900x11 - The Mike Judge Collection 202

[bunniefuu]

[Chuckling]

[Bluesy rock music]

♪

- One unidentified official claimed that,

"These parties were known for their wild, rowdy behavior.

And any women in attendance should have expected

That the men would tear their clothes off and cop a feel."

[Laughter]

- Okay. Bob?

- Kind of makes me wish I had joined the m*llitary.

- Hey, beavis, we should, like, throw a party.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We could have, like, cake and stuff.

And, like, have some--

- No, dumbass.

We should have, like, a party with chicks

And, you know, cop a feel.

- Yeah, that's a good idea, butt-head.

Where do you get these ideas?

- They come from my wiener.

- Oh, yeah.

- We're gonna score.

- Today I want to rap a little bit about sexism.

I wonder if anyone can give me an example of sexism.

Does anyone have anything they'd like to share?

- Yeah.

Like, we're gonna have a party.

- Yeah.

It's gonna rock.

- Yeah.

And we especially want chicks to come,

So we can, like, uh...

[Chuckles]

You know.

- Chicks.

- Good job, guys.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

Anybody else?

- [Chuckles]

This party's gonna kick ass.

- Yeah.

- We're gonna have a party.

- Yeah.

I'm gonna score.

Yeah.

- So?

- How much party stuff can we buy with this much money?

- None.

But I'll give you some used forks

From our toppings bar.

- Cool.

- And I got some day-old doughnuts.

- Doughnuts rule.

- This party's gonna rock.

We need one more thing, dude.

We need some hard stuff.

- I got some hard stuff. Yeah.

- Not that, dumbass.

I'm talking about booze.

You know, liquor.

- Oh, yeah.

Let's ask that dude out back.

- Uh, can we have some of that?

- Do you have any kind of smokeses?

- Uh, no.

We got some doughnuts.

- Half of what's in here is for your doughnuts.

[Cackles]

- Cool.

The hard stuff rules.

- Yeah.

We're gonna score.

[Laughing]

- Hey, butt-head, can I set this down?

My hands are getting tired.

- No way, beavis.

When the chicks walk in,

They need to see it in your hand,

So they know you're cool.

[Buzzer sounds]

- It's them.

It's the chicks. It's the chicks.

Hey, butt-head, should I pretend like I'm drinking it?

- Hi, guys.

- Uh, what the hell are you doing here?

- Time to party down, dudes.

I'm psyched.

Hope you don't mind.

I brought some buds from the youth group.

- Wow, you were right, stewart.

This party kicks rear.

- You guys will have to come to our

Loaves and fishes cookout next week.

Deal?

- Uh, no.

- Yeah.

I'll pinch a loaf for you, though.

[Laughing]

- Okay, maybe macgyver could b*at michael in a fight.

But it doesn't matter,

Because nobody's smarter than a computerized car.

- It does so matter.

Because without michael, kitt's just a normal car.

- Oh, yeah, right.

A normal, talking car?

Right.

[Loud thud]

- Whoa, it's todd.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's todd.

He's really here. He's really here.

Yeah.

How's it going?

Hey, man.

- This party looks more like a daycare center

For little baby girls.

- Hey, man, want some hard stuff?

- Give me that. - Yeah.

This crap is warm.

Get some cold stuff.

- Uh...

- I tell you what, ladies,

If you leave right now,

I'll let you go without kicking your asses.

- Uh, what?

- We got some women coming over.

Your party's over, man.

- Uh, okay.

- It's cool, dudes.

At my house, I've got a great new d&d video game.

- Yay! - All right.

- Whoa.

Todd is cool.

- Yeah.

He broke everything.

That must've been a cool party.

- Yeah.

Maybe next time, he'll let us stay.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Hey.

Hey, girls.

- Todd.

- Hey, man.

- So, like, did you have a good time at our party?

- Yeah, yeah.

- I just wanted to let you know

That you guys owe me bucks for expenses.

I will be by later to pick it up.

- Whoa.

He must've had a really good time.

- Yeah.

We'll have to throw another party.

- Yeah.

It's a good thing we had plenty of hard stuff.

- Yeah.

We just need to make sure it's cold next time.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, tom, we're kind of between a rock and a hard place.

Wylie's a no-show.

His wife's got him locked up tonight.

- Well, damn it.

You know it ain't no good without a fourth.

- What about those boys you got working in the yard?

You got to think the two of them together

Can handle a seat at the table.

- And let them inside the house?

- Do they even have any money?

- Well, I guess they got

What I owe them for the yard work.

Hell, by the end of the night,

Figure I could have the job done for nothing.

Now, this here is five card, jacks or better.

Quarter minimum, $ max.

Three raises will test the goneys.

- Uh, cool.

- Yeah.

- You fellas on board?

- I guess.

- Good enough, then.

Let's get busy, boys.

- Whoa.

- Yes.

Cool.

Give me that one.

- No way, butt licker.

Get your own.

- Come on, give me some.

- Well, what do you say, there, boz?

You're the man.

- I'll bid a buck.

- Dusty?

- I'm in.

- Boys?

Boys.

- What?

- Y'all in?

- What does that mean?

- Well, you can fold and give me your cards

Or throw in a blue chip and stay in the game.

- Okay.

- Cards?

- Three.

- I'll take two.

- Boys?

Come on, boys.

- Huh?

- How many cards you need?

You can take up to three.

- Yeah, yeah, three, three.

Three.

- Discards, please.

- Uh, what?

- If you want three cards,

You got to give me three of those.

- No way.

- Yeah.

You already got the whole deck to look at, butthole.

Hey, beavis.

[Whispering indistinctly]

- Oh, yeah.

- Come on now, dusty, while we're young.

- All right, already.

Keep your britches on.

Tom, I'll see your three.

Boz, I'll see your three.

And I'll raise you three of my own.

- Good enough, then.

Boys, that'll be a niner to y'all.

- We got, like, one white one.

- Afraid that ain't gonna get you there, boy.

You want to stay in, you're gonna have to go light.

- Uh, okay.

- Y'all know what that means?

- No.

- It means you lose,

You hop on that payment plan to the winner.

- Well, I don't know, tom.

Are these boys good for it?

- Well, I tell you what, I'll throw in for you.

But if y'all go down,

You're gonna be owing me some elbow grease.

- Uh, okay.

[Chuckles]

- Nine for the boys.

And here's my six.

Three more from you, boz,

And we're gonna find us a happy man.

- Hey, where's our new cards?

- Look, I've told you every time.

You get new cards once per hand.

Now what do you have, boz?

- Two pair, jacks and fours.

- Beats me.

- Well, I'd like to thank y'all for kindly coming over.

And y'all are welcome back anytime.

I got me a two pair,

But this here's the cowboys and their sweeties.

[Chuckling]

- Yeah.

- Two pairs?

Is that all?

We got four pairs of boobs and one butt.

- Yeah.

Boobs are cool.

- Oh, boy.

- Tom, the boys got a flood.

- Say what?

- Yeah, dusty's right.

Take a look.

- What in the hell?

Damn it. - You win, boys.

Both: yes.

[Laughing]

- Cool.

Rock smashes scissors.

- [Yells]

- That was pretty cool

That anderson let us keep these chips

Instead of, like, giving them back for a bunch of quarters.

- Yeah.

These blue ones are worth a lot more.

- Paper smashes scissors.

- [Yells]

- Winning is cool.

- No, it isn't.

It sucks.

- [Chuckles]

Pole vaulters.

- Yeah.

- Baton passers.

[Snickering]

- Yeah.

- Javelins throwers.

[Laughing]

- Yeah.

[Screams]

- Whoa.

[Groaning]

- Ow.

- You dumbass.

I warned you.

- All right, men.

Hit the showers, now.

[Laughing]

- Ow.

[Chuckling]

- Where the hell do you think you're going?

- Uh, to class.

- Yeah.

Yeah, to class.

Me too.

- Maybe you didn't hear me

When I told you to hit the showers.

- We thought you were, like, talking to somebody else.

- I was talking to everybody.

- But, like, we didn't sweat.

- Yeah, yeah.

And if it's all the same, sir,

I just like to wait till I get home to take a shower.

Yeah, that would be all right.

- Look at you, boy.

You're covered in crap.

- Um, that was last week.

This is blood, sir. Yeah.

- The name of this class is physical education.

And that includes proper personal hygiene.

Hit the showers now, or fail.

- Uh...

Well, it looks kind of crowded in there.

- Do I have to undress you myself, butt-head?

- Uh...

No.

- Yeah.

I mean, no.

This sucks.

I hate taking showers.

- Yeah.

I don't want some naked dude

Standing with his schlong right next to me.

- Yeah, really.

I don't want some naked dude standing next to me

With his schlong slinging around,

Saying, "hey, good game, man."

Yeah.

- And you better not look at me, fartknocker,

Or I'll kick your ass.

- If you look at me, I'm gonna kick your ass.

- Hey, beavis and butt-head,

Are guys gonna finally take a shower?

- Uh, um, hey, dude.

- Um, hey.

- I've never seen you guys take a shower before.

- Yeah.

- How come you guys never take a shower?

- Hey, beavis, it's all clear.

- Hey, beavis, can you help me with this?

- [Yells]

[Chuckling]

Yeah.

- I'm beginning to wonder

If you boys have ever taken a shower in your lives.

What in the hell do you think you're doing

With your underwear still on?

- We don't want anybody looking at our nads.

- Yeah.

Are you one of those gym teachers

That likes to hang out and watch dudes in the shower?

- Damn it, boy.

You have pushed me to the limit.

You're not getting out of it this time.

I'm gonna tear your--

[Alarm blares]

That's the fire alarm.

Now, hurry up and get out of here.

- Dude, we have been saved by the power supreme.

- Yeah.

- Fire drills rule.

- Are you deaf?

That's the fire alarm.

Get the hell out of here, now.

- Uh...

We're just gonna, like, get dressed first.

- Yeah, we'll be right out.

See you later.

- That is a fire alarm.

That means the school may be burning down.

Now if you don't get the hell out of here,

I'm gonna personally grab you by the grundies

And drag you outside in front of the entire student body!

So get the hell out, now!

- Uh...

- Um...

- Uh...

- Get out there before I drag you out.

- Hey, look.

It's beavis and butt-head.

[Laughter]

- Good job.

- Not too bad.

Another minute, and they might've been naked.

[Laughs]

- Yeah.

Look at them.

[Laughter]

- Today, class, we're going to set off

On an incredible creative journey

To discover the wonder of animation.

You'll draw a series of pictures on tracing paper.

Then we're going to bring in a cameraman

To sh**t your work.

You'll see your creation spring to life,

Just like the animation you see on television.

Life, class.

That's what animation means.

Movement.

Your characters can move in any style at all,

Limited only by the boundaries of your own imagination.

You'll learn that being an animator is very hard work.

But if you pour your heart into your labor,

You just might pull off a miracle.

Through the movement of colored shapes,

You'll reveal the beauty of the human spirit.

- [Laughs]

He said "pull off."

- Yeah.

[Laughing]

- To help you get ideas for your own films,

I'm going to show you an animated film I did

When I was in school.

So put down your pencils, everyone.

- Cool.

- Yeah, yeah.

This better not suck.

- Your skin is purple, man.

I don't dig you.

- I'm purple, and I'm proud.

You're invading my space, greenie.

- Wow.

Your blood is red, just like mine.

- Even though we're different on the outside...

- On the inside, we're all the same.

Together: let's live together in peace.

- So, class, what did we learn

From my little film

About what's possible in animation?

- Uh...

In amination, you can, like,

Have people ripping apart each other's guts.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, like, stabbing each other's heads with their tongues.

Yeah.

- Amination is cool.

- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

- We're drawing dead people.

- Yeah, yeah.

Dead people are cool.

- These are cool dead people.

- Yeah.

They're just, like, lying there, because they're dead.

[Laughing]

Yeah.

- You can't just do one drawing

And sit back, you guys.

For animation, you have to do

Lots and lots and lots of drawings.

- Uh...

Oh.

- Hey butt-head,

Let's draw two dead people on this one.

Yeah.

- We already have two dead people on this one.

- Yeah, but then we'd have, like, three dead people.

Yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

That would be cool.

[Chuckling]

Hey, beavis, let's keep making more and more dead people

Until we've got, like, a whole m*ssacre.

- Yeah, yeah.

m*ssacre, m*ssacre.

m*ssacre!

A little here.

A little blood right there.

Here and a little bit there.

A little blood.

- This is getting boring.

- Hey, I know.

Let's, like, draw dead people

Getting their guts chewed up by a dog.

That would be cool.

- Yeah.

Or dead people getting smashed by an airplane.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or, like, dead people with a giant fork ripping them apart.

Yeah.

[Laughing]

- This is gonna be cool.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

[Laughing]

- Well, class, it's time to see

What your tireless hours as animators have yielded.

First up, cassandra.

Excellent work, cassandra.

How does it feel to see your ideas come to life?

- So powerful, so enormous, so brief,

Just like my father.

- Hmm.

Okay.

And now let's peer into the imaginations

Of our friends beavis and butt-head.

Oh.

Oh, my.

Hmm.

[Laughs nervously]

Well, the piece does seem to be attuned

To a certain aspect

Of our fragmented modern society.

In fact, I must say I'm impressed by your work, boys.

It's primitive.

It's impulsive.

And--and it's cool.

- Uh, but we drew, like, dead people.

- Yeah.

What did you do with them, butthole?

- Beavis, through animation's wondrous illusion of motion,

Your hundreds of drawings have been transformed

Into a single pair of very dynamic characters.

I'd like to take another look at that.

Wouldn't you, class?

- So, like, in animation,

You have to draw tons of dead people

Just to end up with two dead people?

- Animation sucks.

[Rock music]

[Bluesy rock music]

♪