900x18 - The Mike Judge Collection 209

[bunniefuu]

[Chuckling]

[Bluesy rock music]

♪

- So I told him,

If you were truly comfortable with your own masculinity,

You wouldn't be so threatened by my macrame.

- Bravo.

It sounds like you really asserted yourself there

In a positive, constructive way.

[Chuckling]

- Want to come back to my house for a cup of coffee?

- Why yes, I'd love to go back to your house.

- Whoa.

She said "love."

- Yeah, yeah.

Now he's gonna take her home.

- Hey, beavis,

Let's follow them until they do it.

- Yeah, yeah.

This is gonna be cool.

- Yeah, see, that's why, to me,

Teaching is really a two-way street.

I learn from my students as well.

- Oh, yeah. That's wonderful.

- Mm-hmm.

[Chuckling]

- Van driessen's gonna score. - Yeah.

He must really want it.

Yeah.

- Uh...

- Um, yeah.

Hey, that sucks.

- Check it out, beavis. A window.

- Yeah, cool.

- Whoa.

He's taking her clothes off. - Whoa, cool.

- Take it off!

Take it all off!

- Yeah, hey, hey, do her underwear next.

Oh, no. Now he's getting naked.

Ah!

- This is pretty cool.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, go for it!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, do it, do it!

- Go for it, dude!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah! Do it, do it, do it!

- Do it!

I wish he'd hurry up and do it

Instead of just putting his arm around her.

- Yeah, really.

Come on, grab her thingies, come on!

- Yeah, grab his schlong!

- Yeah, yeah, come on!

- Wait, I thought I heard something.

- Hmm, I don't think I heard anything.

- Would you mind pulling the shades?

I don't want to feel like we're putting on a show

For the neighbors.

- Yeah, why don't I do that.

- Uh, wait a minute.

- Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, come on, damn it, I can't see!

Hey!

- This sucks.

- Damn it. This sucks.

It sucks. Pull the damn shade back up.

They're probably doing it right now, and we can't even watch.

Damn it, the next time we see 'em, it'll be all over.

- We should just, like, ring the doorbell

And demand they let us watch.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah, cool.

[Chuckling]

[Doorbell buzzes]

- Hey. Where is she?

- Yeah, is she naked?

- Beavis and butt-head, what a surprise.

- Uh, we want to watch.

- Yeah, come on.

- You'd like to watch what?

- You know, you and that chick doing it.

- Yeah, yeah.

I mean, we don't even have to come in.

If you could just, like, put the shades back up,

That would be fine with me.

- Boys, this really bothers me, okay?

Now after school monday I'll set aside some time

To discuss this with you, but until then,

I'd appreciate it if you'd respect my privacy, okay?

- No, wait, hey, come on, come on!

Damn it, we came all the way over here, come on!

- Yeah, you owe us!

- Come on, guys. Respect my boundaries, okay?

- We want to see something. - Yeah, damn it.

[Grunting]

- Whoa, cool.

Hey, how's it going?

- Guys, I'm really disappointed in you.

- We're disappointed in you.

It's like, you pulled down the shades like you're gonna do it,

And then it turns out you're not even naked.

- Yeah, really. What about the chick?

Is she naked? Where is she?

Come on, butt-head, let's go find her.

- Um, what's going on, david?

- "David."

Hey, baby.

If things don't, like, work out with david,

Maybe you and I could, you know...

- What the hell are you talking about?

- Come on, joan. Don't worry about it.

I'll drive you back to your place.

- Yeah, baby.

'Cause it's like, if we were on a date,

We'd already be naked by now.

- Yeah, yeah, and you would too.

- Cool.

So are you guys gonna, like, do it in the van?

- Hurry up! We don't have all day.

[Chuckling]

- Hey, beavis.

We should follow them to her place.

I bet they do it there.

- Yeah, yeah. Cool.

[Rock music]

♪

[Bluesy rock music]

♪

[Groaning]

- Why don't you punks quit bothering me?

- Uh, uh, we were just sitting here.

- Yeah, we were just eating nachos.

- Yeah, well, it was really loud.

- Uh.

- Ah.

- You guys need to get a life.

Just stay put, all right?

We'll be back later and kick your weaselly asses.

And you better have something to drink next time.

[Engine revs]

[Tires squealing]

- That was cool, the way he, like, didn't kick our ass.

Maybe he's gonna let us be in his g*ng now.

Yeah.

- I just had a vision, beavis.

We don't need to be in todd's g*ng.

We need to start our own g*ng.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We should start our own g*ng.

This is gonna be cool.

Yeah.

- [Chuckling]

Being in a g*ng is cool.

- Yeah.

We just kickin' it.

Hangin' out in the crib.

In the house.

- Uh, hey, beavis.

How will anyone know we're a g*ng if we're just, like,

Hanging out at home?

- Um...

Oh, yeah, yeah. I didn't think of that.

Now what do we do, butt-head?

- Uh, I guess our g*ng, like, needs a name.

- Oh, yeah.

Um, we should be the, uh, bloods.

Yeah, yeah, the bloods.

- No way, beavis.

It's already taken by, like,

Some guys who could kick our ass.

- Um, oh, yeah.

Maybe we should get some of those guys in our g*ng.

Yeah, that would be cool.

- Yeah.

We need, like, some other members.

- Hi, guys. What's happening?

- Uh, we're, like, a g*ng.

- Yeah, yeah, you're on our turf.

- Cool. Hey, can I be in your g*ng too?

- Uh, no.

- Come on, guys. It'll be fun.

You guys could initiate me.

- Yeah, come on, butt-head. We could annihilate him.

Yeah.

- Uh, yeah.

Cool.

- Uh, I don't know, guys.

What do I have to do?

- Uh...

Uh, you have to break something.

- Yeah, yeah. To prove you're as cool as us.

We're pretty cool.

- So it's like, uh,

If you want to be in our g*ng, you have to,

Uh, uh...

You have to break this milk crate.

- Uh, guys, that's vandalism.

- You're not gonna vandalize it, dumbass.

You're gonna break it.

Now get to work and prove how cool you are.

- Yeah. Bi-atch.

[Chuckling]

- Hey, baby.

Uh, did you ever, like, do it with a g*ng member?

- Yea-yah.

- Ah.

Uh. Ow!

- Uh, we need to have, like, colors.

- Yeah, yeah, colors, yeah.

- Uh, I think we should be gray.

- No way, butt-head.

Um, um...

I think we should be blue.

- No way, beavis. We should be gray.

- No way; we should be blue, damn it.

- Then get your own g*ng, dumbass.

- Uh. Darn it.

I'll never pass this stupid initiation.

I shouldn't have to prove how cool I am.

- Hey, what the hell's going on back here?

- Um, beavis and butt-head made me do it.

- Oh, they did, huh, tough guy?

- Yes--yes, sir.

They're right in front of the store.

- Oh, yeah? Well, we'll see about that. Get inside.

[Bell jingles]

Hey, this kid said some g*ng members made him

Bust up my milk crates.

You know anything about that?

- Uh, no.

He was acting on his own, sir.

- Yeah.

We never saw stewart before in our lives.

- Yeah, and, uh, you're on our turf.

[Tires squealing]

[Engine revving]

- I thought I told you to have something to drink.

- Uh, you better not mess with us.

We're in a g*ng.

- So you are in a g*ng, huh? You little turd.

- Uh, uh.

- It looks like your g*ng's gonna mix it up with my g*ng.

- Ah, ah.

Being in a g*ng sucks, butt-head.

- Come on, stewart. Help us.

- Come on, stewart. Ah, I'll kick your ass.

[Bluesy rock music]

♪

- Okay now, and two, and feel good.

And five.

And six.

And deep.

And eight.

And feel the burn. Yeah!

- Yeah, I feel it. Yeah, I feel it.

Hey, yeah!

[Knocking at door]

Hey, what was that?

- It's woodrow.

He's knocking.

Whoa!

- Slowly. Mm.

- Anyway you want it, baby.

[Knocking at door]

Get the door, beavis.

- Ooh, ah.

- I'm busy. You get it.

- Get the door, nut sack.

- Okay...

Now let's do some arms.

- Damn it. I'll get it.

- Oh, butt-head.

I think something terrible has happened to stewart.

[Sobs] have you seen him?

- Uh... No.

Damn it.

Now I have to start all over.

[Knocking at door]

- I am sorry to be bothering you boys,

But this is an emergency.

- Is your house on fire?

- It's stewart.

He was supposed to come home for lunch more than an hour ago.

[Sniffles]

It's not like stewart to miss lunch.

- I'll bet.

- Yeah. He's fat.

- I've looked all over, and I can't find him.

- Uh... Maybe he's in the bathroom.

- He's been gone for hours.

[Sobs]

- Uh... Maybe he has diarrhea.

- He does not have diarrhea.

I am his mother. I would know if he had diarrhea.

- Uh... Okay.

- Oh, my poor stewart.

What could have happened to him?

- Um, maybe somebody k*lled him

And buried him in a shallow grave.

- Oh-oh, no. [Sobbing]

- Um, um, what's the matter?

- Oh, thank you, boys.

Thank you for helping me find my stewart.

- Um, there's a reward, right?

- I would give anything to find my stewart.

- Uh, anything?

- Yeah.

- What are you boys thinking?

Do you have an idea?

You know where he is, don't you?

- Who?

- Stewart. My little stewart.

- You have a little stewart too?

- Um, have you looked in the garbage can?

- [Gasps] oh-ho, no.

[Sobbing]

- Beavis, you dumbass. Why'd you tell her that?

- I don't know.

You know, I was just trying to help.

- Stewart doesn't fit in the garbage can, dumbass.

Remember?

- Um, oh, yeah. Yeah.

- If you wanted to put stewart in a garbage can,

You'd have to, like, cut him up into little pieces.

- Oh, no. For god's sake, no.

[Sobbing]

- Now, the important thing is to remain calm.

Keep a positive mental attitude.

Have faith that stewart is all right

And no harm has come to him.

- Uh... If you say so.

- Now, I'd appreciate it if you guys could help me

Distribute these around the neighborhood.

- Whoa. So there is a reward?

- Yes, yes, of course.

- Cool.

- Yeah, rewards are cool.

[Chuckling]

- Yeah.

[Chuckling]

- Oh, yeah.

[Chuckling]

[Tires screech]

- Excuse me, young men.

Uh, could I ask you a couple of questions?

- Whoa. Is this on tv?

Hey, my name is butt-head, and, uh...

- Could you just answer the question, please?

Butt-head, you knew stewart.

Do you think it's possible he ran away?

- Uh... Yeah.

- And why is that? - He's a dork.

- Yeah, yeah. Um, he's a dork, yeah.

How's it going?

- Oh, my poor dear stewart.

Oh, please, god, help us find him.

- So, like, um... Do you give up yet?

- Yeah. We're tired.

- Well, it is getting dark.

Let's go home, get flashlights,

And meet back here in minutes, okay?

- Yeah. Let's go home.

- Um, where's the flashlight?

- Uh... I think it's in the closet.

Whoa.

Uh...

Uh-oh.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Whew, I thought you guys forgot about me.

- Uh... You better go home, stewart.

- Yeah, you're in trouble.

[Rock music]

♪♪

[Chuckling]

[Bluesy rock music]

♪

[Door buzzing]

- Get the door, beavis.

- Um, here's the new phone book, dude.

- Yeah.

Hey, butt-head, check it out.

A new phone book.

- Cool.

Let's, like, call someone.

- Yeah.

- Uh...tay...lor...bob.

No.

Uh...

Mmm-uh...matthews...al.

- No. Come on, butt-head.

- Uh...

Sack...sacks.

Harry...

[Chuckles]

Hairy sack.

[Chuckling]

- Yeah, hairy sack.

- This is gonna be cool.

- Yeah.

[Chuckling]

Hairy sack.

[Phone ringing]

- Hello.

[Chuckling]

[Toilet flushing]

[Chuckling]

- That was cool.

- Yeah, let's call him back.

- Uh...okay.

This time, let's say something.

- Yeah.

[Phone pad beeping]

Okay.

[Phone ringing]

- Uh, hello?

- Um...um...you suck!

[Toilet flushing]

[Chuckling]

- That was pretty funny, beavis.

- Yeah, thanks.

[Chuckling]

[Phone ringing]

- Hello?

[Toilet flushing]

[Chuckling]

[Man groaning angrily]

[Phone ringing]

Yeah?

- [Grunting forcefully]

[Flatulence sputtering]

[Water plopping and splashing]

- It's hairy sack!

- You!

[Groans angrily]

[Chuckles]

Now somebody's gonna die.

[Chuckles]

[Line trilling]

[Phone ringing]

- Uh...hello?

- Hey, congratulations.

You just won yourself a free pizza.

- Cool.

- We'll be happy to deliver it right over to your house.

What's your address?

- Uh...

- You don't know your own address?

- Uh...

- Uh, tell you what.

Do you have any mail around?

Read me the address off of that.

- Hey, is there any, like, mail around here?

- Um...uh, let's see.

Just that stuff we took out of stewart's mailbox.

- Uh...okay.

- Good.

Now, what does it say?

- Uh...stew...art, stevenson,

Uh... Maple street.

Now, hurry up and get that pizza over here.

I'm hungry.

- [Chuckles evilly]

[Pencil snaps]

[Crickets chirping]

- Care for some cookies, stewart?

- All right! Thanks, mom.

- Uh! - [Gasps]

- Ah! - You little worm.

Was it you? Was it?

- Ahh, ahh, I didn't do anything.

- [Grunts] - [screaming]

- Damn it, what's all the noise in here?

I'm on the phone--oh, my god.

- It was you, wasn't it? I'll k*ll you!

- Damn it, operator--ah, no! Ahh! Ow!

Hey, this is between you and stewart.

Get him! Ahh! Please!

[Gurgling]

- You like the way that sounds, funny man?

- No! - Huh?

- No! You must mean stewart! Ahh!

- Listen very carefully, funny man.

- Please!

- If you ever, ever call me again,

I swear I'll find you wherever you are, and I'll gut you!

But just to be sure you don't call me,

I'm gonna stick your phone

Where you'll have an awful hard time dialing it.

- No, please! No!

Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Hey, ow!

Take it easy. Be careful.

Ahh.

- Damn it, I'm hungry.

Where the hell's my pizza?

- Whoa.

Hey, butt-head, it looks like something's going on

At stewart's house.

- Oh, yeah?

[Siren wailing]

Let's call him.

[Monitor beeping, phone rings]

- Ow!

[Phone rings]

Ahh! Can somebody get that? That might be the office.

[Phone rings]

Ah!

[Line trilling]

[Siren wailing]

[Line trilling]

- Uh...nobody's home.

- Hey, butt-head.

Let's call that hairy sack dude again.

- Yeah, hairy sack.

[Chuckling]

[Phone beeping]

- Hello?

[Toilet flushing]

[Chuckling]