03x01 - The Bachelorette Party

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Valeria". Aired: 8 May 2020 – 2 June 2023.*
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Set in Madrid, the plot revolves around Valeria, a writer who feels that something is missing in her marriage and writing.
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03x01 - The Bachelorette Party

Post by bunniefuu »

Why are we always being made
to define ourselves

through our relationships?

I don't know. What I have
with Víctor is... [sighs]

complicated.

["Time to Dance"
by The Shoes and Anthonin Tennant]

- [Valeria] Do we sleep with each other?
- [moans]

Yes! [laughs]

♪ Hey, brother, get up, check the wings... ♪

Do we do couple stuff together?

You bet.

♪ Up to the sun, it won't be long ♪

♪ And now it's time for you to run... ♪

We do things together as a couple.

- [phone vibrates]
- But we aren't a couple.

If I had to say what we do most,
I would say we sleep with each other.


I mean, we're not
girlfriend and boyfriend.

But that's what we agreed to
in this new stage we're in.


We don't ask for any explanation,

and we don't know any more
than the other wants us to know.


♪ And now it's time for you to burn... ♪

And the good thing is
I'm very clear on it.


♪ Up to the sun, it won't be long ♪

The thing I have with Víctor
right now is only...

physical.

♪ T-I-M-E-T-O-D... ♪

- And it works very well.
- ♪ A-N-C-E in the city... ♪

- ♪ City ♪
- ♪ T-I-M-E-T-O-D ♪


- ♪ T-O-D ♪
- ♪ A-N-C-E ♪


♪ In the city ♪

- ♪ T-I-M-E ♪
- ♪ T-I-M-E... ♪


This is my favorite kind of movie.

[record scratch]

Well, almost.

- [sighs]
- I have to go home.

- I'm up early tomorrow.
- Okay.

[sighs]

But then we're expected to just put
ourselves into one of these two boxes.

- It'll only take a moment, yeah?
- Okay, but if you need more time to...

Okay, look, it's very easy.

Just mark the "single" box,

and now, your f*cking ID can get renewed
so you can go to Carmen's hen party.

That's it. Come on, we've got
a bunch of things to do.

- A drink first?
- Thanks. And sorry.

- What do you want?
- [Carmen] A little one.

- [Lola scoffs] Okay.
- Not in the mood?

[Nerea] Sure I am.

["Verdes veneno" by Paco Moreno]

[horns blaring]

CANNIBAL HOMELAND

BASED ON THE NOVELS BY ELÍSABET BENAVENT



♪ Ey... ♪

- [engine starts]
- ♪ Mira lo que tengo aquí dentro ♪

♪ Verás lo que nadie ha visto jamás ♪

♪ Voy tropezando con cada muerto ♪

♪ Que tú tiras como migas de pan... ♪

[both moan]

♪ Porque tienes los ojitos verdes veneno ♪

♪ Y yo no tengo freno ♪

- ♪ Siempre quiero más ♪
- [music stops]

Wow.

Wow.

[Víctor] What?

Nothing. Nothing. I'm... I'm gonna
put some clothes on and go.

- [yawns]
- Okay.

- There's some tea left if you want it.
- Well, maybe I'll have one.

Just one because I wanna see
if I can write a bit more at home.

And I still need to pack my suitcase
for the trip.

- When do you leave?
- At 4:20 in the morning.

Don't remind me. [sighs]

[Víctor] Hey.

What do you think about...
me sleeping over at your place tonight?

A sleepover?

Two nights in a row?

Only if you want me to.

- Of course.
- Mmm.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I have to go to the construction site
tomorrow, and it's closer to your place.

Huh.

- So last night was...
- Wow!

- [chuckles]
- What?

It... It... was great.

[both laugh]

I will see you later tonight.

assh*le.

Imposter.

See you.

- You have a good day.
- You as well.

Mmm...

Ugh.

- [door closes]
- He said "Wow"? Holy sh*t.

I mean, what the actual f*ck?

[sighs]

[Nerea] Let me know
if I left anything at your place.

I've already taken everything from
that awful co-living situation.

- Ugh!
- I don't think you did.

But I can bring stuff over if I find it.
I wanna see where you're living.

No, I only want you to come
when it's finished.

No, Nerea. You don't have to set it up
perfectly for me to see it.

Houses should feel lived in, like mine.

[Nerea] You'd better live in yours,
with all that space.

I was screwing the old tenant,
but when he got back with his ex,

he moved out, and I grabbed the place.

It's just that you girls never get off
the real-estate sites.

Oh sh*t. What happened there?

BRIDGE COLLAPSES, NO CASUALTIES

- [Nerea] What a disaster!
- f*ck, the whole bridge has fallen down.

THIS ASTURIAN HIGHWAY IS CLOSED
AND FULL OF SOFAS

[Nerea] Oh, that blue sofa is so cute.

What a waste. At least no one was injured.

But why Chinese?

It's my job to know languages,
and I'm done making out with Sergio,

so my brain is ready to be filled
with things that are actually useful.

If I'd known he was at reception,
I'd have signed up sooner.

Is there anywhere
that isn't Tinder for you?

Tinder? [laughs] The guys on there
talk more than they f*ck.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Hello! How are you?

How can I help you?

Uh, no, not her.
I'm signing up for Chinese.

And you? Don't you wanna take the class?

No, thank you. Not for me.

[receptionist] Hmm.

- Maybe you can give me a form to enroll?
- Oh, yeah, excuse me.

- If you don't mind?
- Sorry. Here you go.

Bye.

Ugh. Well, I better get going.

I'm meeting Carmen to start
organizing her wedding.

- Your first wedding. Exciting, isn't it?
- [sighs]

Are you excited?

Yes, of course I'm excited.

I'm also a bit stressed out by the move
and everything, but I'm super excited.

I'm gonna see you at the airport.
Not late, okay?

Hmm.

[chuckles]

The accident has had serious effects on
all routes in and out of Asturias airport...


BRIDGE COLLAPSE PARALYZES ASTURIAS

...which were cut off when
an elevated bridge suddenly collapsed.


Only one person
was injured in the incident.


- A truck driver...
- Hey, Carmen.

- Yes?
- Listen. I wanted to...

[laughs] You're pressing the sheets, too,
my love?

There is nothing more satisfying

than crawling between
some awesome, freshly pressed sheets.

Why do you think people
enjoy hotel beds so much?

Because they don't have
to be made in the morning? Or pressed?

Fine. I find it relaxing.

Are you nervous about the wedding meeting?

- Well, not nervous, no.
- [giggles]

- But what I wanted to tell you...
- No, no, no, no.

- You are really nervous.
- I'm not.

Future man-wife.

- Future woman-husband.
- [chuckles]

- Let me explain.
- No, no, no, no, no.

Your nuptial nerves
just happen to be... a big turn-on.

- [gasps] And...
- Mmm...

- [shrieks] Jesus f*cking Christ!
- What happened? sh*t. sh*t.

- sh*t!
- It's burning! [wails]

- A lot?
- Yes!

- [blowing]
- A lot.

- Why does it smell like plastic?
- It's my semi-permanent manicure.

[doorbell rings]

- I'll go. Put some water on it.
- Yes, I'll put some water on it.

Oh... Ow! God! [groans]

[Borja] Hello.

- [Nerea] Hello, Borja.
- God!

- [Borja] Carmen is in the kitchen.
- [Nerea] Right.

- [sighs]
- I'm here.

- [sighs] I b*rned myself.
- Okay.

Why didn't you tell me
Borja's mother was coming?

- [door closes]
- Because she isn't coming.

[gasps]

Carmen.

Puri. [chuckles]

This is what I wanted to say. Get it?

[chuckles] Look.
That look on her face is so cute.

- Yeah.
- She got burnt, poor thing.

Too bad.

[woman] In Asturias,
we have Montaña Marchena.


How's the road right now?

[Montaña] Given the scale of the collapse,

the principality
has not yet been able to...


[chime]

There's a podcast coming, ladies,
but you're going to freak out.

Yesterday, when we finished f*cking,
Víctor let out a "Wow!" Just like that.

A perfect f*ck summed up
in the onomatopoeia of a bark. [sighs]

I know there's no place for "I love you"s
in what we have now, but "Wow"?

I've read travel reviews
with more sentiment.

I gotta go. I want to find my bra
and get back to my apartment.

I'll see you later,
even if it is at four in the morning.

[newsreader] ...leaving behind
a missing section of the road,


which has been
almost completely filled with sofas.


Sofa. Of course, the sofa.

Let's see. No. Uh... Oh, here.

[grunts]

Wow!

[upbeat jazz music]

[growls softly]

[Carmen] Imagine?
Oh, that's a beautiful place.

- [Puri] Hmm. [tutting]
- No?

Lots of green. [gasps]

But isn't that maybe... better? No?

No because people wear high heels.
The ground will end up like a golf course.

No.

[Nerea] Yes. That's honestly
very well thought out.

We need to have some green spots
and cobbled areas.

- Definitely, but it needs to be level.
- [Nerea] Of course.

- People love to drink!
- Because people drink!

- [both laugh]
- [Carmen sighs]

They drink, that's so true.

[upbeat jazz continues]

And it's really tacky.

[Lola clears her throat]

[clears her throat]

[sighs]

What is this?

That course'll cost you an arm and a leg,
but you won't get much out of it.

[both chuckle]

- Mmm...
- Who are you looking for?

Your parents.

They must be very worried
that you're missing.

- [laughs]
- [sighs]

Hmm. Chinese, that's cool.

- Cantonese or Mandarin?
- Mandarin.

For real?

Hey, if you're bored, why don't you get
a TikTok like everyone else your age?

It's impressive how quickly you
can come up with jokes about my age.

- You know, I'm just that good.
- Yeah.

Rai. Or Raimundo.

Lola, or Dolores.

- Wanna get a drink, Dolores?
- [laughs]

No thank you, Raimundo. I prefer
to spend time with people my own age.

- [Rai sighs]
- [Lola chuckles]

[Rai clears throat]

[beeping]

RAI WOULD LIKE TO SHARE A CONTACT CARD

What was that?

It's witchcraft.

What a surprise, right? Looks like you
can learn things from people my age.

Zài jiàn.

- [chuckles] Okay...
- [Nerea] Let's see. Cocktail hour.

- Outside. Right?
- Mmm... well, in fact,

we weren't planning a cocktail hour.

It's expensive,
and people don't enjoy the food after.

- It can't be a wedding without cocktails.
- [Puri] Come on!

What are we? Animals?

Borja, please don't embarrass me.
The aunties from Sevilla are coming.

Uh, what is all this about
the aunties from Sevilla?

- Uh, okay...
- We said a very small number of guests.

- No?
- Yeah, not many.

- Uh...
- [Puri] Well, let's see.

You've been to all your
cousins' weddings, right?

- [Borja] I have.
- You can't leave them out.

- [Puri tuts] No.
- And they're bringing your cousins?

- Uh, I...
- I think...

Mama, thing is, we've been talking about,
uh, doing something simpler.

- You know?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, I mean,

I think it's one thing to be simple
and another thing to be stingy.

- [Nerea] Of course.
- Right?

Puri's absolutely right.

- [Nerea] No, no, no, no.
- Um...

Hey, uh... what do you say
we focus on picking out the venue?

- And we'll move on from there. Okay?
- [Puri] Hmm.

- [Puri] I have it figured out.
- Oh my God.

- We have the cocktails here...
- [Nerea] Cocktails here.

In this area, guests can mingle...

[upbeat jazz]

- ...drinks...
- You are so right!

[Puri] They won't talk to each other
unless we force them to socialize...

I'll get us more coffee. Hmm?

- Yes, this is beautiful.
- [Nerea] Of course. A drink cart.

Oh! Between us,
it's a good thing he has you,

or he'd be married in a mortuary.

Nerea, can you come here for a moment
and tell me which coffee?

- No, I don't want coffee, thanks.
- [Carmen] Tea?

- No, I don't want tea either.
- Come here! Now.

- Be right back.
- [Puri] I'll talk it over with him.

- [Carmen] Look!
- [sighs]

- Honey, look.
- What?

- I don't want to get in the middle.
- No, but you might be overwhelming her.

- [sighs]
- [Puri] Doesn't she have aunties?

- What's the matter?
- This is our wedding ceremony, not Puri's!

- [Nerea] Puri said this venue is perfect.
- I don't like that venue!

- You haven't even seen the pictures.
- I don't need to!

What's happening is that you're more
preoccupied with disagreeing with Puri

- than choosing the best venue.
- [Carmen] No!

If you care more about competing with her
than your ceremony,

you shouldn't have one.

- [Puri] I wanted to show you what I found.
- Wow.

[Borja] It's not your wedding, Mom.
It's ours.

- Uh...
- What's your problem?

I'm sorry. Forgive me.

I shouldn't have said that to you.
I'm just a bit stressed out.

- I promise I'll listen to you more, okay?
- Hmm.

- [Borja] Carmen?
- Yeah.

- Can you please come in here for a minute?
- One moment!

- Sure you're feeling okay?
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay.
- Yeah. I'm fine.

- Mine.
- [clears throat]

["Hands" by The Ting Tings]

- ♪ I don't wanna go out... ♪
- [sighs]

♪ I wanna stay in... ♪

[sirens wailing]

VULVACIDE

CAN YOU GIVE ME A CLUE
ABOUT WHERE WE'RE GOING?

♪ I wanna play the piano with two hands... ♪

LOLA - NO!

♪ To ask
For many, it's the way of the world ♪


♪ Boy, you wanna be good to me... ♪

ARE WE SURE IT'S AT 4:20 A.M.?

♪ But two hands... ♪

NEREA - YES, AND SET THREE ALARMS

♪ With two hands
To make the money... ♪


RAI WOULD LIKE TO SHARE A CONTACT CARD

♪ What's a guy to do... ♪

CONTACT SAVED

♪ With two hands? ♪

CARMEN - AT LEAST TELL ME
WHAT THE WEATHER'S LIKE

Okay, here we go.

VALERIA - NO!

♪ Give me all the time
With my sensuality ♪


♪ So clap your hands
If you're working too hard ♪


♪ Clap your hands
If you're working too hard... ♪


CARMEN - I'M REALLY EXCITED,
HOW ABOUT YOU?

♪ And the b*at's so hard... ♪

LOLA - ABSOLUTELY.

NEREA - I CAN'T WAIT

VALERIA - AHH...

♪ You slow down
And the rest makes you pay-ay-ay ♪


♪ I see you lookin' up ♪

♪ You wanna think about it ♪

- ♪ Clap your... ♪
- [doorbell rings]

[sighs]

[sighs]

Good evening.

For you, it might be.

- What?
- Haven't you been home?

- I have more clothes here...
- Maybe you should.

[sighs]

[sighs]

["Your Name" by Lissom]

[sighs]

[sniffles]

♪ Come get your name ♪

♪ Reanimate, I lose ♪

♪ Come set your frame... ♪

[announcement on PA]

♪ Assassinate, I lose ♪

♪ It was in the morning ♪

♪ You came a-calling ♪

♪ I won't be there with you ♪

♪ Be there with you ♪

♪ Be there with you... ♪

- [baby cries]
- ♪ Be there with you ♪

- Good morning.
- Good night.

- I can see you're ready to live it up.
- I didn't feel great when I woke up.

- I'm not feeling like a bed of roses.
- Carmen can't know, okay?

- No, we'll just pretend, I'll remember.
- Yeah.

- She's coming. She's coming.
- [clears throat]

- [both] Long live the bride!
- [squeals]

[all laugh]

- Are you moving?
- Why would you say that?

It happens when I don't know
where we're going.

I'm bringing a coat, bikini, beret,
sweater, and garters.

- I was worried she'd pack me too.
- [laughs]

Please tell me we're not wearing
penis-shaped hats

and watching
some guy do a striptease.

I wish, but Nerea is organizing the party.

You're gonna love it.

And Val? Where is she?

Mmm... Please tell me
someone called Valeria

to make sure
she didn't oversleep this time.

- I'll call her. I'll call her now.
- I can't believe it.

[snoring lightly]

[phone ringing]

- [dog barking in distance]
- [grunts]

- [yelps]
- [ringing continues]

It's not a problem.
It's not a problem. Everything's ready.

[Lola sighs]

What? Nothing?

Well, look, don't worry about it.

- [Lola groans]
- She'll be here.

This is why I had everyone come
two hours early.

- In case this happened.
- What?

- What?
- I'll k*ll her.

Wait till we've had our wedding. Nerea!

What? I'd rather wait
than miss the plane, so come on. Coffee.

- Uh, cyanide! Please, cyanide.
- [Carmen] I can't believe it.

- How can you stand her?
- I don't know, Borja. Come on.

I have a taxi waiting for me.

I read your note.

I think I deserve a chance to explain.

No, you don't deserve it.

I don't deserve to find a bra in your sofa
and put it on thinking it's mine.

- You put it on?
- Ugh.

I'm sorry. Can I give you a lift,
and we can talk about it?

I'm heading to the airport, please, sir.
Thank you.

This isn't fair. We had an agreement.

I'm sorry, what?
So when I read over the contract,

I must've missed that little clause.

f*cking hell. An agreement, he says.

[Víctor] I didn't sleep with her.

You serious?

I must look like an idiot if you think
I'll believe a girl came to your house,

took off her clothes,
and then you played Parcheesi.

- I wanted to sleep with her, but I didn't.
- Why didn't you do it?

Because you wrote me a shitty message
talking about some film you saw,

and I felt bad.

What does that mean?
Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?

I wasn't lying to you.

We said we would only know
what the other one wanted us to know.

Then you should've been more careful
with everything

because now I know a whole lot more
than you wanted me to know.

And guess what?

I don't wanna know.

Val.

Val!

[engine starts]

["Tchiki Tchiki Tchiki"
by Make the Girl Dance]

- ♪ Said one ♪
- ♪ Tchiki, tchiki, tchiki ♪


- ♪ Two ♪
- ♪ Tchiki, tchiki, tchiki ♪


- ♪ Three ♪
- ♪ Tchiki, tchiki, tchiki ♪


- ♪ Four ♪
- ♪ Tchiki, tchiki, tchiki ♪


- ♪ Whoo! ♪
- ♪ Tchiki, tchiki, tchiki... ♪


- Oh, you will?
- Sure.

- I'll see you at the airport, then.
- Of course.

It's the least I can do
after your hand.

- Yeah, it is.
- You're the best, baby.

[Carmen chuckles] I know.

Why is it so difficult
for us to find a stable partner?

In my case, it's clear.
Just doesn't interest me.

Hmm.

♪ Tchiki, tchiki, tchiki ♪

♪ Tchiki, tchiki, tchiki... ♪

What's wrong with you?

Hey, did you know that if I put my phone
on top of yours, I can pass data to you?

- What are you talking about?
- Did you know?

- No.
- Girls, I'm here.

- I hate you.
- [Nerea clears her throat]

I have an excuse,
but it's a long f*cking story.

- I'll need a little support on this one.
- More?

Yeah, Val, we all have problems.

- So what happened?
- I'd rather not say in front of Carmen.

I don't wanna ruin her party weekend.

- [Carmen squeals]
- [laughs] Hey, it's almost time!

[Carmen] Yes!

- What happened to your hand?
- Nothing. Borja's obsessed with ironing.

- Inside joke.
- [Lola] Tongue in his mouth.

- We'll get ahead at the check-in.
- Come on.

- Give me your bag.
- Okay.

- Is your wallet inside?
- Of course. Obviously.

How mysterious.

- Bye.
- My love!

[both] Mmm...

- You're gonna end up stuck together.
- I'm gonna miss you.

- [Borja] Mmm.
- [Carmen] Be careful, okay?

Love you. [kisses air] We'll talk soon.

- Please have fun!
- Okay. I love you.

- Enjoy it, girls.
- Be careful.

- Lola, I'm going to fall, please.
- [Lola] You won't. Yes.

- And turn left a little.
- [Carmen] No. It gives me...

- What's up?
- [Lola] Forward.

- [Carmen] I'm scared. Where?
- [Lola] Faster.

[Carmen squeals] I'm scared!

- [Lola] And...
- [Carmen] This makes me claustrophobic.

Ta-da!

- Amsterdam?
- Yeah.

Oh, it's a cultural trip
without strippers! I love it.

Wait, let's not rule it out.

Poppies, tulips, bike rides.

- The Van Gogh museum.
- [Nerea] Let's go. Give me your IDs.

- [woman] The flight is closed.
- [Valeria] What?

But we're on time, aren't we?

The flight's overbooked.
We apologize for the inconvenience.

Excuse me, I think that's illegal.

Wait, wait. Wait a minute.

Please understand, miss,
it's important that we get to go.

- Yeah.
- This girl's getting married, you see?

- Mm-hmm.
- We're doing her hen party together.

All of us got up at three
so we could be here on time.

- Exactly.
- You're serious?

Well, almost all of us were.

Well, not on this flight.

Miss, I'm a writer, and I'm going
to tell everybody about this.

In your next novel?

No, of course, and I'm going
to file a complaint, because, come on...

I understand. You can
file your complaint at that office.

Unfortunately, it's closed,

but you can also do it
through our website.

[sighs] Such bullshit.

- We were looking forward to it.
- [Valeria] Yeah, how sad.

- [Lola] Yeah, we were.
- [Nerea] It's true.

- [Carmen] You know what?
- [Valeria] What?

No more talk.

- Excuse me, what's the next flight?
- What?

[Carmen] I've already asked for a holiday.

And we're all looking
forward to it, aren't we?

- So much.
- Yeah, sure.

- [Nerea] Sure.
- Well, that's that.

The destination
isn't as important as being together.

- Well, I don't think we...
- [Carmen] I know.

This is exactly
the kind of adventure you love.

- Okay, what's the next flight?
- The what?

[thunder crashing]

[heavy rainfall]

[Lola] It's raining.

Welcome to Asturias.

Ladies, this is going to be great.

We're going to eat cachopo,
drink cider, and avoid fabes, hmm?

Puxa...Aah.

- Puxa Asturias.
- [all] Puxa.

- Oh! Taxi!
- [engine rumbles]

Thanks. Be careful with the hat, okay?
Hey! Girls! Come on.

Even before I came out,
I didn't fake it this much.

I need to cry wherever I can.
Do I have time to go to the bathroom?

- Girls, it's our best friend's hen party.
- [Carmen squeals]

- We'll book a great hotel in Oviedo.
- Are you coming?

- [Lola] Go to the spa.
- [Nerea] Yeah.

We're just going to relax a little bit.

- Puxa.
- [all] Puxa, puxa, puxa...

Yes, they're with me.

- Girls, you're so slow.
- [Lola] What do you mean, slow?

[Carmen, singsong] Adventure awaits!

[all] What?

What do you mean,
the road to Oviedo is closed off?

Haven't you seen the news
about the road with all the sofas?

- [Lola] Yes.
- [Carmen] What?

- [Nerea groans]
- They're still clearing debris.

All the roadwork
is cutting off the airport road.

And to Gijón?

[laughs]

Sure. Unless you fly over the bridge.

- What?
- I'm sure there's somewhere we can go.

You know, we've been taking
all of the other arriving passengers

to this little town
that's just next to the airport.

- [Valeria] Ugh.
- It has the only hotel in the area.

[Valeria groans]

- [Nerea] Mmm...
- [Carmen sighs]

- Let's go?
- Mm-hmm.

- No problem.
- Yeah, okay.

[sighs]

Well, it's a big hotel.

Isn't it? Yeah?

- [Nerea] Mm.
- Fantastic, huh?

- [Valeria] At least it stopped raining.
- [Carmen] The sun'll come out.

[Lola] It'll start raining again
any minute.

[Nerea] This humidity
is terrible for my hair.

What do you mean, a cabin?

Be thankful that you have a roof.
My hotel is completely booked.

All the people from the airport came here.

But do you have a spa?

That's very funny.

The cabin is for two people,
but I've already put in two other beds.

- So it'll be a tight fit with four.
- Cool, very close. Not so bad, right?

I'm sure there are
plenty of activities in the area.

There's a playground.

[children laughing]

You are really making it difficult
for us to remain positive.

Hmm.

See you later.

I'm sorry. How much time exactly
did you say the road has been closed?

They're a historical association.
They get together to do period events.

They were doing it in Oviedo, but now
it's here because everybody's stuck.

Excuse me. We leave
you the key to our bedchamber.

Thank you.

They're very serious
about being fully immersive.

- Yeah, I can see that.
- All right.

This one is yours.

- [air whooshes fiercely]
- [phone chimes]

[Lola groans]

Hey. What's up?

The air's really cold.

I'm trying to get the refund
for our hotel in Amsterdam.

I'm looking for the only thing
that can make this better. Alcohol.

Hey, girls, I know this is not
what you were planning on us doing,

but I wanted to thank you all
for being here.

[all] Mm-hmm.

[cow moos outside]

As it doesn't matter.

- [Nerea] Hm.
- There's no alcohol.

And frankly,
I think that this is the perfect time

to tell you that I hate you

You're really f*cking awful.

- [Nerea] Hmm.
- [Lola] And we love you, beautiful.

Okay, no, wait. What the hell is going on?

Silly me for thinking
you were excited to be doing this,

but ever since we got on the flight,
you've all been acting like total b*tches.

[cow mooing]

[birdsong]

A walk, perhaps?

Let's start by saying I was really looking
forward to your trip, but right now, well...

- I'm not at my best right now.
- True.

I have to admit that I didn't
feel much like coming either.

It's just that I've been feeling
strange for the past few days. Like, down.

- Oh, really?
- Why didn't you say anything?

- I didn't feel like doing this either.
- What?

No, I mean, not that, but I've got
a lot of work to do, my hand is burnt...

I don't know, I kept thinking
you all wanted to come.

- That's why I tried to keep the spirit up.
- Yeah.

- And you, huh? Don't play dumb with us.
- Me?

Yeah. Yeah, you. What's wrong?

Nothing. I told you.

- I'm stressed out...
- There's always stress. What's the matter?

It's not fair that you're getting married,
but you don't care about your wedding.

- [Valeria] I'm sure she didn't wanna...
- I said it.

[Valeria] Or yeah?

I've dreamed about my wedding
since I was young.

About my dress, about the banquet,
the venue...

You're doing it, but you don't want it.

You don't have the time.
"I want it simple, small."

- You're not doing cocktails.
- You have to have cocktail hour.

- That's where us single women hang out.
- Sure.

Hold on. Getting angry with your friend

because she wants to have her
own wedding is a bit "whoo."

- That's why I didn't wanna say anything.
- [Carmen] Just a minute.

I am really looking forward to my wedding.

My wedding. Just the way I like it.

Yeah. All right. It's not
your wedding that's the problem, Carmen.

[Carmen] Then what is it?

You know, I just can't figure out
having a stable partner.

Maybe you just haven't
found the right person.

- I'm sure when you least expect it...
- One more cliché, and I'll barf, okay?

I don't wanna have one girl
after another. I want a wife.

I want a house. I want children.
I want a dog and more children.

- I wanna go on a trip with my in-laws...
- It's the end of the road.

- Don't exaggerate. I want my dream...
- Uh, no.

If you want,
we can go off the cliff and check.

- It's beautiful.
- [Carmen] Yeah.

[Carmen] Beautiful.

[Lola] You're gonna think I'm silly, but

I think I've lost my mojo.

- [Nerea] Don't be stupid.
- [Carmen] Shut up.

[Lola] No, I'm being serious. Don't laugh.

[Valeria] Lola!

No, I haven't had sex since Vienna.

- Nada, niente, zero, rien.
- [Valeria] Really?

[Carmen] We all have dry spells.
That's okay.

- What if Sergio also took that from me?
- Your mojo? It's not moist?

No, worse. It's my confidence.

It's just that lately 2the only guy
who's picked me up is a kid.

[Valeria] What happened?

Nothing. Nothing.
What's going to happen? Nothing.

- Though he gave me his phone number.
- [Valeria] Oh, well.

- So? Have you called him?
- No.

- Why? Hey, if you feel like it, go for it.
- Hmm.

It should take a lot more than one shitty
little Sergio to steal your confidence.

- [Carmen] Mm-hmm.
- I mean, he's a kid,

- [Valeria] Hmm.
- [laughing] But he is gorgeous.

[Carmen] Oh, yeah, huh?

No!

Hey, what about you?

- What?
- This is about Víctor's "Wow," isn't it?

- You listen to my voice memos.
- Always.

- Mm-hmm.
- And now even more, at double speed.

- Mmm.
- Let's see, wait a minute.

Maybe that "Wow,"

I don't know, is his way
of telling you that he loves you.

The thing is that he put it another way
so it isn't such a big deal for him.

- [horse neighs]
- Right?

There's something else.

Miladies.

- Oh...
- Oof.

- [Lola] Well, so?
- [Carmen] Hmm?

Well, um... there was
someone else's bra on his sofa.

[Carmen inhales sharply] Oof.

- That is a "Wow"! No?
- [Valeria] Technically he hasn't lied.

We're not a couple,
and that's the agreement we made, but...

But I'm an idiot for believing
he hasn't slept with other people.

Don't call yourself an idiot.
That's not true.

And what did you do?

Uh...

I just left a little note with the bra.

[laughs]

- And... And what did it say?
- Nothing.

- Now you have to tell us.
- What do you mean, nothing? Tell us.

"Now you'll tell me
it belongs to your sister,

you big sh*t-eating prick."

- [all laugh]
- What a f*cking way with words.

- sh*t-eating?
- I don't know, it came from within me.

From your guts, you would say, because...

Well, girls, that's it.
I'm going to get some ciders.

- We'll drink a toast.
- Oh!

This may be a shitty hen party,
but it's a hen party.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Excuse me. Can I have
a cider and four glasses?

- [Carmen] Seriously?
- [Valeria] Well, a little, yeah.

- Hello.
- Hello, good afternoon.

One tea, please, sir.

[Nerea] Uh, can we stop, please?
I mean, can we talk about anything else?

Girls, girls, girls!
I've found something better than cider.

Oh.

We definitely have your sizes.

[Lola laughs]

Oh!

[electronic version of traditional music]

[fast bagpipes play]

This is a disaster.
I won't dance at my wedding.

It's so much fun!

Maybe you'll find a girl
who's checking you out.

Ooh, scandalous for the time!

- In Madrid, I'll find someone stable.
- What if she's your destiny?

In a re-enactment group that dresses
in period costumes? I don't think so.

[all] Whoo!

Do you really want a wedding,
castle, and babies running around?

Yeah, the whole package.

Oh. Pardon me.

Ah! Oh... [chuckles]

They like to push, right?

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Oh.

I love this so much.

When did we all stop dancing like this
and lose all this romanticism?

When they allowed us to vote?

- When they stopped burning us as witches.
- [Valeria] No, I mean it.

There was a time when chivalry
and manners were important.

It's just we've idealized it.

People did the same thing,
only behind people's backs.

- [Lola and Valeria] From behind?
- [Carmen gasps]

[romantic piano and bagpipe music]

Ooh. Oh!

Oh!

- [fast drumbeat joins bagpipes]
- Oh!

[romantic strings]

[music fades]

[applause]

- Just lovely.
- Wonderful.

- Girls! I haven't lost my mojo.
- Ooh, mojito.

Bitch, you have been
potent as hell this whole time!

I'm hot. Let's get something to drink.

- Okay.
- Yes, please. I need to hydrate.

- Hey, this dress is tight in the cleavage.
- Yes.

- It's hurting me.
- Fashion has no compassion.

- Um. Mmm. Val.
- Mmm?

You know Víctor will never be
like those guys in Bridgerton,

and he'll probably never tell you
what you wanna hear?

Mm-hmm.

It's just that we know
what we're attracted to,

and when we see a guy show up
with everything that pulls up our sh*t,

our crotches go wild and start clapping
like we're at the Sevilla Fair.

Do you think
I should move on like it's nothing

and forget about the bra?

- I'd do that.
- Yeah?

Because I don't care, and that's who I am.

But you're Val.

And who's to say?

There could be some secret purpose
in finding that bra

that you just haven't figured out yet.

[both laugh]

Yeah, of course, because that's
how the universe works, right?

[both laughing]

["Some Place" by Nick Waterhouse]

[newsreader] The road has been
almost completely filled with sofas.


Sofa.

- ♪ Well, there's some place ♪
- ♪ Some place ♪


- ♪ That I'd rather be ♪
- ♪ Some place ♪


♪ And it's somethin'
That's been on my mind ♪


- ♪ Almost constantly ♪
- ♪ Some place ♪


[man] Thanks a lot.

[sighs]

RECIPIENT SIGNATURE: BRUNO AGUILAR

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Money ♪

♪ Yes, I'm talkin' 'bout money ♪

♪ Got to have some money ♪

♪ Yeah, I want money ♪

♪ Talkin' 'bout money, I need it so bad ♪

♪ Money is the best feelin' I ever had ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, honey, I need money ♪

♪ Hey! I want money ♪

♪ Yes, I'm talkin' 'bout money ♪

♪ I love you more than I love myself ♪

♪ Money is sweeter than anything else ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ If you're broke
Then you know it's true ♪


♪ Money is the only thing helpin' you ♪

♪ And if you get some
You want some more ♪


♪ 'Cause you'll never be rich enough ♪

♪ Ooh-wah, ooh-wah ♪

- ♪ Ooh-wah ♪
- ♪ We all need money ♪


♪ Ooh-wah, ooh-wah, ooh-wah ♪

- ♪ Got to have some money ♪
- ♪ Ooh-wah ♪


♪ Ooh-wah, ooh-wah ♪

♪ It makes people fight
Scream and shout ♪


♪ Money is the thing
That I'm talkin' about ♪


♪ Money is the only thing
I'm talkin' about ♪


♪ Money is the thing
That I'm talkin' about ♪


♪ Ow! ♪
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