02x02 - The Sweet Smell of Success!

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: This is
the Evergreen Forest.

Quiet, peaceful, serene.

That is, until
Bert Raccoon wakes up.

Bert Raccoon: Yahoooo!

♪♪

Yeeeehaaaa!

Yikes!

Yaaaah...
[bam!]

[laughs]
[smash!]

Yeaaaah!

Narrator: Luckily, he has some
good friends to help him out.

Broo: [panting]

♪♪

Narrator: Life would be simple
in the forest except for...

Cyril Sneer!

[bleep blarp bloop]

And his life would be simple
except for...

the Raccoons!!

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪ [guitar rock chords]

- Well, it's time, guys.

Melissa Raccoon: Where is he?

He's late!

Sophia Tutu: It's not half the
fun unless we're all here!

Bert: Heyyyyy, hold on g*ng!

Sophia: Wait! Here he is!

Bert: Alright!
[screech, smash!]

Cedric Sneer: Now
we're ready to roll!

Bert: Yeah! Rock-n-Roll!

Bentley: A one, a two...
[crowd cheering]

A one, two, three, four...
[crowd cheering]

♪ [rock music]

♪♪

Bert: ♪ Hey girl, when
you heart is breakin', ♪

♪ Hey girl, when he's
through takin' ♪

♪ Everything that
he can take from you ♪

♪♪

♪ Hey girl, when you're
through with losin' ♪

♪ Hey girl, when you're
down and bruisin' ♪

♪ Everything seems..
Pig: Hmmm..

I think I've just
solved the problem.

♪ [distant music]

[motorcycle revving]

This is the answer the boss
has been looking for.

Bert: ♪ 'Til I get
through to you ♪

Cyril Sneer: What?! Another
rejected shipment?

Pig: It's the
third one today, Sir.

Cyril: I don't understand it.

This new cologne of mine
is the greatest invention

since the tax dodge!

Everyone should want a
cologne called Success!

Pig: Absolutely, Sir!

Cyril: Are you sure you
got the formula right?

Pig: Oh yes, Sir. Yes, Sir!
We used all the right stuff.

Mothballs, green bologna mold,
belly button lint.

Cyril: Then what's wrong?

This aftershave should be moving
faster than interest rates.

Why it even smells like money!

And money is the sincerest
form of success.

Ah, the sweet smell of success.

So why is it not selling?

Pig: The cologne is
just not popular Sir.

He he...people don't like it.

Cyril: Well then,
make them like it!

Pig 1: And I know
just the way, Sir.

Cyril: What?!
Where have you been?

Pig 1 : Doing some
market research, Sir.

Cyril: What are you
babbling about?

Pig 1: Well, Sir, we all know
that success is the best

Cologne ever made, right?

Pig 2: Um.. righ!

Pig 1: And that anyone and
everyone should want it.

Cyril: Why are you wasting
my time with basic truths?

Pig 1: Well, since we've
got the best product, Sir,

the one that everyone wants...
Cyril: So?

Pig 1: We should apply
modern marketing techniques.

Cyril: Like what?!

Pig 1: Like someone who can be
identified with success.

Someone who can successfully
entertain the audience

while telling them all about
this wonderful new Cologne.

Someone like...

the Raccoons.

♪ [rock music]
[audience cheering]

Pig 2: Yes, Sir!
The Raccoons!!

Cyril: Pre-posterous!

Bert: ♪ ...when your
heart is breakin' ♪

Pig 1: They've got
a really danceable b*at.

Pig 3: And star quality,

Pig 2: I rate
them a 9 out of 10.

Bert: ♪ ...from youuu

Cyril: What could they
possibly know about success?

Bert: ♪ Hey girl, when you're
through with losin' ♪

♪ Hey girl, when
you're down and bruisin' ♪

Cyril: Mind you..
it is almost catchy.

Bert: ♪ ...so cruel to youuu

Cyril: Enough of this!

You might just have something.

I want you to go and sign those
miserable Raccoons now!

But I warn you,
they'd better be the answer.

This Success must not fail.

♪ [suspenseful music]

Pig 1: And as you can see,
signing the contract

will catapult you
onto the world stage!

Pig 2: You'll be in demand
all across the globe.

[click]

In France...

The Pig 1: Nice picture!
Pig 2: Thank you!

In India...

In Egypt.

Pig 1: And in Cleveland,

Bert: Cleveland? Wow!
That sounds terrific!

Pig 2: Just think,
all your records going gold.

Bert: Yeaaaah!!

Pig 2: Swimming pools...
Pig 1: You look marvelous.

Bert: Alright!

Pig 1: Private jets...
Bert: Wow!

I've always wanted
my own plane.

Pig 2: Ouch!

Pig 1: If you come and
work for Sneer Industries,

we'll make you all stars.

Plus you'll make a lot of money.

Pig 2: ...for the boss.

Melissa: What's this all about?

Pig 1: We want you to represent

one of the finest
products ever developed.

Pig 3: Sneer's
sweet smell of Success,

a wonderful new cologne.

Bentley: Here, let me try that.

Schaeffer: [coughing]
Someone open a window.

Cedric: [coughing]
Make it quick!

Sophia: P.U.!
Throw that stuff out!

Bentley: Uaaaaah!

All: [coughing]

Pig 1: So...
we have a deal then?

Melissa: Foooorget it!

- We'd never stoop that low.

Why would we endorse
something that awful?

Bentley: That stuff
should be outlawed!

Bert: Come on guys.
It's not that bad!

[chuckles]

Besides, who's gonna know?

After all, we'll all be Stars.

Pig 1: He's right,
you wouldn't want to pass up

an incredible opportunity
like this, would you?

Melissa: We certainly
would!Right, g*ng?

Sophia: Uhm, that's, Melissa!
Ralph: Yeah!

Schaeffer: We're
with you, Melissa!

Bentley: We always
stick together.

Melissa: We're all
agreed on this, right Bert?

Right...Bert?

Bert: Huh? Well...

I...eh-eh,

guess so..

Pig 1: You mean you're
not going to do it?

Band: No!!

Pig 1: They're
not going to do it.

Pig 2: They're
not going to do it?

Cyril: What do you mean,
they're not going to do it?

Pig 3: They absolutely refuse.

Cyril: This just proves
an old Sneer adage.

If you want anything done,
you've got to do it yourself!

Now then, were they
all unreasonable?

Pig 1: Not all of them, Sir.

♪ [dramatic music]

[car tires screech]

Bert: Hey, what's going on here?

Hey...let go!

[screams]

[loud smacking]

Pig 1:
More cranberry sauce, Sir?

Bert: [grunts]
Pig 3: You're welcome.

How about some chocolate cake
with marble fudge icing?

It's a pick-me-up
after that long drive?

Bert: Oh, thank you.

Pig 1: So, are you ready
to sign the contract?

Bert: [gulp] I don't know,
I think I sorta agreed

with the rest of the
band that I wouldn't.

d...d...d...din't I?

Pig 2: Here! Decide,
which one of these album covers

we should go with?

Pig 1: That is,
providing you sign...

Bert: Gee, I kind
of like them all.

Pig 1: What do you think
of this design, Sir?

I mean...for the world tour.

Bert: A world tour?! Wow!

Pig 1: Yes, girls
fainting at your feet.

- Awards, awards!

And more awards!

Cars...longer then an evening

with a dull relative.

Bert: Oh...the world tour!

[sighs]

Huh? Oh, uh...sorry guys.

Maybe later.

I'm gonna need
a little more food--

t-time to think it over.
Cyril: That does it!

Those pigs couldn't win
an ant over with a picnic!

♪ [dramatic music]

All right, Raccoon,
try this on for size?

Bert: Huh?
Is this another jacket?

Cyril: Stow it, wise guy!

Sign the contract right now
and you'll receive

a lifetime supply
of peanut butter.

Bert: A lifetime supply
of peanut butter?

Cyril: Kinda makes you weak
in the knees, doesn't it?

Bert: [chuckles]

Aaah, I'll say...

Cyril: Sign the contract!
You'll be a star,

and never be without
peanut butter.

Great! Tomorrow we start work!

[door slams]
[laughter]

[soft snoring]

[squeaky steps]

Melissa: Huh?

[door squeaks]

Bert, is that you?

Bert: Ohh...
[nervous laughter]

Yeah, just me.
You can go back to sleep.

Melissa: Bert,
isn't it a little unusual

for you to be up this early?
Ralph: Nonsense, Melissa.

Every day Bert rises
at the cr*ck-o'-noon.

Bert: [laughs]
Aaah, what a kidder!

Melissa: Going somewhere?

Bert: Well...ehm...

I, I promised Cyril Sneer
that I'd help him out...

Ralph: With what?!
Bert: With...things.

Melissa: What kind of things?

Bert: Things like...
endorsing his product.

Melissa: What?? But I thought we
weren't going to get involved

in something that
we didn't believe in!

Ralph: Yeah, like cologne could
ruin a skunk's self confidence.

Bert: Wha...what do you mean?

This stuff is great.

Ralph: Bert, that stuff could
end the cockroach problem.

Bert: Aaah...bologne!

This cologne gets my

personal seal of approval!

You're just jealous 'cause he

didn't approach you personally.

[gentle cheeks slapping]

Face it, you're
missing the boat.

Melissa/Ralph: [gasp]

[tires screeching]
Bert: Uh-oh, there's the limo.

Gotta go! Bye!

Pigs: [distant coughing]

Pig 1: Sir, when your
audience sees you

in these commercials,

you'll be a star!

Cyril: Okay, Raccoon,

it's showtime!

Bert: [clears throat]

♪ Me me me me meeee.

♪ Me Me me me me me me me.

Cyril: No singing! Today,
it's the death defying stunts.

Bert: Death defying stunts?!

Cyril: We're not selling a
cologne here, Raccoon.

We're selling adventure!

Successful adventure.

Get that hang glider ready!

Bert: Hang glider?!

The Pig 1&2:
He's ready to go, Sir.

Bert: Oh boy, this
is gonna be great!

Cyril: Here's the scene.

You're gonna go
soaring off this cliff...

High, high, high
above the clouds.

Bert: Yeaaahoooo!

Cyril: Splashing the
cologne on your face.

Then you'll bring
this baby down...gently,

right in front
of that camera. See?

And then you'll say...

Bert: Now, that's success!

Cyril: You got it! Ready?

And...action.

♪♪

♪♪
[swishing sound]

Smile, Raccoon!
I said smile!

Bert: Oooh-oh-ho!

[hissing sound]

Yaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaaah!

Bear: Uh!
[smash!]

Bert: Now...that's success!

Cyril: Cut!! That's a take!

Ralph: I just don't
understand how Bert

can compromise his
ideals like that?

Melissa: Well,
Bert will be Bert.

He just wants to be a star.

Ralph: [sighs] I suppose...
Melissa: Now Ralph,

when we see him,
don't say anything

about the smell of that stuff.

You know how it set
him off last time.

Ralph: Okay, okay...

Bert: Hey, [nervous chuckle]
I don't know about this, guys.

I mean, I like motorcycles
and all, but,

isn't leaping over a canyon
on one a little dangerous?

Pig 2: That's the price
of stardom, Sir.

Bert: Yeah!! Stardom.

Cyril: Action!!!

Pig 1: Success,
scene two, take one.

[motorcycle revving]

Bert: Yeeeehaaaa!

[motorcycle hummming]

Aaaaaaaah!

Haaa-haaaaa!

[splash!]

Bert: Now...that's...

Success!

Cyril: Cut!! That's a take!

Bert: [sighs]

[helicopter buzzing]

Cyril: Now for...
Bert: Now for nothing!

I was told I was gonna sing!

I have to be a star.
When do I get to perform?

Cyril: Singing?!
Bert: Yeah, singing!

Cyril: Well...
[chuckles] right now!

Bert: [giggles] At last!

Cyril: This is the song
you're gonna sing!

Roll the tape, boys!

You'll be mouthing
the words to this.

Bert: What?!?

Cyril: ♪ You can smell
him from a mile ♪

♪ He's a man of
wealth and style ♪

♪ The type that always makes
the ten best-dressed ♪

♪♪

♪ Should that odour
fill your air, beware! ♪

♪ You're smelling millionaire

♪ It's a man who knows
the sweet smell of Success ♪

♪♪

♪ Yes, you'll smell
him from a mile ♪

Bert: [upset]
Mouthing the words? Not that!

Nobody puts words in my mouth!!

Cyril: That's funny...

I've got a signed contract
here that says different!

Bert: Well, you can
forget the contract,

I quit!!

And besides...
this stuff stinks!!!

Melissa: Hi Bert!
Bert: Huh? [giggles]

Hi guys, uh...
what are you doing here?

Melissa: We were on
our way to band practice.

We just thought we'd stop to
say hi to our very own star!

Bert: Oh... [giggles]

[nervous giggle]
Broo: Woof-woof!

Ralph: So uh, how's
the glamorous world

of endorsements treating you?

Bert: Oh, uh...great!

Yeah, that's it...great!
[nervous giggle]

In fact, I'm getting ready for
my big starring role right now.

Ehm! I gotta run. Ehm-ehm!

Oh uh, Mister Sneer,

I'm ready now!

Melissa: Well goodbye Bert...
Broo! Good luck!

Cyril: Ha-haa! I knew
you'd see the light...

star, ha-ha!

So now my young celebrity,
it's time for the real stuff.

Boys, is the scene ready?

♪ [suspenseful music]

♪♪

Bert: [gulps!]

Schaeffer: Let's face it, g*ng,

this band's just not
as much fun without Bert.

Cedric/Sophia: Yeah!

Sophia: Well, shall
we get down to rehearsing?

Cedric: I suppose so...

Cedric/Sophia: Yeah.

Bert: I wish I hadn't
agreed to do this.

It isn't nearly as much fun as
I thought it was going to be.

Besides...I miss the g*ng.

Pig: This is it, Sir.
Time to be a star!

Bert: Huh? Ohh yeah...

Time to be a star.

The Pig: Oh Sir,
you look...marvelous!

Cyril: Time for the most
dangerous scene of all!

Bert: Ohhh no, don't tell me...

Let me guess...

you want me to roller skate
over the bridge

on greased roller skates while
carrying a 10 ton weight.

Cyril: [chuckles] No,

What I've got in mind
is something

far, far more dangerous.

Love!
Bert: Love?!

Pig: Our market research shows

that success in romance
is perceived

as the greatest success of all.

Cyril: Raccoon,
meet your leading lady!

Bert: Oh boy, this is
more dangerous

than greased roller skates!

Yuck!

Cyril: Enough talk!
I want to see some action!

Now you're to come over
that mountain peak

singing the song
of success. Of course!

Then you'll leap over that rock,

sweep your leading
lady into your arms,

and walk across the bridge.

Once that's done, you step
into that hot air balloon,

then, off into the sunset
you sail, ha-ha!

Just as the rope bridge
disappears.

Listen for my instructions
through this megaphone.

And...action!

♪ [playful music]

♪ You could smell him
from a mile ♪

♪ He's a man of
wealth and style ♪

♪ The type that always makes
the ten best-dressed. ♪

♪♪

♪ Should that odour
fill your air, beware! ♪

♪ You're smelling millionaire
Bert: Woaaaah!

Cyril: ♪ It's the man who knows
the sweet smell of Success ♪

♪♪

Lady: Huh, men!

Cyril: ♪ Yes, you'll
smell him from a mile ♪

Bert: Uaaaah!
Cyril: Furrball!

You're ruining the scene!

Wait a minute...this is action!

You're on the roll, Raccoon!

Go with it!
♪♪

Sing, you fool! Sing!

♪♪

Cut! Cut!

♪♪

Broo: Woof!

Cyril: [grunts]

Bert: Yeaaaah!

Broo: [barking]

Bert: Hang on, Broo, hang on!

Cyril: Keep rolling! Terrific!

This will make Star Wars
look like a slideshow!

[laughs] That's a wrap!

Pig: Uhm...What about Bert, Sir?

Cyril: The Raccoon,
who needs him?

We've got all the
footage we need.

Even better then
I've bargained for.

♪ [dramatic music]

[squeaky sound]

Bert: Phew, Oh thank goodness!

[pop!]
[hissing sound]

Yikes!
[hissing sound]

♪♪

Huh! Well, Broo, they...

They just can't leave
their balloon here...

yeah, the Pigs'll show up soon.

Broo: [barks]

Bert: Hey Broo, maybe
you're on to something.

It's certainly...
[cracking sound]

...worth a try.

[struggle] Easy...does it.

That's it Broo! Careful.

You're our only
chance now, Broo.

Go for it, little guy!

Broo: [barks]

This stuff is great!

You guys are missing the boat.

We'll all be stars!

Uh, some star.

If I'd only listened
to the g*ng!

♪ Hey girl, when your
heart is breaking ♪

[cracking/rumbling]
♪ Hey girl,

♪ when he's through takin'

[loud cracking]
♪ Everything...

[snap!]
Woaaaaah! Oh!

Schaeffer: Hold my feet,
g*ng, while I pull him up!

[grunting]

Bert: Schaeffer?!
Ralph? Melissa!!

The whole g*ng!!

Sophia: Oh Bert,
are you alright?

Bert: Aagh...I'm okay...now!

How did you guys find me?

Melissa: We got word from Broo!

Broo: [happy bark]

Bert: Ah, Broo!

Ah, thanks little buddy!

Schaeffer: And we got a little
help from that foghorn.

Bert: What?!
That was me singing!

g*ng: [giggling]
Ralph: Gee, I thought

it sounded familiar.

g*ng: [laughing]

Sophia: Hey everybody,
come quick!

It's you Bert, you're on TV.

Ralph: Ohh boy, oh boy!

Melissa: This I've got to see!

Bert: Hey, where am I?

Schaeffer:
That looks like you there, Bert,

behind that bottle.

Bert: Wha...boy...

all of that work and my best
stuff doesn't even end up

in the commercial.
Aaagh!

What a waste of my
incredible acting ability!

Cyril: No wonder my sweet smell
of Success isn't selling.

My cologne is fine, but that
Raccoon's acting stinks.

Bert: Uh, what a waste
of my acting ability!

♪ [show theme music]

♪♪

♪ When darkness falls

♪ Leaving shadows in the night

♪♪

♪ Don't be afraid

♪ Wipe that fear
from your eyes ♪

♪♪

♪ If desperate love

♪♪

♪ Keeps on driving you wrong

♪ Don't be afraid

♪ You're not alone

♪♪

♪ You can run with us

♪♪

♪ We've got everything you need

♪ Run with us

♪ We are free

♪♪

♪ Come with us

♪♪

♪ I see passion in your eyes

♪ Run with us

♪♪