05x21 - The Parent Trap

[bunniefuu]

honey are you bored

oh no no i'm taking a quiz i'm about to

find out which instinct guy i'm in sync

with

hope it's lance

i am folding well if you can see me why

are we talking on these stupid headsets

what do you think it's great let's buy

it wear it out we gotta go what's matter

marlene works here and i'd really like

to get out of here without having to

talk to

her hello greg marlene hi

hi are you working here now no i'm

landing planes in oakland

what happened to your job at the

bookstore i got canned barns liked me

noble thought i had an attitude i am

folding

wow this is like your third job since

your husband chewed me up and spit me

out like yesterday's sushi

fun catching up we got it cool your jets

tiffany

ah she seems really unhappy for me i

thought we got her on a good day

did you ever consider hiring her at

montgomery industries not unless we need

a vice president of backtalk

[Applause]

greg oh great you're here

i and change we have to be at the poison

at 7 00

or we can have dinner just the two of us

here

and a kitty

what's that greg have you met leonardo

dicatrio

that's marlene's cat why do you have

marlene's cat well marlene and i had

coffee we were talking about her work

situation there's a job fair tonight and

i encouraged her to go

but she needed someone to sit with

leonardo why well he's got some kind of

intestinal virus and he needs his drops

every 45 minutes and he likes it when

someone scratches behind his ears when

he throws up

we've had this reservation for a month

you're the one who said i was working

too hard

and that we should have a nice romantic

dinner someplace with snooty waiters

it's lapuas hall that's french

they they answer the phone screw you

know and it sounds great honey but we

can have a nice dinner here

oh

[Laughter]

well false alarm he's fine but don't

look at him he's probably embarrassed

but doesn't marlene have a friend who

can take care of a cat we are her

friends

no no we're not she's just a woman who

used to work for me who i fired

greg i was brought up to believe that

once someone becomes part of your life

you care for them

always they become part of your family

that is a nice philosophy

i however was brought up to believe that

if you don't like someone and you fire

them

you don't have to take care of their

miserable dyspeptic cat

celia says brunch will be ready in five

minutes which gives me the opportunity

to make a rather important announcement

a week from saturday edward and i are

going to renew

our wedding vows really good for you

kitty you know what i know your mom's

not around anymore if you need someone

to do that wedding night talk with i'll

be available

isn't saturday a little quick oh the man

hearts did one of these deals last week

uh the ladies won't stop yapping about

it it's got your mother's goat

edward really um gregory we would like

you to be

the best man sure dahmer we would like

you to

oversee the guest book

so what coat check was taken

dharma if you want the job of the groom

it's open

oh good he's gone you two sit right

there i want you to see my dress

oh i don't think your dad wants to do

this

my parents have an arrangement where

that's not really an issue

hello

hi marlene okay okay

calm down she's at macy's she has a job

interview tomorrow and she doesn't know

what to wear

yeah suggest some sort of warning label

y'all kind of in the middle of something

here is there someone there who can help

you

well what did you say to her

okay i'll be right there i gotta go

she's pretty frazzled

okay and again some people might not

feel obligated to drop everything and

come running but if you feel differently

i'm not gonna say anything

honey you're being really passive

aggressive i don't think so but if

that's what you believe i'm not gonna

contradict you

are you done if you're not interested in

what i have to say i'm not gonna force

it on you

wow these are amazing ribs

you actually had them flown in from

dallas yeah i worked out this thing with

a guy in her office down there

when the company jet flies down there

it's full of dim sum when it comes back

ribs hey dad

pete what's going on in here ribs and

plenty of them grab a bib

oh actually i just had a salad salad

there was bacon in it uh dad everything

checks out with the

mutual nda that greenwald sent over so

why don't i set up the meeting for a

week from friday no good i'm going to be

in new orleans that weekend

oh new orleans great we'll send you down

there you can bring some

sourdough when you come back you'll have

an att*ck shafel at toufee

look that you can't go to new orleans

next weekend that's when you and mother

are supposed to renew your vows

i made it clear to your mother i'm not

doing that i don't know why people even

bother renewing their vows

it's easier to just let them lapse

dad i don't think you did make it clear

i i have a fitting at five for a morning

coat and mothers asked me to memorize

the words to uh can you feel the love

tonight

that's a pretty tune i'm sorry i won't

be there to hear it

i hope you saved some room ed for some

genuine boston cream pie

why did we send the plane to boston for

pie oh

nice

hi marlene the outfit looks great how

did the job interview go

i think the woman in human resources was

jealous i'm a petite

you didn't point that out did you how

could i not

okay well

here's leonardo thanks for taking care

of him

did he you know whatever you're about to

say he did it on every piece of

furniture

well don't clean anything yet i need you

to sit with him again on thursday

thursday there's a course at the

learning annex on

how to flirt your way to the perfect job

darlene i can't oh

please pretty please

shopping and taking silly courses is not

the way to get a job

maybe you should update your resume and

try to be nice to people

that's it i need a new resume well there

you go

that's a start why don't you go home and

get on it i can't

my parents are coming and i have to pick

them up at the airport unless

somebody else could pick them up for me

so i could have a few hours to focus

therma hi honey i am so

looking forward to soft shell crabs i've

been walking sideways all day

listen got us a booth where we can sit

side by side so

underwear no underwear it's your call

how could you not have

tums be nice they have roll aids

the legs are fine

hello honey i would like you to meet

marlene's parents

marty and rose hoffman they'll be

joining us for dinner

but not french the cream sauces don't

agree with marty

i'm up for anything close i'm

hypoglycemic i have to eat in the next

20 minutes

on the plus side marlene took the cat

okay here we go this is real ice cream

sugar

cream butter fat the other place you

could put on your own toppings

but you didn't like the other place

because it wasn't ice cream it was

frozen yogurt yes but they had toppings

i'll have a double scoop of french

vanilla 31 flavors you don't want to

sample first

he'll try the uh coconut triple ripple i

don't like coconut

yes you do you want to bring something

home for your husband

he left the restaurant with an upset

stomach oh he sure did

go get something for marlene she doesn't

need it

boy i just realized you guys must be

exhausted and i'm sure marlena's a big

day plan for you guys huh

she says she has a job interview

tomorrow no

kidding on a saturday hey it's san

francisco

boys kiss boys people interview on

saturdays what do we know

well you'll have a great time you'll do

some sightseeing

we don't know where to go we'll be fine

we'll just sit in the hotel

well i suppose i can show you around a

little after my yoga class well if it's

not too much trouble

darling let me ask you something if you

don't mind

this yoga you teach running around in a

leotard all day

this is a job for a woman your age

well i'm not that old you're not that

young

you know what i think we're ready to go

i'll give you a ride to your hotel oh

don't be silly you go home to your sick

husband

we'll find our way okay well at least

let me get you a cat

i can't take a cab between the smell and

the bad shocks i get sick

okay well there's uh uh there's a

streetcar that lets you out right in

front of your hotel

oh i can't handle this step up with my

hip i suppose you could walk

it's cold it's so far hey why don't i

give you a ride

if it's not too much trouble

this is a train wreck waiting to happen

she's going through with the ceremony

he's not going to be there she's going

to be humiliated

can you feel the love tonight

don't talk to me about parents i just

spent the whole day at alcatraz with

rose and marty hoffman and i am telling

you if pushed hard enough you could swim

to the mainland

don't please

hi it's greg and dharma leave a message

pick up sweetie are you there

she's not there i think she's there she

was there she'd answer

oh fine she's not there if she's not

there then hang up the phone i

hung

good for you they can take care of

themselves and so can marlene you are

not responsible for everyone on the

planet and i'm glad that you figured

that out

hi it's greg and dharma leave a message

i'm telling you this is the same number

i just d*ed

and i'm telling you you dialed wrong hi

guys i just got in

sure who doesn't love fisherman's wharf

hi greg oh good

darma said i could use your printer to

print out my resume i hope that's okay

i guess so listen thanks for taking care

of my cat

and for letting dharma help me i hope it

didn't cause any problems with you guys

thank you marlene

are you okay actually i'm feeling great

i'm getting my life together i'm relaxed

i tell you greg

you don't know what it's like to go 48

hours without dealing with my parents

lately i don't i brought soup do you

want some

oh no thanks everything all right

oh it's a stupid thing my parents are

supposed to renew their wedding vows

saturday and my father

is refusing to show up and did you just

ask me if everything's all right

yeah do you need money

no i'm good why isn't your dad gonna be

there i don't know uh

there's gonna be a full bar frankly you

know i don't know why he's uh

putting up such a fight all he has to do

is shave put on a suit and get married

again

did she ask him if you want him to do it

no but she never does

my mother's exactly the same way my

father hasn't been allowed to order his

own entree at a restaurant since

bonanza went off the air i don't know

why my dad's

fighting her so much on this one well

maybe because it's a wedding

you know somebody's supposed to ask

somebody if they want to get married

maybe you're right that's what's been

holding me back

oh by the way your virus software was

out of date so i downloaded an upgrade

for you

thank you that chicken noodle

i made it myself i'll get a bowl no

use the top it's more fun

you want me to taste it first

is the tea supposed to be this bitter

it's herbal tea

you have maybe lipton

i've been taking them off my hands for a

couple of hours irma

how can i put this without being

judgmental locusts are nature's children

and they have an important job in the

ecosystem but i don't want them in my

house

family how do you figure that out they

are the

parents of your son-in-law's ex i mean

i'm begging you please

do you have maybe lipton

i just asked you and from the bathroom

i'm supposed to psychically know be

right there

50 bucks it's my last dharma

this is not your responsibility happy

aren't you the one who always says that

we should care for the people whose

lives connect with yours i'm not saying

that you shouldn't care about marlene

i am saying that you don't have to

schlep her parents all over town

we should get going dear the dust from

all that macrame is starting to make me

a little

dead ah son you ever want to sh**t a

game uh

not right this second we're kind of

having a wedding downstairs

you don't say listen dad um

mother has something that she would like

to say to you mother

edward catherine

uh it has come to my attention that i

may have neglected to ask you if you

wanted to renew your vows

well would you well that certainly makes

a fellow feel special

quickly edward the ice sculpture's

melting

could you give us a moment gregory

edward maybe

i didn't go about this the right way and

maybe it began for the wrong reasons but

i

assumed that you would want to go

through the ceremony as much as i

would

i'm sorry thank you

edward montgomery

would you like to spend the rest of your

life with me

i would be honored

shall we uh

oh oh as to your vows i

i took the liberty of jotting down a few

thoughts

you can paraphrase if you like but i i

would stick to the text because it

really it flows very nicely

dharma mom dad how was your day take

them i hope you have something in your

refrigerator besides diet soda we're

starving

what kind of people don't eat meat

they're not tired they don't want to go

to bed they want to go back to

fisherman's wharf

find the real place that invented irish

coffee because apparently the place i

took them which is actually the place

that invented irish coffee isn't the

place that some guy named phil

told them invented irish coffee my

advice to you save you a lot of time and

trouble just take them to ireland

i'm sorry marlene i wish you all the

luck in the world

i really hope you find a job but you're

gonna have to do it yourself i

cannot help you anymore i got a job

oh really well that's great yeah greg

hired me

greg

he couldn't have done it a week ago when

i asked him to in the clothing store

damn you're gonna need to learn to relax

did i hear this

going back to work for that man we'll

talk about it in a minute ma

i'm just saying he made you miserable

ah well it's your life that's not a

minute

you know what a minute is why didn't you

make me crazy

like the roots of two beautiful trees

our hearts and souls will intertwine

for the rest of our lives

mere words cannot express my feelings

hit it dennis

[Music]

how lucky can one guy be

i kissed her and she kissed me

like the fella once said ain't that a

kick in the head

her room was completely black

[Music]

at our age it's not like we're ever

gonna see marlene walk down the aisle

if this is just a beginning

my life is gonna be

like sunshine enough to spread

it's like the fella said

tell me quick ain't love a kick

in the head

[Music]