01x02 - I Won't Run, Don't Ask Me

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Honking)

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ah!

♪

VICE-PRINCIPAL ZEIGLEROkay,

ahem, testing!

(Clearing throat)

Testing!

Is this thing on?

TOGETHERYes, it’s on!

It’s on!

Here’s your outgoing Student

President with an important

announcement.

Thank you, Vice-principal

Zeigler.

In the last week of my

presidency, I wish to remind

everyone that this is

Combination Lock Awareness Day.

(Feedback squeaking)

♪ If your locker lock

is grimy and dirty ♪

♪ And slimy

♪ Polish it up a bit

♪ And make it

nice and shiny ♪

Yo, get down.

Get down.

Get-- get down.

(Playing harmonica)

I have a theory that forcing

someone to be Student Body

President is the oldest form of

t*rture known to man.

Yeah.

Remember, Freshen Up Your Gym

Bag with a Squirt of Lime Week,

and Puff Your Cheeks Out To Show

How Much You Love Your School

Week?

Being President couldn’t be

more embarrassing if you had to

do it naked.

(Laughing)

What normal kid wants a job

where all you is humiliate

yourself?

Pelswick, are you voting for

me?

Duh, duh, I-- absolutely!

And let me say, I think you’ll

make a great School President.

(Squelching)

(Splattering)

Hi, Julie.

Great poster.

Thanks, Sandra.

I just want to say, even

though we’re competing for the

same job, I know silly politics

will never interfere with our

abiding friendship.

I feel the same way.

So you’ll wear on of my

buttons?

Of course I won’t wear one of

your stupid buttons!

Well, fine, be that way, you

stuck up cow!

Yah-ha-hey!

TOGETHEROoh!

(Slurping)

This spaghetti, like, doesn’t

have any taste.

Goon, that’s because you’re

sucking it up your nose.

(Squelching)

Oh.

(Squeaking)

That’s better.

Based on my admittedly small

statistical sampling, Sandra and

Julie are running neck and neck.

How many kids did you ask?

Uhhh, you and Goon.

You’re voting for Sandra

Scoddle?

Come on, Pelswick.

I have to vote for my own

sister.

Goon, you don’t have a

sister.

(Blinking)

She faked this picture?

No wonder she missed breakfast

this morning.

TOGETHEROpen your eyes!

Don’t be a droopy head!

A vote for Julie is a vote for a

poopy head!

(Cheering)

Humph!

Why would anyone use dirty

tricks to campaign for the

world’s worst job?

I know what I’d do if I was

voted Student President.

CHANTINGHurray!

(Flushing)

Pelswick, Pelswick, Pelswick,

Pelswick!

Hey, Smelswick, you got

something against dirty tricks?

Because that’s my favourite

thing in the whole world.

Next to dirty underwear,

apparently.

Hey, these were fresh last

month.

Look over there!

(Laughing)

Yah!

You fell for that again.

Hope you didn’t want your

dessert!

(Gulping)

And I hope you’re not

allergic to mustard.

Huh-huh, hee-hee!

(Spluttering)

(Squelching)

Actually, I don’t understand

you, Pelswick.

You think student politics is a

crock, but you’re supporting

Julie for President?

I can’t exactly explain it

myself, Ace.

It’s what she wants.

(Marching music playing)

Pelswick Eggert, you swine!

You turncoat, you sneaky, slimy

underhanded Benedict Arnold,

you!

Hi, Julie.

You told me you supported me

for President.

I do.

Then how come you’re running

yourself?

Dah!

My friends couldn’t have

nominated me.

They wouldn’t do this to me.

Why are you dressed like that?

Hmm-mmm.

Imagine how embarrassed I was to

discover I’d worn my

mustard-covered suit to work.

And luckily I found this in the

theatre arts room.

Ah, here we are,

"Nominated by Boyd Scullarzo."

Boyd?

But I don’t want the job.

We don’t always get what we

want, hmmm.

I have to drive home tonight

dressed as the Sugarplum Fairy.

Think about that.

Hmm?

Hee-hee, this is fun, though.

Wee!

(Laughing)

Wee!

(Laughing)

I’m the Sugarplum Fairy!

(Laughing)

Wee!

(Laughing)

I’m proud of you, kid.

You’ll make a great Student

President.

But I don’t want to be!

Gram-Gram, is your hearing aid

turned off?

Sorry, I can’t hear you.

I took out my hearing aid so I

didn’t have to hear myself

scream when I pulled off a

bandage.

(Tearing)

(Thwacking)

(Yelling)

Now I can’t remember where I put

it.

Give me that, you grinning

desk mop!

Once I’ve finished off all

the mice, then I’ll eat the

people.

Oh, I wish I’d been School

President, but I was too busy

with the football team.

You were a cheerleader?

Cheerleader, my hairy

bunions!

I was a fullback!

Hut, hut-hut!

(Cat yowling)

Hut, hut, hut!

Aarh!

Booya!

Smile!

Guh!

I’m covering your school

election for my civics class.

Plus Sandra Scoddle offered me

big bucks for photos of Julie

doing anything embarrassing.

Do you know where she usually

goes to pick her nose?

(Zapping)

Hiya.

Sorry about the threats.

I had this great sugarplum fairy

outfit but some dude covered in

mustered swiped it.

Something wrong; besides every

answer on my guardian angel

exam?

Boyd suckered me into a

school election, Julie’s angry

at me, Gram-Gram can’t hear me,

and I’m flashbulb blind.

You need one of my famous

anecdotes.

Could I just trade it in for

a bout of stomach flu?

There was this guardian

angel Barry who woke up on the

morning of the angel office

party and dance with a zit on

his forehead the size of a

Christmas light!

Ahh!

(Squelching)

Barry was bummed.

If he skipped the party, he’d

miss all the fun.

I’m talking door prizes, the

three winged race, hawking

loogies off of clouds on the

bald guys.

(Cheering)

Most of all, Barry wanted to

be picked Prince of the Dance

by the beautiful Princess

Sparklegert.

Sparklegert?

But with his throbbing

forehead plum, what were his

chances of being chosen now?

That’s it!

Just because I’m running doesn’t

mean I have to be chosen.

Thanks.

I didn’t finish!

My car.

Where’s my car?

If elected, I’ll lobby for a

second school nurse to care for

students who faint after seeing

poor test results.

(Clapping)

(Cheering)

(Thudding)

(Band playing)

I’m Pelswick Eggert.

I’m running for Student Body

President, and I don’t want

your vote!

(Laughing)

No, really, I’m voting for Julie

Smockford, and you should too.

He sounds real honest.

I’d vote for him.

Hmm!

Glad to see you finally got

into the election spirit.

Have you seen my car?

I, Sandra Scottle, should be

elected your President, and to

prove it, here’s a revealing

photo of my opponent lying down

eating schoolyard dirt!

ALLOh!

Oh, no!

(Cash register dinging)

You’ve got to believe me.

As much as I’d love to spend

every day after school sucking

up to teachers instead of

hanging with my friends, I don’t

want this job!

I want you to be President.

I’m sorry.

I’m so ashamed.

I should never have doubted you.

I actually can’t believe it.

You hired a professional

campaigner to help you win?

What?

I-I-I didn’t hire anyone.

Then who’s that babe handing

out free candy with your picture

on it?

Yarr-harr!

Hang five, baby!

sh**t the curve!

sh**t the curve.

Booya!

Hang five, baby!

Yee-harr!

(Skidding)

(Crashing)

Vote for Pelswick.

Wow, she actually blew up the

chem lab.

Yay!

Way to go!

(Cheering)

Now you’ll be elected for

sure.

(Nervous laughing)

PELSWICKMy life is over; my

life is over not.

My life is over; my life is over

not.

My life is over; my life is over

not.

Your election’s going to get

me an "A"corruption, dirty

tricks, blind ambition, all in

glorious colour photos.

Want to see ’em?

Leave them in my room.

I’ll look at them later while

I’m sobbing into my pillowcase.

Okay, see you, Mr. Future

President.

Oh.

Whoa!

Ah!

Nice catch.

(Crashing)

Congrats.

I hear you have a percent

lead.

That’s a percent lead in dog

elections.

But I don’t want to be

President!

Why not?

Because you spend all your

free time doing dumb

embarrassing things to promote

pointless activities.

Hi, I’m a prune, the fun new

dessert.

Eat me for better student

health.

Prunes do have essential

minerals, plus the mysterious

Vitamin Wrinkly.

I don’t care.

I have to lose this election.

Which reminds me of Barry the

Angel.

(Groaning)

MR. JIMMYZit city, right?

He tries everythinglotions,

creams, a hammer.

He even tries putting eyes and

a hat on it to pretend it’s a

guy reading over his shoulder.

No-go.

It’s going to cause this whole

scandal, right, and Princess

Sparklegert will never pick him

for the big dance.

That’s it.

I need a scandal so I don’t get

picked.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

(Screeching)

That still wasn’t the end,

again!

(Drilling)

(Clanking)

(Puffing)

Hi, Mr. Z.

What are you doing?

I had to take a job selling

ice cream so I could get to

work.

Has anyone seen my car, and

would anyone like a Creamy

Bunny?

(Squelching)

(Bell dinging)

Oh, what’s that?

A victory sculpture I made

you from day-old cafeteria

potatoes.

I got hungry and ate the flag

you were waving.

What are you doing?

Hotwiring the PA to make a

fake announcement that will get

me thrown in detention, or if

I’m lucky, in jail.

(Tires screeching)

Oh, good luck.

What’s up?

I need you to get a photo of

me being dragged away in

disgrace by my scandalized

former supporters.

No problem.

Is this thing on?

TOGETHERYes, it’s on!

Good morning--

Attention, this is Pelswick

Eggert hijacking your

announcements.

I shall now insult everyone in

the school in alphabetical

order.

Aaron Arbuckle, your feet

stink.

(Students laughing)

Alice Harrinson, who are you

kidding with that hair?

(Students laughing)

GRAM-GRAMVote for Pelswick!

Whah?

GRAM-GRAMBooya!

Vote for Pelswick; he’s your

man.

If he can’t do it-- (stuttering)

(Dentures clacking)

Gram-Gram, no!

Holy cow, Vice-principal

Zeigler’s car’s on the roof.

(Laughing)

My car, my lovely

vroom-vroomy car!

(Laughing)

If I can only prove you did

this!

I didn’t!

Ha-ha, great prank, man.

I’ll vote for you twice, even

though you insulted my stinky

feet.

Way to go, Pelswonk!

You’re still going to be School

President when you’re in

college!

(Laughing)

Actually, according to my

statistical analysis, if you

subtract Julie and Sandra, you

now have . percent of the

vote.

(Laughing)

GRAM-GRAM’S VOICEVote for

Pelswick!

The scandal didn’t ruin me;

it made me a hero.

So Barry gets to the dance,

right?

He’s tried to hide Senior

Pimpel, but forget it.

It’s huge; it’s shiny.

(Laughing)

It comes time for the

Princess to pick her prince.

She’s looking at a crowd full

of identical angels, all in

white with wings.

Ah, that was me on the right.

It was before the beard.

She can’t choose, then she

spots Barry at the back.

There’s something different

about him, something she can’t

put her finger on, which is

probably just as well, so she

says:

I choose him at the back

with the throbbing melon-sized

zit.

(Kissing)

And they boogied late into

the night.

The end.

That’s the most bogus story I

ever heard.

No girl picks a guy with a yo-yo

sized zit on his face.

That’s not the point.

What he thought was his biggest

problem turned out to be the

solution to his problem; get it?

No, I don’t get it.

Boyd is my problem.

Do you think for some crazy

reason he’s going to go to

school and un-nominate me for

President?

Would you like to hear

about my Aunt Gertrude and

her marshmallow-sized bee sting?

I aced my assignment.

"A festering stew pot of

intrigue" said my teacher.

Good for you.

No, really, that’s great.

(Sighing)

I need to show you something.

Unless it’s a ticket to

Venezuela , I’m not interested.

They could throw me out of

the Little Sister Union for

being nice to you like this, but

here.

MR. JIMMY’S VOICE"The

problem is the solution."

Ready?

(Car screeching)

(Yelling)

(Crashing)

I’ve got to hand it to you,

Boyd.

You hit me where it hurts.

Thanks, Eggert.

You inspired me.

I used to be your ordinary

bully, just b*ating people up,

but since I can’t punch a

cr*pple--

Actually I prefer the

term "permanently seated."

Whatever.

I had to get creative.

I had to specialize.

From now on, I’m focusing my

bullying on mental t*rture and

humiliation!

That’s so beautiful.

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you, Sandra and Julie,

and Vice-principal Zeigler.

How come we’ve got a

Vice-principal but no Principal?

Well, it’s time to stop

clowning around-- (honking)

and vote, after we hear from our

last candidate.

Uh, has anyone seen Pelswick

Eggert?

TOGETHERPelswick!

Pelswick, Pelswick!

(Cheering)

Ha-ha, what a sucker.

(Crowd cheering)

Thanks for saving me a seat

but I brought my own.

(Audience laughing)

My speech is short and sweet

because I know what you want.

You’re kids.

You’re rebellious.

You want to elect the guy who

stole the Vice-principal’s car.

STUDENTYeah!

You want to elect the guy who

took that car and put it on the

roof.

TOGETHERYeah, yeah!

You want to elect Boyd

Scullarzo.

Yeah!

(Laughing)

TOGETHERBoyd, Boyd, Boyd,

Boyd, Boyd!

I’ve added his name to all

the ballots.

He’s the obvious choice, so go

out there and vote, vote, vote!

No, don’t for for me!

Ahhh!

Come back!

Pelswick.

I know, you misunderstood my

intentions, but now you see I

always supported you, and you’ll

never doubt me again.

Well, yeah, but also you’ve

got a huge zit on your nose.

Duh!

Guess what?

Barry and Sparklegert are

getting hitched.

Thank them for me, will you?

Hey, you know what’s good for

that.

No, what?

Hiding in a really dark room.

So Boyd won in a landslide,

but he was disqualified.

It was so great.

I got an "A."

Julie’s ruling in his place

while he spends the year

cleaning the bathrooms.

That’s an "A"!

That’s wonderful, Kate,

especially since in our gender

biased society, females-- oh,

I’m sorry, the moustache

impaired-- have to work twice as

hard as the bicycle crossbar

endowed.

Where’s Gram-Gram?

When you finish gathering

those acorns...

vote for Pelswick!

And get me a fireman, a cute

one with big hairy arms and

a red convertible.

Honk-honk!

♪