06x05 - Judy, Judy, Judy

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[Whistling]

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[Grrrr]

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Doug: dear journal,

These are exciting
days for science.

Soon skeeter and I
will have proof

That the lucky duck
monster is real
and--

Hey. Judy, turn
that thing off.

Once again,
with more feeling.

Dougie, I am doing
a documentary
about our family

For my video class,

And I can't leave
something out

Just because it's vile
or repulsive.

So come on.
What do you say?

Dougie?

Honey, do I have
a pimple on my--aah!

Judy!

Mother: judith, please
don't sneak up on us.

It's not polite.

But, mother,
I'm trying to show us
as we really are.

Dad: well, why can't
you show me

As I really am
with my shirt on?

Ahem. Well, as my
anti-artistic family

Refuses to cooperate,

I shall make the focus
of this documentary...

Myself. Me.
Judy funnie.

In this film,

I will be
scrupulously honest.

There will be
no censorship.

No acting.

Only the honest,
unedited, real thing.

...only the honest,
unedited, real thing.

[British accent]
hmm. Take 17 seemed
the most honest.

Definitely. Only
let's use the front
half of take 2

And finish with 17.

No problem.

That's moi.

[Snaps]

Uh-oh.

Yes.

The single hardest
thing in the world

Is being natural
and authentic on camera.

That's what I admire most
about my favorite actress,

Gwynne gauntlet

She really tells it
like it is.

What is your
problem?

Judy: no matter
what role she's playing,

She's always
totally authentic.

What is thy
problem?

What is your problem?

What troubles you?

With 4 words
she can do more

Than other actors do
with an entire dictionary.

And I should know.

I go to

Acting school.

Hey, judy,
focus on me.

To be
or not to be.

Stella! Stella!

Judy:
the fakeness quotient

Is running
especially high lately,

What with
the pressure of

College applications.

I hate this college
applications thing.

It makes everyone
so competitive.

Hey q, I'll tell you
where I applied

If you'll tell me
where you did.

No, thanks.
Don't care.

Oh, you're no fun.

Psst. Judes, where
are you applying?

Vole school of emoting.

Vole university?

Judy, do you know
what it takes
to get into there?

Oh, please.

Hayley styles
got in last year,

And my grades are vastly
superior to hers.

Ho, ho, judes,
you are so naive

It makes me
want to weep.

Hayley styles didn't
get in because
of her grades.

What do you mean?

Hayleys styles'
vole recommendation.

Written by the famous
director jean luc ennui.

I think her mom used
to give him tennis
lessons or something.

Sincerity, how did
you get a copy?

My mom plays tennis,
too, judy.

So, let me
get this straight.

You're saying that
the entire notion

Of academic merit is
just a cruel joke?

If I were you, judes,
I'd start finding out

Whether your parents
have any friends
in high places.

Ha ha. Yeah.
My family.

so artistic.
so well-connected.

Well, my friend
alice haberman

Runs the puppet time
playhouse over in
new hampster.

I'm sure
she'd write you
a recommendation.

Who wrote
romeo and juliet?

Oh! I used to know that.

Is it a movie?

Judy, what's wrong, hon?

Doug:
I still don't get

Why we have to be
out here so early.

This is when the monster
comes out to feed, man.

Let me know
when we get to
come out and feed.

I'm going back
to sleep.

No way I'm going
to sleep through prime
monster-spotting time.

[Snoring]

[Splashing in water]

Skeeter! Skeeter!
Turn it on.

Turn it on.
Turn it on.
Turn it on.

Huh?

Ow!

Aah!
Aah!

Turn on the tv.
Let's see it.

Hey. What are you
doing with my camera?

Oh, sorry, judy.
We borrowed your camera

To get footage
of the monster.

I'll make it up
to you. Promise.

Family documentary
number 2?

This is my tape.

Judy, you
can't do this.

Our monster.
The world must learn
what's on that tape.

Dougie, this tape

Is my personal
video diary.

Do I read your
pathetic little
journal?

Yes!

Well, that's different.
You're too boring

To have anything
to be embarrassed about.

I have you!

Ooh. Harsh.

This is the footage
I have of my family.

It's not
very exciting,

So I tried to spice
it up a little.

Hmm. Judy,

Remember how
we were talking
about authenticity

And staying true
to your subject?

I--i know--i know,
but it was just so boring.

Well, we'll--we'll
talk about it later.

Now, next week, uh,
we're having

A special
guest teacher,

And I am posting
a sign-up sheet--

Oh, please.
Not again.

You need a student
assistant to take
them everywhere,

Bring them their lunch,
wash their stinky socks.

Is that what you're saying?

No. Well, yes,

But our guest
teacher next week
is someone special,

Uh, gwynne gauntlet,
the movie actress.

Out of my way.
Ooh!

Judy:
incredible.

Have you ever seen
so many fakey kiss-ups

Stampeding over each other
just to be around a star?

Disgusting.

Gwynne gauntlet,

Prepare to be dazzled.

I can't believe

Judy is going to
chauffeur this
actress around

Just to get
a recommendation.

It's so cheap.

Yeah, right.
It would've been you

If you hadn't tripped
over your own feet.

That's different.

I don't need
a recommendation
to--

Cass, what
are you doing?

I'm training
for the luge.

If I can qualify
in one of those

Tiny little sports
nobody's ever heard of,

There's not a college
in the country that'll
turn me down.

Cassius, you
have lost your mind.

Baby, I was born to luge.

Wish me luck.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Ow.

I couldn't believe it.

Here I was, about to meet
gwynne gauntlet.

Somehow, I felt that we
were destined to become
great friends.

Judy, I have
known you such
a short time,

And yet I feel like
you are the sister
I never had.

Oh, gwynne, stop it.

No, really.

How would you like
to be in a film
with me?

[Voices giving various
stage directions]

What is your problem?

my problem?

What is your
problem?

[Applause]

[Gasps]
showtime.

Ms. Gauntlet.
Ms. Gauntlet.

Ms. Gauntlet,
over here.

I'm judy funnie,
your student
assistant.

Please.

Aah.

Doug:
I'll go in first.

Don't touch anything
until I've secured
the perimeter.

Whew.

♪ I love you ♪

Hmm?

Skeeter, no.

Uh-oh.

Judy's taped voice:
doug, how many times
do I have to tell you

To stay out of my stuff?

Aah!

Hello, dougie.
I've taken the precaution

Of labeling
all of my tapes

"Family documentary
tape number 2."

Your monster may be
somewhere on this tape

Or on one
of hundreds of others.

Have fun.

I'll go make
the popcorn.

I'm so sorry.

I really thought you were
one of those horrible

Sleazebag photojournalists
who follow me everywhere.

No, it was my fault,
really.

I shouldn't have had
the camera.

What's your problem,
babe?

You were just doing
what any ambitious,
talented gal would do.

Oh, could you
hand me some hangers?

Ms. Gauntlet, I just
wanted to tell you

How much I respect
your extending to us

The benefits
of your talents
and experience.

Relax. It's simply
a public relations
on my agent's part.

We're taping a segment
for it's entertainment
on thursday.

Well, I just wanted
you to know

That if you need
anything at all,

Or if I can help
in any way...

Oh, that's
so kind of you.

Please brush my
suede boots for tomorrow,

And I need a wake-up call
at 9:30,

And you can book
my massage,

And I need fresh sushi
for lunch,

Yellowtail
and lots of maki,

And make sure
my saint capri suit
is pressed for thursday.

Thanks so much.
See you tomorrow,
jenny-penny.

Jenny-penny?

There. See?

Always with
the direction
of the fabric,

Never against it.

Say, when do we
get to meet

This big movie star
of yours?

Never!

I mean,
she's pretty busy.

I'm not sure
she'll have the time.

Well,
she's got to eat.

Why don't we invite
her over for supper?

Maybe she could
explain her movies

To your
unsophisticated
parents.

I could tell her
my ideas for movies.

Remember that one where
all the cops are singing?

Think she'd want
to do it?

Aah!

Ha ha. I'll run it
by her.

So this is me and
papa in parishma

Where we studied
ancient kurghiz
texts.

Here comes mama.

Oh, and there's
the mighty lama.

What is
your problem?

She is so cool.

But enough
of my family.

How about we take a
look at your family?

Who'll go first?

Jenny penny?

Jenny penny?

She likes
to call me that.

So I sort of rethought
my approach.

I'm kind of trying to
enter into a dialog
with the footage...

As you can see.

Bonjour, dear.

Bonjour, dear.

What did you think

Of the production
of the tempest
we saw last night?

It was superficially
entertaining,

But it failed
to come to grips

With the modern
postcolonial
interpretations

Of the play's
philosophical
subtext.

Why, honey,
you took the words
right out of my mouth.

So you didn't think that
technique was interesting?

Well, it kind of
made me think

You were trying to
hide who your
parents really were.

I'm sorry.
I don't follow.

Jenny penny!

What happened
to my maki?

I see yellowtail,
but I don't see
my maki.

Well, I ordered--

It must not have come.

Listen, gwen,
I have a class now.

Can I get you
some maki as an
afternoon snack?

Oh...ohh...
Look at me.

I am worthless
without my maki.

No maki! No maki!

There isn't any
way you could...?

Judy, if you're
too busy, I could--

I'll go.

And don't forget to
reschedule my flight

And the rest
of the list I gave
you this morning.

We've only got 2 days
before it's entertainment.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Gwen's demands were starting
to get a little bit...
Taxing.

And I rescheduled your
flight for saturday morning,

And the it's entertainment
sh**t is at 9 a.m.
Thursday. That's it.

Jenny penny,
you're terrific.

You're an absolute
treasure.

Thank you.
Listen, gwen,

There's something
I need from you.

Anything, doll.
sh**t.

Would you write me
a recommendation

For my
vole university
application?

Oh, jenny penny...

No.
What?

You are not for college.

You know,
you remind me of me

Back when I was your age.


Yes. I thought about
college as well.

Did you now?

But instead
I decided to struggle

And work for my
dreams right away,

So I asked my papa,

Please, to cast me in
a movie he was producing,

And I have never
looked back.

Gwen, I need this
recommendation.

All right, babe.
I'll write your little
recommendation.

Whew.

Judith,
don't you realize
what time it is?

Oh, i--sorry.
I got tied up.

Well, you might have
at least called.

Your mother and I
were worried,
sweethear.

Well, I am sorry.

I apologize
for working hard to get into college.

That's not
the point.

Judith, we're
not angry at you
for working--

You know,
maybe if my parents
had any connections,

I wouldn't
have to run around

Kissing up to celebrities
to get into college.

Maybe if my parents
were important or cool--

That is
quite enough!

Tell me the truth.

You bought me from
gypsies, didn't you?

How could I have been
born into a family

That thinks jean-luc enois
is a salad dressing?!

If he's not a salad
dressing, who is he?

Enois' early works vibrated
with a certain
joie de vivre,

But I have to say,
his later works
lacked a--

How do you say,
je ne sais quoi.

I've been watching
some of judy's tapes.

What?

Ohh...

You know, judes,
you look like
death in a basket.

I'm fine.

Oh, you shouldn't
let gwen work you
to the bone like this.

It's humiliating,

And in the long run,
it just isn't worth it.

[Thinking]
I knew sincerity was only
saying it out of envy,

But I had to admit
she had a point.

Oh, jenny penny,
I'm so glad I caught
you before class.

The producer of
it's entertainment

Wants to arrange
dinner tonight for
me, the director,

And some other
important people.

Gwen,
I'm really tired.

Pick a restaurant
and make reservations.

And telephone my fiance.
Tell him it's over.

Gwen,
there's something
I have to tell you.

Even though it meant losing
a college recommendation,

I couldn't face myself
if I didn't tell gwen

She couldn't
treat people like this.

I quit.

Jenny penny, you can
tell me anything.

We are like sisters.

Tell sis
your problem.

Well, uh...

What time do you want
that reservation for?

At that moment
there was only
one person

I hated more
than gwen gauntlet.

Me.

You just take
the wee stick--ugh--

Wrestle her up,
and give it a wee toss.

Ughh!

Like so.

Now let's see you
give it a try.

Ooh, dear...

Do you have
a chess team?

Augh, aye.

In fact, it's my turn.

Ughh!

Checkmate!

Show time, gwen.

Uh...

Oh...i guess you didn't
have time to get to
my recommendation.

Oh, I meant to
all morning,

But it's just
been so crazy.

I'll do it
first thing
after the show.

After the show?

Will you have time?

Jenny penny, chill.
It'll get done.

Are we on schedule
for my 9 a.m. Call?

Yes.

And you got
my st. Cupery suit
pressed, right?

Yes.

And it's in
my dressing room
at school?

Suddenly I knew
that I was alone

In a fast and
hostile universe.

Yeah.

Ok, everybody,

Come on, pick up,
pick up, pick up.

Man: hello.

Oh, dad, thank goodness
you're there.

Listen, in the kitchen
there's a dress that--

What are you doing here?

You don't think we'd
miss our little girl's
big day on tv, do you?

But this is gwen's
dressing room.

She'll be back in a second.

Gee. If I didn't
know better, judy,

I'd think you were
embarrassed by us.

Gwen: jenny penny,
lights, camera, action.

Mom, dad, hide.

Gwen, what are you
doing here?

No time
for the clowning.

I need to get
dressed now.

No. You can't.

So where's my
st. Cupery suit?

Uh, ooh, uhh...

Well, it's probably
in the closet,
don't you think?

No!

Jenny penny,
is something wrong?

No. Yes. I--

[Sighs]

Look, gwen, sooner
or later I'm going to
have to tell you this,

So here goes.

Hey, judy, look
what I got--whoa.

Hallelujah!

What's going on?

Who is this?

This is...the laundry
delivery boy.

Laundry
delivery boy?

Look what he's
done to my suit!
It's a mess!

I ought to fire you,
you little twerp.

Do you realize
what you've done?

What do I have
to wear for
the network now?

No. See, uh--

You tiny crumb
of cheese.

You--you dodo!

You insignificant
little pile of--

Shut up!

I refuse to watch
one more second

Of this self-absorbed,
obnoxious, rude behavior,
gwen gauntlet.

The kid you are hurling
your incomprehensible
insults at

Happens to be
my brother doug!

Uh, hi.

And these are
my parents.

Nice to meet you.

I am proud of them,

Even if they
do have stupid
taste in movies.

Huh?

And if that makes
you think less of me,

Then I don't want your
dumb recommendation.

And my name
isn't jenny penny.

It's judy!

Judy, judy, judy...

Why didn't you
tell me he was
your brother?

I thought he was
a delivery boy

Whom I was free
to humiliate.

Gwen, he's
a human being.

You don't have
a right to treat
anyone that way.

You know, judy,
if you don't want to
do something for me,

Say so.

But...i thought--

That what, that I
wouldn't give you
a recommendation?

Judy, why don't you
go get that
video camera?

Dear admission officers,

As I'm sure you can tell,
I'm gwen gauntlet,

And this is judy funnie.

She is the most capable
young talent I have ever
worked with,

And I recommend her highly
for...

Whatever.

Judy:
and so the funnie family
bids a fond farewell

To gwen gauntlet,

Having come to realize
that some people may be
cooler than you think...

Despite appearances
to the contrary.

Hmm. Interesting
work, judy.

A little
self-absorbed,

But definitely
interesting.

As a reward
for not destroying
my documentary project

And for being
somewhat cool by
delivering that dress,

I've decided to let you have
your monster footage.

Thanks, judy.

I warn you,
it's not what you...think.

Here it is--
the monster footage.

Slow it down.

It looks like a foot.

So those wacky little
sports didn't work out?

Oh, indeed not.

I just couldn't take them
seriously enough.

I guess I'm more
of a mainstream kind of guy.

Yeah. There's only
one sport for us
traditionalists--

Good old
synchronized swimming.

Shall we practice
the old routine?

Let's do it!