900x24 - Huh-Huh-Humbug/It’s a Miserable Life

[bunniefuu]

(laughing)

♪♪

♪♪

♪ La-la-la la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪♪

("Jingle Bells" playing)

(laughing)

(snoring)

(sizzling) (laughing)

Not a creature was stirring.

(laughing)

Beavis, what the hell is that mouse doing on the grill?

I don't know, sir.

You know, the grill's kinda dirty and I'm just

trying to clean it, you know, like you said.

Damn it, Beavis, you'll never be anything but unemployed

if you don't stop screwing around.

Yeah. You know, when I was your age,

I wanted to graduate high school

and get promoted to assistant manager.

I had ambition and now look at me.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You know, if you ever wanna have your own home

or have some of life's luxuries, it takes hard work.

Do you screw around this much at school?

'Cause I bet your principal

wouldn't tolerate it for a second. Um-hmm.

Put yourself in my shoes.

What if you were the boss

and you had employees that were constantly screwing off?

And maybe someday

you will be the one telling people to do things,

but until then, I'm the boss

and I'm going home to spend Christmas with my family.

Butt-Head, wake up!

Oh.

Damn it, McVicker, quit screwing around!

Or I'll take you out back

and I'll kick your ass if you don't shape up!

Oh, oh, but I wasn't doing anything, ohh...

Yeah, yeah, well, I don't care.

Because not doing anything doesn't pay the bills!

Bunghole!

Uhh... sir, if it's all right with you,

it's kind of slow and everything and, uh,

since it's Christmas Eve,

I'd like to go home and see my family, uh, oh.

Yeah, me too.

I wanna go home and see my family.

You don't have a family, bum-hug.

Uh, oh, yeah.

Ohh... uh, but I do, uhh...

Yeah-yeah-yeah.

You know, it's like, we'd all like to go home.

Hell, I'd like to go home and spank my monkey.

In fact, that's a pretty good idea.

And since I'm the manager, I can do whatever I want.

And you guys have to stay here and work all night.

And Butt-Head is in charge.

'Cause he's got, um, "serniority" or something.

Bum-hug.

(laughing)

Cool.

Uh, clean the grill, McVicker.

Ohh... Bum-hug.

Ohh...

I'm going home.

(laughing)

This is cool.

I'm gonna unwrap my wiener.

(laughing)

♪ Dun-dun-dun da-dun-dun da-dun-dun ♪

♪ Dun-dun-dun da-dun-dun-dun-dun ♪

♪ Da-dun-dun-dun ♪

(singing at fast speed)

(laughing)

Ahh, what a great Christmas.

p*rn.

"Ebenezer Screw."

Yeah.

(laughing)

Nothing like a good Christmas classic.

Yeah, Tiny Johnson.

Bob Scratchit, yeah-yeah.

Come on, show the chick.

(laughing)

(laughing)

Whoa, Butt-Head?

That would be cool.

Butt-Head, what the hell's going on?

Uh... hey.

In life, I was your partner.

But now I'm some dead guy with cool chains.

(laughing)

Really? That's cool.

Um, what are you doing in a p*rn?

I'm trying to score, what do you think?

(laughing)

Uh, oh, yeah.

Uh, tonight, you will see some ghosts or something.

(laughing)

Later, dude.

♪♪

Oh, are you as horny as I am?

Hornier.

Yeah-yeah-yeah.

Boing...

Yeah.

♪♪

Yeah-yeah-yeah, hey, hey!

Get the hell out of here, I'm trying to watch a p*rn.

This ain't no movie, boy.

I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past.

What are you talking about, Anderson?

Damn it, boy, I already told you.

I'm the Ghost of Christmas Past.

I'm here to show you the Christmases that once were.

Now give me that.

There, take a look.

That's you on Christmas Day when you were five years old.

And here's you at six.

(laughing)

And seven.

And eight.

And here's you on Christmas Day when you were .

(laughing)

I think you get the point.

You've wasted your life, boy.

Yeah, hey, that's cool.

At least I'm not some old fat dude.

Yeah, well, at least I'm trying to help you.

You ain't never helped nobody.

Yeah, well, I'd like to help you get the hell out of here.

Boy, I tell you what, you can lead a jackass to water,

but you can't make him drink.

Heh-heh, bum-hug.

Oh, nothing gets me hornier than a man with facial hair.

(Beavis) Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey!

Get out of here, dammit, I wanna see the chick.

Dammit.

Sorry, Beavis, but you can't tune me out, okay?

I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present.

No way, you're Mr. Van Driessen and you're pissing me off.

Whoa, cool.

Wait a minute, did you say you have Christmas presents?

Heh-heh.

No, Beavis, the Ghost of Christmas Present.

I'm here to show you the state of things as they now exist.

So like, if you're a ghost,

can you get me into the girls' locker room?

I'll give you a quarter.

No, Beavis, I'm going to show you

how Christmas should be celebrated.

Now I want you to watch.

Cool, are we gonna see some bare ass?

No, Beavis, now just watch, okay?

("Silent Night" playing)

(Beavis) This sucks, there's no nudity.

Nor will there be, Beavis.

This is Mr. McVicker's family.

Oh, everyone just keep praying

and hopefully your father will be home soon.

Uhh...

Uhh...

I hope he brings home some French fires.

Uhh... I hope he brings home a big huge bag from the dumpster.

(all) Yeah!

Uhh... okay, kids, don't get carried away.

I just pray that we'll have something to eat.

Anything.

Uhh...

Uhh... Merry Christmas, everybody.

Sorry I'm late, but Beavis wouldn't let me off.

So I had to sneak out during my break.

Uhh... look, here's Christmas dinner.

Cheeseburger, fries,

and, uh, look, your Christmas present.

Stick-on tattoos.

Uhh... now share it with your brothers and sisters.

Wow, thanks, Dad.

This is great.

Wow.

You see, Beavis, some people

have very little to be happy about,

but they're still celebrating the spirit of Christmas.

Yeah, he should get fired.

You know, for stealing that food?

Beavis, I think you should know

that this is the only food the McVicker family has to eat.

And because you're such a strict boss,

his children may not be around to see next Christmas,

unless you give him a raise

so he can better provide for his family.

No way, he's stealing!

And that's a crime, and you want me to give him a raise?

I'll fire his ass!

Yeah. Beavis, I can't force you to think a certain way,

but I really wish you would consider

what I've tried to show you, okay?

♪♪

Butthole.

Dammit, what's going on?

I'm trying to watch a p*rn

and you fartknockers keep interrupting me!

Dammit, boy, I am gonna smack some sense into you!

No way, get out of here!

I wanna watch my p*rn.

Dammit, Beavis. Ow!

I am the Ghost of Christmas Future!

And I'm gonna straighten you out even if it means

sticking a Christmas tree where the sun don't shine.

Whoa, that could hurt.

Ahh! Ow!

Now, I am the Ghost of Christmas Future.

And I'm going to show you what the future will be like

unless you change your ways!

Whoa, where's their kids?

Beavis, don't you get it?

They never had enough food to eat, thanks to you.

Oh, wait a second, I get it.

So like, they ate their kids?

No, you idiot, they didn't have enough food for their kids.

Dammit, boy, I'm trying to show you the future

so you can still have time to make changes in your life

and have an impact.

The future?

This isn't what the future's gonna look like.

It's gonna be really cool.

It's gonna be kinda like-- you know, there'll be like

all these like, um... like these devices

like laser g*ns...

No, you're gonna take these fries

and you're gonna pay for 'em.

I said I don't want any fries.

Uhh... would you like to speak to my manager?

Yes, I would.

(customers screaming)

(laughing)

I'm back.

This is cool.

(mechanical whirring)

Uh, thanks, Beavis.

Those customers were pissing me off.

Shut up, bunghole.

(laughing)

That's what the future's gonna look like.

It's gonna be cool.

That is not the future! Ahh, ahh, let go!

I am going to take you outside and show you your future.

Maybe this will wake you up. Ow!

(thunder crashing)

Whoa, this is cool.

The future kicks ass.

Beavis, this is a cemetery.

Now take a look at that headstone.

Ahh!

"Here lies... Bea... vis."

Whoa, check it out.

There's some dead dude with the same name as me.

"He never sco...red, he never scored."

What a loser.

Beavis, this is your gravestone.

This is how you will end up

if you don't make some changes in your life.

Don't you see?

You never did anything with your life.

You never left the house.

All you did was watch p*rn

and because of that, you never scored.

Ahh!

Whoa, really?

That sucks.

Maybe I should, um... you know, maybe--

Maybe I was, um, maybe I should...

Maybe it's time for me to...

Hey, Beavis, wake up, come on.

What's going on?

It's like... after midnight.

(laughing)

So?

So it's my turn to sleep.

Oh, yeah-yeah.

Hey, Butt-Head, check it out.

I just had this cool dream about the future

and you know what?

The future's like, um, it's pretty cool.

It's gonna be all right.

'Cause like, I'm gonna be your boss,

and I'm gonna have a VCR and some p*rn.

Whoa, now that's cool.

Working on Christmas Eve is cool.

Yeah.

(laughing)

Christmas.

("Joy To The World" playing)

(choir singing) ♪ Doo-ooh ♪

♪ Doo-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Doo-ooh-ah ♪♪

("Joy To The World" playing)

(Mrs. Stevenson) Dear Lord, please help with my Stewart.

I'm afraid Beavis and Butt-Head are a bad influence.

(Mr. Anderson) It's those two hoodlums, God.

They've ruined my lawn, my trees,

and damn near demolished my house.

(McVicker) Uhh, I've never asked you for much.

But God, please, k*ll them!

k*ll Beavis and Butt-Head!

(Mr. Van Driessen) I try not to ask much of you, but what if they breed?

(Mr. Anderson) Just make 'em go away.

(man) Make them go away, please.

(Mrs. Stevenson) We need a miracle.

(McVicker) If they could die in an accident.

(Mr. Anderson) Just make 'em go away.

(McVicker) It wouldn't be your fault.

(man) Please, God, help us.

(McVicker) The end would justify the means.

(Mrs. Stevenson) We need a miracle.

(Mr. Van Driessen) Come on, God, okay?

♪♪

Do you hear those prayers?

They're really upset this year.

It's time, send for Charlie.

What are we going to do?

We're going to answer some prayers.

(music and talking from TV)

Oh, Mary, look, everyone gave me money

so I won't k*ll myself.

(laughing)

That's stupid.

That would never happen in real life.

Yeah, really, change it.

Honey, I'm mad about Christmas and I'm mad about you...

mwah! Ohh...

Uhh...

(screaming)

Thanks, Robocop, you saved Christmas.

(all) Ahh...

Better watch out, women who are stalked by men

dressed as Santa.

Coming up on "Ricki Lake."

Why does every channel have some dumb Christmas thing?

Maybe it has something to do with like, um,

like Christmas or something.

Uhh... oh, yeah.

Christmas. Oh, yeah.

(laughing)

Charlie, you're their guardian angel.

How did they come to this?

I don't know.

I've tried everything.

Messages, miracles.

There's no reaching them, just watch.

(dogs barking on TV)

Yoo-hoo, Beavis and Butt-Head?

It's me, Charlie, your guardian angel.

I have a message for you.

This is not a TV show,

and I'm talking directly to Beavis and Butt-Head.

This show sucks.

Yeah, change it.

I see there is no recourse.

Charlie, you must do the most unpleasant task for an angel.

You must take away from these two human beings

the greatest gift of all, their very lives.

But there must be an easier way.

Uh, I know, let's like, not watch TV.

Um... okay.

(TV turns off)

Ahh, no!

Turn it on, turn it back on!

Ahh!

No, Beavis, this is Christmas.

Let's go out and find some chicks.

(laughing)

'Tis the season... for chicks.

(laughing)

Now Charlie, now is the time.

They must be stopped.

Hey, Butt-Head, see any chicks yet?

Uh... not yet.

Where the hell is everybody?

This sucks.

Uh, hey, let us in.

We wanna meet some chicks.

Go home, you dumb punks.

It's Christmas Eve, store's closed.

Uhh... Whoa, Butt-Head, look!

They got the new "Wet Hooters"!

(laughing)

Beavis...

everything I need for the rest of my life is in this store.

Yeah... and it's closed.

This sucks!

Life sucks!

Life sucks like, then you, um...

let's see, life sucks and then--

And then you die, bunghole.

Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah, that's right.

Then you die, you must die.

(laughing)

♪♪

(laughing)

Whoa, check it out, Beavis.

I once heard that some dude jumped off this bridge

'cause he didn't have any money.

Really? We don't have any money.

(laughing)

Careful.

Hey, watch it, bunghole!

Cut it out! Don't slip.

Ahh...

I'm like cold or something.

Yeah.

Cold sucks.

No, wait, where are you going?

Come back!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Help, help!

Whoa... Help, help!

This is cool.

(laughing)

Beavis and Butt-Head, we finally meet.

You don't know me, but I know you.

I'm your guardian angel.

Uh... are you gonna jump again?

Yeah, go for it, that was cool.

You two, you're my greatest disappointment.

Um, um, so you're not gonna jump?

Come on, Beavis, let's go look for some chicks.

Yeah.

Wait, don't you even wonder how I know your names?

Uh... no.

But it's me, Charlie.

I've been sent from heaven.

I'm the one who watches over you.

Uh, can you help us score?

No, I've come to, well...

take away your lives.

Only I'm new at this and I failed.

But you could help me if you would, uh, go voluntarily?

I mean, for the good of all mankind.

Uh, you want us to jump in the river?

Are you stupid?

We could, like, die.

Wait a minute, Butt-Head.

Maybe he's gonna give us some money.

Come on, let's go. Beavis, you bunglick.

Dead people can't use money.

Besides, I wanna get chicks.

Oh, this won't do, it has to be both.

If only I could make you see what--

wait a minute, that's it, okay.

Butt-Head, I'm going to show you how much better

the world would be if you were never born.

Uh...

♪♪

Uh...

(laughing)

Beavis?

Beavis isn't here.

He no longer hangs out with you because

you were never born.

Whoa... cool.

(choir) ♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪

(man) Merry Christmas, Officer.

Uh... something's like, different.

You're gonna see a lot of changes, Butt-Head.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

♪ Hark the Herald angels sing... ♪

Uh, what happened to Anderson's yard?

Well, Tom Anderson's done a lot of work

and you weren't there to ruin it.

♪ Peace on earth... ♪

(music cuts out)

What in the hell?

Aw, dammit!

(bell ringing)

(children playing)

Uh... who are all those people?

They're customers, Butt-Head.

You weren't there to drive them away.

Uh, who's working the grill?

(laughing)

Okay, kids, one more time before we go out, how 'bout it?

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪

♪ 'Tis the season... ♪ Look around you, Butt-Head.

You weren't there to make Principal McVicker

lose his hair.

Whoa, that's McVicker?

And you weren't there to destroy Daria's image of boys

or ruin Christmas.

You see, Butt-Head,

it really is a wonderful life without you.

No way, this sucks.

This is worse than that crap on TV.

Where's Beavis?

Beavis? I don't think you want to know.

That buttmunch owes me a dollar, where is he?

You won't like it. Dammit, where is he?

He's at the homeless shelter with Stewart.

He's homeless?

Cool.

(laughing)

(" Days of Christmas" playing)

Hey, buddy, this is your third helping.

Now get to the back of the line till everyone eats.

(Butt-Head) Uh, what's with Stewart?

Stewart has self-esteem now.

You weren't there to destroy it.

That sucks.

Where's Beavis?

Hey, Beavis, I told you I needed that soup five minutes ago!

I'm sorry, Stewart.

Whoa.

Hey, after we're through volunteering,

what do you say we go over to my house

and we'll cr*ck open some non-alcoholic eggnog.

Yeah, that would be great!

Hey, Beavis, what's your problem?

No cutters, buddy.

Shut up, Stewart.

What are you doing, Beavis?

Um, have we met, sir? It's me, you bunghole.

What's a bunghole? You're a bunghole, bunghole.

Hey, Cro-Magnon, you can't use a word to define itself.

Yeah, Cro-Magnon.

I can to, bunghole.

Come on, let's get out of here, Beavis.

Ow, hey, let go!

We still have to give out gingerbread men.

Ahh! Cut the crap, Beavis.

You still owe me a dollar. Help! Who are you, hey!

Let go of me, this isn't right!

Hey, man, leave the kid alone.

Yeah, he's a good kid.

This sucks.

(man) Get the hell out of here and don't come back, punk.

Hey, Beavis, are you all right?

Ah, yeah, I'm okay.

We get some crazies in here, huh?

Bunghole... bunghole.

I kinda like that, bunghole.

Bunghole.

Uh, Charlie, uh, Charlie angel?

Can I like, have been born and stuff?

This town really sucks.

(laughing)

Uh, hello, I mean, uh, please?

♪♪

What's your problem, bunghole?

You know what a bunghole is?

Yeah, you're a bunghole, bunghole.

Cool.

Let's get out of here.

Wait, please, what about jumping in the river?

What about making the world a better place!

(laughing)

Help!

You know, this Christmas sucks.

Yeah, really.

But, uh, it's like even though the world sucks,

it would probably suck even worse without us.

Yeah, really.

Bunghole.

(laughing)

Merry bunghole.

We wish you a merry bunghole.

♪♪

♪♪