01x08 - Cry Wolf

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

[birds cawing]

[buzzer sounding...]

Okay, okay, there's no need to panic.

This is just a routine drill.

Just routine.

This is just a drill, right?

Bullhorn op.

Out of the way, Zorski.

People, I have just been informed

there is not an actual fire.

Thank you, Mr. Zipper.

Nevertheless, we will continue to proceed with the drill.

Repeat, proceed with the drill.

Oh, Ginger...

Step back a sec.

I've been meaning to thank you

for not telling Mrs. Zorski

that I filed that anonymous fashion complaint

about her wearing last year's styles.

Seriously, how can anyone be expected

to learn under those circumstances?

I hear you...

Oh, I just love fire drills, don't you, Miranda?

It gives you a good chance to catch up on the gossip.

Last fire drill I found out...

Are you speaking to me?

Looks like Courtney and Ginger

are swapping the latest scoop.

Know any good scandal?

Like I'd tell you the time.

Oh, no offense taken.

I'm sure Ginger will fill me in later.

She's my best friend, after all.

[both giggle]

Do you really think so, Dodie?

Of course I think so.

I've had that position since pre-kindergarten.

Well, looks like Courtney

is Ginger's best friend now.

[both laugh]

Milty: I need two volunteers

to demonstrate the correct usage of the fire hose.

Any takers?

No? What a surprise.

We'll volunteer, Principal Milty.

Uh, Courtney, are you sure

you want to do this?

Of course. It will be fun.

Looks like best friend behavior to me.

It's just temporary bonding over their fire drill duties. Happens.

Wake up and smell the second string.

You've been replaced.

[both laughing]

I know everything about Ginger

starting with her love of smiley-faced pajamas

and ending with her irrational fear of the tooth fairy.

[laughing]: Right...

I think she mentioned those to Courtney.

Well... Courtney certainly doesn't know about Frizzy Lizzies

Ginger's deepest, darkest secret, does she?

Well?

[whispering]

[both laughing...]

Did I hear "Frizzy Lizzy" just now?

But Ginger would never tell anyone else

about her red-hairy legs

that her mom won't let her shave. [gasps]

[laughs]

Fire drillsaregreat for gossip.

Carl, I have timed exactly how long it takes

to walk to the teacher's supply closet

locate a box of chalk and walk back.

No side trips, young man.

Whatever you say, Mrs. Gordon.

[humming]

[laughs]

Ooh...

Hmm?

Oh!

[panting]

Is that you, Mr. Libby?

What are you doing in the hallway, Carl?

Chalk run.

So tell me, when did your male pattern baldness strike?

'Cause yesterday you had a rather full head of hair, no?

[clears throat]

On your way, Foutley.

Fine. But I'm sensing denial, Mr. L.

I know people.

Call if you need me.

Interesting.

[gasps] Did you hear that?What?

The sound of the world as you know it coming to a screeching halt.

What are you talking about?

Oh... [chuckles]

It's a secret.

Yours, in fact.

And if you don't do exactly as I say

I'll reveal your deepest,hairiestsecret

to the whole school.

[gasps]

You can't... you don't...

Oh, but I do.

And no one else needs to know

about this embarrassing little problem of yours

as long as you... stay away from Courtney!

But Miranda...

I'm calling the sh*ts from now on, Foutley.

[Carl and Hoodsey grunting...]

Aw, I'm disappointed.

I thought % synthetic would feel more... synthetic.

[sniffs]

Hey, Carl, you should see yourself.

You look all... freaky and twisted.

Really?

[growls]

Aah!

[chuckles]

I don't know what just came over me now.

I felt positively... wolfen.

[growls]

Stop it, Carl!

I'm going to have nightmares!

Carl is no more.

I am Wolf Boy.

Yield to my power!

[growling]

Well, what about me?

What about my power?

No time.

I feel a full moon rising.

Grarr...

You guys...

Miranda's totally bluffing, right?

You two are the only ones

who know about my Frizzy Lizzies

and you'd never tell.

Only under thr*at of t*rture.

Oh...!

All right, all right, I can't take it anymore!

I did it!

I told Miranda how you can't shave

your awful, red-hairy legs!

Oh...!

You traitor.

It was a total accident.

Miranda said Courtney was your best friend

and she just got me so flustered

it slipped out.

Dodie... how could you?

I didn't mean to.

I'm so sorry.

Oh...

Well, at least you didn't mention

her love for smiley-face pajamas

or that whole tooth fairy thing.

Oh...

Oh... oh, yeah.

[bubbling]

Do you find that hump on your little toe irritating?

Not as irritating as receiving visitors during my foot bath.

Carl, what are you up to?

Medical research, perfectly routine.

No ripping any more pages.

I'm missing the whole chapter

on leech therapy.

Uh-oh.

There's got to be something

on that hairy disease.

Jeez, Mrs. Foutley

you could capsize a boat in that thing.

Thanks for your concern.

Now take your apple.

Success!

Mmm... eucalyptus with a hint of adhesive corn pad.

Might have to market these.

Uh-uh... one dip per foot bath.

May I present the Unicorn razor.

My mom swears by these.

Uh, why... is it extra sharp or something?

Oh, I doubt it.

It's called "the young woman's choice."

It's her only choice since you spilt the beans, sister.

Ginger, I got you into this

and I'm going to make you get yourself out of this.

Macie, shaving cream.

JoAnn [knocking]: Ginger!

[all gasp]

Your mother wants you home!

Oh... thanks, Mrs. Bishop.

Got to go.

But your reputation's at stake!

Not to mention you have foam

seeping through your pants leg.

I know, I know.

I'll deal with it later, guys. Bye.

Mother, they're predicting a cold snap tonight.

Do you think you could pick up some fresh hay for my den?

Carl, your grandmother went arthritic

knitting you that afghan.

You're going to use it.

When you grow up, you can sleep in hay.

Correction: I go by "Wolf Boy" now.

Thanks in advance.

Sorry, Mr. Boy.

Can you believe this kid?

One day he's got a relatively clean face

the next it's covered with hair.

What? Hair?

Now, as my sister, we're in the same pack

but I insist on being the alpha wolf.

[growls]

Oh...

Uh... is Miranda out there?

Are we positively certain

that Miranda is waiting for Ginger?

Steve, you seen Ginger anywhere?

[scoffs] Steve?

I'm Gregg with three g's.

So you know.

I'll make a note, Gregg with three g's.

Seen Ginger with two?

I think you should move to Paris.

It's a known fact that French women don't shave their legs.

Forget it.

I'm not moving to France.

Huh?

What's going on?

Darren, do me a solid.

Can you tell Miranda I'm out sick today?

Wow... what's Miranda got on you?

I can't tell you, but I swear it's big.

Please help me.

Done deal.

I can't hide under stairwells the rest of my life.

Actually, with a generous ration of canned goods

and a space blanket

you might make it.

Hoodsey: Step right up!

The legend is true!

Come see--

but don't touch--

the amazing Wolf Boy!

Back! This is a wild animal!

No one must feed, pet

nor aggravate ye Wolf Boy in any way!

And that means you, Higsby.

I just thought he'd like my veggie burger.

Wolf Boy is a carnivorous beast!

It tastes just like meat.

Even my dad was fooled.

Son, feed him that and you're as good as road k*ll.

Stand back!

Behold... Wolf Boy!

[growling]

[kids scream]

Before your very eyes

is none other than our former fun-loving friend Carl Foutley.

His freak family gene

has transformed him into part-boy, part-wolf.

[growling]

[sniffing]

[snarling]

I warned you, Higsby!

I warned you!

[growling]

Mom, can we discuss my legs?

Sure. They're cute, shapely...

remind me of my own as a girl.

I meant shaving my legs.

Oh... well, let me answer your query

with a story of a girl much like yourself.

She shaved her legs behind her mother's back.

One thing led to another

and she lost her hearing

at an amusement park.

And her only horse?

Stolen by rodeo clowns.

Uh, I don't even have a horse.

Exactly.

Let's keep it that way, shall we?

I promise to be careful.

[sniffing]

Out! I'm talking to Mom.

Mom, please.

Ginger, no on this one.

Shaving your legs is like...

eating a bag of pork rinds.

Once you start, you can't stop.

Ah, the curs-ed Foutley gene.

Has it appeared on your knuckles yet?

May I call you Wolf Girl?

Don't you have a moon to howl at?

Mm-hmm... thinking like a wolf.

Bay with me, Sis.

[howling]

I'm not moving to France, Macie.

Well, you better do something, because here comes Courtney.

Oh...

Hmm, I see you're all having the special.

Ginger, I haven't seen you since our fire drill tour de force.

What have you been up to?

I've just been...

Ginger, don't you need to go to the library?

No... I was just there.

But what about your report onHairyHoudini?

I... got to go, Courtney.

But we haven't talked in ages.

Better shake a leg.

Uh... huh...

Oh, Ginger, your legs will look absolutely gorgeous

after I pluck all those pesky red hairs out. Promise.

Can't we wait until after dinner?

I wouldn't.

There are approximately follicles

per square inch on your leg

so it will take Dodie six days and three hours

to pluck all , hairs.

Give or take a hair.

[sighs]

[screams]

Seen my tweezers?

Tweezers?Don't know what they look like.

I could have sworn I set them on the coffee table

after I plucked that tick off Wolf Boy. Hmm.

Tick? Gross.

Oh, eww...

Hmm.

[rings bell]

Ah, here to see Wolf Boy?

I can offer you a private viewing.

[kids clamoring]

Children.

Okay, single file behind me.

No pushing or shoving.

That just brings out the animal in him.

[kids clamoring]

You have my deepest sympathies.

Is Ginger home?

I'm Miranda, her closest friend.

Really? Pleased to meet you.

I've heard almost nothing about you.

It's a low-key friendship.

Ginger! Get down here!

She'll be right... hey, are those my good tweezers?

Carl...!

Miranda...

What are you doing here?

Cut the chit-chat, Foutley.

I have a book report due tomorrow, so get started.

You expect me to write your book report?

And bone up on your pre-algebra

'cause I've got an assignment for the weekend.

But I've got homework of my own.

Let me pretend I care.

Okay, I'm done.

But Miranda...

I'll expect the report tomorrow

in the girls' bathroom at lunch.

[groans]

Call of the Wild.

I'll be up till midnight reading this.

[Carl howling]

I'll do what I can.

Thanks, Darren.

I owe you.

[boys talking...]

Today's menu specials include grilled bologna with pickles

grilled hot dogs and macaroni

or grilled lettuce and mayo.

And I do accept gum as a form of payment.

I got book reports, forged hall passes

answers to last year's history final.

Hey, got a report on Call of the Wild?

That's kind of heady, cost you a fiver.

[monkey chatters]

Shh...

[giggling...]

[snarling, kids laughing]

Carl, why are dressed like that?

[growls]

Mrs. Gordon, he only answers to Wolf Boy now

due to the unfortunate and until now recessive Foutley gene

which suddenly make him grow

wolf-like hair.

Zip it, Robert.

Carl, do you still have the power of speech

or has the wolf got your tongue?

Oh, uh, thanks for asking

but my senses are keener than ever.

You might want to check on my twice-baked potato

you confiscated, I believe last week.

My heightened sense of smell tells me it's rotting

in your bottom left drawer.

[kids laughing]

[snarls]

[whimpers]

Mrs. Gordon, I don't feel safe

in your classroom anymore.

Wolf Boy is a menace to society. A menace.

[snarling]

Carl, take your wolf hide down to the nurse's station.

Let her figure out what to do with you.

You're smart to make me go, Gordo.

Who knows what havoc I might wreak?

[girls talking]

[laughs]

Boys' bathroom material.

I'm slightly impressed.

But next time, make it original.

Here's my handwriting.

Study and perfect it

if you know what's good for you.

You know, I don't approve of cheating.

And no one approves of hairy legs.

If you get my point.

[door opens]

Girls: Courtney...!

Yes, yes, nice to see you all, too.

Now, would everyone please clear out

with the exception of Ginger?

[girls laughing and talking]

Ginger, I can't help but notice

your indifference towards me lately.

I've just been so busy.

Homework, book reports...

Oh, well, if you're too busy, I understand.

But I'm just being honest with you.

Perhaps I need to rethink this budding friendship.

Miranda.

[girls talking]

[laughs]

[roars]

[girls gasp]

[growling]

[girls laugh]

[howling]

[panting]

Ladies...

[girls laughing]

[gasps]

[growling]

Move along, Foutley.

[growling]

Stop staring at me that way.

What's wrong with you, boy?

[growls]

Nurse!

[snarls, howls]

Bring that back, Carl Foutley!

[howling]

Okay, now, this is supposed to be

completely painless.

Let's just get this over with

and stop Miranda before it's too late.

Go on... paint me.

You're the bravest girl I've ever known.

I won't forget you, Ginger Foutley... ever.

Stealing someone's toupee...

It's more than theft, young man.

You made that poor man a laughingstock.

Why, why, why?

Mom, don't blame yourself.

I'm an animal.

Besides, you should have seen

how fake that thing looked.

I did old Libby a favor.

[doorbell rings]

Oh! I'm not finished with you yet.

Girl: I love you, Wolf Boy!

We heard Mr. Libby caught him in a snare trap

and Wolf Boy had to chew his own leg off to get out.

Wolf Boy's walking on two legs again.

Show's over, kids, he's retired.

[Ginger screams]

[kids scream]

[screaming]

It was just the test patch.

Lois: What's going on in there?

It's okay, Mom, I just saw a spider.

Lois: Oh!

The waxing is off.

But you don't want people to think

you have that hairy gene like your brother, do you?

You actually fell for that, Macie?

Carl's the master of manipulation.

He can convince anyone of anything.

It's a sickness.

Or... a gift.

Carl: You were right to come to me, ladies.

As you know, I myself recently had a brush with the hairy life

and understand it's a mixed bag

both at once charmed and curs-ed.

Can you help me, Carl?

Believe I can, Sis.

Mom has forbidden you to shave your legs

but said nothing, as I recall, about your ankles.

Show Miranda a hairless ankle and send her packing.

It might work.

What's that old thing?

This? Why, the finest dog-grooming mechanism on the market.

Carelessly thrown in the trash.

But if it was good enough

for the Randalls' Pekinese

it's good enough for you.

[click, buzzing...]

Oh... velvet.

Oh, Ginger, there's all sorts of fashion available to you now!

Oh... I don't know how to thank you, Carl.

This is a fine start.

See me once a week.

Pretty soon I'll have enough for a goatee and sideburns.

I'll be needing those math problems by the end of the day.

[gasps]

It's over, Miranda.

Find someone else to do your dirty work.

You think you're so clever.

Fine! Where's that little run-mouth friend of yours?

You mean my best friend Dodie?

She's not doing anything for you.

Try cracking a book yourself.

Ouch. That hurt, Foutley.

Hmm... khaki clam-diggers

with a side cargo pocket.

How very smart!

I approve.

Thanks, Courtney.

I'm glad you're talking to me again.

Well, you did have three more days

of cold-shouldering coming

but that statute of limitations can be broken

when a fashion compliment is in order.

[sighs]

Hoodsey: What about my power? Grarr...