05x18 - Mission: Implausible

[bunniefuu]

shower inspector dharma i'm going to be

late for work

i'm sorry about that sir but i have a

job to do

so i'll be a little late uh-huh you're

going to be a lot late

oh hang on let's open my eye hey look at

that you've got a gray hair

where not out there in here ow

got it hey it's got a buddy leave the

[Music]

[Applause]

buddy

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

excuse me i'm rick sanderson i have an

appointment to see greg montgomery

so he's expecting you yeah i assume so i

have an appointment

so you're not sure no i was i was kind

of making a joke

sir this is a security area there's no

joking

also i didn't get it when you make an

appointment that means

somebody's expecting you okay well now

you've completely changed your story

haven't you

is there a problem here no no

everything's fine chief called orange

code orange

i'm rick sanderson i went to the same

law school as greg montgomery

i made an appointment to see him through

the alumni association so he is

expecting me this is the third story

he's told me

larry walter hey greg oh greg montgomery

you don't have to answer that

i'm rick sanderson oh great uh come on

up thank you so much for taking the time

to see me mr montgomery oh please call

me greg my my dad's mr montgomery oh

yes sir

okay cancel code orange resume code

green

yeah so i think the coolest thing was is

mr montgomery let me sit in on a meeting

with the legal department you really can

call me greg

right i'm sorry it's just how i was

brought up it's not because you're old

or anything

he's getting there did you tell him what

i found the shower this morning

it didn't come up dharma

so does your wife know that she's

married to a legend oh sure that part of

the shower story you tell him

i imagine he's talking about something

else yeah see every fall

the third year law students do something

to freak out the first years so the

story is greg

passed out fake campus maps at

orientation so everyone looking for

constitutional law wound up at the

communication arts building

they're still talking about that huh oh

it's ancient history

oh no kidding

well anyway i i should probably get

going thanks for dinner sure sure

you know let me know if there's anything

else i can do yeah just don't call in

the afternoon because that's when he

takes his nap

i said that's when you take your nap

thanks again

come on you're not really upset are you

oh just

grumpy i'm a grumpy old

you're not old you can't tease real old

guys cause they yell and shake their

canes at you

i know you're teasing but that kid out

there giving me the business seriously

thinks i'm an old guy

you think maybe it's because you say

things like giving me the business

all right all right that kid that was

dissing me

oh it's hammer time

um right yeah how long has this bronze

army guy been in here so you don't put

it in ziploc

or something it can get crusty

i don't believe this i've been

eisenhower

rick must have snuck this in through the

back door when he came in here to get

water

okay why

no i when i was in law school there was

this club and we used to play this crazy

game and apparently they still do

i'll bet he got the glory

let's schnauzer jump to any conclusions

the glorious schnauzer is that little

ceramic doggy lighter and

and it's like the trophy you know and

the guy who has it is the big dog and i

had it for like 10 years

wow just for the record i married you

without even knowing you were the big

dog

well i'm not anymore that little

punk now coming in

here taking your little glory schnauzer

giving you the business

let's get him back dharma it's not that

easy this game has

very specific rules invented by very

drunken law students

[Music]

we have 23 hours to switch it back we

have to be invited into the victim's

home and because it's the re eisenhower

which is the response to the eisenhower

i'd have to get a photo of rick with the

head in front of the jamaican flag

the jamaican flag yeah not all the guys

were drunk

sounds like a blast let's do it you know

i used to have fun doing this when i was

in law school but i also had fun you

know playing the

i object drinking game in moot court i'm

i'm i'm grown up now

come on great you play games you play

golf you play tennis last night we

played pizza boy at the women's prison

oh i'm i'm not gonna do this why because

i've got two gray hairs

just one now besides i think it makes

you look distinguished

sorry i'm late i was making really good

time so i just kept going

whatever i hit all the green lights you

can't pass up a thing like that

mickelstein it doesn't matter

you can come in late you can come in

early you can sleep here you can stay

home it really doesn't matter what you

do

wow you are a very nice man

no actually i'm a bit of a bastard but

with you my hands are tied

why because your daughter is married to

ed montgomery's son

go on

whoa

welcome big dog say hello to your glory

schnauzer recovery team

where am i i thought i'd made it pretty

clear that i've hung up the schnauzer

can't hang up a schnauzer that you don't

have greg

now hear me out ladies

now rick sanderson lives in a four-story

apartment building on post

street according to reliable sources at

6

30 rick leaves for an hour workout at

the gym

at 6 31 marcy will approach the doorman

she's hysterical she lost her

grandmother's brooch in the bushes

at that moment simone will walk by and

relieve the doorman of his keys

wait a minute darma it's not that easy

to pick someone's pocket

simone hands the keys off to pete

[Music]

susan enter the building using the

stolen keys pete and susan enter

apartment 4c directly above

rick's apartment the occupants are away

on their honeymoon the woman in 4b gives

it six months max

pete and susan now placed the eisenhower

head into a hollowed-out panda doll

which they attach to a rope and take

into the bathroom

by this time rick is back he is stopped

by simone

i'm going dancing tonight with my

girlfriends and i can't decide which is

sexier

my low-cut cashmere sweater or my sheer

blouse

could you help me decide they agree

she'll come to his apartment to model

the outfits later

rick looks forward to this

rick suspects nothing as he passes the

neighborhood bag lady ruby

or is it ruby the pigeon

is in the building

[Music]

now for reasons we don't fully

understand rick owns a large

stuffed panda hang on

how do you know that pete took some

pictures from across the street

[Laughter]

oh pete some of those are from another

case i'm working on

anyway there's a knock at rick's door

it's susan

my water was turned off in the middle of

a shower can i finish in your apartment

rick shruggs a woman in a towel is never

a bad thing

susan hides the towel being careful not

to disrupt any of rick's possessions

she also retrieves the panda at this

point

simone swings into action most likely

rick approves

as simone heads to the bathroom to

change into outfit number two

you my distinguished friend arrive as a

partial delivery man

looking handsome as a man in uniform

always does

wait a minute you'll recognize me no he

won't because you'll be wearing my

father's oliver north mask

the one he awarded the iran contra

protest that no one got because it

looked like d*ck clark

knock knock delivery

now rick might be suspicious of a

delivery guy but because he looks like

d*ck clark if he suspects

anything it would be that he's won some

sort of sweepstakes hang on

hang on i wouldn't look like d*ck clark

i'd look like a guy in a mask

the point is you'll be disguised you can

wear what you wore last halloween

[Music]

i am a pirate delivery guy who find a

disguise

anyway you occupy rick for a moment at

the door how

introduce him to your parrot

[Music]

meanwhile simone unrolls the towel and

tacks it to the wall

on the reverse side is the flag of

jamaica

she sets the fake panda bear in position

when rick sees the flag

he's confused at that moment

simone unveils the eisenhower head rick

looks around for a camera

but hey you're just a delivery guy

holding a package

[Applause]

the team reunites in front of the

building they calmly walk to the van and

simply drive away

[Music]

[Applause]

i'm in

john how's it going two days not a puff

great

great

[Music]

have you been ripped left everyone's in

position where's your mask dharma i told

you a mask isn't going to work i stopped

and picked up this

you're going to be a fisherman stay

tuned the subtle illusion of character

you don't know about stage makeup for

your information i was in four hasty

pudding reviews at harvard and in our

summer camp variety show i performed an

excerpt from mark twain tonight

i got a standing ovation okay

here you are ma'am a quarter we're

acting you have to become

a cheapskate

oh i thought you really had an itch

can i help you i

lost my yes

i'm sorry i can't lie to you i i haven't

lost anything

your hands off columbus you discover

enough

make it look real two words brass

mint

what happened i'm sorry i should have

told you i'm a terrible liar

is the part of the delivery person still

open

okay fine don't lie but just distract

him

go simone

i remember me we met earlier uh actually

we didn't meet uh

oh i like your shoes man would you like

me to call you a cab

oh i know thanks oh uh uh what do you

call that what

an awning hey

dude keys got snagged on my sweater

did you even bring the pirate outfit

i have another idea

it's no good his keys are in a chain all

i could get was his wallet his watch and

his nicotine patch

okay well that doesn't really help and

it's kind of mean oh my god

where's rick what did he do like one

sit-up i'm going to go with some weirdos

forget the cutters the keys just get in

position

no keys no keys make your move pretty

lady

oh she's really into it oh einstein

she's saying we got to get in there

somehow okay here follow me

hi how you doing listen uh

you got a cigarette piece of gum yeah

sure

give it to me come on you had gum

look we are hustling for the people in

4c and we need the key

oh okay look do me a favor they're

smokers give me a pack of cigarettes

lights menthols

[Laughter]

the reports of my death are greatly

exaggerated

so what do you think look you're a

beautiful woman i'm sure you'll look

great in whatever you wear

maybe i wasn't clear okay there's a good

chance you're gonna see my breasts

and there's also a good chance that you

have a giant boyfriend who will chain me

to the toilet and you'll end up with my

stereo

dude maybe you wouldn't be so worried

about some giant boyfriend

if you spent more than five minutes at

the gym

hey okay call dhamma and let him know

we're in

all i was saying was that there was a

moment during that kiss where it

shifted from acting and not acting one

more inappropriate remark and i'm out of

here

one all right why don't i just go in the

bedroom get comfortable and whatever

happens after that's up to you

you're disgusting how was that

disgusting

panda panda panda okay hold on where are

you going

someplace where somebody wants to see my

breasts

can't that wait

okay what are you doing out here i'm not

going to spend one more minute with that

bintang gong on twitter

pete what happened with susan why she

talking about me

just cover for her

what do you think too much no no no no

no it's the subtle illusion of character

hey uh sorry to bother you man i was

taking a shower down the hall

for some reason my hot water went do you

mind if i rinse off your shower

your hair's not even wet let's not make

a big deal out of this okay buddy

you crazy man hey package

package call the cops okay no we have to

be invited

where's your phone it's in the kitchen

there's the invitation come on

greg not hardly junior

open the towel open his house

consider yourself eisenhower junior

hello glory

come on sucker

this is nice what is this voor

listen i could do some security stuff if

you wanted

did your slinky make it down all 40

flights yeah

and you have to restart it on the

landings uh i take some of the fun out

of it huh

yeah hi walter when did you get the

croquet set outside

oh i can't take all the credit for that

listen abby i know i said we're gonna go

up to the roof and

do it on the heliport but i'm feeling a

little guilty about work

you sure i was listening to garrison

keillor in the car

don't worry your little prairie home

companion will be back later

okay don't work too hard

no good god playing solitaire is not

working late edward

if you don't want to see mandy padinkin

in concert why don't you just say so

i don't want to see manny patinkin in

concert

well it's a little late for that now

isn't it

listen ed i really appreciate you

looking out for me

but i just don't think it's right my

getting special treatment around here

okay walter no more special treatment

for finkelstein thanks ed

finkelstein you're fired

fired anything else larry

edward dear we have to go you're all off

to abby

we did just call some champagne i'll

meet you in the bed

you got a big dog get ready for the fur

to fly

greg look

oh no

you can't just leave the head like that

there's got to be rules for

howering they're butter on the

windowsill

[Music]

yeah yeah then they're probably um

okay what do we do now do

we absolutely don't do anything dharma

i'm too

old for this no you're not

it's just what you've been doing with

your hair lately

you know there's a time in your life

for sneaking busts of eisenhower into

people's dorm rooms and there's a time

in your life

for putting that behind you says

who everyone believes that

i don't

well if we keep going it gets pretty

crazy bring it on baby

hey you ever done it with an old guy in

a room full of ducks

that depends how many is a roomful

[Laughter]

[Music]

may i help you i'm here to apply for the

security guard job

nice try pickles team

it was worth a sh*t