02x19 - Next Question

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me th♪ On the other side. r ♪

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different, yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green.

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

MAN: Next question.

"What mineral accounts

for nearly % of the earth's total composition?"

Ginger?

Iron.

Excellent.

Here's a tricky one--

check it out.

"In what year

was Abraham Lincoln first elected into office?"

[bell dings]

Chet?

Uh... uh...

Chet, you're supposed to buzz in

when you know the answer, not before.

Right.

So...?

What?

"What year was

Abraham Lincoln elected into office?"

For the first time?

Uh... ?

That's correct.

Okay, next question.

"What disease, caused by a parasite, is transmitted..."

[dings repeatedly]

"by the bite of an infected mosquito?"

I believe the disease you're looking for is malaria.

That's correct.

Before you go, in honor of the fact

that this weekend's competition

against Furnace Brook Middle School

will be televised live on public access,

I'd like to present you guys

with your very own Lucky Junior High Quiz Team jerseys.

[all ooh and ahh]

GIRL: Nice jerseys... sweet.

Wear them with pride, and practice those TV smiles.

Great job today, Ginger.

You didn't miss one.

That's just because I got all the science questions.

I'm kind of a science geek.

You say geek; I say expert.

What's wrong? You're not glossing.

Have you guys ever noticed Mr. Gardner's ears?

Are his hairy, too?

Because I can't even talk to Mr. Cilia anymore

without my eyes wandering over to his long gray tufts.

No, Mr. Gardner's ears aren't hairy.

They're just kind of--

I don't know-- cute.

[gasps]

You think Mr. Gardner's ears are cute?

Well, yeah.

Both of them?

Yeah.

I can't believe it.

Do you know what this means?

That Ginger has an ear fixation?

No-- Ginger, I think

you have a crush on Mr. Gardner.

That's just sick.

DODIE: A crush on an older man is totally natural

and the kind of thing that movies of the week are made of.

GINGER: All I said is that I think his ears are cute.

Is there a crime in noticing someone's very cute ears?

Oh, now they'reverycute?

Because the words "very cute" are generally reserved

for baby animals and new crushes.

Believe me, I've had a crush before,

and I know what one is, and this is not a crush.

I do not have a crush on Mr. Gardner.

Sell it, Brandon, sell it,

or you can kiss that commission check good-bye.

[disco music playing]

Look, everybody, Mr. Licorice can do the hustle.

Careful now.

Okay, this one's ready.

Excellent.

We really should learn

how to finish an edge.

I mean, even a pompon fringe would look better than this.

Carl, Hoodsey...

dare I ask who would actually wear one of these rags?

I shouldn't have to remind you

that there is a sucker born every minute.

Well, that may be true.

Trash like this is going to demand

an extraordinary marketing angle,

something bigger than a flamboyant boy and his disco monkey.

Thanks for the advice, Gripling.

Now move along.

I really hate when he's right, Carl.

I mean, we've been here all afternoon,

and we haven't sold a single...

Hoods! I think I have

something better than the dancing monkey.

Like that would be hard.

Every year, there's that lame-o Groundhog Day celebration,

where a bunch of old people stand around waiting

for old Pawtucket Pete to come out of his hole.

It's a joke, Carl.

Just look at a calendar.

There's six more weeks of winter

whether he sees his shadow or not.

Right, but what if we made sure Pawtucket Pete wasn't there

to come out of his hole?

Kidnap the town groundhog?

Not kidnap-- prematurely liberate.

Well, how is prematurely liberating the town groundhog

going to help us sell scarves?

Simple.

First, we got to retool our product,

incorporate something groundhoggy

and liberate old Pete.

Then when he's discovered missing on Saturday,

heartbroken townspeople will mop up

every last Pawtucket Pete souvenir scarf we have.

Now that we have a new plan,

can we fire the monkey act?

Not yet.

They might just come in handy.

Pivot, pivot, turn.

[hip-hop music playing on car radio]

GINGER: The cheese pizza dog...

DODIE: Ginger, recognize those ears?

Hi, Mr. Gardner.

You don't officially know me.

I'm Dodie Bishop.

My friends, Macie and Ginger,

have told me all about you.

Oh, nice to meet you, Dodie.

Hi, Macie, Ginger.

LOIS: Do you girls want curly fries or coleslaw with those dogs?

Um... mom, this is our quiz team coach, Mr. Gardner.

Since we're not in school,

you don't have to be so formal.

You can call me Trevor.

Trevor...

Nice to meet you, Trevor.

Don't tell me you use those things.

Yeah, they keep my commute lively.

They do the same for the emergency rooms.

Just today I saw a compound fracture where the shin bone

was sticking so far out, you could have hooked a donut on it.

CLERK: Will that be curly fries or coleslaw?

I highly recommend the curly fries.

Curly fries, it is.

[giggles]

Well, enjoy.

See you tomorrow.

MACIE: See you later, Mr. Gardner.

Bye.

Why don't you girls grab us a table and watch for our dogs?

I'll hit the Spud Patch and Berryterium while we're waiting.

Trevor.

You have sauce on your chin.

Excellent napkin maneuvering.

Oh, he's wearing very cool sneakers, notice?

Chews his food at least times before swallowing.

That's got to do wonders for digestion.

And you're right, Ginger.

His ears are cute.

Very cute.

For the last time, I do not have a crush on him.

Well, you're certainly acting like you do.

You even blushed

when he said your name.

Didn't she, Macie?

Could have been a hot flash.

Ginger, why are you so determined to pretend

that you don't have feelings for Trevorino?

Next question.

Ginger.

He's our teacher.

He's practically as old as my mother.

And admitting that I have a massive, full-blown,

sweaty-palms, tight-throat,

forget-what-to-say- when-I'm-around-him crush

will only complicate matters.

[both squeal]

Let me guess-- another hot flash.

Okay, so I have a crush.

GINGER: Are you sure this is a good idea?

MACIE: What point does this become stalking, please?

He lives right there.

Ooh, vertical blinds-- nice touch.

You know what?

I feel kind of funny being here, you guys.

The Trevor-nator-- two o'clock.

This is your chance, Ginger.

Uh... I definitely don't want him to see me right now.

Let's get out of here.

[cans smashing]

[both gasp]

[screams]

He's catching up to us.

Hurry!

Hey, girls!

Hey, Trevor!

Oh, guys, help.

[screams]

Macie!

[crash]

They needed the jaws of life

to get my roller blade out of the hubcap.

So, wait... what were you doing all the way up in Marshy Hills?

Part of a workout routine, Chet, and leave it at that.

Whoa-- consider it left.

Mace, I'm really sorry about all this.

Not your fault.

I should have learned to stop.

Macie, what happened?

Oh, you know, recreational hazards.

It was kind of a roller-blading accident.

With a retired cafeteria worker.

But Ginger here saved me at the last moment

before the confrontation turned ugly.

Next time I get in trouble,

I know who to call, huh, Ginger?

[giggles]

I hope all this isn't going

to interfere with the Quiz Bowl.

Oh, she'll be there, and so will Ginger.

Well, good thing.

We couldn't do it

without the stars of the team, that's for sure.

Glad you're okay, Macie.

He called you his star.

He called Macie and me his stars.

He winked at you.

He winked at all of us.

He said he'd call you.

Well, if he ever got into trouble,

but, hey, a call's a call.

Don't you get it?

Not only are you crushing on Mr. Gardner,

but Mr. Gardner's crushing on you, too.

It's totally mutual.

Spending the night at Higsby's

is my idea of cruel and unusual punishment.

It would take us all night to get to Pawtucket Pete

from either one of our houses.

It's still a tough pill to swallow, Carl.

I'm warning you, if Higsby makes Mr. Licorice

say his bedtime prayers with him, I'm going to hurl.

Praying monkeys are just plain wrong,

and I'm a religious man.

Carl! Hoodsey!

Come on.

You're just three minutes late for sleep-over fun.

[thunder crashes]

[laughing evilly]

[continues laughing]

Hmm?

[dance music playing]

BRANDON: ♪ Take my flipper

♪ Let's swim away

♪ Towards the brand-new dawning day ♪

♪ To a place where you and I can live as teen seals... ♪

In a minute, I'm going to spew stomach bile, you hear?

Just go along with it, Hoods.

We can't raise any suspicions.

Here comes the bridge.

[music changes tempo]

BOTH: ♪ And if they only knew

♪ What a teen seal wants to do

♪ Every time the tide takes the seal girl out to sea. ♪

♪ Let the...

You've all just crossed the line.

I can't allow this to continue.

But we were just about to get to the dancing part.

Can't continue.

TV NARRATOR: It was an unusually warm January day

when Cleetis Boregard began...

Oo...

I positively adore Nature Vision.

I seen this hole, and I thought it might have been

some kind of secret hidin' place.

Well, somethin' was hidin' in there, all right.

Dang groundhog done bit my arm clear off at the elbow.

Hey?!

Do you boys want to see

my used-key collection?

I'll bet you do!

It's key-riffic!

"Key-riffic," Carl?

Are you even listening to him?

I know, I know.

Just wait until he falls asleep.

Dodie, if you think Trevor likes me and knows I like him,

then why doesn't he just come out and say it?

'Cause, Ginger, older men are really complicated--

I've read it a thousand times.

He's not acting on his feelings

and time's ticking.

You need to seize the moment.

Carpe diem,Ginger, carpe diem.

Uh, I don't know...

Here, look at it this way:

What if you had a total crush on Ian

or Sasha or Chet?

Okay, okay, not Chet.

Dodie, Ian and Sasha aren't our English teachers.

Please, just follow my line of questioning.

If you had a crush on Sasha or Ian and they had a crush on you

but were too shy to ask, what would you do?

I guess I'd make the next move.

Then why should Trev be any different?

Because, he's, like, an adult.

The rules of love are universal, Ginger.

They work on every age group.

I wish I had more proof that he liked me, too.

How many signs do you want, Ginger?

TREVOR'S VOICE: Yeah, Ginger, how many?

You've got nothing to lose by taking Dodie's advice

and asking me on a date.

I've never turned down an offer for stale popcorn

with real butter- flavored topping.

DODIE: Ginger?! Are you there?

Um, yeah, I'm here.

Real butter-flavored topping, Ginger.

So, verdict?

Maybe you're right.

Maybe the signs are there.

I'll do it!

I'm going to ask Mr. Gardner on a date.

This is amazing.

Oh, I have goosebumps!

[sighing]

CARL: I thought you said

you were going to oil those wheels.

HOODSEY: I did.

It's just a lot heavier with the cabbage.

[squeaking]

Rise and shine, Pete, ol' buddy.

Don't get too close-- that's your pitching arm.

CARL: Come on, Pete, we're your liberators.

You can run free.

Just you and the wild.

Looks like one of us will have to pull him out.

Evens or odds?

Neither--

I'm not reaching inside

a wild animal's lair.

Hoods, do I have to remind you

that we're sitting on a mint

of potato-printed "Bring Back Pete" scarves,

which no one will buy

if Pete's still here!

Do I have to remind you

of Cleetis Boregard and his stumpy arm?

This plan is too good to waste.

[both yell]

[squawking]

[boys yell]

CARL: Run free, little Pete!

Run free!

[sighs]

Everybody ready?

You guys have worked really hard

to earn your place in the competition.

Don't let the fact that Furnace Brook

are the seven-year champs intimidate you,

because they're not the ones stylin'

in their new team jerseys.

Good luck.

Um, Mr. Gardner, I was wondering...

We're starting-- you need something?

Uh, no, I just wanted to...

thank you for being such a great coach.

Oh, and thank you

for being such a whiz kid.

[band playing]

[band stops playing]

We have gathered here today to welcome Pawtucket Pete

back from a long, cold winter.

Mayor Mennenclary, if you will.

[snickering]

GARDNER: Furnace Brook.

Relative humidity.

Correct. Next question:

What city is hailed as the birthplace

of Baroque architecture in the th century?

[buzzer sounds]Lucky.

Uh... Rome?

Correct.

What dinosaur name means...

[reality blurring]

You can ask him after the show.

Just try to focus.

List the first three states in alphabetical order.

[buzzer sounds]Lucky.

Uh, Alabama, uh...

Alaska, uh... Arkansas?

No, I'm sorry.

Furnace Brook.

Alabama, Alaska, Arizona.

Correct. Next question:

What metal forms the exterior

of the Statue of Liberty?

[buzzer sounds]Lucky.

Whoopsie.

Anyone can answer.

Ginge, where's your head,

you know that one.

MACIE: Oh, that would be copper, Mr. Gardner.

That's correct.

[chuckling]

Next question-- buzzers ready:

"Mark Twain" was the nom de plume

of what early-th- century author?

[slow jazz music playing]

REPORTER: That's right, Janet.

Officials here are suspecting foul play

in the disappearance of Pawtucket Pete--

a tragic first in this town's

-year Groundhog Day tradition.

We are reporting live

as officer Bernie Boxiton arrives

with the necessary equipment

to inspect inside the groundhog burrow.

One at a time, please.

We need to concentrate-- we're making change.

Some of you may know Bernie from his cooking show

seen here on Channel Nine every Tuesday night.

[shrieking]

My word, it's a beast!

Folks, get away from it, stay away, he's rabid!

Clearly this animal has eaten Pawtucket Pete!

Ladies and gentlemen, we are here live

as this tragedy unfolds!

[gasping]

Oh, no, Mayor Mennenclary has...

Oh, for the sake of Pete!

Someone restrain that monkey!

Maybe we should get out of here.

No, Hoods, this is our chance.

Oh, you blasted monkey!

Mr. Licorice, don't!

No!

Mr. Licorice, listen to me,

put Muffin down.

Do you hear me? Put him down!

♪ Let that buoy show us the way to a h-h-harbor beyond today ♪

♪ to the place where you and I can live as teen seals ♪

♪ Past the ice floes and farther still ♪

♪ Just beyond old Smelt Fish Hill ♪

♪ To the place where you and I can live as teen seals. ♪

What continent is home

to five of the world's eight longest rivers?

[buzzer sounds]Lucky. Asia.

Right, next question:

What African country...

If you'd just asked him out

in the beginning, like Dodie told you to,

you'd be focused on the game right now

and not his cute, little ears.

[buzzer sounds]Lucky.

Mr. Gardner, I was wondering

if you might want to catch

a movie with me or something.

Did she just say what I think she said?

Uh, um... next question:

Furnace Brook, the question is yours.

How many days does it take for the planet Mercury

to orbit the Sun, Furnace Brook.

Eighty-eight.

[buzzer sounds]

Oh, that buzzer means time's up.

And Furnace Brook Middle School is the winner.

[applause]

Hey, Ginger.

Dodie, what did I do?

I made a total dork of myself out there.

Not total.

But it was pretty high on the dorkability scale.

You could've at least waited until the commercial break.

I should've known better-- he's our teacher.

What was I thinking?

Of course he doesn't have a crush on me.

Am I missing something?

GINGER: Just my total humiliation.

No, I caught some of that out there.

Oh, I feel so stupid.

Oh, Ginge, you're not the first kid

to make a fool of yourself over a teacher.

You're just the first to do it on public access.

Oh, this is all my fault.

I'm the one who came up with the stalking.

I'm the one who told her to ask him out.

I'm the one who was feeling his vibe big time.

I'd better go

and leave this to a professional.

I'm really sorry, Ginger.

Oh, sweetheart...

I don't know what I was thinking.

I mean, I never actually believed

he'd really say yes, I just hoped he would.

LOIS: And as hard as it is to believe,

this whole episode will pass

and life will go on.

And I'm talking from experience here.

So you're saying this kind of lunacy

runs in the family?

No question.

Ginger, you'll have a lot of crushes

in your life.

Some will make sense, others won't.

You've just got to learn

to recognize the difference.

I think I just did, big time.

Hey, what do you say we grab the girls

and hit the pancake house?

That was pretty much the end of my quiz-team career

and my quiz-team crush.

Even though the embarrassment of the whole thing

feels like it will never wear off,

Mom swears it will.

Every time I pass Mr. Gardner in the hallway,

the same thought races through my head:

"What in the world was I thinking?"

But before I b*at myself up about the whole thing too much,

I just remind myself of what Mr. Gardner would say:

"Next question."

♪ Can live as teen seals

♪ Past the ice floes and farther still ♪

♪ Just beyond old Smelt Fish Hill ♪

♪ To the only place where you and I are free. ♪

Come on!

♪ And if they only knew what a teen seal wants to do ♪

♪ Every time the tide takes the seal girl out to sea. ♪

♪ Let the...

CARL: In a minute, I'm going to spew stomach bile, you hear?