900x20 - The Mike Judge Collection 301

[bunniefuu]

[laughing]

♪♪

[phone ringing]

Uh, what?

[man] This is your boss at Burger World.

We're having an extremely busy lunch.

I need one of you to come down to Burger World right now.

Uh, I'm, like, busy watching TV.

[laughing]

[man] Well, then let me talk to... the other one.

Uh... okay.

Uh...

[laughing]

Like, hi.

This is Beavis.

[laughing]

Yeah.

I'll be right in, sir.

Yeah.

[laughing]

You can always, like, count on me, sir.

Yeah.

[laughing]

Hey, Beavis.

That was that manager dude from Burger World.

He says you have to go to work right now.

No way, that sucks.

It sucks!

Hey, how come you don't have to go to work?

Uh, 'cause, I'm like, busy watching TV.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

This sucks.

[laughing]

Dumbass.

[laughing]

I want a bacon cheeseburger with extra mayo.

I want a large chocolate shake, two orders

of onion rings an apple pie and a diet cola.

[laughing]

You said "“pie."”

That's funny, right?

[Beavis] Whoa.

Hey, how's it going?

[laughing]

You're working.

[laughing]

Um, oh, yeah.

Working.

[laughing]

Shut up and take my order.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Welcome to the World.

May I help you?

Uh, get me some nachos.

Um, okay, would you like some fries to go with that?

Did I ask for fries?

Dumbass.

[laughing]

Oh, yeah.

Let me just get that for you.

[laughing]

[Beavis] Um... let's see.

[laughing]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Um, we don't have any nachos.

[laughing]

Uh, okay.

Then how about some pizza?

Okay, yeah, yeah, pizza.

Pizza.

Pizza-pizza!

Oh, yeah, um.

Pizza's not on the menu either.

Would you like some fries with that?

Hey, come on.

Come on, quit holding up the line.

I'm waiting for service here.

I still haven't gotten my food.

Yeah, really.

This service sucks.

Let me speak to your manager, boy.

I'm gonna have you fired.

Um, okay, yeah, yeah.

Fire me!

Hey, come on, can't somebody open another register?

I don't have all day, you know?

I got three kids in the car, come on!

Get the hell out of here!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Fire him, yeah, fire him!

Fire, yeah, fire, fire!

Not working is cool.

Uh, hello?

[Beavis] Hello?

Hello?

Uh, hello?

Hello?

Uh, I'd like to order a butt.

What?

Would you like some fries with that?

Uh, like, is this thing on?

Cool.

Ahh, ow!

[Beavis] Ahh!

Whoa.

That sounds cool.

[laughing]

Uh!

Ow!

Ahh, cut it out, fartknocker!

Don't make me come out there and kick your ass!

Uhh...

Hey, Beavis, is that you?

[Beavis] Butt-head?

Butt-head, where are you?

I'm in the drive-thru, dumbass.

Get out here, this thing makes you sound really weird.

Um, really?

Cool.

Um... um, okay.

I'll be right with you.

Thank you, drive thru.

Ow!

This is gonna be cool.

[man] What the hell is he doing now?

Ahh!

I want food!

Hey, what the hell is going on?

Come on!

Come on!

[laughing]

Check this out.

Ahh, ow!

Yeah, yeah, that was pretty cool.

Ow!

[laughing]

Damn it, where the hell is he?

I'll have a--I'll be with you in a minute, sir.

Oh, God.

Hi, welcome to Burger World, may I take--

Ow, hey!

Hey, Beavis?

[man] Is that you, Beavis?

[laughing]

Yeah.

Ow, hey!

Ow!

Ow! Ahh!

Ow, Ow! Ow.

♪♪

Now people who can tell us where we get our food?

At the store?

Good, Butt-head.

Whoa, really?

I'm afraid so.

Sadly, the primal experience of cultivating the earth has

been replaced by a trip to the store.

That's why you're all going to grow plants.

Now, Beavis and Butt-head, if you could grown any type

of food, what would you grow?

[laughing]

Um, nachos.

Yeah.

Nachos aren't a plant, dumbass.

They, like, make 'em from stuff.

That's right, Butt-head, and corn is an excellent choice,

or as the Native Americans call it, "“maize."”

No, no, no.

Um, we want to grow nachos, yeah.

In a few months, Beavis, when the corn grows,

you'll be able to make your own nachos.

Yeah, but we can go to Maxi-Mart

and get some right now.

Yeah, but this is school.

They have to do everything ass-backwards.

Yeah.

[laughing]

Really.

Get ready for nachos, Beavis.

Yeah.

[laughing]

Uh...

Mm-hmm.

[laughing]

These seeds suck.

I knew you guys would screw this up.

I just had to see for myself.

What do you know about nachos, Daria?

Yeah.[laughing]

Diarrhea.

Not much, but I do know you're supposed to plant the seeds.

In the ground.

I know it sounds crazy, but I've seen it work.

Then you have to give them water and then

some plant food and it helps if you talk to them, too.

In the meantime, I hope you guys don't starve to death.

Stupid Diarrhea.

Really.

Well, you heard her, dude.

Let's get 'em in the ground.

Cool.

[laughing]

[grunting]

Um...

Didn't Diarrhea say we were supposed to put water on it?

Uh, yeah, but water sucks.

Oh, yeah, yeah, water sucks.

Let's get him some food.

[laughing]

Okay, here you go.

Yeah.

Come and get it.

Um...

Nothing's happening, Butt-head.

Yeah, farming sucks.

Let's go get something to eat.

Yeah, yeah, I'm hungry.

So, uh, where's the corn?

Um, I don't know.

Maybe it needs more food and water and stuff.

We already tried that, dumbass.

This corn is starting to piss me off.

Come on, grow, damn it!

Um, how come you're yelling at it?

I'm not yelling at it, dumbass, I'm just, like,

talking to it like Daria said.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[laughing]

So, like, uh, corn.

Grow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, corn.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, what's your problem?

[laughing]Yeah, really.

What's taking you so damn long?

Yeah, yeah.

You know, we gave you some food,

we gave you some cheeseburgers.

You know, I could have eaten that myself, and, you know,

like, you're just sitting there,

you're not doing anything, come on, grow!

[Butt-head] Yeah, I'm getting pretty sick of this crap.

Yeah, and you're just taking your sweet-ass

time piddling around and I'm sick of it!

[Beavis] And I want you to just sit there and think about

all I've done for you!

[laughing]

[Butt-head] And next time, I'm gonna get the belt.

There's not gonna be a next time!

I'm gonna kick your ass right now!

Son of a bitch!Wuss!

Yeah!

See?

[laughing]

Well, class, overall, I'm really pleased with this project.

You all did a marvelous job getting in touch with the earth,

but I must say, Beavis and Butt-head,

I'm a little disappointed.

What happened to your corn?

Uh, we made it into nachos already.

Yeah, they were really good.

You should have had some.

[laughing]

Come on, what really happened?

Oh.

We fed it and watered it, and, like tried

talking to it and stuff

but it just had a bad attitude about growing.

Yeah.[laughing]

It's like one of those problem plants.

Well, I can't fail you for trying,

but what's that awful smell?

Oh, yeah.

[laughing]

After it stopped growing, Beavis fertilized it.

[laughing]Oh, yeah.

[laughing]Poop!

♪♪

[laughing]

Whoa!

Think of the things we could do with this.

Yeah, cool!

Wahh!

Boys, I can give you a real good deal

on that there bushwhacker.

[laughing]

Bush.

Whacker.

[laughing]

[phone ringing]

Uh, just a second, boys.

[phone ringing]

Yello?

[man] Tom Anderson?

Speaking.

Hey, Tom, this is Bill.

I need a favor.

The wife's colon is kicking up again

and I gotta take her to the hospital.

Can you come down to the hall and watch the bar for an hour?

Well, Bill, I wish I could, but you see,

I got this here yard sale going on and--

Now, Tom, I'm asking you as one veteran to another.

You haven't forgotten our code of honor, have you?

Well, I guess I could do it.

Say, boys, could I get you to watch my yard sale for a while?

One of you could be selling while

the other one starts moving things inside.

Uh, no.Yeah.

Well, I tell you what.

I'll give you % of what you sell and I'll even throw

in that there bushwhacker.

Uh, okay.

[laughing]Yeah.

Cool.

Uh, are you gonna buy something

or just touch everything?

[laughing]

Well, I'm looking for a gift for our church rectory.

Uh, did you say "“rectum"”?

[laughing]

Oh, what a precious manger.

The pastor will love this.

But where's the Baby Jesus?

Uh, he's like ten bucks extra.

Charging money for the Baby Jesus!

That's sacrilege!

He's naked.

You can tell Tom Anderson he's going to hell for this.

Whoa.

Okay, I'll tell him.

[laughing]Uh...

Hey, Butt-head, check it out.

He's got, like, cooler stuff inside.

♪♪

Yeah.

It even gets p*rn.

No extra charge, sir.

[laughing]How much did you say you wanted?

Uh, how much do you want to spend?

Well, I've only got eight dollars on me

but I could write you a check.

Uh.

We only take cash, but it just happens to be $.

[laughing]

Yeah.

Whoa!

Did you see that-- I took all his money.

[laughing]What a dumbass.

Yeah.[laughing]

Dumbass.

How you doing, ma'am?

Excuse me, young man?

What's the price on these dishes?

Um, five bucks.

Yeah, five bucks.

But this looks like fine china.

Five bucks, take it or leave it.

Uh, this table is, like, $.

Hey, what about the four chairs?

They're eight.

How much for the set?

Uh, ?

Here you go.

Hey, Beavis.

I'm, like, ripping these people off.

[laughing]

Yeah, me too.

[laughing]

They told me I'd be in the VA hospital for a week.

Hell, I was there for nearly nine months.

They took out my intestines, my bladder,

my kidney and part of my organ.

Oh, you should have seen it.

Well, that's some tough luck, Sarge.

I wish there was something I could do.

Well, how about pouring me a sh*t of whiskey

to numb the pain, you know?

I just want to numb the pain.

All right.

Well, that'll be two big ones.

Put it on my tab.

I'm good for it, you know.

Sorry, buddy, no can do.

We got something around here called a code of honor.

Huh, a purple heart from Korea.

You gotta be wounded to get one of these.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I was sh*t in the butt.

Five bucks.

Boys, you did one hell of a job cleaning this junk out.

You must have been selling like real pros.

Yeah, we ripped people off.

You can have that bushwhacker

and I guess I owe you...

%, let's see, that would be...

$.

Uh, weren't we supposed to get, like, $?

Yeah.

Well, maybe you boys need to brush up on your business sense.

Now, a deal is a deal and I expect you to honor it.

What a rip-off.

Yeah, he really screwed us.

[laughing]

Yeah, and now he's rich.

What in the hell?

[laughing]

♪♪

[laughing]

Check this out.

[Beavis] What does it say?

[laughing]

Uh... "“D... dear parents.

Beavis sucks."No way!

Really?

Cool.

Uh... dumbass.

[laughing]

[Butt-head] Uh, words.

Uh, words.

"“Parent... teacher... assoc-ation..."”

uh, Thursday night.

Your sugg-esdons welcome.

Hey, um, maybe we can suggest that school sucks.

Yeah-- it sucks!

Yeah.[laughing]

Or maybe we can, like, suggest that

they get a teacher who's cool.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[laughing]

[laughing]

This sucks.

Let's go get drunk.

[laughing]

Yeah.

[laughing]

We're there, dude.

[laughing]

Good evening, parents.

We'll begin tonight's meeting by opening the floor

to your suggestions

and this time, let's try to keep it nonviolent, shall we?

All right, any suggestions?

I think it's high time your teachers started

giving our kids a little discipline.

That's a very good point.

I would--Uh, hey!

Hey!

Oh no... Beavis and Butt-head,

this is a meeting for parents!

Get the hell out of here before I k*ll you!

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

As a parent, I think it's inspiring to see two students

so concerned with their education that they

would actually attend a PTA meeting.

I think we should hear what these two

young lads have to say.

Come on.Yeah, yeah!

Yeah!Come on, let the boys speak!

We want, like, a teacher who's cool.Yeah, yeah.

Um, yeah, I just wanna say one thing, too.

Someone who will, like, give us some beer and some chicks.

What?

Boys, this is definitely not the time--

Hey, wait a minute, buddy.

These boys may be on to something.

Maybe they need a teacher who speaks the language,

someone who can be their friend.

Yeah, yeah![laughing]

Hey, how's it going?

[man] Kids need to like their teachers.

Yeah, we need teachers who don't suck.Yeah, yeah.

Our kids need teachers who are not over-disciplining.

My kids need teachers to let them express themselves.

You're right.

And I'd like some tacos!

Yeah, and a chainsaw.

Yeah, that would be cool.

But Beavis and Butt-head, wouldn't you say that you

already have a teacher who's your friend?

What about Mr. Van Driessen?

Um, ye-- um, what?

What I'm trying to point out, Beavis,

is that Mr. Van Driessen respects you

and treats you as an equal.

He already is a fine example of the teacher as a friend.

Yeah.

[laughing]

He is a wuss.[laughing]

Yeah, really.

Uh, you see?

Are these the kind of kids you want?

We need teachers who are not afraid to use discipline.

Coach Buzzcut is an excellent example.

No way.

Buzzcut's always screaming at us

and kicking our asses.

Yeah, yeah, um...[laughing]

Um, once he... he hit me.

And um... and he threw me into a locker.

And then he kicked me.

What?

You're lying!

That's nothing compared to what I'm gonna do to you,

now get the hell out of here!

Principal McVicker, it's completely unnecessary

to talk to students like that.

Uh, what-- shut up.

What do you know?

I think you're out of line.

Out of line my ass!

I'm gonna k*ll 'em!

And I'm gonna k*ll you!

You little bastards!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Take him outside and kick his ass!

[laughing]This is cool.

[laughing]

Okay, class.

Today I'd like to recognize two students

who took some of their free time

to make this school a more nurturing learning habitat.

Whoa.

What a couple of wussies.

[laughing]Yeah.

[laughing]Wussies!

Wussies![laughing]

I was hoping Principal McVicker would be able

to commend these students personally,

but his secretary said he had an emergency meeting

with the school board.

Anyway, thank you Beavis and Butt-head.

Uhh...Um...

[laughing]Uh...

"We regret to inform you that

your history of the abuse of two students

has come to our attention?"

Who are they?

I'll k*ll 'em!

♪♪