01x02 - Raging Bully

[bunniefuu]

uh

[Music]

come on grandma i'm starving yeah

grandma he's starving what are you

having larry oh nothing arlene would

k*ll me she's making stuffed cabbage

tonight you hate cabbage

i know i keep telling her she doesn't

listen what can i do peel off the

cabbage what are you an idiot

come on i told you i don't want any so

only eat half

stephen you're home mom's over steven

and we're eating sandwiches what does

this state the obvious day huh

look there's the soul the stove is white

and dad resembles my favorite stooge

what are you guys doing here oh yeah i

almost forgot larry you were supposed to

remind me

al you know your friend sal got leave

yeah well he d*ed a couple of weeks ago

what and you're just telling me now

one day a couple of weeks what's the

difference he's dead out dead

mom what are you yelling for huh because

sal's wife got a house

and he lost our money and the house and

he's still alive

admit it helen you know mr house

all day don't worry dad she's covered

danny what are you doing huh we're gonna

have dinner soon

i'm eating what's the problem he's been

eating like this for the past week he's

gonna grow up to be big and strong and

have hair on his chest like his

grandmother

now lean over so i can fix my makeup

danger why are you always so hungry

oh my god he's smoking ganja

i'm not smoking ganja ma

and how do you even know what that means

and adelaide has glaucoma she also has

bob marley posters in her bedroom

hey danny is some bully taking your

lunch money

i know the signs

is that true danny it's no big deal we

have food at home

what are you kidding me

what do you mean it's like no big deal

what kind of school is my son going to

anyway

next thing you'll tell me they changed

it three yards to reading writing and uh

fist fighting i know it doesn't start

with a gnar but neither is arithmetic

danny tell grandma what's going on

well

there's this kid

justin foley

he's really big

and he and he makes me give him my lunch

money ah what if you don't give it to

him then he says he'll k*ll me my whole

family does that include aunts and

uncles

why is he picking on you cause he's an

animal what do you think

then why'd you go to the principal it's

not a snitch i'm not a snitch daddy fine

then i'll go to the principal no

that'll be worse i'll be a wolf

[Music]

the next time you see this jerk here's

what you do okay you pretend you're

crying

and then pow you put a pencil right in

his eye

let me give you an example

oh helen

[Music]

i'm so sorry how i treated you all these

years

geez dad would you just be quiet for a

second it's not lord of the flies here

and i do not want my son to use his

fists to solve his problems

wha what's with the looks

nothing he's your son

yeah raise him whatever way you want dr

spock

oh you know like i really figured that

you two would understand this

you fought so much i kept expecting bob

hope to hold this christmas show in our

living room

listen to me danny i want you just try

to talk to this kid okay just reason one

how can he read with him if he has no

front teeth the kid's got to protect

himself i agree with you dad but i'd

rather him protect himself with this

okay and not with this stephen you're

making a this out of yourself

oh danny is his son

let him ruin his life if he wants to

thank you mom

listen danny

the next time justin asked you for your

lunch money simply sit him down and say

you want to discuss it with him because

believe me words can be powerful tools

oh yeah that's how we won world w*r ii

they dropped a big adverb on japan

danny listen to your father but never

listen to your grandfather except if

you're looking to lose your life savings

in south jersey clam farm

oh really look who's talking the lady

who kept milwaukee from going under

well i gotta go

call me if you need

anything come on larry i never should

have eaten that second half arlene's

gonna know i smacked my do i smell like

tuna

just tell her you don't like cabbage for

crying out loud

look at her she's going to trip over

that oops

there she goes

damn it

what's wrong danny you k*lled me daddy

he's in the third grade look son i know

this guy seems like a jerk but you got

it all over him you're smarter than he

is you're more civilized really

i mean you can be just as tough with

your words just use your words just say

hey

i will not give you my lunch money and

if that don't work i have three more

words for you

daddy's a putts

say it with grandpa daddy's a putts

[Music]

no don't feel bad danny

uh it's not gonna bother you ever again

starting tomorrow and you know why we're

moving out of town no that's what you do

when you get a girl pregnant

because with the moves i'm showing you

this kid justin will never bother you

again now come on come at me outta boy

those are good strong punches

really grandpa well no not really but

we'll work at it

now let's try to remember our abc's

a stands for adam's apple which one hit

makes it very difficult to breathe

c is for cornea which when scratched

makes it very difficult to see grandpa

you forgot the bees well

let's put it this way

when you hit the bees

you can't see or breathe

this is sunday huh

sure is danny what's real fun is when

you take the palm of your hand and drive

it up into the enemy's nose right

straight to the brain

hey what's going on here

nothing blow danny

god danny what happened to your eye oh

you won't believe this stephen he was

coming back from school and bam he got

punched in the face by a pronoun

i believe this happened i mean how do

you feel and does it hurt bad don't

worry steven

when i teach our boy a few moves that

punk kid will beg for mercy beg yeah

well first of all he's not our boy

and and second of all i don't want you

teaching him 100 ways to injure a man

and make it look like an accident

i don't know why you won't let me teach

him a few defensive tricks oh come on

dad you're not going to turn the kid

into oscar de la hoya in one night all

right that'll take years of training and

quite frankly swallowing thousands of

raw eggs

look danny how come you mean until the

kid what i told you to say

i tried to but he kept shoving grass in

my mouth

well at least you ate something today

with that your dad's words you must be

pretty full

thanks thanks a lot dad

hey listen okay go grab your coat all

right i'm taking it a hook line and

sinker

you can have all the french fries you

want all right

steven

taking him out for french fries won't

solve the problem look dad what am i

supposed to do huh if i go to the

principal all the other kids will just

t*rture him they'll never leave him

alone like those mci people

well he'll either get b*at up or starve

every day oh no no i'm going down there

i'm gonna speak to this kid and danny

doesn't have to know a thing about it

you got it

hey i know how to keep a secret

you still think i'm your father don't

you

[Music]

hey excuse me uh i'm looking for a

little boy

[Music]

i cannot believe that you're still here

really me i'm steven mitchell yes i know

i also know you didn't turn in your

report this morning

now mrs crow i i i graduated here many

many years ago really i'm i'm a

psychologist now i'm not in your class

i'm in fact i have a practice in new

york city i got you know the

receptionist the couch the whole nine

yards i don't know what you're on

stephen

i'm not gonna stand here and listen to

your excuses if i don't have that paper

at my desk by tomorrow morning

i'm calling your parents

bro

god she's still a

hey you big bully what do you think

you're doing to our little bully who are

you his dad no

you're somebody's dad hey i'm nobody's

dad not that i couldn't be i could

regardless of what you may have heard

sorry

i'm nothing to prove to you

who are you oh my i'm uh

i'm the new principal around here but

just for the day it's a new program

they're testing out it's called

ironically enough uh

principal for a day

what happened to mr laporte oh the

regular principal he's uh

he's in the bathroom he's creating

papers in there

your name is justin isn't he yeah

how do you know my name

oh i got a big file on you mister

i think you know what i'm talking about

huh

how could he been picking on danny

mitchell you're not the principal

you're danny's father

all right i'm not the principal

what gave it away i 300

shoes i'm not talking to you

you're a lie hey hey i'm no liar i might

have told the little mini mini lie a

little while ago okay and then i told

the truth about my line which makes me

honest

it's now it's your turn to be honest

why are you picking on danny drummond

dead oh an english major are you

what hey look i'm not thrilled about

this myself okay i want to know what you

have against danny that's all really

let's talk about it maybe we can solve

the problem i just think she can find a

place where we can talk alone because

you're a stranger

have some candy

[Music]

it's not it's not even candy

sit down for a second when you're buddy

i don't have much time here look here's

the deal

ah look

sometimes people get frustrated about

one thing and they take it out on

something else that's called displacing

our anger you know

[Music]

you know like if you don't get picked

for kickball or uh

the ice cream truck passes you by or

maybe you know you're sick and tired of

ordering those sea monkeys because you

know you realize they're not really

monkeys but these sickening pathetic

little shrimp you know

you know this has nothing to do with

danny right

and how come you're acting this way huh

i'm sorry

i shouldn't have done what i did i'm

such a jerk

oh no no you're not a jerk come on

you're just a little confused it's okay

to be confused buddy

i'm warning you i know people on the pca

i'm a leader

[Music]

this is disgusting

this is due anyway huh

i feel like i'm in some kind of mad

psychotic

i doctor slash butcher shop huh

stephen

how was work today

fine

anything interesting happened

all right go on

go on let me have it i know you want to

nail me but let me guess first huh

i look like uh

lee harvey oswald at his first press

conference right

stephen i'm offended

i wouldn't take advantage of you like

that

i mean you really hurt me

i'm in pain

but why am i telling you about pain

you just got whipped by some little kid

who probably sings songs with dinosaurs

what's that dinosaur's name again there

what is it barnaby

right bonnie

that stupid dragon

well stephen you were very smart you

relied on words

words like

hell

[Laughter]

stop

save me

give up

what would you want me to do huh what

would have made you happy dad if i

kicked the crap out of a third grader

like you could

[Music]

it's okay daddy i don't ever have to go

back to school

oh look if that's death time i have to

change my outgoing message and i'll be

right there

this is the mitchell residence right

yeah

oh where's my check

oh i'm sorry

i'm so sorry i thought you were at

mcmahon

[Applause]

you doing justin i'm glad you came oh

this must be your mother hi

is that the kid it's not so big i could

take him

how dare you come down to the school and

att*ck my son oh wait wait att*ck

him i'll sue your ass off

what are you talking about your son hit

me wait'll my lawyer gets through with

you you'll scream like a girl hey no

look if i scream i'll scream like a man

you're a very charming lady tell me

where's mr kong

dad really

you got to stay out of this all right

look mrs foley i'm not sure if you're

aware of this but not only has your son

stolen

my kid's lunch money but he also gave

him a black eye and he hit my dad too

is this true justin no no

come on we both know you're lying uh

you're calling my son a liar

principal

mitchell

hmm

[Applause]

listen uh mrs foley i uh i defend your

right to be completely insane in this

manner but justin come on

i think we both know what happened

between you and danny now don't you owe

an apology

no come on

mitchell kids play rough if your little

boy can't handle it it's not my justin's

fault

[Music]

[Applause]

thanks very much marcel marceau

listen mrs foley i've had just about

enough of this really and maybe you

don't want to believe this but your son

has some very big problems so you better

deal with it or i'm gonna deal with it

ass

through to this

oh i i see you could pick on little kids

but you need help with women who fight

back no no the one thing i don't need

help in is uh in fighting women i mean

not that i fight women but if i did uh i

think i could hold my own

look lady

i think it's time you went back to your

uh trailer park

i think lights out are at nine

why don't you

shut your big

fat

map

[Music]

you're lucky you passed for a woman

are you all right there

yeah i'm fine

at least i got need by a grown-up

you got clobbered by a third grader

but he's the size of a sixth-grader

isn't he danny

i'll get it

that's probably the doctor about an

artificial groin

is

danny

i love you buddy and i'm sorry things

worked out this way but you know we can

be really proud that we didn't stoop to

that level you know

yeah

because we would have been just like

them

that's pretty good had to come up with

that

that's what he told me when those kids

took my bike

yeah

i never did get that back did we

but you know something kid there's

always gonna be people like that out

there you're always going to run into

them no matter where so

the best thing you can remember is just

try to stay above them

whatever

where you going

upstairs to write my will

that's my song

huh

yeah i let him down

i'm a terrible father really i feel like

like joan crawford with

let a jock

you something

did you ever feel like a bad father

no

i got to tell you something i'm not

gonna let this kid push danny around i'm

gonna fix it for him one way or the

other

all right

but this time cover your eyes

and wear a cup

[Music]

come on you little brat

i'm just a poor defenseless old woman

make you a move

i'm not gonna hit an old lady

don't give me that let's go give me your

best sh*t

okay

you asked for it

that your best

listen to me kid

stop screwing with danny you've got that

or i'll make you sorry you were ever

born got it

good now say grandma grandma

grandma

anyone else want a piece of this

oh

thanks mom

you know i uh i told danny that this was

not the way to solve problems so uh

you'll never tell them about this will

you of course not

this is what a mother is for oh good

now let's go downtown and fix my parking

ticket

emmitt i'm coming out

i beg the wife stay in vegas no schmuck

i had to go and join him

wait folks you'll see someday when he'll

go bananas on the set

now he's just rolling along sitting with

a stake and bugging a little kid

open him sit hold this

think about it it'll be good as a

butcher

[Music]

you