900x06 - The Mike Judge Collection 106

[bunniefuu]

[laughing]

♪♪

[wolf whistle]

[man] You got a nice little patootie.

Enough with the train, bring on the caboose.Yeah.

[woman] Shut up, you bunch of dirt balls.

[man laughing and whistling]

Those old guys are cool.

Yeah.

They know how to talk to girls.

Yeah.

They should like make a video.

"“How to talk to chicks."”

Yeah.

Volume one, hunting and escaping.

[laughing]

That would be cool.

[work whistling blowing]

Whoa.

Yeah-yeah.

It'‘s like a big hole in the ground.

You called it, dude.

[laughing]

Hey, Butt-Head, check it out, pipes.

Yeah.

I wonder if they'‘re like pipes for water

or pipes for like crap.

Yeah, that would be cool if they really had like pipes

with crap and turds running through '‘em.

[laughing]

They do, dumb-ass.

How do you think all that crap gets out of your house?

It doesn'‘t.

It'‘s in my basement in little jars.

That'‘s pretty disgusting, Beavis.

Yeah, I know.

[laughing]

Uh, I'‘m gonna like crawl into this pipe

and see what'‘s inside.

Yeah, but like hurry up.

I'‘m hungry.

[laughing]

Whoa.

It'‘s dark in here.

[laughing]

That'‘s cool.Yeah.

It'‘s like dark and round.

Dark and round?

[laughing]

Come on, Butt-Head, let'‘s go get some nachos.

Uh, okay.

[laughing]

[grunting]

I can'‘t get out.

I'‘m likestuck.

That'‘s cool.

It'‘s not cool, Beavis.

I'‘m not sure yet, but I think it sucks.

[laughing]

[grunting]

[Butt-Head] Ow! Stop it, Beavis!

It'‘s not working.

I said,Stop it.

Are you like hearing repaired or something?

I think I hurt myself.

Good.

So like what do I do now?

Figure out how to get me out of this pipe, dumbass.

[laughing]

[cricket chirping]

Come on, Beavis.

Um...

I think I got an idea.

[laughing]

Uh, what is it?

You can like live in the pipe.

Yeah.

I don'‘t wanna live in a pipe, buttmunch.

Yeah, but like, if you'‘re stuck in a pipe,

they can'‘t make you go to school, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

But what about chicks?

There'‘s chicks in there?

No, fartknocker, I'‘m talking about the chicks

I'‘m gonna be scoring with when I get some chest hairs.

You can get the chicks stuck in the pipe with you.

[laughing]

That would be cool.

[laughing]

Freeze, you punks!

Man, this is gonna look good on my record.

Teenage vandals.

Society'‘s human waste products.

[laughing]

He'‘s like trapped in the pipe.

Trapped?!

Good sweet Lord!

Don'‘t panic.

Boy, we'‘re gonna get you out of there.

Even if it means risking my own life in the process.

You say here.

Try to keep his spirits up.

I'‘ve got to call the "“Action News."”

[siren blaring]

[Butt-Head] Ow, ow, cut it out, asswipe!

That hurts, ow!

[grunting]

You'‘re the young man'‘s friend.

What can you tell us about the victim of this terrible ordeal?

Um... uh.

He'‘s stuck in a pipe.

[laughing]

[grunting]

Ahh!

Ladies and gentlemen, he'‘s free!

Butt-Head is free.[woman] Mr. Butt-Head!

[man] Butt-Head, what did smell when you were in the pipe?

Please, Mr. Butt-Head...

What were you thinking in there?

Uh... I have to go to the bathroom.

[woman] Can you tell me everything, every little detail?

What a courageous young man.

And so this incredible story has a happy ending.

Butt-Head is free.

Trish Burbee, Action News.

That'‘s a wrap.

God, what a stupid kid.

[car starting]

[laughing]

Pipe, pipe.

[laughing]

[laughing]

[grunting]

Help, help, I'‘m stuck!

Help, I'‘m stuck!

[laughing]

Pipe.

[laughing]

♪♪

[laughing]

Hey, Beavis.

It'‘s like I already know how to drive.

So it'‘s like I don'‘t really need to take this class.

Yeah, me too.

I'‘ve driven before.

No, you haven'‘t, Beavis.

You drove bumper cars that one time.

And you got stuck in the corner.

Everyone was kicking your ass.

Even that little girl.

[laughing]

Shut up, Butt-Head.

I drove a real car, once.

You weren'‘t there, you were somewhere else.

It was cool, yeah.

[imitating high speed driving]

Permission slips and birth certificates,

let'‘s see '‘em, move it, move it!

[laughing]

What are you staring at, Butt-Head?

[laughing]

You waiting for a playful pat on the butt?

Move it!

[laughing]

[Butt-Head] This is gonna be cool.

[imitating car engines revving]

Cut it out, butthole.

Shut the hell up!

Now, welcome to Driver'‘s Ed!

I'‘m required to tell you that the film we are about to see

contains actual footage of gruesome car crashes!

Yes!

Yeah-yeah.

[laughing]Multiple car pileups!

Car crashes rule.

It'‘s nothing I haven'‘t seen,

but it may be too much for some of you delicate types.

Now no one'‘s gonna think you'‘re a pantywaste

if you can'‘t take it, but if you can'‘t

I suggest you get your pathetic weak-willed

little butt out of here now!

You have five seconds.

[laughing]

That guy'‘s a wuss.

He'‘s a panty wuss.

Shut up!

Lights!

[projector running]

[music playing]

[tires screeching]

This move is old.

Yeah.

[laughing]

[Butt-Head] This is from back when people were stupid.

[Beavis]Yeah.

[Coach] Quiet!

Most young people are conscientious citizens,

who drive defensively

and obey all the applicable traffic laws.

[Butt-Head] Look, he'‘s flipping him off.

[laughing]

[Coach] Shut up!

But there'‘s always going to be

one or two bad apples in the bunch.

[laughing]

[Butt-Head] Those guys are cool.

Yeah.

[laughing]

These two boys, let'‘s call them Vinnie and Frankie

think they'‘re cool.

All their friends think they'‘re cool.

But unsafe driving is never cool.

Let'‘s cruise, Frankie.

Hey, cool.

[tires screeching]

♪♪

Cool.

[laughing]

[laughing]

Faster, faster!

Yeah-yeah!

[laughing]

[laughing]

Hang a Louie, Frankie.

[Butt-Head] He said loogie.

[laughing]

He said, hey.

[laughing]

Louie, Frankie, Louie!

Well, wait, first I gotta signal.

Don'‘t be a square, Frankie, just hang it.

All right, wisenheimer.

[tires screeching]

[all gasping]

[laughing]

Splat.Yeah, splat.

♪♪

[gasping]

Whoa, his brain fell out.

[laughing]

This is your brain.

This is your brain on the street.

Any questions?

[laughing]

That was cool.

[Coach] All right, Butt-Head, pay attention.

Just release the brake

and press gently on the accelerator.

Yeah, dumbass.

Drive, drive!

Butt-Head, what is your problem?

Apply gentle pressure to the accelerator.

Do it, now!

[laughing]

[tires screeching]

[horn honking]

Ahh!

[laughing]

♪♪

, , , ... shut up.

...

cents.Uh, .

Number two.

, , shut up!

, ...Zero.

Oh, one, one, one!

It'‘s still short, fellas.

Uh, better count it again, sir.

Yeah, you didn'‘t get all the pennies.

No way, guys, we'‘re still missing money.

I didn'‘t do it!

I didn'‘tdo it!

It was like some foreigner.

Yeah.

[laughing]

I didn'‘tdo it.

It was a foreigner.

Yeah.

I'‘m not a foreigner.

[laughing]

What are you doing, Beavis?

I'‘m practicing.

[laughing]

Hey, Butt-Head, what are they gonna do to us?

Uh, I think they'‘re gonna like make us

take one of those poly-grip tests?

Oh, yeah, that stuff'‘s cool.

I found some of that stuff at Anderson'‘s house.

And it'‘s like I put it on my teeth

and I was walking around going...

[talking through his teeth]

No, dumbass, not that stuff.

It'‘s like this lie detector test.

[laughing]

I didn'‘t do it.

Shut up, Beavis.

Check this out.

There'‘s like this trick to taking these lie detector tests.

Really, cool.

It'‘s like all you have to do is hold your breath.

[inhaling]

Ahh!

Not now, assmunch.

[laughing]

Oh, okay, oh, yeah.

I knew that, I was just like practicing.

Beavis you suck as a liar.

[laughing]

Liar, liar.

Liar, liar, pants on--

Whoa.

[door opening]

[woman] Head?

Butt-Head?

Uh, yeah?

[laughing]

[woman] Mr. O'‘Brien will see you now.

[door closing]

I didn'‘t do it.

[Mr. O'Brien] All right, now, I'‘m gonna ask you some questions.

Failure to be truthful in your responses will be interpreted

as an acknowledgement of guilt, do you understand?

Uh, yeah.

[buzzing]

Uh, I mean, no.

[dinging]

[Mr. O'Brien] Just tell the truth and you have nothing to worry about.

Let'‘s begin.

[inhales and holding breath]

Okay, now, please tell me your name.

Butt-Head.

[dinging]

Okay, good.

Now Butt-Head, could you tell me how many fingers I'‘m holding up?

Uh, four?

[laughing] [dinging]

Well, it'‘s three, actually but you since you think it'‘s four

you didn'‘t really lie, so that'‘s good.

Now Butt-Head, tell me, in all of your life,

have you ever stolen anything?

I didn'‘t do it, bunghole.

[Mr. O'Brien] I'‘ll repeat the question, Butt-Head.

Have you ever stolen anything?

Uh...

Uh...

Butt-Head did it.

Yeah, yeah.

[door opening]

[woman] Beavis, Mr. O'‘Brien will see you now.

[laughing]

You'‘re not gonna put those on my nads, are you?

[laughing]

[Mr. O'Brien] Julia, I'm not getting a reading.

Could you check those connections?

[laughing]

You can if you want, you know, put 'em on my nads.

[laughing]Good.

Well, young man, I'‘d like to get a base reading, here.

Could you say something?

Uh, yeah, heh-heh.

Just say anything, the first thing that comes to mind.

Um... I k*lled a bunch of people once.

[dinging]

[inhaling]

Authorities are saying tonight that they believe

they have finally found the k*ller in the infamous

"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" slaying some years ago.

Police say this boy is the so-called hippie ripper,

who in k*lled hippies who were living in a van...

'‘.

[laughing]

...Asked how a teenage boy could'‘ve committed a crime

that happened more than two decades ago,

a police spokesman explained, "“He'‘s very clever."”

[laughing]

Get a haircut, hippie.

[laughing]

♪♪

Class?

Class?

Guys, let'‘s cooperate, okay?

We have a very special guest with us today.

His name is Ken Alder.

And he'‘s a graduate student in film and anthropology.

Okay?

Mr. Alder is working on a very important project

he'‘d like to share with us.

Thank you, Mr. Van Driessen.

Now I'‘m sure you cats are all familiar

with documentary filmmaking.

The fine art of capturing real life on film

That'‘s what I do for a living.

Thought it'‘s not really a living actually, but...

Anyway, that'‘s what I do.

I think you'‘ll find the project

I'‘m working on now extremely relevant.

I'‘m calling it "“Generation in Crisis."”

And it'‘s about you.

That'‘s right, it'‘s about you, people your age.

Teenagers.

[making monkey sounds]

[laughing]

That'‘s cool.

But this film is not about achievement-oriented,

academically successful young people like yourselves.

Frankly, it'‘s about so-called problem teens.

Losers, dead-end kids, dirtbags,

call them what you will.

So what I wanna know is,

does anyone here know any kids like that?

Hey, Beavis...

[laughing]

Check this out.

[making silly noises]

[laughing]

Yes, yes, perfect.

[laughing]

Don'‘t lose it, fellas, don'‘t lose it, fellas.

Butt-Head, check this out.

I am the great Cornholio!

[laughing]

I come from Lake Titicaca.

Titicaca, Titicaca.

[laughing]

That'‘s cool.

Excellent.

I am a genius.

Quick, Dave, roll sound.

I don'‘t wanna miss a thing.

[camera whirring]

Please, just forget the camera and be yourselves.

[laughing]

Okay, so you said this is where you guys hang out.

So... what do you do?

Uh...

[laughing]

[Ken] Come on, do something!

Like what?

I don'‘t know,

engage in some anti-social behavior or something!

Uh, this sucks, let'‘s get out of here.

Yeah-yeah.

Stop, you can'‘t, my film!

Wait!

Here'‘s five bucks.

Yes!

This is cool.

Great, will you just do something?

[beep]

♪♪

[Ken] It could be any American town.

Hard-working men and women go about their daily lives,

raising families, pursuing the American dream.

Where are the children?

Where are the young people

who constitute this nation'‘s future?

You'‘re a wuss.

Go away, buttmunch, you'‘re a wuss.

No way, you'‘re a wuss.

No way...

We'‘ll call them Steven and Bernard.

Although those are not in fact their real names.

In the wealthiest and most scientifically advanced nation

the world has ever seen, they lead an existence

devoid of meaning and barren of intellectual content.

[laughing]

[Butt-Head] That'‘s flat.

Yeah, flat, and it'‘s dead.

[laughing]

That'‘s cool.

[Ken] Their primary influences seem to be a steady diet

of bland television and loud mindless heavy metal music.

♪ Duh, duh, duh-duh, duh-duh ♪

♪ Duh-duh-duh-duh, duh, duh, duh-duh ♪

Tempting though it may be,

it is not for the documentary filmmaker

to pass judgment on his subject.

Let us hear from Steven and Bernard in their own words.

In a word, Steven, what is yourraison d'être?

Um... it'‘s in my pants.

[laughing]

[Ken] Where you picture yourself in ten years?

Uh... [laughing]

Uh... [laughing]

[Ken] The st century marketplace you'‘re going to enter

will be a global electronic village.

How are you preparing yourself for what'‘s bound

to be a complex and challenging world?

Uh... you said enter.

[laughing]

What are you feeling right now?

My left nad, it itches.

Can I say nad?

There'‘s no censorship of any kind.

This is an independent documentary film.

With a generous grant from our friends

at the Ex-co Corporation.

[laughing]

Censorship is cool.

Yeah.

Censorship is cool.

Yeah.

I like when they put those black boxers

on people'‘s thingies.

Like when somebody'‘s talking and then they say,

"“Get the [bleep]."”

[Ken] No, cut!

♪♪

[screaming]

Damn it, Beavis, give me the remote.

No way.

[announcer] Beavis and Butt-Head are back for the second part

of their insurmountable DVD collection.

Beavis and Butt-Head: The Mike Judge Collection Volume Two.

This better not suck.

more of the dumbest cartoons hand-picked by Mike Judge

including never before released on this three-disc set.

I see the beauty.

More, more, more... ahh!

These special features include music videos.

Special appearances and part two of the documentary

"“Taint of Greatness, the Journey of Beavis and Butt-Head,"”

featuring interviews with Mike Judge.

Yeah, heh-heh, we'‘re pretty cool.

Twice the love.

I just wanna like be a father over and over again.

Twice the warmth.

Thank you, my friend.

Uh, is that all?

And twice the stupidity.

I am Cornholio.

You don'‘t want to face the wrath of my bunghole!

Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat.

Beavis and Butt-Head: The Mike Judge Collection Volume Two.

Coming soon to DVD.

Are we gonna like be naked?

[giggling] Oh, you.

♪♪