05x24 - The Mamas and the Papas Pt. 2

[bunniefuu]

what are they doing here yeah Greg we

can't talk because this is officially

the Montgomery Finklestein weekend of

humor love each other k*ll each other

tight other off and pain each other blue

I don't care you were on your own Greg

and I are leaving

okay Dharma just just hit the gas gently

and let's see if we can get it rocking

stop stop are you pushing you know what

you need to break why don't you do this

in I'll push why not because if you

actually manage to push us all I could

never have sex with you again you know

the roads not that far away when all

this melts in a couple weeks we'll be

able to drive right on up there's a plan

yes this is a good time for me to

apologize for trying to get our parents

together and driving us off the road and

whatever else you got bring it on okay

guess I should give him a call and let

him know where we are

are you crazy didn't I come all right

I'll call triple-a home we're stuck on

the corner of snow and tree there's no

sign of them I don't know why you keep

checking not coming back maybe they were

afraid they might accidentally break

something and get yelled at are you

saying it is my fault that they left no

kitty he's not saying that because our

family doesn't indulge in the blame game

like you do me how you can take the

moral high ground when you're I give

nobody tells me what moral ground I can

be higher

the children are right we're a bunch of

babies I'm surprised they didn't

hightail it out of here years ago are

you saying that we've acted unreasonably

we have and they have certainly not on a

par I don't think there's a clear winner

but hang on to your ticket kitty now the

children love each other and it looks

like we're going to know each other for

the rest of our lives so let's just

figure out how to get along we've been

carrying stuff around for years let's

get it out in the open all right I'll go

first

there you'll see what the hell is the

deal with that ponytail how'd you go top

of the hill to get a signal but triple-a

says they'll be here within a couple of

hours I found their survival kit a tech

takes space food codex I think I can

carbonate the jerky for you I'm really

sorry about how my parents behaved I

think their belief that no one can

really own property makes them bad

houseguests oh my parents aren't exactly

the best hosts they're difficult people

to warm up to I know I never have every

moment of my life was turned into some

kind of protest the theme for my sixth

birthday party was us out of Central

America weird of gifts for my sixth

birthday my parents called me from

Tahiti to wish me a happy fifth birthday

I pointed this out my dad tried to

convince me to had something to do with

the International Dateline

with ice cream did you get the sugar

cone or the seaweed cone well your

parents are definitely out there but no

they were involved they were around if I

had to choose I'd go with what you had

what yeah I mean I might skip the

foreign-policy birthday parties in the

homeschooling and the hem pants but

schooling knit you turned out fine but

you know we're gonna have a family

someday and we're gonna have to figure

out what's best for our kids what

exactly is best for our kids all I'm

saying is that there are good schools

and I'm sure we can

find something that you'd be comfortable

with and what if we can't well I'm sure

we can send them to one oh wait let me

like to boarding school I went to

boarding school it's not the worst thing

in the world

excuse me are you the person who once

said boarding school is the worst thing

in the world my point here is that we

should keep our options open

except for my option wait I can't

believe you got us stuck in the snow I

wish the kids were in here without a

hell with them they're party poopers

wonders what to do

one wonders one wonder I love the way

you're talking Oh Veneto funny

it's in the room where the wine is let

me ask you a question all that free love

stuff in the 60s did it really go on or

was it all a lot of media hype those are

pretty wild time a lot of parties a lot

of naked bodies it's so hard to remember

the details

how do ribbon leaf I thought she dropped

a bottle of wine Marlene a woman that

was here from the SEC yeah I was ringing

a follow-up letter about our meeting in

us thinking about in closing a little

gift what size do you think she takes in

lingerie federal agent

so you see a federal agent and I see a

woman reaching out for love and

affection maybe a black lace Teddy

excuse me we're looking for a Peter

Cavanaugh that would be me Department of

Justice based on information we've

received we're launching an

investigation of Montgomery industries I

suggest a retained attorney relax Pete

they may just be reaching out for love

and underwear you warm enough yeah I

think I'm gonna turn off the engine for

a while there's no way to know how much

gas we have left without a gas gauge

yeah Larry took it out cuz he kept

getting it confused with the speedometer

what are you writing come back here I'll

show you so we both got so bent out of

shape about the homeschool private

school thing I came up with a better way

for us to work this stuff out Liz it

it's a hat full of parenting problems

I'll start okay our five year old wants

to sleep in our bed because he thinks

there are ghosts under his bed I would

let him I mean he may be manipulating us

but it could also be a real ghost what

would you do I don't want to play this

game yes

okay here's a good one

he's 14 he says he's going to ban

practice but then we're doing the

laundry and we find a ticket stub to an

r-rated movie well I see if I can get

the eight-track working

I say we apologize to him for not

creating an environment where he's

comfortable enough to tell us the truth

tell me you don't apologize to a child

who's lied to you

yeah well this is other choice we

obviously backed him into a corner oh

god I hope I found that ticket stub

accidentally hope I wasn't snooping

that's ridiculous okay we'll come back

to this one

Oh he just got caught shoplifting

kids a mess its shoplift

not if you punish them when they lie and

sneak into r-rated movies is that your

solution to everything come on kids need

boundaries it's probably all started

when you let him sleep in our bed after

he saw ghosts this is good okay Oh Greg

you're probably gonna want to sit down

for this one

now before I tell you let me just point

out that you got him the goldfish and

you got him the tennis racket

Oh

Judas Priest do you intend to stay out

here you'll catch your death and you can

stuff us and mount us on the wall with

the rest of our animal brethren that

would be quite the conversation piece we

should have opened the cheap stuff you

know how it is kind of cold larry i

stood beside you for your protest all

i'm saying is what if we jump back in

the hot tub warmed up a bit and then if

you still felt this way we could come

right back out here he can pierce his

eyebrows you're going to let him pierce

he's 18 they're his eyebrows until then

they're my eyebrows

you get a tattoo because he was over 18

and he was in the Navy school it was

boarding school and if you recall he

didn't go because you wanted him to take

a year off to find himself at 14 pick

another one okay

he's 16 years old he's very much in love

and he wants to borrow the car to drive

down to the beach so he and his

girlfriend can lose their virginity

together he told us this you still mad

at you for making him take back that

tuba well no to the car and the rest of

it is his business participate somehow

in this amazing beautiful moment in our

child's life don't believe me if we

participate it will not be a beautiful

movie attitude to the party we have a

problem here you don't believe in rules

you don't believe in discipline you want

this child to wander through his life

sleeping with this and piercing that

know by the time that we had children

you would come to your you'd come around

well I kind of thought the same about

you

Dhamma I think that the things that I'm

saying are very reason I think the

things that I'm saying are very

reasonable I can't raise a child like

what they don't what I don't think that

I can have a child with I'm still born

it's just cold

triple-a says we're still looking at

another our big spring storm okay

I also ran our situation by them and

they said that you shouldn't be so upset

that it was just a silly game you know

you actually would have run it by them

yeah cuz I'm the flakey open one who is

home-schooled and has no realistic

understanding of how the world works I'm

sorry don't be sorry for what you

believe it's what you believe look maybe

I was a little unbending in my approach

to the game let's try another one

he's trying to okay all right this is a

good one

our son has just finished his third year

of law school and announces he intends

to join the circus clearly this is his

passion he feels very strongly about

juggling or trapeze or what-have-you

absolutely I would encourage him to join

the circus provided that it is a circus

that is animal cruelty free

we'll never let your son join this

circus I might should have talked about

this a long time ago I don't think we

can fix this we can fix this we always

fix it we're out of gas

oh my bad Abby if the children come back

and you're dead I'm sure they're gonna

blame us for it

come inside are you ready to meet our

demands well we're not gonna take the

animal heads off the walls and bury them

we will give it on the thermos of hot

cocoa oh goody did you have hot cocoa to

the demand list yes because I was

outraged I will never let this rest we

did not even k*ll those animals

well well III did k*ll the moose how

could you Edward a proud proud moose we

pulled out your g*n and sh*t no no no no

he wandered out into route 6 and I came

around the curb and bam

the thing was a complete mess but the

head was good I am willing to compromise

since you are only responsible for the

death of the moose we will end our

protest if you agree to bury the moose

and bring some of those little

marshmallows you're never gonna get that

8-track working it hasn't worked in 20

years

of course Julie

shredding finds jammed come on help me

shred stuff watch CNN this is what you

do in a situation like this woman I

don't know he took some kickbacks we did

some insider trading why would you say

that

so she's sleep with me I can't believe

you're that desperate for sex believe it

come on Fred mother earth we return to

you one of your children or at least its

head welcomed him home cradled him in

your bosom comfort him

Edward you knew him best share something

lover

yeah what do you say at the we'll

be in Sarge this was a moose lived in

the woods and he loved it there he ran

around ate stuff

then one day he made the acquaintance of

a large German sedan probably had a lady

moose in the woods he cared for

maybe little ones probably had years

ahead of him until I came along BAM

he will be missed

I men should be here soon

want me to turn the music back on well

we should probably save the battery yeah

what I was just thinking about the first

time I was alone in a car with a girl

what about it I tried to be smooth

putting the seat back I broke my little

finger

how she never knew I told her there were

tears of joy Thanks

you know all the stuff that we put in

the Hat those were all problems you know

we didn't put any of the good stuff in

like he just got his first base hit in

Little League and he ran the wrong way

he waits for Thanksgiving until the

whole family's gathered to say his first

dirty word you know heatedly he just

figured out that frozen waffles fit

perfectly in the VCR he's pretending to

be a beagle and he's chasing cars at the

mail ministry he just found someone that

he loves more than he ever thought

possible he's getting married what do

you think we ought to do now what do you

want to do let's make a baby

no here

trip away we're okay never mind

all right we'll drive you into town and

you can you can get a bus from there oh

thanks

you know I'm sure that kids are back

home by now they can pick us up when we

get there it is late if you want to stay

until morning that that would be all

right

you're staying I'll get you something to

warm you up how about some brandy thank

you

some wine would be nice sure

ah see if we have any gallo Montgomery

yes

Department of Justice what's this about

we're here to serve you a subpoena for

an investigation regarding insider

trading and other SEC violations at

Montgomery industries oh thank God I

thought it was about the moose

for my 6th birthday party was us out of

Central America worst gifts for my 6th

birthday my parents called me from

Tahiti to wish me a happy fifth birthday

I pointed this out my dad tried to

convince me to had something to do with

the International Dateline with ice

cream did you get the sugar cone or the

seaweed cone well your parents are

definitely out there but no they were

involved they were around if I had to

choose I go with what you had what yeah

I mean I might skip the foreign-policy

birthday parties in the home schooling

and the hemp pants but schooling you

turned out fine but you know we're gonna

have a family someday and we're gonna

have to figure out what's best for our

kids

what exactly is best for our kids all

I'm saying is that there are good

schools and I'm sure we can find

something that you'd be comfortable with

and what if we can't well I'm sure we

can send them to one oh wait maybe like

two boarding school I went to boarding

school it's not the worst thing in the

world excuse me are you the person who

once said boarding school is the worst

thing in the world my point here is that

we should keep our options open

except for my option but I can't believe

you got us stuck in the snow

I wish the kids were in here without a

hell with them they're party poopers

little high-strung wonders what to do

one wonders one wonder I love the way

you're talking Oh Veneto funny no more

where is it

it's in the room where the wine is sorry

let me ask you a question all that free

love stuff in the 60s did it really go

on or was it all a lot of media hype

those are pretty wild time a lot of

parties a lot of make it bodies it's so

hard to remember the details

what are they doing here yeah Greg we

can't talk because this is officially

the Montgomery Finklestein weekend of

he'll love each other k*ll each other

tight each other up and paint each other

blue I don't care you were on your own

Greg and I are leaving

okay Dharma just just hit the gas gently

and let's see if we can get it rocking

okay stop stop stop stop stop are you

pushing not at the moment you know what

you need a break why don't you do this

in I'll push why not because if you

actually managed to push this out I

could never have sex with you again you

know the roads not that far away when

all this melts in a couple weeks we'll

be able to drive right on up there's a

grand guess this is a good time for me

to apologize for trying to get our

parents together and driving us off the

road and whatever else you got bring it

on okay guess I should give them a call

and let them know where we are

are you crazy did my come all right I'll

call triple-a tell them we're stuck on

the corner of snow and tree there's no

sign of them I don't know why you keep

checking not coming back maybe they were

afraid they might accidentally break

something and get yelled at are you

saying it is my fault that they left no

kitty he's not saying that because our

family doesn't indulge in the blame game

like you do how you can take the moral

high ground when you're I give nobody

tells me what

the children are right we're a bunch of

babies I'm surprised they didn't

hightail it out of here years ago are

you saying that we've acted unreasonably

we have and they have well certainly not

on a par I don't think there's a clear

winner but hang on to your ticket kitty

now the children love each other and it

looks like we're going to know each

other for the rest of our lives so let's

just figure out how to get along we've

been carrying stuff around for years

let's get it out in the open all right

I'll go first

fair you'll see what the hell is the

deal with that ponytail how'd you go to

the top of the hill to get a signal but

triple-a says they'll be here within a

couple of hours

I found their survival kit 8-track tapes

space food codex I think I can carbonate

the jerky for you I'm really sorry about

how my parents behave I think their

belief that no one can really own

property makes them bad houseguests oh

my parents aren't exactly the best hosts

they're difficult people to warm up to I

know I never have every moment of my

life was turned into some kind of

protest the theme