06x02 - Doug's Friend's Friend

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

[chattering]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[chuckling]
-Pfft.

[growling]

[screaming]

[yelping]

[whistling]

[indistinct talking]

[screaming]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[Doug] Dear journal,
today a new ride opened at Funky Town.

-It's called...
-[thunder]

...Natural Disaster Blaster!

[Al] They say, first,
you go through a 5.9 earthquake,

and then you sh**t
through a magnitude six volcano.

And they say the twister is a seven!

-[all gasp]
-A seven?

-What's that?
-You don't know what a seven is?

-No. That music.
-[tuba playing]

Sorry. Just practicing while I wait.

[playing Doug theme]

What?

[indistinct announcement]

Patti, Beebe,
you guys are going the wrong way.

I'm not going on this. It's too scary.

I mean, can you imagine
what a velocity seven twister

could to do my perfect hair?

You guys could go with us.

I mean, it might be less scary that way.

Well...

-I am so excited!
-Yeah. Me, too.

Your feet are too big.
Your head's in my way.

[screaming] What's wrong with you?

[man on P.A.]
Get ready to be blasted to total disaster!

You owe me big time, man.

[whistling]

That's me.

[weatherman]
With unseasonably warm temperatures

melting snowpacks in the Poulet Mountains,

the Rolinana River
continues to rise today.

Authorities predict
that the tri-county area

could see record flooding.

[kids murmuring]

I hope you all realize
the seriousness of this.

I've seen floods before,
and believe you me, it's not pretty.

It means water everywhere.

Water everywhere.

Hmm... hmm... hmm...

[tires screeching, electricity buzzing]

[grunting] Doh! Stupid brain! Oh...

Okay, people, quick march! On the double!
No splashing!

Tread water now! Tread water!

[swishing]

Cut the funny business, mister!

Hey, Skeet.

Have you been avoiding me
'cause I stuck you with Beebe?

Of course not.
I love doing stuff with you, man.

Well, cool.
Wanna go to the arcade after school?

Uh... No.

-Oh...
-[Bone] Tread water, now. Tread water.

-Okay.
-No splashing.

All right, Mr. Inner Tube Floater.

That's a violation of your parole,
and you know it!

You can float on back to detention.
Let's go! Let's go!

[Skunky] Whoa!

[Doug] The rest of the week,
I tried to make it up to Skeeter

for sticking him with Beebe on the ride.

We could use it to find
the Lucky Duck monster.

Wish I could, man,
but I got to get some shoes.

Sorry.

Huh? Huh?

Gotta go, uh... get some shoes.

[Doug] Come on, Skeeter. Monster? Snorkel?

Shoes?

[Doug] Something was weird here.

Looks good, Funnie.
I like someone who's prepared.

[Doug] Either Skeeter was still mad
at me...

or he'd really gone overboard
on the shoe thing.

Hello, my little high top.
I shall name you Sneaky.

Sneaky, meet Boot, Flip-flop and Penny.

Oh, watch out for her.
She's a loafer, a penny loafer.

Get it? [laughing]

[Doug]
Either way, it didn't seem like Skeet.

That afternoon,
I went to help get ready for the flood.

And if he's still mad
I stuck him with Beebe,

why doesn't he just come out
and yell at me or something?

Maybe he's not mad.
Maybe he's busy or something.

Things like this are like a hurricane.
You just gotta wait for them to blow over.

[Doug] It made sense.

If Skeeter and I really were friends,
he'd be back in his own time.

Trust is what friendship's about.

Or I could just force it.

Come on, let's see this movie.
Don't be a big loser.

Aw, Doug, I, I...

I told you, Doug, I'm busy.

Besides, Tidal Wave Madness?

I mean, don't you think
it's kind of plebeian?

Plebeian? Tidal Wave Madness, plebeian?
Are you kidding?

You don't know
what you're talking about, man!

Come on! Ugh. Plebeian!

[Doug] Let's see here.
Plebeian, plebeian, plebeian...

Plebeian, plebeian...

Ah! Plebeian.

"Unrefined or vulgar.
See Tidal Wave Madness."

Hmm... All right,
when he's right, he's right.

[Skeeter, whispering]
Oh, yeah, it was really cool!

It had this really maddening tidal wave,
and then this crazed porpoise comes up,

-and he says--
-Skeeter!

Hey, man, I was just telling
Skunky about-- uh...

About Tidal Wave Madness!
You saw it with somebody else?

Um... It's...

Well, see, that-- what I-- um... um...

-Shoes.
-What?

Shoes! Now! Uh, need! Uh, bye!

[Doug] I couldn't believe it.
Skeeter lied to me.

[screaming]

Roger, you can leave now.

The assembly's been over
for, like, three days.

Quiet! I think I just got an idea!

Uh... what is it, Roger?

That flood's gonna be the biggest thing
to hit this town ever, right?

Right. So?

So? So?

You're looking at the guy
who's gonna own that flood!

[Doug] That afternoon,
I took one last walk

around the places Skeeter and I
used to hang out.

Like the brutal face
of Mount Saint Buster.

[grunting]

[Skeeter] Go for the nose, buddy!

[grunts] This nostril's brutal.

[Doug] And that stand where, one time,
we ate a hundred hot dogs. Each.

And the knitting shop where we used to buy
brightly colored yarns.

Look, Skeet! Green!

Oh, yeah! And high-twist chenille!

[Doug] And then I remembered,
we never did any of that stuff.

What a rip! Some friendship!

And that's when it happened.

[Skeeter, laughing] Ah, come on! Hurry up!

We need to get moving

if you wanna get
some of those brightly colored yarns.

[Doug] This was it!

I was gonna see
who Skeeter's new friend was!

Coming, Skeetie-pie!

[brass band playing]

Hey! Knock it off!

[all] Sorry!

[smooch]

-Beebe!
-[both] Doug!

Skeeter!

Doug! Uh...

Beebe!

[gasps] Skeeter!

Doug?

-Skeeter?
-Doug.

Check.

[all] I gotta go.

Sir, for the last time, we can't do it.

Don't give me that!

Tropical storm Pam! Hurricane Cindy!
You guys name weather stuff all the time!

Those are weather systems, sir.
Floods don't get names.

Sure, sure. Okay.

Maybe a few dead presidents
could get you to change your mind.

Sir! I hope you're not attempting to bribe

an employee
of the National Weather Service!

Who said anything about a bribe?
I'm talking about them!

[gasp] Mr. Lincoln! Ooh!

Flood Roger continues to thr*aten
to wreak havoc on the tri-county area.

Nice work. Here's a little something
for the old actor's home.

Hey, if you ever need a moose,
I do a great moose.

[moose call]

Eh...

Got a costume, antlers, whole deal.

Get out of my house!

-What? You knew about Skeeter and Beebe?
-Who could miss it? It was so obvious.

[grunting] Obvious?

Maybe you just gotta be a girl.

[grunting]

[grunting]

Yeah, but it's...

I mean, Skeeter never had a thing
for girls before.

Yeah, right.

How about Loretta Laquigley?
Muffy Silverson?

-And that girl who dressed like him? And--
-Okay! Okay!

But Beebe? Of all people!

Doug, the way you feel about a person
isn't something you can help.

It's nature.

You can't stop it
any more than you can a, a, a flood.

Yeah. I see what you mean.

Now let's get busy.
We've got a flood to stop!

[Roger] Keep working at it, losers!

[distant echoing]
You can't stop Flood Roger!

-What?
-What?

I said, you can't stop Flood Roger!

What? Mud? What?

I said, you-- Oh!

Oh! Just wait!

It's a guy thing.

-Beebe who?
-Come on, Skeet!

I saw you two
smooching in public this afternoon.

-Remember?
-Oh, right! I was hoping you forgot.

Beebe told me to tell everybody
I was getting shoes.

She's kind of sensitive
about people finding out.

Sensitive? Beebe?

But last week, she was yelling at you.

I don't really get it either, man.

There we were, just riding the ride.

Skeeter, what are you doing?
You're driving us right into that twister.

Turn! Turn!

Beebe! I'm not driving!
The car is on tracks!

You're so cool. [sighs]

[gasp]

[Skeeter] It was weird,

but somehow, it felt right,
you know what I mean?

Wow!

[Skeeter] That night, I took her home.

-Oh, uh...
-Yes?

-Nothing. Just clearing my throat.
-Oh.

I had a thing in it, probably just spit.

Okay. Well, see you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

-Oh, Skeeter...
-Yes, Beebe?

[screaming] You can't tell anybody!

Somehow, when I walked home that night,
everything was different.

-[whistle]
-Huh?

Hey! Watch where you're going!

Oh, sorry, Officer.

I guess I was thinking
about something else.

Hmm. I think I know.

♪ Sometimes love is a twister ♪

♪ It comes at you like a gale ♪

♪ Beebe Bluff is an earthquake ♪

♪ She's 8.6 on my love scale ♪

[whistling melody]

♪ I'm swinging in the wind ♪

♪ Floatin' like a feather ♪

♪ I'm twistin' like a leaf ♪

♪ Tossed around in breezy weather ♪

♪ I'm swingin', twistin', in the wind ♪

Yikes!

[crash]

Oh...

[Doug] There was no question about it.

My best friend had turned
into a drooling love zombie.

-[sigh]
-And it only got worse.

Hmm, I think I like her voice best.

It's like a beautiful clarinet
noodling the music of the spheres.

[shrieking] What do you mean,
there's no gravy?

I'm calling my lawyer!

What do you like best about her, man?

Hey, man, move over. Honk, honk.

-Honk, honk. [laughs]
-Honk, honk.

I think I'm gonna blow.

[giggles] What are you doing, Poo-poo?

[Beebe] I'm painting a picture.
What are you doing, Skee-skee?

-[giggles] Oh, I'm just-- Whoops!
-[crash]

Tell Poo-poo you made a boo-boo,
so bye-bye!

[laughing]

[Doug] That afternoon, I made the mistake
of going to the store with him.

Oh, would you look
at these little footies?

Oh, they'll look so cute
on Beebe's little feet.

[Doug] Nobody could take
this kind of t*rture for long,

and I was starting to cr*ck.

Ew! Your aunt give you
an early birthday present?

No. Beebe bought me this. Like it?

Uh...

Hey, wanna come over and hang out tonight?

Can't. Having a weenie roast
in the backyard, man.

Cool. What can I bring?

Well, it's, uh, really just for me
and my family and, um, Beebe, so, uh...

Okay. Settle down, everybody.
Take your seats.

Open your books to page 39.

[Doug] I didn't realize till then

that I wasn't Skeeter's
best friend anymore.

I felt horrible.

But I also knew
that feeling sorry for myself

wasn't gonna buy me beans.

The only way
to bring Skeeter back to normal

was to give him a little taste
of his own medicine.

Shock treatment, that is.

The A/V Chess Club has now come to order.

We have a special guest speaker today,
Doug Funnie.

Okay. Who needs a best friend?

Elmo, you're up. Let's go.

Hmm...

Oh, hey, Skeet.

Elmo and I
are going down to the lake tomorrow

to look for the monster.

-Right, Elmo?
-Cool, man. Beep, beep.

Don't have time, guys.

Beebe and I are going
to Funky Town tomorrow.

It's our anniversary, you know.

[sighs] Two weeks.

Really? How romantic! [gags]

I'm trying to finish this song
I'm writing her.

♪ Love, you are my piece of cheese ♪

♪ My potato chip, my heart's trapeze ♪

♪ You warm me up like antifreeze ♪

♪ Now take an extended trip overseas ♪

Yes! [laughing loudly]
Overseas! [laughing] Get it?

I don't think that's funny, man.

Well, after two weeks with Beebe,
I'd sure need a vacation. [laughs]

Man, I should have known you'd be jealous.

Just because Patti won't give you
the time of day!

What? What are you talking about,
Mr. Goo-goo Ga-ga?

Footies! Nyah, nyah, nyah!

Humph!

Yeah, go ahead. Walk away.

I'm not talking to you anymore,
Skeeter Valentine.

Do you hear me? And you know what?

Your shirt looks like
someone named Poo-poo picked it out!

And you're not my friend anymore!

[station announcer] We interrupt
this broadcast for a special report.

-Whoa!
-[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

For an update on the flood,
we take you to the City Hall,

where we understand the mayor
is just making an announcement.

I've called you here to tell you

that we're still waiting for an update
from the Engineer Corps

concerning further releases
of water into the Rolinana,

which could cause a rise in Flood Rodney.

Roger! It's Flood Roger! Doh!

Oh!

Note to self, impeach mayor.

Oh, yeah. Eat more cheese.

[Doug] I cannot believe it!

Skeeter and Beebe. Skeeter and Beebe!
It even sounds dumb when you say it.

Is he just gonna... hang around
with her forever?

I'll never see him again.

Somebody has to save him, Porkchop!

Huh?

[Doug] I decided that no matter
what I had to do,

Skeeter and Beebe's first anniversary
was going to be their last.

-I survived Flood Roger!
-Get them while they're dry!

Duh, Roger, you really think
the dam is gonna break?

Boys, listen to me.

From now on,
whenever anybody says "Roger,"

they're gonna think of the biggest thing
to ever hit this town.

Flood Roger is gonna turn Bluffington

into one big pile of mud!

-Did you get that on tape?
-Was I supposed to?

[scoffs] I'll start over.
And more lightning this time!

[making storm noises]

[Doug] Ramming speed! Aah!

Oof! Oof! Oof! Oof!

[smashing and crashing]

Whoa, oh!

[panting]

[barker] Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!

[Doug] Here they come.

I'll give them a fortune
they'll never forget.

Humph! Beebe! Humph!

"See your future."

Oh, Scoogie-woogie, let's try it!

Hmm. That swami sure looks familiar.

Oops. Nothing smaller than a hundred.

Some other time, I guess.

Yo. Lookit, honey, our future.

"Swami says, "If you wanna lose 80 pounds
of unsightly fat,

dump the girlfriend"?

[groaning]

Aah!

A little help?

[ÌŠman on P.A.]
Get ready to be blasted to disaster!

Great. Their anniversary ride.

How perfect.

Why, hello, best friend.
What are you doing here?

-Um, uh, well...
-Oh, I see.

That's the ride that started it all.

Skeeter and I would still be best friends

if he hadn't pushed me aside
to be with Beebe!

Whoa! Hey! Whoa there, best friend.
That is not what happened.

What are you saying?
What kind of friend are you?

The kind with a photographic memory.

I was there. You were the one who said...

-Hey!
-I'll ride with Patti.

Want to come see my band, best friend?
We've been practicing all week.

Uh...

[playing Doug theme]

[Doug] Elmo was right.

I mean, after all, Skeeter only wanted
to hang around with Beebe

the same way
I wanted to hang around with Patti.

And you know what?
Elmo played a mean tuba.

I guess I was just jealous

that Skeeter would rather hang out
with Beebe instead of me.

I knew what I had to do.

I'm sorry about the way I acted, man.

I'm really psyched
you and Beebe are seeing each other.

-We broke up.
-What?

She said I made
some kind of honking noise.

I don't know
what she's talking about. [honk]

It's okay, Skeet.

Life's like a flood.
You've just gotta pack some sandbags and--

No. I mean,
life's like a geothermic event.

You're hot steam, and she's--

No. You're...

Thanks, man. That helped.

-I'm sorry if, if last week, I just--
-Forget it, man.

[Doug] And in the end,

I guess I wasn't the only one
who found out you can't control nature.

Though annoying for anyone
living near the river,

Flood Roger turned out
to be little more than a puny trickle.

For K-Bluff News,
this is Dan Danly reporting.

It can't be true! Come on! Break! Break!

Oh, stupid dam! Oh!

[theme music playing]