Narrator: This is the
Evergreen forest.
Quiet, peaceful, serene.
That is, until
Bert Raccoon wakes up.
Bert Raccoon: Yahoooo!
♪♪
Yeeeehaaaa!
Yikes!
Yaaaah...
[bam!]
[laughs]
[smash!]
Yeaaaah!
Narrator: Luckily, he has some
good friends to help him out.
Broo: [panting]
♪♪
Narrator: Life would be simple
in the forest except for...
Cyril Sneer!
[bleep blarp bloop]
And his life would be simple
except for...
the Raccoons!!
♪ [show theme music]
♪♪
[birds chirping]
[motorcycles wizzing by]
Bert: Wow! Here they come!
Cedric: Well Broo,
it's time to go fishing!
Broo: [barks]
Bert: Fishing!? This is the
Evergreen championships!
It's front page news, Cedric!
Cedric: What's so
thrilling about tearing up
the countryside and
making a lot of noise?
Broo: [barks]
Bert: Thrilling?! Thrilling?
Ha! What's so thrilling about
sitting in a boat all day
and whacking mosquitoes!
Wendo/Toof: C'mon Bix!
C'mon Bix! That-a-boy!
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon Bix!
Bix: Rule five!
Learn to drive. [laughs]
Bert: Watch out!
Toof/Wendo: Yahhoo!
Woooha!
Bert: Wow! Did you
see that finish?
Cedric: No, I didn't.
Toof: Hey Bix!
You're the champ!
Wendo: Number
one again, Bix.
Bix: Hey! Where's the crowd?
The press? The adoring fans?
Toof: Here we are, Bix!
Bert: Excuse me?
I'm Bert Raccoon,
from the Evergreen Standard.
Toof: The newspaper.
Bix: Ah. You're here!
Hi, Bix Wheelie's the name.
Toof: You're going
to interview Bix?
Bix: How's this,
for the front page?
Bert: Wow. Perfect!
Toof: Hey Bix, are
you going to tell him
about the Badger Bix Bike Club?
Bix: Better yet, hop on!
I'll take you for a ride.
Bert: You mean it? Wow!
Bix: Sure, I'm gonna tell you
all about the famous Bix Wheelie
for your newspaper story.
Toof: Isn't he the greatest?
Cedric: Uh huh.
Bert: Hey, can my
friend come along?
Cedric: No thanks, Bert.
I'm going to whack mosquitoes.
Bix: Weird!
Wendo: Sounds thriiiillling.
[bike revving]
[tires squealing]
♪♪
Cedric: Bix Wheelie! Hmph!
[bike revving in distance]
Bert: Hey, Cedric!
Bix: Hiya, Cedric.
Hey, that's a nice boat!
Dad's going to buy
me one just like it.
Wendo: Ah, it's okay.
Bert: That's my friend's boat.
Right, Cedric?
Cedric: It's Pop's boat, Bert.
Toof: Oh, it's
your Pop's boat.
Bix: How fast does
this thing go?!
Hmmm-hm!
Cedric: Hey!
Bix: Hey, can
I take her for a spin?
Cedric: I'm sorry,
but Pop has a rule,
that only I drive the boat.
Bix: Oh. That's cool,
our club has rules too!
Cedric: Oh, really?
Bix: Rule six?
Wendo/Toof: Trust Bix!
Bix: You see?
Bert: Yeah, Cedric,
you can trust Bix!
Toof: Yeah, he's the
trailbike champion!
Cedric: Well...
Bix: Allriiiiight!
[boat motor rumbles]
Cedric: Yaaaa!
[boat motor humming]
Hey, slow down!
♪♪
Bert would you tell him to..
♪♪
..slow down!!!
Bert: Bix, [nervous laughter]
it's a little shallow
around here.
T-th-the-there might be rocks.
Bix: Rocks?
The only thing that
rocks around here.. is me!
Rule nine: if it's fun,
it's fine!
[cr*ck]
Whoaaaaa!
[bump-bump-splash]
Hey, that was...close.
[pop!]
Oops! Oh ohhhhh.
Cedric: Pop is really
going to have a fit!
Bix: I didn't see the rock.
Did you see the rock?!
I'm really sorry about this.
Bert: Bix, we did tell you
to slow down. I-I mean...
Bix: Bert, I can't slow down..
I live in the fast lane!
You know what that's like?
Bert: Well, I..
Bix: I mean, if Cedric was
watching for rocks
it wouldn't have happened.
Cedric: What do you mean,
'watching for rocks'!?
Bix: Well... [chuckles]
the guy in front always
watches for rocks, right Bert?
Bert: W-w-well,
ah-uh-oh.. I guess.
Cedric: Bert!!
Bix: Don't worry Cedric,
my dad owns a big
hardware store.
We'll fix it.
Bert: See?
There you go, Cedric.
He'll fix it!
Cedric: Yeah.
♪
Cyril: Ooo-hmmmmm.
Pig1: Oh, you're meditating
magnificently, Sir.
Pig2: The Swami says, 'peace of
mind is like money in the bank'.
Cyril: Money in his bank!
He's making a fortune off
the hat franchise alone!
Pig1: And he scorns
material wealth, Sir.
Cyril: That's where
I've got the edge!
I'll meditate
myself to millions!
I'll buy a fleet of Swamis!
[laughs]
Pig2: Now, Sir,
remember, wild rages,
Pig1: And terrible tantrums..
Pig2: Waste valuable energy.
Pig1: And energy is power.
Cyril: And power is money.
Pig2: And money in the bank...
Pig1: ...Is peace of mind.
Pig2/Cyril: Oooommmmmmm.
Cyril: [soft snoring]
Pigs: [giggles]
Pig3: Boss!
Cyril: Ahhhh!
This better be
important, porker,
or your next job will
be in a can of beans!
Pig3: It's, it's Cedric, Sir.
Cyril: Cedric?
Pig3: He's got some..
not so good news.
Cyril: You put a
hole in my boat?!
Cedric: I'm sorry, Pop.
I should've done a better
job of 'watching for rocks'.
Cyril: Watching for rocks!?
Who was driving?!
You mean, you let that half-
wit Raccoon drive my boat!?
Cedric: No, Pop.
Bert wasn't driving it.
Cedric: Sorry, Pop.
Melissa: Hi, Cedric.
Cedric: Hi, Melissa, hi, Ralph.
Melissa: Um, are you
looking for Bert?
Cedric: Oh. Is he here?
Ralph: He just left
in a cloud of dust
with the trailbike trio.
Cedric: Oh.
Melissa: What's
the matter, Cedric?
Cedric: Oh, nothing..
Melissa: Well, I'm
worried about Bert, too.
Cedric: You are?
Melissa: Cedric, you know
how Bert likes to be
accepted by everyone.
Well, if he wants to be accepted
by the Badger Bix Bike Club,
I-I don't know, what
he'll end up doing!
Cedric: Oh,
don't worry, Melissa,
Bert will do the right thing.
Bert: [chuckles] You mean, I can
join the Badger Bix Bike Club!?
Bix: Sure!
Bert: But I don't have a bike?
Bix: Can you ride one?
Bert: Ha! Can Bert Raccoon
ride a trailbike!?
Ha-haa! I can ride
one blindfolded.
[nervouse chuckle] Uh oh!
Bix: Well, take your pick.
Bert: You mean,
I can try one of these?
Bix: Sure.
Bert: This one?
Bix: Ah. That's my bike, Bert.
Bert: Oh. Oh yeah, uh.
How about...that one?
Wendo: Sure. If you
want to buy it first.
Bert: Ah.. that one?
Bix: Allriiiight!
Bert: Maybe I should
ask Toof if it's okay.
Bix: Toof's busy.
He won't mind. Hop on.
[dirt bike revs]
Toof: My bike?!
Bix: Let the fun begin.
Bert: Ahhhhh!
Toof: Stop! There's
no brakes on that bike!
Bert: Aaaah!
Bix: What?
Toof: And the
accelerator is jammed.
Bix: Now you tell me?!
Bert: Ahhhhh!!!!
♪♪
Aaaah!
[dirt bike rumbles]
Cyril: Oommmmmmmm..
Pig1: Ah Sir,
you're already looking
like a new Cyril Sneer.
Pig3: Oh yes.
It's much nicer around here.
I-I-I mean ah..
Cyril: Stop babbling,
you nincom-pigs!
I can't hear myself think!
Pig2: But Sir, the Swami says,
clear your mind of all thoughts.
Bert: Ahhhhh!!!
Pig 1: Especially
nasty thoughts, Sir.
Pig3: Nasty thoughts
waste energy.
Pig2: And energy is power.
Pig1: And power is money.
Cyril: And money in the bank.
Pigs: As peeeeace of miiinnnd..
Oooommmmmmm..
♪♪
Bert: Uaaaaah!
Ua-ua-ua-uah!
♪♪
♪ When darkness falls
♪♪
♪ Leaving shadows in the night
♪♪
♪ Don't be afraid
♪♪
♪ Wipe that fear
from your eyes ♪
♪♪
♪ A desperate love
♪♪
♪ Keeps on driving you wrong
♪♪
♪ Don't be afraid
♪♪
♪ You're not alone
♪♪
♪ You can run with us
♪♪
♪ We've got everything you need
♪♪
♪ Run with us
♪♪
♪ We are free
♪♪
♪ Come with us
♪♪
♪ I see passion in your eyes
♪ Run with us
♪♪
[boing]
♪♪
Bert: Uaaaaah!
♪♪
Aaaaaaah!
♪♪
♪ You can run with us
♪♪
♪ We've got everything
you need ♪
Cyril: Ahhh!!
Bert: Aaaaaah!
♪ Run with us
♪♪
Cyril: Aaaah!
[wzoooom!]
Get back here, you
motorcycle megalomaniacal,
ring tailed, tree
dwelling t*rror1st!
[tires screaching]
Toof: Maybe we should
go after him, Bix?
Bix: Stop worrying.
The golden rule! Be cool.
[soft clicking]
Huh?!
♪ clicking engine approaching
Wendo: He made it.
Bert: Oohh-ahh.
I'm out, I guess.
Achhh!
Wendo: That guy...can ride!
Bert: Hey guys! Guess what?
I'm a member of the
Badger Bix Bike Club!
Ralph/Melissa: You're what?!
Bert: Now all I need
is a trailbike!
I-I better start saving!
I'll mow lawns, paint fences,
cut hair, take in laundry!
Melissa: Bert, calm down!
Haven't you forgotten
about Cedric?
Bert: Cedric? Do you think
he'd lend me the money?
Melissa: No, Bert!!
We think you might be forgetting
who your real friends are!
Bert: Cedric doesn't want
to join the club, Melissa.
He just wants to go fishing.
Melissa: You don't like
fishing anymore, Bert?
Bert: Well, sure I do. But, um..
Bix is fun, Melissa.
He's cool!
And he thinks that I'm cool too!
And that's cool!
Ralph: What is this?
The Polar Bear Club?
Melissa: Cedric was
looking for you today?
Bert: He was?
Ralph: Hmm-hmm.
And he looked like he'd
just lost his best friend.
Bert: Gee. You're right!
I have been ignoring Cedric.
I'm going to find him right now!
Thanks, Melissa! See ya, Ralph.
Bix: C'mon Bert!
Let's go for a ride!
Bert: I can't today, Bix.
I gotta find Cedric.
♪♪
♪♪
Toof: That was a great
ride, right Wendo?
Wendo: Ah, it was okay.
Bert: But the first
thing tomorrow
I've got to find
Cedric and explain.
Wendo: Hey, don't
worry about the boat.
Bix'll fix it.
Bix: Hey, Sneer's a millionaire,
he can buy a new boat.
Bert: Ah..
Toof: He's a millionaire?!
Wow! What kind of cars
he drive, Bert?
Bert: Ha! You haven't
seen Cyril Sneer's limo?
Whoa!
It makes the Chrysler building
look like a pick-up truck!
It's got triple overhead cams
and chrome wheeled drive,
and side pipes a mile long and..
Bix: Well, my old man's
GX250 V12 ZXL
has superturbo overdrive!
Bert: Well, Mr. Sneer's
limo has double super turbo
over overdrive!
Plus, two video games,
and hot and cold running water!
Bix: Sounds awesome.
Let's take a look.
Bert: Well, ah...
Bix: Shhhh! Listen.
Hear that?
[quiet forest]
[owl hoots]
[quiet forest]
Well? Turn on the blaster,
it's driving me nuts.
Cyril: Oohhmm!!
Pig1: Oh Sir, you're
meditating marvellously.
Pig2: Oh yes, Sir.
Pigs: [giggle]
Cyril: What are you
doing in here?!
Having a party!
Pig1/Pig2: No, Sir!
Pigs: No, Sir!!
Cyril: So this is what
goes on when I'm meditating!
Pigs: No, Sir!
It's out there, Sir!
Cyril: Well, get out
there and put a lid on it!
♪♪
Bert: Uh, guys, don't you
think it's a little... ah,
♪♪
loud?
♪♪
Toof: [laughs] Loud?
♪♪
[laughs] Bert, you're a scream!
♪♪
Bert: Well, it's kinda late.
♪♪
And the Sneer's
house is right there.
♪♪
Wendo: Rule eight:
♪♪
it's never late.
♪♪
All: [laughing]
♪♪
Cedric: Bert?!
♪♪
♪♪
[hoofs tapping]
Pigs: Master Cedric?!
♪♪
♪♪
Snag: Grrrr!
Pig1: You'd better
come along with us!
♪♪
Cyril: First, you sink my boat.
Then that masked menace,
you call a friend,
tries to run me down
on my own doorstep.
Cedric: B-b-but Pop..
Cyril: And now?
Now you're throwing
all night parties
for the local
motorcycle g*ng!
Cedric: Oh, but Pop..
Cyril: Where did I go wrong?
Son, you're grounded
for six months!
And if that Raccoon is
caught on my land again,
fur will fly!
Snag: Grrrr!
♪♪
Bert: I-I don't think
we should be here.
Bix: We just want
to sneak a peek
at the limo and
then we'll b*at it.
Toof: Heeey, the door's open!
Bert: Shhhhhh!
Don't go in there.
Bix: What's the matter
Bert, you scared?
Bert: Well, they had a look..
Now, let's go!
Bix: Hey, Bert!
Rule one. Never run!
Bert: Oh yeah?
Bix: Relax Bert,
I'll get 'em out.
Toof: Awesome!
Bix: Hey, cool!
Toof: Hey Bix, over here!
Wendo: This is a bunch of fun.
Bix: Wow, and what's this?
Wendo: Hmmm?
[loud honk!]
Aaah!
Toof: Ugh!!!
Bert: C'mon you guys!
Right, now!
Bix: Relax, Bert.
[blowing air]
A b*mb wouldn't
wake up Cyril Sneer.
Yeagh!!
[flames roaring]
Bert: Oh no!!
We've got to put it out!
Toof: Oh no!
Bix: Put it out?!
Let's get out!
Bert: Where's the fire alarm?!
Bix: Are you crazy?! C'mon!
Bert: You mean,
you're gonna run?
Voice: Every day, in every way
you're getting richer
and richer..
Every day, in every way,
Cyril: I'm rich!!
Bix: Wendo! Toof! C'mon!
[alarm sounding]
[fire roaring]
Wendo: Bix! I'm trapped!
Help!
Toof: Wendo?
Wendo: Heeeelp!
Snag: Grrr!!
Bix: Ahhh!!
♪♪
[alarm sounding]
Wendo: Bix! Help me!
Toof: Bix! Do something!
Wendo's trapped! Bix!
Cyril: My garage?!
It's on fire!
Bix: I-I-I didn't do it!
Bert did it!
Cedric: Bert's in there?!
[alarm sounding]
Cyril: My garage!
My limo! My son!
Cedric!
Cedric: Bert! Where are you?!
Bert: Cedric! I'm okay, but
Wendo's trapped at the back!
Wendo: [coughing] Bix! Bix!
Cedric: Wendo!
Get down on the floor!
Under the smoke!
There's air under the smoke!
[coughs] Air you can breathe!
[coughs]
Wendo: [coughs]
Cedric: Gotcha!
Pigs: Sir! Sir!
There's a fire!
♪♪
Wendo: [coughs]
Bert: [coughs]
Wendo: Hey, thanks, guys.
Bert: It's my...buddy you
should be thanking. I just..
Cedric: It was
team work, Bert.
Bert: Thanks Cedric.
Hey, where'd you
learn that trick
about going
under the smoke?
Cedric: From
being around Pop
and his cigars!
Bert/Cedric: [laughing]
Bert: Oh, oh.
Cyril: And from now on
you fur-lined fanatic.
You're an endangered species!
Bert: Mr. Sneer, first,
I want to apologize
for damaging your boat.
Cyril: I was right!
You did put the hole in it!
Wendo: [coughs]
Bert didn't do it.
[coughs] He did it!
Bert: And Mr. Sneer, I'm
sorry for driving recklessly.
I shouldn't have.
Toof: There were no brakes on my
bike and Bix let him ride it!
Bix: Yeah, but I didn't
start the fire!
Sang: Grrrr!!!
Bix: Okay! Okay!
I started the fire!
Cyril: I-I'm sorry, son.
I...made a mistake.
Cedric: That's okay, Pop.
We all make mistakes.
♪♪
♪♪
Bert: Cedric, ya know
there's nothing better
than sitting in a boat with
a fishing line and a friend.
Cedric: You know, Bert,
I'm glad you're here!
Bert: Rule 10,
let's start again.
Pigs: Every day, in every way
you're getting richer
and richer, Sir.
Cyril: [laughs]
Pull, you pampered porkers!
Pull!! Aaaah..
Now, this is what
I call relaxation.
All: [laughing]
♪ [show theme music]
♪♪
♪ When darkness falls
♪♪
♪ Leaving shadows in the night
♪♪
♪ Don't be afraid
♪♪
♪ Wipe that fear from
your eyes ♪
♪♪
♪ The desperate love
♪♪
♪ Keeps on driving you wrong
♪♪
♪ Don't be afraid
♪♪
♪ You're not alone
♪♪
♪ You can run with us
♪♪
♪ We've got everything
you need ♪
♪ Run with us
♪♪
♪ We are free
♪♪
♪ Come with us
♪♪
♪ I see passion in your eyes
♪ Run with us
♪♪
03x04 - Life in the Fast Lane!
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Series revolves around Bert Raccoon and married couple Ralph and Melissa Raccoon, of whom Bert is a friend and roommate.
Series revolves around Bert Raccoon and married couple Ralph and Melissa Raccoon, of whom Bert is a friend and roommate.