03x12 - Goins Family

[bunniefuu]

Tonight on "supernanny"...

I did not do it!

You're not going to thr*aten me.

Hey, this is enough.

Jo confronts an issue

That affects millions of american families...

Don't bite me, khalin.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder,

Otherwise known as a.d.h.d.

Shut up!

Karolee goins is already at her wits' end

With khalin, who's got a.d.h.d.

I get calls.

You know, he's in first grade. He's going to detention. [Screams]

Now her other two children are behaving badly... [Screams]

She's pregnant again... I don't know what to do.

And she's almost at her breaking point.

We're done fighting you.

Now stop it!

Mom, why won't you listen to me?!

With dad leaving mom to fight this battle alone...

Stop yelling at me! I am not yelling at you.

Supernanny is her last hope.

You need to step up.

Can jo help mom understand khalin's disorder...

He doesn'twant to be that way.

And teach dad how to carry more weight around the house?[Groans]

Or does the future look bleak for the goins family?

♪♪♪♪♪

♪ Be good, be good ♪

♪ Be good, be good, be good ♪

♪ Be good, be good, be good ♪

♪ Be good, be good, be good ♪ ♪ johnny ♪

♪ Be good, be good, be good ♪

♪ Be good, be good, be good ♪

♪ Be good, be good, be good ♪

♪ Be good, be good, be good ♪ ♪ johnny ♪

♪ Johnny ♪

Let's take a look at what family we've got this week.

Hi. We're the goins family.

I'm jay. And I'm karolee.

We have kids. Khalin is .

You don't hate your brother.

Kolben is .

[Wails]

Whoa.

And kadance is .

Give mommy some mustard, and I knew what to get.

I'm a stay-at-home mom. Stop it.

[Screams]

Stop it!

I'm a letter carrier here in the salt lake city area.

Don't climb up there. Come on. Let's go.

[Karolee] khalin--he's been diagnosed with a.d.h.d.

[Cries] khalin, we're not doing it. I took it away for a reason.

Hey. Hey, that is enough.

What? He's very unpredictable.

[Jay] khalin, we're just talking to you about it. Anything will set him off.

[Jay] hey. Don't hit me.

He swings at me. He'll kick at me. He'll hit me. Don't.

Leave her alone. Come on. That was very rude.

Homework is also very frustrating to him.

It's not my homework. I know!

You're not helping me!

You wanna stay in first grade?

Because of the a.d.h.d., I have a hard time

Knowing how to discipline him in the proper way.

Oh, boy. Mom looks like she's ready to lose it.

[Karolee] kolben-- he's a character.

[Gasps]

Most of the time, he's doing something

He shouldn't be doing.

Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh-unh- unh-unh-unh. That's enough.

A bit of authority wouldn't go amiss, would it now?

Kadance is learning a lot from her brothers,

Which I do not like. [Screams]

Enough. [Jay] kadance.

Are you mad?

[Screams]

Uh-oh. Uh, what are you doing?

[Jay] snack time has been a problem for us.

You know, they snack all day long, and they continue

To do it all day long, but they don't even eat dinner, too.

It comes to that. We're not getting a snack right now.

We're not getting anything out of the cupboards. Get down.

Kolben, you got into the snacks,

And now you're not eating, so sit down and eat.

I feel lost. I feel like we're at a dead end.

I don't know where to turn.

Khalin, it's not what you got in trouble for. No, I didn't. He's lying!

I feel like if I don't get things under control

With khalin, then it's gonna lead to more problems. [Jay] we're done.

What is your problem?

[Karolee] that is enough. No! You don't believe!

Khalin, khalin!

Supernanny, we need your help right now.

We need to get things under control,

Or it's just gonna continue to get worse.

Hang on, mom. I'm on my way.

♪♪♪♪♪

[Knock on door]

Hi. Hello. I'm so glad you're here.

Pleased to meet you. I'm jo. I'm karolee. Please come in.

Hello. Say hi.

Who have we got here?

[Babbling]

And what's your name? This is kadance.

I'm kadance.

You're kadance?

And how old are you? Pleased to meet you.

Can you shake jo jo's hand? Hello.

Hello. Khalin, hi. Pleased to meet you. I'm jo jo.

Hi. How old are you? .

? What's your name?

Kolben. Hi, kolben. Pleased to meet you. I'm jo jo.

How old are you, kolben? .

?when I saw jo, I was excited to see her.

I'd been having such a hard time with my kids,

And it was good to see that help had finally arrived.

I felt relieved.

I'm gonna drop my bags down over here. Okay.

I'm gonna let you carry on with your day,

And I'm gonna watch. Okay.

All right? So let's get cracking and do this. Okay.

The thing with my kids is they're very unpredictable.

So you just never know what's gonna set 'em off. Yeah.

The first thing that mom did was to show me around the house,

And she really revealed some exciting news to me.

I'm pregnant again. Congratulations.

Thanks. This was kind of a surprise.yeah.

We decided we didn't want any more

Because we're having a hard time with our kids.

So, yeah, so this will be the baby's room.

This will be the new baby's room? Yeah.

With another child coming into the mix,

It's going to cause a lot of chaos.

[Screams]

And then, as we got downstairs,

Things started to get pretty chaotic quickly.

No, we're not getting cereal.

Snacking is a very big stress for me.

They want to snack all day long.

We're not having a snack.

It was pretty clear to me that this snack fight

Was all about the kids trying to grab hold of mom's attention.

You want a drink? Are you thirsty?

[Grunts]

Ow! Stop!

The fight over the snacks

Started to get worse when khalin,

Who's got attention deficit hyperactivity disorder,

Started to lose it and get aggressive with mom.

Don't.

That's what I deserve? Yes.

Research has shown that in an average classroom,

At least one child's got a.d.h.d.

You're not gonna hit me,

And you're gonna sit in time-out.

Children with a.d.h.d. Can find it very difficult

To focus, listen and follow directions.

Don't hit me. You don't hit me.

And sometimes they can be fidgety

And very easily distracted.

Stop it.

Ow. Don't!

When he doesn't get his way, it's always a battle.

Shall we start your time-out over?

Mom was trying to use the naughty bench,

But she was being far too confrontational,

Especially as khalin's got a.d.h.d.

I told you to get out of the snacks. You didn't listen.

Get down here and get in time-out. No.

Do you think you're being funny?

Mom's very confused when it comes to how to handle khalin.

I don't know how to help him.

I want to do the best for him.

Karolee was struggling on how to handle

Having a child with a.d.h.d.

I get calls. You know, he's in first grade.

He's going to detention.

I'm having to pick him up from school.

He's been on and off medication,

But mom is still indecisive

As to how best to improve his behavior.

Is he on medication now? No.

And have you seen a change in his behavior? Most definitely.

It's got worse, or it's got... It's gotten worse.

The most stressful part...

Is he wants to be good, and he can't be good.

I'm kind of at a dead end. I don't know...

I don't know what else to do.

Well, we--we're gonna turn you around from that dead end,

And you will know what to do. [Laughs]

Come here.

Coming up on...

Khalin's a.d.h.d. Turns homework into a battle...

Listen...

And jo calls dad out on his lack of support.

I am not buying it. But you're selfish.

When "supernanny" returns.

♪ Be good, be good ♪

We're going to the park. Come on. All right, ready?

After such a difficult morning,

I just thought it would be a really good idea

If I just got everybody out of the house

For a bit of fresh air.

But my intuition sensed

That something was definitely wrong with karolee,

And I wanted to know what she was thinking.

I worry a lot about their future,

If I'm doing the right thing.

I think sometimes, you know,

Thinking about having another one scares me.

What scares you about it?

Because obviously we're not--we're not--

We're not doing the right thing.

I wanna enjoy my kids. It's just been so stressful, you know,

So I've kinda lost that.

I don't want to have to hold my breath

Every morning when I wake up, because I know

That it's gonna be a hard day.

It felt good to get it off my chest.

It felt good to have somebody see and take notice

As to what I was really feeling,

Because no one's ever done that.

But you know, the best thing you did, you know,

Was to recognize that you needed to change things,

And you didn't know how to, so you reached out for help.

That's a good thing. That's a positive thing.

You want to change, and that's half the battle.

So together, we're gonna do it.

I'm excited.

Come on, I'll get the boys. Okay.

[Karolee] go on in.

Unfortunately, as we got back from the park,

Karolee's struggle with khalin started all over again.

Come sit down. We're gonna do our homework.

Dad's gonna be home. I don't want to.

Come on. I can't do my homework.

You have to. Let me show ya.

Khalin, with his homework-- it's always a battle.

I dread it. I dread every night

Trying to sit down with him and do his homework.

Listen, khalin, look at me.

Stop it.

Homework can often be a very big challenge

For children who have got a.d.h.d.

You've got so much homework to do.

They find it difficult to pay attention

And concentrate for any length of time.

Let's get a couple pages done.

Khalin, please.

No! Please, we've got to get this done.

[Jo] mom's struggle to get khalin to do his homework

For an hour just seemed like a useless task to me.

Come on. It's difficult enough

To get any -year-old to do their homework,

Let alone a child who's got a.d.h.d.

In the midst of karolee and khalin's struggle,

Dad came home.

Hi. Pleased to meet you. I'm jo. Hello.

How are you doing? I've seen you before.

When I first saw jo, I was pretty amazed

That she was actually standing in my home.

Something's going on? Well, I'm busy watching today.

We're trying to do homework. What's up, kids?

You guys building things? It's a battle.

Kadance. [Khalin] I was...

But this isn't your homework.

I know, but I was doing something, and...

I'm gonna go upstairs and get, uh, changed and everything.

When jay comes home, he goes straight upstairs.

I'm left to still deal with the kids and the chaos.

Let's look and see what we've got.

[Screams]

She's struggling with khalin's homework

While the other two kids are running around.

She's pregnant, for goodness sake,

And I was expecting dad to come downstairs and help out...

Can we just focus on just--

Why do I need to do two pages?

We're just--we'll just do this one right now.

[Jo] and yet he didn't come down until minutes later.

[Kadance cries]

And I really wanted to know why he chose to do this.

[Jo] so when you come in, you do what?

When I finally decide that I'm hungry, I come downstairs.

Then he'll stay upstairs for an hour. He'll stay upstairs for an hour?

Now what do you do up there, then,

When you're up there for the hour?

Oh, I don't know. Hanging out... Yeah.

You know, kinda unwinding, maybe, from the day, I guess. Yeah.

Dad might be trying to make light of this situation,

But it certainly isn't any laughing matter for mom.

I'm so done. I'm frustrated, and he gets to go upstairs

And have his time, and I don't, you know, and it bugs me.

Looking at karolee, anybody could tell

That she's just exhausted, and she needs jay's help.

Ow! Stop, stop. Now we're gonna get our pajamas on.

I've had enough. Dad might not be hiding out

In his room anymore, but he's certainly not any help.

Karolee is fighting this situation all on her own.

Let's get it done. Open.

I don't know about you, but I am tired.

Let's get this done.

And then I saw karolee brushing khalin's teeth--

Who's years old--

And I knew that I'd seen enough.

I need to sit mom and dad down and talk to them now.

What I see between the pair of you

Is a real lack of maturity

With regards to raising your children.

Now, jay, I was here yesterday observing,

And you came home from work

And spent at least minutes upstairs

Before you even came downstairs.

You know, maybe I just look at it as a time to unwind,

Coming home from work for a few minutes. But you're selfish.

Maybe that's my weakness. You have a wife at home

Raising your children, pregnant, tired,

Dealing with a child who's got a.d.h.d.,

And you wanna tell me, "well, maybe that's just the way I am"?

I'm sorry. I am not buying it.

I think you should look at your wife's face

To see what I'm talking about,

And you need to tell him exactly what's going on here

And tell him how you're feeling,

Because if you don't speak up,

Nothing is gonna change for you, karolee--nothing.

I need more help.

Yeah.

There's one boy carrying the brunt for all of this,

Because, apparently, it's all his fault.

Everything is being pushed onto khalin

Because he's got a.d.h.d.

We look at it that way a lot.

Do you?

Unfortunately.

He doesn'twant to be that way.

Half of what he does is because, impulsively,

He cannot help it. He needs encouragement

From the pair of you, and he doesn't receive that.

He doesn't need the hostility, and all it is

Is about being able to recognize as parents,

"How do we make things better for khalin?"

And that's the biggest thing I don't see right now,

And that's sad.

Karolee, I want to talk about the bigger picture here.

You're carrying a child, karolee,

And if you do not start looking after yourself,

You're gonna find yourself in serious trouble.

I know. And you need that support.

The hardest thing that jo told me is that I'm selfish,

Thinking about, maybe, myself and my needs

Before actually taking care of the kids properly.

I've got a lot of work to do-- a lot of work ahead of me.

You will be accountable parents who will change your situation

If you want to. Well, I want to.

That's what I'd like to do, too.

After the meeting with jo, I feel a little sense of relief,

Because she told jay how it was. He needed to hear that.

Now we can move forward and take her criticism to heart.

Any questions? What about, "when do we start?"

Oh, yeah, I'm sure there will be. Okay, so when do we start?

You get to start now. All right.

Coming up on...

Read this article.

I would like you to put the headphones over your ears,

Mom gets a taste of what it's like in khalin's world,

But can they make it through another homework session?

It's kind of a lot-- no, it's not. No, it's not.

When "supernanny" returns.

♪ Be good, be good ♪

[Jo] some of the frustration in the house is due

To karolee's frustration in dealing with khalin's a.d.h.d.,

So rather than concentrate on discipline straightaway,

I wanted to give mom an exercise so that she could

Fully understand khalin's medical condition.

I'm gonna ask you to read this article. Okay.

I would like you to put the headphones over your ears.

Tell me afterwards what it's about, okay? Okay.

I wanted to show mom how challenging and difficult

It can be when you're trying to focus on one thing,

And you've got everything else around you going on,

Which is so often what it feels like for a child

Who's got a.d.h.d.

Great. No matter what, you read the article.

You put the headphones on.

I've got your children, okay?

Okay.

[Rock music playing on headphones]

[Jo] children with a.d.h.d. Are easily distracted

By their environment.

This is a chance for karolee to experience

What khalin feels every day.

Go into the sitting room and go,

"La-la-la-la-la- la-la-la-la."

La-la-la-la-la-la- la-la-la!

[Jo] I wanted to make things really chaotic

To see if she could still focus

On what she was supposed to be focusing on.

Who's the little mommy?

Who's the little mommy?

Aah!

All this stuff was going on.

It was stressful, you know, and I'm like,

"Gosh, if this little guy is feeling this all the time,

You know, it's gotta be rough."

Impossible.

Okay, what's it about? I have no idea. There was too much going on

That I couldn't concentrate on what I was reading.

So imagine how khalin feels when hewants to be good

And achieve, but he can't.

He feels like he's not in control. He can't.

There is so much that we can do to improve khalin's life.

♪♪♪♪♪

Mom was definitely getting a better idea

Of what khalin's life was like.

So later on in the afternoon,

I wanted to work on a major issue in this house,

And that was homework. As much as possible, what you want to do is

To create this environment here in this space,

Very peaceful for khalin, so that he can focus.

Every time he shows you a loss of interest

Or he becomes frustrated with himself,

Pep him back up again.

I had dad take kolben and kadance into another room

So that they wouldn't distract khalin.

Ready for the homework? Give me five!

How we do it?

Step two was to show karolee how to have a positive attitude

Before she started to do homework with khalin.

Say, "khalin can do his homework!"

Khalin can do... "Because I'm a smart boy!"

'Cause I'm a smart boy.

Yeah! Becauseyou're a smart boy.

Off you go then. Go and do your homework.

Okay. This is what we need to do here.

It's kind of a lot-- no, it's not.

[Jo] karolee was just using very negative language

And setting up the whole experience

In such a pessimistic way.

We've got three sets of different homework.

You're gonna choose which one you want to do first.

Mom is gonna go and get a pencil,

And then when she comes back,

You decide which page you wanna do first. Okay?

[Karolee] you find a good page?

Oh, good. Oh, look.

Give him a chance to work it out himself.

Good.

Good, khalin.

Focus. Here, khalin.

Khalin started to lose his focus,

So I stepped in to teach karolee

Exactly how to put him back on track

With lots of praise and encouragement.

Give me five. Give mommy five.

We know you can do it. Let's do it.

Plus is .

Good, khalin. Oh, you're a smart boy.

[Karolee] khalin really needed this.

He needed to feel confident and comfortable

In doing his homework.

Oh. Sounds good. [Jo] I've seen these two struggle

For up to an hour and a half,

Which is way too long for any -year-old,

Let alone a child who's got a.d.h.d.

Very good. Let's count the pages.

And today was fantastic,

Because it actually took him minutes

To complete his homework,

And that was because he was so focused.

How many?

Holy cow. How many?

[Both] six...whoo!

[Karolee] pages. Six?

That is amazing, khalin!my word!

[Karolee] it seemed like night and day.

He does six pages of homework, you know?

I mean, absolutely amazing. It was awesome.

I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do it.

Did you know you could do it? Yeah.

Coming up on...

Mom breaks down...

Can I come in? [Karolee] I'm really not in the mood to talk right now.

And jo lays down the law with dad.

You need to step up.

When "supernanny" returns.

♪ Be good, be good ♪

♪♪♪♪♪

[Jo] when jay gets home every day,

He immediately escapes upstairs.

But he's got a wife who's pregnant,

With three other children, and one who's got a.d.h.d.

Today I wanted to teach him to step up

And give his family more support.

We need you more involved in that house.

Yeah. It's not too hard to go inside, is it...

I hope. [Laughs] and give your wife a kiss and ask her how her day's been?

I know. Say hello to the kids,

And then you can go upstairs and get yourself changed...

Okay. And then come downstairs

And spend some time with your kids.

Get with it. This is your family.

All right.

All right. I'll be inside. Okay.

Come into your home. All right. [Laughs]

Hey, baby girl. How you been?

Hey. Give daddy a big kiss, huh?

You gonna give me a kiss?

Jay made the effort with kadance,

But now it was time for him to see how karolee was doing.

Hello, hello.

[Kadance speaking indistinctly]

[Jo] we were both surprised to see that mom was in tears.

Mom's in an emotional, stressed-out place right now,

And pregnancy is just adding to that.

So dad needs to be more sensitive.

[Jay] uh-oh.

I need a break.

Put--put kadance down.

[Jo] this was a chance for jay to just reach out

And show his wife his support.

Are you okay? What's going on?

[Karolee] nothing. [Coughs]

Can I come in? I'm really not in the mood to talk right now. [Sniffles]

[Jo] whatever you're upset about,

Give him a chance to come in

So that you can talk to him, okay?

So that you can share this with him,

So that he can understand you.

This is giving him a chance to understand

Exactly what's going on in your world

When he's at work, karolee.

You all right?

[Voice breaking] yeah, I'm tired.

I know you had a hard day.

[Karolee] I am a bag of emotions.

Everything that maybe I have been feeling,

I kind of have buried a lot of it,

And jo has just kind of brought all these emotions

To the surface, and...

I'm just facing everything head-on.

You came home from work, and you saw karolee upset.

Your wife needs your help.

[Jo] it's his responsibility, as well,

Raising those children, and it's not about him

Just going to work and earning a crust

And then coming home and saying,

"Right. I've done my bit. I'm done. You do the rest."

You need to step up. Step up. Right.

She wants to hear what you can do with her

To improve the situation with your family,

Because this one lady cannot do it by herself.

[Karolee] when she said, "you know what?

You need to get in there and get involved and grow up,"

He's listening to what she has to say.

There's gotta be a level of maturity here,

'Cause you have three children.

[Jay] I need a lot of help learning how to be a dad,

As far as communicating.

It made me think a lot... What needs to happen.

Give each other some good family nourishment

In this house, because it's not happening.

And I'm gonna have to do my part to make it happen.

Sorry you've had a hard day, hon.

Lifting the mood in this house waskey

In getting jay and karolee to resolve a situation

That had a very simple solution.

These jars are going to regulate the amount of snacks

That they're grazing on throughout the day. I'm convinced that these kids

Are continuously grazing on snacks

Because they want their mom and dad's attention.

Give the children a choice.

Two snacks, okay?

Controlling the amount of snacks that the kids can have

And when they can have them

Will stop them from constantly nagging mom and dad

When they can have them throughout the day.

When it's time for them to have a snack,

They take out of their own jar.

I think that's gonna make a big difference.

The next thing to do was to get the kids involved

So they would embrace the new rules for snack time.

You guys get to pick treats and put it in your very own jar.

Okay, decorate your boxes.

Grab that and put that next to the "k."

Do you wanna put some stars on your box? [Kadance] yeah.

Oh, I like this one.

Good job! [Karolee] I think that the kids are excited about it,

That they can pick their snacks

And, you know, have this to look forward to.

Right. [Jo] it went really well, using the snack jar technique.

They are able to choose what they want to eat,

And at the same time,

Allow mom to keep them out of that pantry.

♪♪♪♪♪

I'm leaving now,

And I'm gonna be gone for a few days.

I'm gonna leave you guys

To really enforce the techniques that you've been taught here.

My biggest worry is knowing how to deal with khalin.

I don't want to get b*at up.

I don't want him throwing punches and hitting me.

Thank you. See you soon.

Appreciate it. Bye-bye. You're welcome. Bye, karolee.

[Karolee] thank you. Bye-bye.

I'm quite anxious to see how they'll get on without me,

And I'm particularly curious to see

How mom and khalin will do whilst I'm away.

Coming up on...

With jo gone,

Mom's struggle with khalin spirals out of control.

This is enough! You do not treat me this way!

No! [Karolee] if you continue to--

Shut up!

When "supernanny" returns.

♪ Be good, be good ♪

♪♪♪♪♪

[Jo] I think that mom and dad are gonna be

A little bit anxious about what they're going to see

On the dvd-- most definitely.

But they need to see it. Are we ready?

Sure. Yep. Holding my breath. [Laughs]

Are you holding your breath?

I'm glad you're holding your breath,

Because it's when you come from work. Hi, baby.

What's up? [Boys shout indistinctly]

What's up? How's it going?

How was school today? Good.

So you had a stressful little bit at one point,

When I called you earlier? We had a few moments.

[Boy] mommy!

Hurry and go change. So do what now?

Go change. Hurry. I need to lay down

For just ten minutes. I don't feel good.

I'm gonna go upstairs for a minute.

I'll be back in a bit.

[Yawns] sorry!

Okay. On your mark...

As soon as dad gets down here.

I guess I don't get a break.

Sorry it took longer, 'cause she--

Well, I really don't feel good, so...

[Kadance] mom. Like, I was serious.

She jumped in. Okay. Here, take over. I gotta go lay down.

Seriously, come on. Get with it.

If you know that your wife's not feeling well,

And karolee blatantly said to you,

"I'm not feeling well. Can you go upstairs

And come back down?" Then do it.

We did talk about that later, and we thought, you know,

What we could have probably worked out better

Is having her go have a break first

Before I even had the chance to even go upstairs.

But do you see what you're doing there?

No, I do. You would rather have karolee take a nap as soon as you get in

Because she's so scared

That if you go up there, you'll never return.

[Both laugh] pretty much, yeah.

And there she is,

Carrying the whole weight of the world on her shoulders.

You need to understand just a little bit

How heavy it is for mom during the day.

So what wedo need from you

Is to start getting productive and take responsibility.right.

Moving on to the next one...

Oh, but you need to use this thing right here, okay?

You circle the higher number

Using these two numbers, okay?

And the answer is .

Good, khalin. Perfect.

Underline the after it.

No, on here, honey.

The answer is . Good, khalin.

And I'm all done with this one.

Good. That was fast.

He's loving it. Look at this.

I mean, it's like a turnaround.

Love the praise.

Hadn't seen a lot of it.

I'm seeing it now. See how it goes around?

Yeah. A lot better than... Than I thought.[Laughs]

Moving on to the next one.

Let's go straight to it.

Are you wanting something to eat because you're bored?

Yes. Okay, let's find something to do then.

What can we do? No, I'm not playing! I'm not doing anything.

I wanna eat something.

Okay, well, you know we're not going to,

And I'm not gonna sit and argue with you about it.

If you continue to do this with me,

I'm going to put you in time-out. Stop!

Okay, let's go to time-out.

This is unacceptable behavior, khalin.

[Babbles in mocking tone] this is unacceptablebehavior!

Stop yelling at me! I am not yelling at you.

Stop!

Did it feel good to bite me? [Babbles in mocking tone]

Does it feel good to you to hit me?

Hey. This is enough.

You just hit me in the nose.

This is enough!

I'm not... Stop!

Stop!

Okay, go! [Cries]

I'm not going upstairs! You are gonna go in time-out.

If you continue-- shut your mouth!

If you continue to-- shut up!

[Child] mommy!

Don't bite me, khalin.

Now stop it!

Okay.

Explain to me, karolee,

Exactly how khalin is feeling right there.

He's frustrated. He's angry. It was a tough situation,

Because I wanna follow the rules,

And I wanna, you know, have snack time

When we have snack time,

And I knew it was going to be an argument.

Karolee, where's the adult that understands

And recognizes that he has a.d.h.d.?

Somebody has to make a decision

About who is going to change their behavior pattern,

And that person cannot be the child.

Right. It has to be the adult.

But he shouldn't be... [Clears throat]

He still shouldn't be allowed to hit me and kick me.

Correct. It's not the answer just to punch and to kick.

But of course, it is the answer,

Because he knows no different. Right.

So you need to show him what the answer is.

You could've done that in five minutes

By going up to him and embracing him

And giving him a hug and saying, "come on.

Let's sit down and talk about this for a minute."

Don't underestimate this piece of footage here,

Because unless you guys realize the amount of homework

That you need to do in changing the way you behave

And recognizing that you have to put your own feelings aside,

The anger towards a child

Who you know can't help what he's doing right now,

How will you ever give him a chance,

Or yourselves? He needs more love, you know?

And he needs to have that compassion.

I think I just didn't maybe understand

Or know how to deal with it the right way.

I felt very emotional

About what khalin was going through.

And seeing him on the dvd struggling so much--

I didn't see that when I was in the moment.

So I'm glad we've sat down and we've watched this dvd.

And I hope that this dvd footage

Has brought real valuable insight

So that you can start to build your relationship

Each with khalin.

You're right.

Sounds good to me.

[Jay] she's given us a lot of positive feedback.

We're ready to do it, ready to go to the next level.

We'd better get started quickly.

All right. All right.

Coming up on...

You are going to carry mom's weight

Throughout today.

Things get heavy for dad... [Sighs]

And can jo show mom how to look past khalin's a.d.h.d.?

He's cute, handsome and beautiful.

When "supernanny" returns.

♪ Be good, be good ♪

[Jo] karolee was still finding it very difficult

To control her frustration with khalin,

And I wanted to do a little exercise

To teach her how to be more sympathetic.

There's a picture of someone here,

And, um, I just wanted you to tell me who it was.

That's khalin.

This is here for a reason.

[Sniffles]

When we are in a place that feels difficult,

We can come up here.

We can take a look

At that beautiful smile and those glossy eyes,

And we're gonna read all the words

That you are going to place around this picture of khalin

That are positive, about who this little boy is.

It's all words that are gonna come from your heart.

Karolee just needed to take a moment to just reflect

And see the positive things about khalin

And not all the negative things.

[Karolee] it wasn't hard for me to--

To write on paper how I really feel about him.

And I think he's a wonderful little boy,

And I think he has a lot of great things to offer.

He's cute, handsomeand beautiful. I think that going up there

And looking at his beautiful, cute face and seeing these words

Is really gonna help me to be able to go back to him

And deal with the situation like I need to.

"Enthusiastic, handsome, curious, sensitive,

"Softhearted, beautiful, fun, explorative,

Sweet, playful"

And "a big brother" and "I love him."

The little boy that you look at here

Is all of these things.

So that you can detach emotionally how he's behaving...

[Sniffles] so that you don't take it personally

And you recognize it for what it is.

♪♪♪♪♪

Since karolee has had to focus so much on khalin

Because of his a.d.h.d.,

I wanted her to take time

To do a fun activity with both her boys.

We're gonna play "master chef" this afternoon.

You are both going to cook food

For your friends to come around

And have dinnertime with you.

I think it's important for mom

To not look at everything as being stressful,

Because she's stopping herself and her kids

From having fun afternoons where they can be creative.

Sounds fun.

So I've got some aprons over here. Okay.

Are the two chefs ready to work together

In baking their good pizza? Yes.

Yes.good.

The key thing was to give each boy a task

So they would achieve something together. Everyone take a seat.

[Karolee] and get your cutting board ready,

And we'll cut them up to put on our pizza.

[Karolee] we don't always take the time to let them

Be hands-on with things, and they really enjoy it.

[Khalin] aw, yeah!

Khalin, this is gonna be good. They're making these boys feel really proud

With what they'd achieved.

I asked mom to invite some of their friends around...

[Woman] hello! So they could all try the pizza together.

Perfect. That's gonna be a great pizza.

[Jo] you know when they've had a good time.

They weren't fighting with one another.

They wanted to work with each other and--

And really just enjoy that time.

[Jo] oh, look. Okay, put it up here.

I'm really good at making pizza.

Youare good at making pizza. That looks good.

You made it.

Yummy. Actually, this is really tasty.

You are a very good chef. You know that? You are.

[Jo] I'm sure there was reflection from mom,

Just simply, "why didn't I do this before?

You know, they've had a real fun time."

Okay, I think--i think the chefs should shake hands. [All giggling]

Shake... [Karolee] nice.

♪♪♪♪♪

[Jo] I wanted to show jay exactly how much responsibility

Mom carries every day.

I had talked to him,

But now it was time to let him feel that.

What you are going to do, jay,

Is you are going to carry mom's weight

Throughout today.

Sounds like an interesting challenge.

There are bags... Catch.

Yeah, that's pretty heavy. All right.

These weights were going to symbolize the weight

That karolee has to carry on her shoulders every day.

As you can see, one side is labeled

"Kolben," the other one "khalin." Okay.

We've got "kadance" here. Very nice.

"Mom's pregnancy" on the other one... Okay.

"Cooking"... And catch--"cleaning."

[Jay] it was a lot of weight that was put into this backpack.

You think it's gonna make me fall down? Oh, my goodness! [Laughs]

[Karolee] I'm carrying a lot of weight

On my shoulders every day, and, you know,

That he needs to step up and be more sympathetic to that.

[Jay] it's gonna get pretty exhausting

After a while, though. I can tell.

So karolee and I stepped back to see how jay would do.

[Jay] it was very strenuous, having that backpack on there,

And I literally almost fell over a couple of times. [Laughs]

Are you trying to knock me over?

The whole time I was thinking,

Just get this thing off my shoulders, please.

It was horrible. [Sighs]

You guys are a lot of weight. You know that? I can start--

I'm starting to feel it on my shoulders already.

[Kolben] dad!

[Jo] I'm sure that it's given him more empathy

And understanding how karolee is feeling.

[Groans] uncomfortable.

[Jo] feeling--are you feeling the weight of mom? Only right here.

Was it a bit harsh? Nah. He got the message.

I thought it-- it was silly at first,

But then as time went on, I thought, you know,

This is what karolee obviously goes through every day.

♪♪♪♪♪

[Jo] so...

Jo jo's going to put her coat on,

Get ready to leave. Jo brought reality into our home.

Thank you. She put the cards on the table.

She told us how it was,

And I think that that's what, honestly, me and jay needed.

Make sure you say, "thank you for come and visiting us."

I owe jo a lot. She's, uh, she's shown me a lot things that

I need to change about myself.

She told me to step up, and I'm gonna step up.

Remember, boys, play nicely.

[Karolee] it--it's just amazing to me

How she can be there for a short period of time

And really understand and give you the tools

That you need to help the situation. Well done.

Thank you. Take care.

[Karolee] thank you. Oh. What have I forgot?

Yes?um... He can take it off now.

Okay. [Laughs] I was waiting for it.

I feel that jay understands

How much support he needs to give his wife,

And I know that karolee now has the confidence

That she needs to deal with khalin's a.d.h.d.

And I hope that parents who have got children with a.d.h.d.

Know that they, too,

Can achieve with their own family.

♪♪♪♪♪

Aah! [Jay] yeah!

[Shouting]

Whoo! [Laughs] [jay] I think it will be a lot less stressful now.

Doing activities with the kids, we're excited to get out there

And do a little bit more with them.

Low five. Nice job. Well, there's been some really good things

That have come of this.

Goose.mom!

[Laughs]

[Karolee] we're kind of to the point

Where it doesn't have to be stressful, you know?

It can be fun. Then with that,

I definitely enjoy being a mom more.

Swimming! [Karolee] she's swimming.

It's a different jay that we're seeing right now.

My wife's probably starting to feel that as well.

What's up? Can I get a hug? Hmm?

I feel more confident

Understanding where khalin's coming from.

"In the land of giants."

This is a very special story.

[Karolee] and I think that with that,

I can take this

And make things a lot better for our family.

Stand right here.

We're not gonna give up. It's a new day.

♪♪♪♪♪

Hi. [Woman] is that a microphone? Don't touch.

Do you like going on the naughty bench?

[Singing gibberish]

What are you talking about?

I'm not here.

I don't even care.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]