggs my house
and I have to wear green pantyhose.

They are tights, Edward.

Tighter every year.

How about instead of going
to a restaurant tonight

we get a couple buckets of chicken, drive someplace
where there's a view and neck.

I'm taking the car to another mechanic
but they all just keep saying the same thing.

Car's fine jump the husband.

I will buy the car from you,

$200 right now cash,
don't think about it just do it.

Come on, I would look hot in that.

It's got a lot of problems but it is safe and
I must admit it's a kick in the head to drive.

- Really?
- Of course, we might have to

freeze a few palms
to get it to pass that smog check.

That neat jacket,
did you find that in the trunk?

No I had the top down and got a little chilly
so I stopped and I picked it up for $10.

Look, it goes with the hat.

Yes it does,
they've been separated for years.

Look at you reuniting them like some kind
of weird daytime talk show for clothes.

You think he would take $6 for the jacket?
I would look hot in it.

Honey, do we have any Juicy Fruit?

Juicy Fruit? I'm gonna cruise over to
the store and pick up a pack back in a gym.

Do you smell Old Spice?

Yes, I think he has been drinking it.

Good night, Finkelstein.

Hold on Ed,
you might want to take a look at this.

You know how stuff has been walking
out of the supply room lately?

Yeah.

I hooked up an extra security camera
and guess who just snuck in there?

Your secretary and your director
of integrated marketing systems.

You're kidding.

Good lord! I don't want to see that.

Neither do I, but it's my job.

Finkelstein...

do you think you could set up
one of those cameras at my place?

You and kitty want to spice things up
in the bedroom?

Listen Finkelstein, I want to catch the punk
that's been egging my house every Halloween

you know you can't get egg off,

you have to repaint the

whole damn house.

All right,

I'll set it up tomorrow.
Thanks.

Boy she won't even get me coffee.

Where's Greg?

Don't ask me, last night he went out
for gum came back three hours later.

Said that he was throwing dice with
the guy at the store.

- Greg doesn't gamble.
- I know.

Buy yourself something pretty.

Sorry I'm late with the Chows
on me, I hit the trifecta at Golden Gate.

Hey, who's got a little sugar for Daddio?

- What you got going on here?
- Do you like my little mustache?

Little disturbing.

Give it some time, it'll grow on you.
It's growing on me.

- When did you learn that?
- When did I learn that?

I gotta go see a man about a horse.

Order me a porterhouse yay thick bone in,
duke him a fin tell him I want it to move.

The stach might be
a little scarry thing about him.

For how long has he is been acting like this?

A couple days it's really weird,
the clothes, the after shave

and he wants to drive my car all the time
and then when I ask him what's happening

he says you are baby, you are.

It sounds to me Dharma, like
the car is taking him over.

That car can't possess someone.

No, of course not.

The residual energy
from a previous owner can.

Especially if you departed
this Plane of existence in a troubled state.

What do you know about this car?

I guess not a lot.

Dharma, I'm surprised at you.

You of all people should know that

you can't buy a used car if you don't first
check out its spiritual history.

You know what is wrong
with Men's Rooms these days?

- No shoeshine stands.
- Check out those shoes!

Two-tone Spectators, I'm out cruising
around I got the top down

I see him in a window
something came over me, cuckoo huh?

Greg, come on, what is happening?

You are, baby, you are.

To start with, there is only been one owner,
there's been no major accidents.

And it really does only have 60 000 miles
I check with a DMV.

Pete, thanks for doing this.

It's no problem,
I had to go down there anyway.

I've been driving on an expired
Jamaican license since 89.

Did you find out about any weird
knocking sounds or Poltergeist?

Or any mention of a bone-chilling draft
from the glove compartment?

Maybe it's on the back here.

Dharma thinks the car has a ghost.

Did you find out anything
about the guy who owned it?

Stanley Green,

he d*ed in 1972 but his sister kept the
car in storage until earlier this month.

I got an article about the guy.

That's right here.

Local crime figure found dead
apparent su1c1de under investigation.

The hell, my arm just went wow.

Local bookmaker, Stanley shorty green,

was found slumped over the wheel
of his car in his garage.

Here, it's su1c1de, excessive gambling debts.

Look at Ann Landers,
even back then, same stupid haircut.

My God!

Hey tote! What's happening?

You are baby, you are.

Greg could wake up any minute, can you
skip the little spirits...

and just look for the huge dead gamblers.

Greg's still asleep?

He was up all night playing Texas Hold'em
in the back of some dentist office.

He came home with $200
in a shopping bag full of floss,

because floss don't grow on trees baby.

OK, I think I'm getting something here.

You know what,
I'm not really very good with cars.

I know a woman in Berkeley but you might
have to leave it with her a couple of days.

A couple of days?!

Check with your insurance,
sometimes they pay for a rental.

I think you have to consider the possibility
that whatever negative energy was in this car

is now in Greg.

That means that Greg is becoming Shorty Green
and Shorty Green k*lled himself and this car.

Abby I have to get rid of this car.

I don't know why they called him shorty, he
looks like a regular sized person to me.

Where did you find that?

Greg's briefcase.

Isn't that the file of stuff you showed me
before? No, that's still upstairs.

Whoa wait a minute.

If this is in Greg's briefcase,
then he knows all about Shorty Green.

He's totally screwing with me.

He's doing this
to make me get rid of the car.

Can you blame him?

This thing is haunted.

Hey Daddy, a baby's home.

Hey there.

Sorry I'm late, but
she's the wasted day just got away from me.

I wanted
to go shopping for someone in mentionables

but the car just wanted to
go to the track it's like it knows the way.

How did things go with the track?

Not so hot,

but I met this guy, he's 6 foot n 1,
and his bother's a joky, can you figure it?

Anyway, he gave me
a tip about a Philly running tonight.

But I'm flat broke, so...

how's about you and me go get some lettuce,

head back to the track
and turn that lettuce into dough?

Come on, I'll drive.

We don't have to do that.

No, we don't. Do we, Greg?

No, because I can phone in the bed.

Come on give it up.

Hey Mike, guess who?
I want to bet the 8th race at Golden Gate,
Elbow Room to win.

I don't know give me uh...

- give me five grand.
- Make a ten make it 20.

He wants to make it 20 Mikey.

That must be some tip, you heard the lady,
make it a 20 Lodge.

And be quiet when you back up the
money truck my neighbors like to sleep in.

Thanks for the tip.

I'm gonna Bop down to the corner
for a hot shave

I'll meet you out front in a half an hour
and we'll go paint the town red

with white polka dots.

Bigelson I sure appreciate you helping me
out with this thing.

Frankly, I'm always glad to get out
of the house on Halloween.

Abby has this party for her friends,

they cackle and dance around it's a
regular Covenant.

Yeah I know what you mean.

Kitty has her book club ladies over...

you mean an actual coven.

They'll let a big bonfire
and parade around naked.

- No kidding?
- Yeah.

Tell you the truth when her friends were
in their 20s it was kind of nice.

- These days I can take it or leave it.
- Sure.

All right, we'll watch
the front of the house from here,

the camera will give us a view from the side,

we're gonna catch us an egg thrower.

Are you sure the camera is pointed
in the right direction?

Hey who's the surveillance professional here?

What are you supposed to be?

A wonderful trusting human being

who is open to many possibilities
in this universe

and because of that is being
made fun of by her husband.

Nobody's gonna get that.

Hey Dharma, is Greg upstairs?

No.

He, ran to the corner for a shave
and I don't know how that's gonna work out

because there's just a Starbucks there.

Hey, there's my briefcase.

No, this is Greg's briefcase.

No, it used to be Greg's briefcase,

he gave it to me because he found another one,
it used to belong to Sammy Davis Jr.

- This is your briefcase?
- Yeah.

- All the stuff in here is yours?
- Yeah.

What was it doing in our car?

I must have thrown it in the trunk
when he dragged me down the Indian Casino.

All right.

If this briefcase is yours,
then what's in it?

I don't know, the green black file,
the Suarez deposition.

My copy of the files about the car.

Oh my God!

So he wasn't screwing with me.

Greg asked me to bring by some cash

or he's having a little trouble
with the ponies.

Tell him I could only get nine thousand.

Pete, I made him bet $20 thousand dollars.

Yeah and he lost.

He's gonna have to get the rest
from his parents or pawn something.

Tell him to do it quick
because Mike is serious.

- I thought it was Mikey.
- It's Mike when he's serious.

Wait Pete,

if I wanted to get rid of the car,
but I didn't want to sell it

because I didn't want the burden of
unleashing evil into some innocent person,

what should I do?

If someone stole the car, that
wouldn't be an innocent person.

How would I get it stolen?

Besides leaving in here with the keys in it?

Thanks.

And don't stand by it.

Did she believe it was your briefcase?

Yeah, It was touch and go for a minute
but I didn't think she did.

She's getting rid of the car,
she left the keys in it.

So long Shorty.

Well, don't stand next to it, come on.

Stop that.

Was I humming again?

The seat Finkelstein, stop moving the seat.

I can't get comfortable.
It's a Mercedes, you're comfortable.

Can I have some potato chips?

What are you doing?

Putting chips on my sandwich.

You can't put chips on your sandwich,
chips are a side dish.

For you they're on the side,
for me that part of the sandwich.

Some people eat mayonnaise on the side.

No one eats mayonnaise on the side.

If you did, I wouldn't judge you.

I'm gonna use the latrine.

Here you go.

- What is that?
- We're on a Stakeout, here's your latrine.

- I'm not gonna use that.
- It's OK, I won't watch.

I don't care about that, I'm going inside.

All right.

Just rinse it out before you bring it back.

Hey you!

What are you doing there?

Stop! Stop! Get away from there.

- Did you see who it was?
- Larry, what are you doing here?

Edward asked me to
help catch the egg thrower.

Nice try, look at my house.

- It'll never come off.
- No, it doesn't come off.

- You have to paint it.
- I suppose so.

This year I'm thinking sage
with hunter green trim.

Actually the trim's OK,
they missed it completely.

Larry, would you check around back,
they couldn't have gotten very far.

Good thinking,
I didn't like the looks of those ballerinas.

There goes the trim.

- I'm really sorry about the car.
- No, that happens, cars get stolen.

It was fun while it lasted, but I think we're
better off in a more...

conventional...

Swedish car.

Yeah.

I'm really glad that you're back to normal,
but I did a bad thing.

I let someone steal the car you love
on purpose

and now some unsuspecting person
whose only crime is that he steals cars

will be doomed to live out
the life of Shorty Green.

Dharma, nobody is doomed.

- I don't know Honey, we have to find the car.
- No we don't, listen, the whole thing

was a scam.

It was my briefcase,
I didn't make any bets, we're not broke.

I just figured it was the only way
I could get you to get rid of the car.

This kind of thing isn't like you.

I know and I'm sorry.

I should have stopped but I got carried away, it was kind of fun.
Don't apologize, it wasn't you, it was the car. It wasn't the car.

Greg Montgomery is not deceitful and lying to his wife and
pulling off some kind of Kanye but you know who is shorty green.

Did you hear what I just said
I said I planned the whole thing out.

But not until after you had already driven
the car and been under its influence.

It's okay I'll find the car myself

my Mother knows a woman in Berkeley
who can take care of it.

The car can't be possessed.
Of course not honey.

A person is possessed a car is haunted.

They have lobster today.

- Here you go Kitten, there's your earring.
- Thanks baby.

Fly Me to the Moon,
Let me play among the Stars..

Man, she is limber.