[Music]
so
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um
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uh
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um
what steaks anita always said start the
day right
breakfast is your most important meal
eggs
bacon bits chives a little milk
of course anita always use heavy cream
[Music]
whoa watch that judy's leftover french
fries
from last night finely chopped
thank god you didn't want to cross my
little cigar butts
you got any butter i need to always use
butter
she's trying to k*ll you you know that
man no anita always use
lard i'm creating my own recipe here and
i told you
i don't need anita anymore i'm an
independent guy a free man
hey diddle dee dee the bachelor life for
me
oh by the way i'm not going into work
today
i got to do some shopping i want to
replace that roach motel they're falling
out of the windows
so you two guys are gonna have to handle
it down there uh
i just have two things to say before i
go one
nelson i quit two slap
it's been a pleasure so butch
sundance have a great life
wait a minute what are you doing leaving
leaving
leaving what town the paper your parents
leaving me leaving what
all of the above
i thought everything was okay you moved
in
and now you're moving out yeah that's
right don't you think i deserve an
explanation make it fast
char's almost ready and it's no good
cold look
okay um everything was going pretty well
which is
the way everything's usually going which
also seems to be
in no direction in particular so
so nowhere in particular isn't good
enough for me anymore
what are we really talking about here we
really talking about that
commitment thing again slap
you've been alone this long for a reason
you don't need me yes i do
i've given our relationship such as it
is
a final sh*t my conscience is clear and
that's it
wait a minute three days is that your
idea of a final sh*t
well what's your idea a week
hey look why don't you wait till we're
alone okay nelson will be gone in a
second
i'm not listening slap you're not
gonna change my mind i've got my ticket
i've gotta pick up a few things at my
parents house
and then i'm leaving on a jet plane
don't know when i'll be back again oh
damn nice to see you go
goodbye slap
i'm sorry to bother you when there's
actual work going on over here mr
maxwell but
it's miss walston she hasn't come in yet
and it's way past 9.
judy won't be under there mr krueger sir
doubt if he'll be in either
what is your actual problem charlie well
there's no one at the helm sir no
captain steering our course and
and and we could run aground or into a
sandbar
this is true our leader has fallen
mortally wounded in the uh divorce wars
so i guess it's time for the next in
command to step in
only the next in command is not here
either so i guess we'll have to uh bring
up one of the soldiers from the ranks
you mean me sir well do you watch nelson
work
you don't think his job is tough do you
well it must be hard to get your face at
red sir
all you have to do is hold your breath
now's the time charlie i mean if you're
going to get ahead in this business you
got to
take the bull by the horns yeah but i
don't have a glass eye well there's
plenty of spares in the bottom drawer
why are you i just go get them
excuse me reception's over there mr
maxwell
am i correct dba slap maxwell
what are you a fan no but my uh husband
reads your column every day he thinks
you're a fabulous rider
i'm rachel flores mexican huh
great little fighters you will be my
first major case and
i am so nervous
well this is a lawsuit i represent your
estranged spouse
annabel elizabeth bates maxwell
so annie's finally going through with
the divorce thing huh i need to explain
about these
what answers to written interrogatories
what is this
background financial information um
do you own this typewriter or does it
belong to the company
belongs to me why she wants it
and um you have i believe a 1967
chevrolet
she wants that too honey look she's
already got
the house the furniture the nova she
already has
practically everything she wants it all
you know we're walking right on the
razor's edge of sanity here you know
that
you know that your client happened to
pull she happened to pull the 38 p*stol
on me at one point in time did you know
that
did you file charges no you should have
you might want to get yourself an
attorney my husband's pretty good
when he's not boxing right now um
these papers are all certified documents
that we filed with the court in my
client's behalf
was it motion for divorce abandonment
well it says here i owe for for back
child support
unpaid personal loans we're hoping this
will be a landmark case for the state
uh your wife is also requesting one half
of all the money you've made in the last
15 years which uh fortunately for you
isn't all that much
i'm just beginning to get it you're one
of those penny sucking attorneys except
you have the
the seamless stockings right and he told
me you might get abusive
did she well so what do we do now just
sit here and negotiate
what is it she really wants what does
she really want
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she only wants one thing she wants you
to say you're sorry
but you have to mean it well i've done
that before
not according to your wife um we're in a
sort of catch-22 situation here because
mrs maxwell doesn't want to speak to you
or see you ever again in her entire
lifetime
mm-hmm so how do i say i'm sorry
well let's let's give it a sh*t here
okay are you ready uh
hi annie um this is the slapper here i
can't hear you
you pepsi speaker i'm sorry um listen
honey uh
i must say i'm a little disappointed
that you would hire a uh
a cut-rate uh ambulance chaser to do
your dirty work
you're doing great so far what now i
meant that in the most positive sense
believe me
why don't you try it again all right
fine
the battery's working here okay well
annie
i regret many things actually i i regret
i regret the ground ball that rolled
through billy buckner's legs in the 86
series i
i regret that uh roger maris didn't make
it into the hall of fame
i regret our vacation where we lost our
little trailer rolled down the
mountainside remember that
however i still hold you responsible for
checking that cotter pin
no hard feelings though no honey i i
can't do this i i i don't know
if you could be more specific see then
maybe i could make it sound a little bit
more sincere
what about i punch rewind and you try it
one more time all right we'll try it one
more time
annie all right let's talk about this
apology thing now now to me
that's always been a a two-way street
i i i what are you doing
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hey i had a little bit more to say okay
all right look i'm sorry
too little too late mr maxwell we'll see
you in court
yeah since then it's been a whole
different ball game
can't count on anything sports or
anything else
i don't know about that seems the kiss
is still a kiss
a sigh still aside oh yeah
judy moved out on me packed up and moved
out
that's what i heard her father told me
this morning
buddy ralston was in here looking for
you
his eyes were like hot coals i believe
he might have been packing a ride
no if he kills me he goes to jail for
life he knows that
on the other hand there have been
interesting twist of fate in recent
m*rder trials
acquittals cases built around extreme
duress
twinkies msg and i believe that sexual
liaisons were the father's only female
child might fall under such murky
category
okay i'll pay you take a check
uh rather have cash again that's how i
just put the place on the market
you what time for a new dutchman maybe
an asian this time
asian they don't buy bars they buy
7-elevens the point is the place is up
for grabs
yeah i don't believe that when i see it
it's time for me to go back to my roots
judy has left me annie is suing me for
my typewriter
and nelson is rearranging my medicine
cabinet changing panorama of life
i can't you know share my innermost
private thoughts with just any barkeep i
need you
man i feel the only thing you cared
about besides yourself of course
what's the newspaper oh no man me
the newspaper and you
me the newspaper sports men and you
uh-huh mr maxwell you got to come back
to the office
i was sitting in mr kruger's desk and
some guy came in to talk to me and uh
i think i sold the paper
a and e we'll be right back with daphne
coleman in slap maxwell
[Music]
so
a1 it's how steak
is done breakfast in bed every sunday
for 39 years how about some whole wheat
total
no thanks i like my 100 natural and i
like my grape nuts better like them a
lot
it takes four bowls to equal the vitamin
nutrition in just one bowl of total
open wide wilma open wider henry
you will need 16 bowls dear you
shouldn't overeat total one bowl 100
more nutrition than any other cereal
it's a good thing we're young enough to
change
technology has finally conquered space
the space
between your teeth
with interplank its bristles rotate
4 200 times a minute gently reaching
into the spaces between teeth and along
the gums
to clean your mouth nearly plaque
plaque-free every time you brush
interplant the high-tech answer to a
down-to-earth need
they took the road to w*r and left their
footprints
on history of all the countries that
took part in the second world w*r
poland was hit the hardest she lost
nearly six million people
it was in poland that the w*r began and
from there
it was to spread across the globe
a e presents a groundbreaking
documentary
the road to w*r wednesday on a
e you were driving rancho
gloves tragic end
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was it an accident tuesday at 9
10 pacific
amd is back with dabney coleman as slap
maxwell
yeah we're talking baraxial here
this warehouse for this cup what's going
on
anita called she's taking me back
hey what where wait a minute i i got a
mop out in the car i got uh cornhuskers
lotion i bought
the place out anita said she couldn't do
better than me anyway
and besides everyone's entitled to one
mistake
what'd she say one big mistake well none
of that matters anymore
all that matters is that i love her and
she loves me
the only thing that matters is that i
gave my word to that woman 31 years ago
what if she had it on tape or what and
i'm going to live up to that promise
i'm gonna do better than that i'm gonna
take her on a vacation
someplace romantic like iowa
iowa
okay hi there slap
well what a sight for sore eyes
and your luggage you brought your
luggage
hello nelson kruger this is kitty nolan
uh nelson was just leaving leave
but you two went together in high school
in texas
that's right would you describe texas
as a romantic place i mean you know for
a vacation look hey we got a little
private conversation we're due here
right now okay
you mind yeah oh go right ahead don't
mind me yeah i'm just packing up
had a little disagreement with the
missus what are you doing here i came to
see you slap
the last time we talked you were the
last time we talked we were going away
together
i know i i couldn't slap
i guess i just wasn't ready i'm sorry i
left you in the lurch like that
but well a lot of things have happened
since then
and i i couldn't get you out of my mind
so i
came here well that's great
that's uh that's wonderful
when you say here you mean uh
it's a real nice place i mean it's clean
and
besides i'm kind of excited to see you
in your own environment
you know like you said you know pounding
out a
story and deadlines coming home tired
every night
right well it's uh
actually it's not as big as it looks
certainly
not as nice as what you're accustomed to
i know that
well it does need a few touches
but uh you know i'm i'm kind of good at
that
yeah uh-huh
wow that's all i wanted to hear
don't worry slap huh i'm not gonna stay
my ticket takes me all the way to
california
i just uh i just couldn't go through
life
wondering about us california the
beaches are kind of romantic huh
my brother lives out in livermore he
said it's a pretty fun town
yeah i'll bet livermore
name itself conjures up
fiesta
well i like to stay in chat but i
i guess i better catch that bus oh i'm
sorry for the interruption but
i got to go i'm going home
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[Applause]
thank you for what
you really don't know do you
[Music]
take care
[Music]
so
take care
[Music]
[Music]
me
[Music]
so
[Music]
oh no
am i all right have i still got
everything
my arms my legs tahiti club med
anita wants to stay at the gargant you
know that's the artist that cut off his
ear because he couldn't look at all
those bare-breasted native women
van gogh nelson fresh towels free soap
complimentary shower
hey i'm talking okay i'm sitting up look
at me
it sounds like heaven attention must be
paid to this man
you know i've never seen a dead guy
before how did they get the tread marks
off his face
dutchman come here a voice of reason
how's business you know i really love
those little paper lanterns it gives the
whole place a nice touch
where's judy she didn't even bother to
come back
and elliot my son my boy elliott
there you are say some kind words about
your old man
isn't this great the way it all worked
out it's a good thing uncle nelson it's
a good thing he d*ed
what are you saying you know he was like
a ballplayer one of those
boys of summer that stayed a little too
long at the fair pop wouldn't have
wanted to hang around past his prime
thanks a lot it was time for pop to move
over huh
you know elliot you really got away with
words congratulations on your new
job the new sports writer at the ledger
the gas is on
and the torch has been passed i think
i'll keep the glove
pop always said he was gonna buy me one
wait a minute
don't you think you're being a little
callous here a great man walked amongst
you
this gives me the willies why don't we
get out of here well i'd like to stay
and throw a little dirt on the coffin
i still got to catch that bus livermore
here i come
i'll drive you to the station miss nolan
it was great meeting you
thank you let me walk you two out huh
[Music]
not out brief candle
mr maxwell i never got a chance to tell
you this when you were alive i wish i
had
i never really liked you that much
[Music]
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hello slap
[Music]
i thought you left town you almost got
run over
you didn't leave town i did i flew to
chicago
then i flew to portland then i flew to
miami and then i flew home
beefing up the frequent flyer mine would
you say i saw alien three times
it reminded me of you well the point is
you didn't leave
you're here well i figured i was running
out on something pretty good
you see most good relationships
are destroyed by hopes that can never be
fulfilled
but with you there's no reason to hope
so i can never be disappointed
besides my father will k*ll you
eventually or you'll die of natural
causes and i'll still be a relatively
young person
plus i got all that frequent flyer
mileage i can get out of town anytime i
want
are you wearing anything at all
underneath that trench coat
no that's what i can't figure out
set off all those alarms at the airport
what do you think that means
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well
[Music]
[Applause]
we'll be right back with slap maxwell
coming up on a e explore the mind of
history's most notorious mass m*rder*r
in the conclusion of
the fatal attraction of adolf h*tler
[Music]
come on let's go maxie
[Applause]
[Music]
monday i soak my dentures tuesday i
brush my dentures
wednesday i soak thursday hold it all
you need is denture cream
look you could soak your denture in
effort end all night but in only 90
seconds
denture cream gets it nearly twice as
clean and now denture cream has minty
mouthwash ingredients
twice as clean minty mouthwash too it's
all i need
so why soak all you need is denture
cream
monday denture cream tuesday denture
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now from the cafes of paris comes the
inspiration for a new kind of mustard
introducing grey poupon parisian
created especially for sandwiches its
distinctive flavor gives even the
simplest foods
a sophisticated accent pardon me
would you have any purple parisian but
of course
new grey poupon parisian another of
life's finer pleasures
it was not a dream she doesn't exist yes
it was a bad dream
i saw i saw you get in the car with her
and there were three birds that went
overhead
they were black bears live in britain
[Music]
wow
[Music]
oh
01x06 - Episode 6
Watch/Buy Amazon
Follows "Slap" Maxwell, an egocentric sportswriter for a newspaper called The Ledger, somewhere in the American Southwest.
Follows "Slap" Maxwell, an egocentric sportswriter for a newspaper called The Ledger, somewhere in the American Southwest.