05x12 - Previously on Dharma & Greg

[bunniefuu]

why doesn't the iron get hot

wait don't tell me is it something like

because it was pressed for time but

dirtier

it's not even that old it still works

you just have to heat it up on the stove

i think it came with a five-year

warranty

what are you doing i'm getting the uh

warranty and the sales receipt for the

iron

okay can you just hang on a sec because

i gotta call some people to see this

what is this i'm saving that it's a

perfect

fall leaf remember this is a filing

cabinet and it was filed under

l

was it or was it not under tea plus it's

my shirt oh it's that's my shirt i got

it at the bonnie rate concert at cow

palace in 97 she opened with nick of

time and then she did have a heart and

then some snotty woman spilled red wine

on mixie

hold on

wow we were at the same concert like six

months before we met

yeah we're soul mates honey i'm sure the

universe tried to put us together like a

hundred times before

probably ate in the same restaurants

shop the same stores or we were both at

a bunny rate concert with 20

000 other people but how do you explain

the fact that six months after we were

at the same concert we met on the muni

train

well i would say that six months after

we were at the same concert we met on

the muni train

i see you can't explain it can you

[Laughter]

[Music]

those aren't the people who are sitting

in those seats it's okay

no it's not okay we paid good money for

these seats and they didn't look at them

they

clearly look like loge

barbara it's fine well how am i supposed

to see around here greg she's a tree

[Music]

oops busted

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

isn't that the best concert yeah it's

just too bad that she had to have her

music recorded and packaged and sold

everywhere

that kind of success has to be

disappointing for her

so i guess me buying this t-shirt just

adds to her pain

non-political framework you look hot in

that

oh you have no idea how non-politically

hot

i am hey i gotta say a little

souvenir to remember the night oh that

is so sweet honey but

you know i don't really wear t-shirts

with logos yeah well you might want to

just look at this one because it's kind

of special oh

okay oh this is wonderful

so it was that a yes yes yes

yes yes yes you were so surprised

yeah you know i i was gonna do something

more conventional like you know dave

finney did for karen hollister

the french restaurant and you know the

ring in the glass of champagne but i

thought you know this is barbara and

barbara

you know would want me to shake things

up a little oh dave put karen's ring in

a glass of champagne

oh that's so romantic but this this is

nice

too i i can make a reservation to shay

monique

maybe friday let me surprise you

that is why the san francisco board of

supervisors will never understand the

effect of 401 rezone

on the selman neighborhood that is our

lead story

you are so hot when you expose municipal

level corruption

hey guys what's shake

want to go to my place what's wrong with

here good news

as soon as the t*nk fills up we can

flush again

it's just that you know we're going to

my parents house in the morning and my

house is closer

listen uh i am totally cool with going

here folks

i just want to make sure that it's not a

boyfriend brunch with the parents thing

i just want to be able to walk in there

and say abby larry it's me gunther i'm

doing your daughter and that's where it

ends

well you might want to start with hey

how are you but i'm sure they'd be cool

with that

cool are you worried about something

yeah uh we have

a beautiful thing here and i'm afraid

if we're not careful we could screw it

up it starts with brunch and then

suddenly you're married and it's hi

honey i'm home let's drive the saab to

the country club

gunther i will never live like that

science marriage doesn't have to be that

way

wow where's that coming from

where's what coming from well we agreed

marriage is the state co-opting love

i was just talking you're the one who

made it about our relationship

hang on now we're in a relationship

would you prefer ad hoc social political

alliance

frankly yes well too bad for you because

relationship came with sex okay i can't

deal with this i'm going to the park to

play chess with the junkies

are you having dinner here no will you

cook me something before you go

and he put the ring in a glass of

champagne oh

gregory how romantic

you try to make these things special be

careful where you set the bar it's a

long haul

well there's so much to talk about yeah

i guess we should start with colors

oh martha stewart says that silver and

gold are the new black and white

hank wear my old football uniform

well i'm not sure i care for silver and

gold but then

of course it's not up to me we'll come

back to that

now have we decided on a ballroom for

the reception

we can always tent the backyard we could

certainly get 400 in there

intimate can be nice i i hear uh

intimate is the new big

barbara darling please don't encourage

him

i think the backyard will be just lovely

now i think for our rehearsal dinner

that we won't go

quite so rustic uh we should

probably focus on the wedding itself oh

yes mother has lots of ideas

for the menu you know what would be

great uh one of those uh pasta bars

where they have all the sauces and the

guys mix it up right there for you

you keep yapping son i'm not gonna be

able to help you

these candles are only two for a dollar

they don't have wicks

they'll last forever so dharma have you

talked to gunther how's he doing

yeah he decided our fight was a

microcosmic expression of the fall of

the soviet union in a realignment of the

geopolitical system

he's hurting boy i hope you guys work it

out he's such a great guy

he lives outside the system he has no

material possessions

he refuses to get a job guys like that

don't come along every day

there it is oh oh

no that's what i thought let's go

oh oh hold on we we got up at seven we

drove 45 minutes we parked we walked a

quarter of a mile so you could show my

mother an antique wedding dress that you

knew you didn't like

well honey i didn't know for sure all

right well what did your mother say when

you showed it to her yesterday oh she

didn't care for it

besides if you're going to be in tails

then there's no way it'll be formal

enough

i'm wearing tails well you'd look pretty

silly in just the top hat

wearing a top hat no man it just feels

that way

you'll be all right in a couple of hours

oh look at these darling little

potpourri sessions

this would be lovely in with the

bridesmaids gifts don't you think oh

they're

darling oh are you two getting married

bless you sweet sapphic sister

we're not getting married oh oh no of

course not because the law doesn't

recognize your love but you can still

have this little

ceremony or planning

i don't think we want anything from this

woman

i know who wears the pants in that

relationship

dharma look hey

listen i was thinking maybe i

arbitrarily restricted the parameters of

our dialogue

no that was me i always do that

i i still don't believe in marriage but

i'm not categorically opposed to the

principle of commitment

really and if you operate under the

hypothesis that

the concept can exist outside of

societal conventions

that i love you blah blah blah blah blah

i love you too

oh um i thought i thought we could wear

these and then when people saw us

together they'd see them and say

hey those two people hang

out

i don't really want to wear a top hat

and tails greg i'm sorry

you're probably feeling a little left

out yeah a little

it's just that i have been planning my

wedding since i was five years old and

with the exception of having my little

pony be my maid of honor

i'd like to stick with that plan

you've been planning your wedding since

you were five years old

the only thing that was missing was my

prince in his

top hat and tails okay

what do you know universe knows what

it's doing

there are wax door stops

barbara's a wonderful girl and if i have

to wear a top hat and not eat pasta to

marry her it's a

reasonable trade-off why can't you eat

pasta if you're wearing a top hat

oh it's it's uh it's two different

things dad

all right now the next possible bachelor

party site

a little strip club called filthy

mcranchies

it's a chain but that hasn't hurt the

quality

she's smart she's beautiful we're

perfect for each other you know of

course we have some issues but what

couple doesn't have issues and i'm not

gonna find anybody with whom i don't

have issues

listen son you're overthinking this

thing you're gonna spend eight hours

a day at the office a couple of rounds

of golf a week and evening with the guys

at night you'll eventually be in

separate bedrooms so

the time you spend with your wife ends

up to be two maybe three hours a week

tops

hey relax buddy it's a big step

everybody gets cold feet

it's perfectly natural unlike these

yikes oh she probably got a deal on

these being a nurse hey guys

how's the newspaper coming three more

inches to fill and we are done

how about this i put together a jumble

where you can't make any words it

represents the futility of modern life

everybody loves the jumble there you go

issue number two

you give us eight weeks we'll give you

the news

let's celebrate i got just the thing

i've been saving it for today

half a bottle of somebody's champagne

nice you know what i think an occasion

like this calls for glasses

let's have a real celebration we've been

working really hard and we've barely

seen each other

i think we should get away that is a

great idea

yeah you know how we talked about

participating in an indian sweat lodge

ritual right well there's one in two

weeks

we can get a babysitter for toad and

then we're good to go

okay uh now i know you didn't

mean to do this but do you see what

you're doing dharma

you are asking the us now who do love

each other

to bind the us two weeks from now

who we don't know to this trip

now is that fair for us to do to them

um okay the me now is getting a headache

so i'm gonna take a little break from

the us now

arm up bye now

that is not bad and that is not

champagne

i'm sure my fiance will be here any

minute you know we're not usually open

on mondays

and we appreciate that i spend mondays

with mother

i'm sure she appreciates that

is there any chance you can choose a

wedding cake without your fiance i don't

know

did hell freeze over

hi sorry i'm playing okay hello hi

great news i got the job in dc really

wow that's terrific terrific it's

blended let's taste cake

the first one is a lemon chiffon now

they want me to start right away so of

course we'll have to uh

rent an apartment until we find

something permanent whoa whoa whoa

i i can't just leave my job actually i

uh i spoke with mr claiborne and he said

they would be completely okay with you

transferring to washington

oh craig everything is just falling into

place it's like um

oh what's it called um karma yes yeah

now let's try the marble with the

strawberry filling ooh

i don't believe in karma and technically

it would be kismet um

what are you doing talking to my boss oh

well i was just moving things along i i

thought you'd be happy

can you give us a minute absolutely

i'll just call and have them wheel

mother out of the solarium and back into

her room

okay greg what's going on you've been

fighting me on

everything no no barber the problem is i

haven't been fighting you on anything

i can't read your mind greg if something

is bothering you

you have to tell me what is it well

everything

are you saying you don't want to marry

me

barbara listen

oh my god we're just very different

people

i'm an episcopalian you're a

presbyterian

you like the bahamas i like bermuda you

like shaker furniture i like mission

how's it ever gonna work

i will be in washington if you come to

your senses call me

mother sends best wishes to the happy

couple how we doing here

uh william listen oh my god

and now we cleanse ourselves of

negative worldly energy and send it away

from the lodge which represents

the warm heat of the wound

i thought you were coming

i am so sorry you were right

you were right about everything you were

right that i used my politics as an

excuse to avoid intimacy

sorry

i love you

will you marry me what

he wants to marry you

no

i thought i thought that's what this was

all about i mean you wanted

commitment you wanted somebody that

would be there for you uh

somebody you could build a family with

let's do this maybe this lady can marry

us i can't marry you

there's someone else there's someone

else

there's gotta be

hey you all set for tonight for what

your bachelor party

pete we canceled the wedding three

months ago yeah but you can't cancel the

bachelor party your dad will be crushed

he's had his outfit picked out for

months

pack gunther got a new issue of his

paper out

abby come on it's over give it up

besides i prefer a newspaper that

doesn't start every article with you're

not going to believe the crap that's

going down

major babies right behind you pete i

don't want to check out david and i

don't want to go to a strip club tonight

oh let's see there you go thanks

hey you know who's back in town caribou

fine gold

is happy aren't you the one who's always

saying that the universe is going to put

me together with my soul mate in its own

time oh you're absolutely right

besides caribou's nose is always wet

fine you don't want to have your

bachelor party it'll be my bachelor

party and you can be my best man

maybe you'll meet a nice naked girl pete

i'm fine i'm dating

i you know if something happens it

happens if it doesn't i don't want to

force it

you know what abby when the right guy is

near

i'll know it

are you honestly telling me that a

little something like that wouldn't work

for me

all right i'm okay yoga a walk yeah

actually i'm running a little late i'm

taking mewni okay honey i love you

i love you all right you don't want to

have a bachelor party i can understand

that

what do you say we go now to a strip

joint and have the business man's lunch

i'm gonna go back to the office all i'm

saying is this is san francisco

you got good hair people are starting to

talk

if the universe put us together at the

concert why didn't we meet then

well obviously we weren't ready we were

with other people

so you're saying the universe didn't

know that honey my point is it is a

vast and complicated universe and you

and i standing here are not gonna figure

out why the things that happened

that's your point i would have gone with

that

um i'm doing this for you

but i really don't get it honey

[Music]

i'm hot i'm uncomfortable and i'd really

rather be playing golf

every time you come here you bring a

talker