900x28 - The Mike Judge Collection 309

[bunniefuu]

(laughing)

♪♪

Todd's cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Todd's cool.

Hey!

What are you two girls looking at?

Hey, Butt-head-- He noticed us!

Yeah.

(laughing)

Just at least try to act cool, Beavis.

I hope they have a hospital in your kindergarten, man,

'cause if you don't stop looking at me,

that's where you're gonna end up.

Whoa, see, he did it again, Butt-head.

He's talking to us.

(laughing)

This is cool.

All right, that's it.

I warned you.

Ah!

Ah!

Ow, ow!

Hey, how's it going?

Ah!

Uh!

(laughing)

Well, I'd love to stay and kick your asses some more,

but my shifting hand is starting to hurt.

He sure is cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, Beavis, let's follow him and find out how come he's cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

And then we can become cool, too.

Yeah.

(music playing)

(laughing)

Whoa-- Hey, that's it!

That's his car.

Oh, yeah.

(laughing)

I guess I'll just park right here then.

Whoa.

(laughing)

This is cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

(laughing)

This is gonna be cool.

(laughing)

Whoa.

(laughing)

Todd.

(laughing)

Whoa!

Hey.

Hey, how's it going?

Who the hell are you, man?

We're, like, your friends.

We're, like, in your g*ng and stuff, you know.

It's like, you know, we hang out and stuff like that, you know.

It's pretty cool.

Whatever, man.

(retching)

This rules.

Beavis, this is the coolest thing that has ever happened.

(laughing)

So, Todd.

(laughing)

Since we're like, friends...

This is cool.

Can you tell us how to, like, you know,

get chicks to do it?

Yeah, that's a good question, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, tell us.

First thing, man, you gotta--

Get the-- Then and...

Tear your back and do...

and have it...

And grabbing and...

grabbing and then, woo, all right!

And then you got her, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

See?

See, that's what I've been telling you, Butt-head.

It's like, you gotta take her bike

and then drive her real slow,

you know what I'm saying?

Beavis, you dumbass, that's not what he said.

(laughing)

So, um...

So Todd, where are you supposed to take her bike?

What?

Damn it, Beavis, shut up.

So, Todd.

Like, what's your secret for buying beer?

Yeah, yeah, beer is cool, too, yeah.

You can tell us.

You're among friends now.

Yeah.

Oh, man, it's easy, man.

You go to this place.

Oh, yeah? And you gotta... give him, like...

You know, just-- And then, woo,

you're out of luck, man!

And oh... Oh, and then...

All that.

Really?

So all you gotta do is, like, go give him some tiger nachos?

I would have been buying beer every day if I knew that.

Damn it, Beavis, shut the hell up.

What the hell kind of stupid-wuss

dumbass wuss crap are you talking about?

Who the hell is saying everything?

I think you should listen more closely to what Todd said,

'cause, like, um...

'Cause that's, um, that's what he said.

Yeah, so, um, so Todd, how can we get cool like you?

There's this guys, it's like a burger man?

And fingers and... Burgers and fingers?

Beavis. Yeah?

Damn it, Beavis, don't make me kick your ass.

All right, that's it.

Hey, cut it out!

Damn it!

Ahh!

What the...

What the hell are you little turds doing here?

Uh, we're like, your best friends.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's what you said.

What the-- Man, I'd kick your asses

if I didn't have such a headache, man.

Look, if I ever catch you two near me again, you're dead.

And if I find out you told anyone I talked to you,

you're twice as dead!

Damn.

How does somebody get to be so cool?

Yeah.

Todd's cool.

(laughing)

♪♪

Just look at you.

You've done it all.

How did you get started?

I just got a couple of my buds together

and we practiced in someone's garage.

Then we picked our band name and played some local clubs.

Rock on.

So what do you like most about being a rock star?

Oh, partying with naked chicks, man.

Whoa!

Hey, Beavis.

We need to become a band.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

But you always say that and then we get all excited

like we're gonna start a band

and then we go outside and you know, like, we just,

like, start breaking stuff

and then it never happens.

Uh, well.

We should do like that dude and just, like,

go hang out in a garage.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

(laughing)

(banging)

Hey, hey.

What is all this racket?

Oh, Beavis and Butt-head.

Please don't kick my garage, okay?

Uh, we need, like, a garage or something.

Yeah, yeah, we want to rock, yeah.

We're gonna be a band.

Ah, starting a garage band.

Great idea, guys.

Music can be a really positive outlet

for all your youthful energy.

Here, let me show you a couple of chords

on my guitar to help you get started.

Chords are the basis of all rock music, okay?

Now, this is an A chord.

You just put three fingers there and...

(guitar plays)

Isn't that nice?

Uh, that sucks.

(laughing)

And here's a G.

The G sucks, too.

What the hell is this crap?

This isn't music.

Yeah, really.

Where's the smoke machine and the pyrotechnics?

Now, guys, it does take hard work

and practice to be a musician.

Well, I see you're eager to get started.

Why don't you jam out on a few chords?

I'll check back with you in a little bit.

Okay, have fun.

Come on, dumbass, play it.

Um, check this out.

Yeah!

Wahh!

You're gonna die!

Whoa!

That was cool, Beavis!

We're, like, on our way.

Rock!

Yeah!

Yeah!

(shattering)

Can I help you kids?

We're, like, a band.

Oh, you must have read the sign.

But what do you play?

Uh...

We're a... a band. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, check this one out.

(imitating guitar riff)

(laughing)

All right.

I'm kind of new to this.

What's the name of your band?

Uh... Uh...

You mean, like, AC/DC?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Or Metallica, yeah, yeah.

That's a cool name.

"Metallica."

Oh, that has a nice ring to it.

And what are your names?

Um, Beavis.

Uh, Butt-head.

"Metallica... featuring Beavis and Nut-head."

Uh, no.

Okay.

You kids got yourself a concert.

See you tonight.

Yes! Yeah, yeah!

(imitating guitar solo)

(Beavis) Cool.

We're Metallica featuring Beavis and Butt-head.

Yeah, yeah.

That doesn't sound right.

It should be, like, "Butt-head and Beavis."

"Beavis and Butt-head" sounds stupid.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Um, no, no!

I kind of like Beavis and Butt-head, yeah.

I don't know, it just sounds right.

Damn it, Beavis, this is my band.

My name comes first.

Don't you, like, want to be a hit?

No way!

If you hit me, I'm gonna kick you in the nads!

Yeah, try it and I'll b*at the living crap out of you.

Damn it, this band isn't working.

It's like, we don't, like, communicate or something.

(laughing)

What?

Uh, I don't know.

What?

What the hell are you talking about?

Uh, I don't know.

You're just a butt-knocker.

Don't call me a butt-knocker, you son of a bitch!

This band sucks.

I'm gonna get out of here.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm gonna get out of here.

This sucks.

(horns honking, people shouting)

Okay, simmer down and why don't you all just behave.

(shouting)

Okay, quiet, shh!

Now, Metallica should be here at any moment now.

I don't know exactly what the problem is,

but-but I talked to Metallica

and Nut-head and they were here in the hotel.

Well, now that it's all over, I don't miss the band

or the money.

I miss the chicks.

(laughing)

What a wuss.

Remember, like, when we were a band, you know?

Back in the day?

Uh, you mean, like, today?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We rocked!

We had money and naked chicks and people would come up to us

and say, "Hey man, how's it going?

You guys are great."

Uh, what the hell are you talking about, Beavis?

That didn't happen.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it didn't, did it?

I wouldn't worry, just, you know, play it easy,

calm down and--

Hey, no, get off the stage, okay?

Ow!

Oh-- Ow!

♪♪

(fly buzzing)

(laughing)

What the hell is that?

Uh, I think it's a fly.

Ow!

Ah!

Uh... Damn it.

This thing is starting to piss me off.

(laughing)

We should k*ll it.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Uh, I don't think this is gonna work.

We need, like, weapons and stuff.

Yeah, yeah-- Weapons.

That fly's going down.

(laughing)

Die!

(laughing)

Ahh!

(coughing)

Die, die!

Ahh!

Damn it, this isn't working.

I need a better w*apon.

(Beavis) Whoa!

Look, Butt-head!

Say hello to my little friend.

(hedge trimmer revving)

Yah!

Cool.

(laughing)

Ahh!

Ow!

Uh, sorry.

I missed.

Ow.

Ow.

Damn it.

This fly is hard to k*ll.

Maybe we should, like, set a trap or something.

We should put out something that it likes

and then when it comes to get it, we can k*ll it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Cool.

What do flies like?

Uh, they like garbage and crap.

(laughing)

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Flies are pretty cool sometimes, yeah.

Yeah.

(laughing)

Okay.

Now, let's see.

I guess right here is as good a place as any.

Uh!

What the hell are you doing, butthole?

Get up and help me with this.

I am helping, butthole!

You said flies like garbage and crap.

Uh, oh, yeah.

Uh, now we need to get some of that bug spray.

Bug spray? Yeah.

When it lands on the garbage, we'll like, spray poison on it,

then it's gonna puke all over itself and die.

Whoa... Really?

(laughing)

This is gonna be cool.

(rattling)

Whoa.

Cool.

(laughing)

Where's that damn fly?

Shut up, here it comes.

Come to Butt-head.

Ahh, no!

Ow!

k*ll it, dumbass!

Ow, ow!

(coughing)

I need some air!

(Butt-Head) Don't be stupid, Beavis.

If you, like, open the window, the fly'll get away.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry about that.

(coughing)

I'm just gonna lay down for a while.

Uh, uh...

Whoa.

Where are we?

Uh...

I don't know, but it's cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Did we have a party?

Oh.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I think we were trying to, um, k*ll something.

Beavis, the fly!

Hey, Butt-head!

I did it.

I got rid of the fly!

Cool.

Uh...

♪♪

What have you boys got to say for yourselves?

Forget apologies!

I want an explanation, if there is one!

Isn't there anything you can say?

(laughing)

What am I gonna do with you two?

I've tried everything from group counseling

to death threats to--

(buzzer)

(woman) Sir, the contractor's here to survey the damage

to the teacher's lounge.

I'll be right out.

Don't move until I come back!

And if you touch anything while I'm gone,

I'll have Buzzcut chop your hands off in shop class

and make it look like an accident!

Oh, oh...

Uh...

(laughing)

Oh, no.

Oh, look at this.

Oh, god.

(feedback over loudspeaker)

Oh!

(laughing)

Oh, no!

Hey!

No!

Stop!

Stop!

No!

No!

Good, Cassandra, Vincent Van Gogh is an excellent example

of a genius who's been called, quote, insane.

But let's use the less judgmental term,

"psychologically different," okay?

Now, it's important to remember, class,

that Mr. McVicker isn't alone.

In the modern world, it's very easy for people to become,

um, different.

(laughing)

(school bell ringing)

Boys, I'd like you to come with me to visit Mr. McVicker

at the mental hygiene center

so you can see for yourselves the effects your actions

have had on him.

How come you're asking us?

Yeah, it's not our fault he's screwed up.

(laughing)

Uh, I think it is, Butt-head.

"'I th-think I can, I think I can, I think I can.'

"And slowly, the little fire truck built up more speed

"with a chugga-chug-chug

"until at last, he reached the top of the ladder.

"And climbed back down saying, 'I thought I could,

I thought I could, I thought I could.'"

Great job.

Way to go.

God, I love that story.

We knew you could read it all the way through,

we knew you could.

(Butt-Head) McVicker is nuts.

Yeah, yeah.

(laughing)

What about his nuts?

Oh, no!

No, help!

Everything's okay. Help!

Stop them! There's nothing to get excited about.

Don't let 'em in here! Calm down, Mr. McVicker.

You don't understand!

Calm down!

I said calm down, damn it!

No!

Now, boys, I think it would be important

for your own personal growth

if you went in first an apologized

to Mr. McVicker without me.

Growth.

B-b-but I don't want any visitors.

I'm sick in the head.

Seeing them is the first step towards resuming

your duties as principal.

After all, they're your students.

No!

They're demons sent straight from hell!

That's just Mr. Grumpy talking.

We don't want to talk to Mr. Grumpy.

We want to talk to Mr. Happy.

Send Beavis and Butt-head in.

Thank you.

(laughing)

Hey, how's it going?

(laughing)

Hey, baby.

Mr. McVicker.

What are we gonna do with you?

We tried everything from group counseling

to physical isolation to--

Did you try kicking him in the nads?

Good idea.

Well, are you gonna use a straitjacket?

Yeah, straitjacket!

Straitjacket !

Ahh!

He's trying to k*ll me!

Nurse, the restraints!

Now, now, everything is going to be just fine, Mr. McVicker.

I want him prepped for electroshock therapy.

Now!

Whoa, electroshock therapy?

Yeah, yeah!

This is gonna be cool!

(laughing)

(making buzzing sounds)

Oh, my goodness, Mr. McVicker?

Oh, Mr. McVicker?

What did you do to him, Beavis, Butt-head?

Oh...

(laughing)

What is wrong with you two?

Don't you care about anyone?

Look what you've done!

Stop laughing!

Stop.

Stop...

(laughing)

♪♪