[Music]
eddie
do me a favor will you okay just put the
paper
in my hand like that or if you're going
to sing it then holler at me give me a
little warning
and i'll catch it and we'll both have
fun with it all right harry houdini d*ed
in much the same manner
wasn't ready for the punch some joker
hit him right in the stomach
k*lled him okay yeah thanks for your
cooperation
thanks for listening
[Music]
so
[Music]
so you're back into sports or what
exactly yep
god's in his heaven one day's features
next day is cartoons never know where
you turn up lately
sports back on sports let the games
begin
morning feels like snow
no i think it's a little too warm for
that feels like snow
yeah maybe so weather's unpredictable
clam chowder
have it for you in a second it's friday
helga a cup of chowder for my man eddie
clam chowder you threw a newspaper at me
outside
no zip on it i knew him before his
accident
they said he was in the olympics 1964
inspect austria
clean chowder hard to believe
there you go want to try a bagel with
that
clam chowder
it's okay to me same as he always looks
did you ever see the news footage on the
spill he took off that ski jump
it's amazing he's alive feels like snow
what the hell happened i don't know i
just fell off that stool
i already i know this man
called a pyramid
no should i keep doing this
no did you see that dutchman one minute
he's talking about snow in the next
minute boom
you think it could have been the chowder
the lips are cold i know
some lips of death i kissed him not my
favorite date
i told you i told you didn't look right
eddie you're gonna be all right boy all
right easy
you wouldn't want to taste that chowder
for me would you
is it true what i heard about eddie
grabarski is it true what they say about
dixie
they're saying he was actually dead and
you saved his life
man's lips were blue his breath wreaked
but i
i want no accolades i was just
responding to
another human being's cry for help i
hope somebody as heroic as you was
around when your lips turned blue eddie
grabarsky
could have won a gold medal at the
olympics you're at that age you're a man
you don't eat right a lot like eddie
only cleaner of course you were just a
child when he was careening down the
mountainside
when the bronze god got broken and
crushed
you know i might have to move back in
with my parents oh i'm sorry are we
supposed to be talking about you now
here i am off on some tangent about the
life of an unfortunate human being and
you're
you're on the more important issue of
real estate life goes on and i don't
have an apartment
move into my building there's always
room for one more there you call it a
building i call it ratland
air cooled for your comfort sounds like
home to me something goes wrong you just
call the front desk they send up
somebody with the green card within
weeks
you've got a gas leak to furnish it with
unlimited rags
those are just two examples of why it's
it's more than a motel it's more
it's more like a family but
you do what you want i gotta talk to
nelson
you know you got cigar ashes all over
your shirt
listen i want to do a piece on gabarsky
so i'd like you to go to the archives
and uh dig up a bunch of clippings okay
check ins broke winter olympics 1964
right
i was about five no
your information is this is not ashes
this is mustard oh good it's permanent
then
so this is it huh this is what
take your time draw it out as long as
you like
what the hell are you talking about how
about
nelson i apologize i realized while i
was saving that poor guy's life what a
stink i made when you made us all take
that cpr
class oh yeah yeah you're a true
visionary nelson
was it disgusting yeah but i i tried not
to get uh personally involved you know
like you did with that inflatable doll
recessy tammy well you know i was never
intimate with her like you were so i
never i never knew her actual name
is eddie okay i don't know but i wanted
a story on him
what particular aspect life
the rise and fall the man who was and
who might have been
the soul behind the ear flaps sounds
good to me
you like that you see the the cruelty
and the tragedy in that
sure after the high school sports news
there's nothing the folks like better
than that kind of slop
they spoon it up like gruel in a trough
you got the soul of a toll booth you
know that i gave you the thumbs
what more do you want i don't know maybe
a little purity of purpose
maybe a little memory of of what we both
started out to do here
oh i can feel goosebumps down my cuffs
go write me a masterpiece my winged
warrior
you betcha chief hey slap
see if you can work a couple of local
ball scores in there somewhere
huh this is amazing
i told you man was a god i don't mean
eddie i meant you
me well i'm not so sure i'd call me your
god
they get here some sort but i'm not sure
i meant your column
goal that yeah not too shabby pros i was
talking about this picture
eternally attractive even then the bangs
are adorable
well that's the beatles influence i was
hip
i don't get the connection between what
we were discussing in your hand on my
thigh
you don't see the connection between
thigh and hip i see
thigh hip and fist yeah
like you'd hit me if we accidentally
rolled under one of those desks
under a disc huh broad daylight work a
day world
kind of intriguing isn't it which desk
you serious
it'll be a tight squeeze oh my god
kenny you
what are you doing here this uh this
miss boston she uh
the office person that
hey great little worker she's um
got a great big heart supports her
parents i think or
an orphan i don't i don't even really
know her
poor thing doesn't have a place to live
so she's gonna move inside your shirt
huh
you look um good
do you want to know why i'm here well i
would assume it's for
uh one of two reasons money
sorry can't give you any oh
the only other thing that comes to mind
is that uh maybe you decided to come
crawling back to me or three
maybe i'm divorcing you why do you want
to get a divorce
after 25 years
because we haven't lived together for 15
years
because it's time because the tree d*ed
what tree the grapefruit tree
i'm a black ss tree i planted in the
backyard when we first bought the house
great fruit trees don't even go around
here
that was the point we were so defiant
then
why don't i remember any of this because
you were playing poker
nevertheless the tree grew sort of
and hung on over the years
yesterday i went out to take out the
trash
and it was dead i hadn't even noticed it
dying
there it was so you um
you're taking this dead tree or
something some kind of symbol
whatever it's just time we moved on
there's someone else isn't there oh
sometimes but
that doesn't have anything to do with it
you know i don't have to give you this
divorce
no you don't
the attorney just told me that uh all i
have to do is file the papers and
it'll just sort of happen
grapefruit i don't like grapefruit
i never like grapefruit
sour got all those sections they even
invented a special Kn*fe for grapefruit
you're kidding maybe we should talk
again after you've had a little time
what about the seeds this little section
has its own little seeds which are
easily lodged
in your throat deadly calm you're up to
it
wait a minute wait a minute
if you're talking about um say something
like an apple tree
or a rose bush to me that's a symbol
but a grapefruit tree grapefruit
a d we'll be right back with susan
anne's back in slap maxwell
i told you i'm not torturing any animals
in here
would you like to
tried calling i didn't hear the phone
must have been drowned out by the sweet
sounds of whatever the hell it was you
were playing
over the rainbow really that's my
rendition of it yes i'm somewhat of a
stylist
i'm coming in now slap actually i'm a
little bit busy
uh-huh and how's the story coming
story gangbusters
smooth as glass you haven't written a
word
well actually i'm mostly involved with
heavy research
right now not a word
nothing it's quagmire
so what can i do for you well you made
this place sound like the taj mahal so i
thought i'd
better see it with my own eyes you've
been here before
not in the daylight and i gotta tell you
i'm dazzled well just
try to control yourself you've got it
all here walls
windows floors look this is no place for
a girl like you judy
are you kidding it's a career girl's
dream
what could be better for miss ralston
office person
okay about that is that real for micah
or just contact paper
i would have introduced you to annie but
she just doesn't like meeting new people
especially when her eczema is flaring up
so
you do this yourself or you hire a
decorator it was furnished
i added a few personal touches of course
like this box of tissues couldn't be
anyone but you
or this ashtray so understated yet
so full of cigar butts slice to heaven
so she's divorcing you huh you heard
that
so you thought that that bothered me and
that's why i didn't come back to the
office
that's why i came over here and holed up
dug out the old horn
sitting here all afternoon just blowing
into this thing thinking about all the
years and the notes i should have been
playing
right i wasn't thinking any of that good
because that couldn't be further from
the mark
one minute you got your tongue in my ear
the next you're
tugging at the wife's skirt i forgive my
natural curiosity but
it's a little confusing confusing
sure it's not more than that
judy you don't have to take a back seat
to anybody
and he doesn't always look that good i
wish she'd looked better
i wanted her to have a chest out to here
and and mustang red hair and some kind
of
bewitching little beauty mark she has a
couple of beauty marks
the point is slapp that woman was
somebody that somebody else could have a
life with not
not just some car hop you picked up in
your drunken youth that that woman was
real
not for me not anymore do me a favor
take some time think it over
what are you doing now judy you going
deep on me is that it
who me look i'm sorry all right i
realize we're talking
deep uh you are deep you're very deep
you're
deep as the ocean deep as a mine shaft i
gotta go whatever
wait a minute
wait a minute eddie gabarski nearly buys
it in a bowl of clam chowder
i breathe life into him but that's just
the top of the first inning
then the home team comes to bed the
grapefruit tree develops root rot my
wife throws me a roundhouse curve but
the game's not over yet
the score is tied here we're going at
extra innings are you following me
no no i didn't either until just now but
now it's very clear to me write it down
i'm leaving
look it's all the matter you and annie
and eddie there's there's a message here
it's all about changing about new
chapters about
moving on about destiny that's what it
is
a time to a time to reap in a time to
sow a time to get a grip on your essence
and my essence is right here in the
written word in the thoughts and the
phrases that's where it is
hey hi eddie well
speaking of the devil i didn't know you
guys would be here couldn't keep us away
look at this man saved your life aren't
you glad to see him
you bring me a hat uh no
eddie tell slap how you doing here how
you doing here
see that fine as ever gotta envy him in
a way
nice clean room nurses sashaying in and
out
ice cream life is good alrighty did you
bring me a hat
no i brought the blooms howdy uh
how to get a private room like this this
must run about
300 bucks a day it's a valued employee
of the ledger
papers putting the bill it's the least
we could do you didn't do it for me when
they uh threw me off the press plane
if the plane had been in the air we'd
have had you covered
i like planes speaking of which i gotta
fly out of here
where you going got company coming
i got relatives i never knew i had
must be the start of freeloading season
or else it's snowing like hell in
cleveland
yeah it's late i'll go with you dutch
yeah okay
me too okay eddie we'll see you take it
easy you can't go yet
you just got you know pull up a chair
goodbye eddie
mr maxwell will keep you company okay
buddy
okay buddy hey hey
what am i supposed to say to him
whatever you planned to say when you
came in
i didn't have a speech preparedness and
i thought i thought he's a little more
comatose
why don't why don't we all go somewhere
and get afraid you need it here my man
the nurse will be in some you'll be glad
you stayed
mind if i sit down eddie
nice room huh did you bring me a hat no
no you got enough hats did you bring me
a hat
no eddie i i uh i forgot to bring you a
present i
uh had a pretty tough day and i've had a
lot on my mind did you bring me a hat
no damn it i didn't bring your hat
i'm sorry eddie i'm um i'm sorry
did you bring me a hat you know what
this is the only hat i have why don't
you just take this one
life is weird huh take some strange
turns sometimes
listen let me read you something
something i wrote i like planes
i know you do this is uh this is not
about planes
this is about you
it was no more than a zephyr a playful
breeze on a snowy day that kissed the
tips of eddie grabarski's skis
and sent him cartwheeling down the long
ramp
end over end revolving like a windmill
sunlight glinting from his bindings as
the crowd hooed and odd
then there was nothing a whisper maybe
but no recollections eddie remembers
nothing
and no one remembers eddie fate has seen
to that
fate funny word
you could look you could look it up
she's always a woman call her fortune
lady luck she knows who she is would you
buy a used car from this woman
would you trust her with your hopes how
many times must olympians climb those
steep steps to the top of the ramp
only to have her rip away their wings in
mid-flight
journey interrupt us wax your skis my
heroes
tighten your bindings but no matter
where you hide
she'll find you and grind you down until
there's nothing
but that's the way she is cold is
january
the ice queen and there'll never be
another spring
do you like it eddie
[Music]
time for dinner ready clam chowder
yes who is this fellow will you please
get the hell out of here
you want to give me a hand buddy no no
you just stay right where you are
well it's a two-man job honey unless
maybe you want to help me yourself
11 o'clock at night i know that but uh
it's the best time for planning things
seem to grow better something to do with
the moonlight or something like that
[Music]
[Music]
we'll be right back with slap maxwell
[Music]
time
you
01x10 - Episode 10
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Follows "Slap" Maxwell, an egocentric sportswriter for a newspaper called The Ledger, somewhere in the American Southwest.
Follows "Slap" Maxwell, an egocentric sportswriter for a newspaper called The Ledger, somewhere in the American Southwest.