01x13 - Nursing Home Alone

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Honking)

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ah!

♪

Oh, look.

Guess whose birthday it is this

weekend?

(Gulping)

Marvin Spugler’s.

Gee, and I didn’t get him any

thing.

(Kate giggling)

Hmm.

In , he invented the cookie.

Until then, the Cookie

Monster was relatively slim.

Gram-Gram, your piece is stuck.

That’s okay.

I’ll eat it off the fan.

I wonder what his family got

Marvin for his... birthday.

We know it wasn’t cookies.

Until , any way.

He probably got a pine

scented deodorizer for his

horse.

Thanketh thou.

(Quentin groaning)

I’m feeling older, for some

reason.

Does any one need me to open any

thing?

Of course!

Could ya open the window?

(Quentin grumbling)

(All laughing)

Ya got the card?

Yup.

Ya mailed the invitations?

Yup.

How ’bout the big gift?

I’ve got the money.

I’m going to get somethin’ after

breakfast.

(Chomping)

Gram-Gram, you want me to

turn the fan off?

Nope.

I ain’t finished eatin’ yet.

(Giggling)

(Munching)

Look what I got ya,

Boydy-woydy.

Grammy, I told you not to

call me that.

I was out gettin’ a gift for

Priscilla Eggert’s son’s

surprise party, and I found

this.

Just like the one I used to make

your daddy wear to school.

(Chuckling)

Now, dance a jig for us.

(All laughing)

I don’t wanna get it dirty.

Maybe I’ll carry it to school

and put it on some one there-- I

mean, put it on there.

So, are you gonna come to my

dad’s surprise party?

Oh, you shouldn’t have told

me.

Now it won’t be a surprise.

We’re still trying to pick

out his big gift.

It’s between a Megadirt box-set,

and a donation in his name to

the Society Committed to

Stopping the Fake Fur Hunt.

Why’d you buy one skate?

It was % off!

So then, goofball Jack goes

out and buys a bunch of beans.

Beansh.

Withdrawin’ all his parents

hard earned cow that they’d been

savin’ up for years.

(Gasping)

(Cow mooing)

The lesson is, never spend

your money foolishly on

somethin’ you don’t need.

(Doorbell ringing)

What do ya want?

Hello, young lady.

Is your mother home?

(Giggling)

I am the lady of the house.

Ooh, believe it or not, I have a

fully grown son, and a half

grown bunion.

I don’t believe a word of it.

Young lady, I have some thing

here that will change your life.

Toupees in a pod.

Four disposable wigs in a

genuine green plastic pouch.

The perfect gift for that

balding loved one.

Perhaps your grandfather, Miss?

(Giggling)

Well, Quentin will be losing his

hair any day now.

BOTHYou what?

Gram-Gram, that was our gift

money.

Well, I was thinking you two

could hold him down while I

shave his head and--

Okay, don’t panic.

The party isn’t until tomorrow,

a heartfelt gift needn’t cost a

lot of money.

What does Dad like that’s cheap

and worthless?

Those little pats of

restaurant butter.

(Slurping)

Mm-mmm.

Are you guys gonna eat yours?

Now, let’s go to our rooms

and think.

Meet back here with three

billion ideas in minutes.

♪

For me?

Beansh.

(Sheep bleating)

(Panting)

Maybe they’ll have some gift

ideas on the Retirement Home

Shopping Channel.

Hiya, seniors.

You!

We’ll get right back to How

to Supplement Your Pension

Raising Lobsters in your

Bathtub, but first...

What costs absolutely nothing

that Dad would love?

A dinner jacket made of

abandoned highway shoes.

JIMMYFore!

Whoa.

Oh, what are you doing here?

Wait, you’re here to help me

with my problem, aren’t ya?

Problem?

Actually, I was wonderin’ if

you’d seen a number five golden

hamster with a nick in it.

You gonna make me guess?

Okay, fine.

Golfing outfit, Scotland, clubs,

apple.

My dad wants a Scottish golf

apple.

I walked by that at the

department store.

(Coughing)

It’s yellow.

About this big.

Yellow and golf... cheese in

a cup!

Wha?

This beautiful big screen TV

in a genuine imitation wood

finish can be yours for free.

What’s the catch?

There is no catch.

Just attend a weekend seminar

at Wrinkled Pastures, the

retirement home for those with

high expectations, and the

ability to deal with bitter

disappointment.

A TV?

Oh, that’s a great idea.

(Screaming)

And if you make your

reservation right now, we’ll

throw in... er... uh... this

pouch of four TV screen

dusters.

You know, my partner’s

waitin’, and if I don’t find it,

I’m gonna take a two stroke

penalty, and finish the back

nine alone.

Penalty... penalty...

I should put Dad in a box for

two minutes?

Where’s Gram-Gram?

I dunno.

What’s your idea?

You first.

Okay, I think we should put

him in a box with a cup of

cheese, in Scotland.

Hmm.

Well, it certainly isn’t any

thing like what we got him last

year.

You’re kiddin’?

Just for listenin’ to a seminar.

I’ll meet ya there.

Boydy-woydy, I’m goin’ out to a

retirement home.

But, Grammy, no!

Don’t go!

(Boombox playing)

Yes!

It’s about time.

ALLSurprise!

You remembered!

(Snoring)

Whoa!

Shouldn’t we at least give

him the card?

We can’t give him the card

until we’ve got the gift.

Maybe he knows where Gram-Gram

is.

Hi, Dad.

Whatcha doin’?

Oh, just casting this lonely

fishing rod in to this lonely

bucket of water.

Uh-huh.

Listen, we were wondering, for

no reason at all, if you’d seen

Gram-Gram?

Well, the first time I saw

her was the day I was born.

That would be my first birthday.

Right.

Uhm, have you seen her more

recently than that, maybe?

No.

(Crickets chirping)

(Clock ticking)

(Sighing)

You know, Mr. Potatoman, I used

to have great birthdays.

When I was ten, mother hired a

clown to toss ten cream pies at

me.

(Calliope music playing)

When I was , she rented

black cats and hid them in my

bed.

(Cats yowling)

GRAM-GRAMHappy birthday!

Uh, she was thoughtful in

those days.

What happened?

Is that--

Hmm.

Pancake.

Dad!

Boyd Scullarzo says his

grandmother and Gram-Gram packed

up and went to a nursing home.

Why would she do that?

Gram-Gram’s old enough to

make her own decisions,

Pelswick, particularly those

effecting her own unique

personhood, and potentiality.

But, she wouldn’t forget to

say good bye.

You know, there’s a lot of

things you wouldn’t think she’d

forget.

I can’t believe she’s gone.

Me neither!

I sold all her clothes, and got

this cool yo-yo.

I owe ya one.

I know she’s impulsive, but

we were planning this party for

my dad’s birthday.

If it’s off, give me the

cake.

Hey, hey!

It’s the weekend.

No bullying till Monday.

I got her room.

Now I can drop water bombs on

people who come to the door.

Plunk!

(Laughing)

I keep thinking of her in a

cold, lonely room.

Have some water soup.

You need your strength for when

your family comes.

Yeah, I have a wonderful son.

That’s nice.

His name’s Marvin Spugler.

He invented the cookie.

It’s just too horrible.

This is horrible.

At Wrinkled Pastures, our

kitchen facilities have blenders

and mashers that make chewing

almost unnecessary.

(Whirring)

Here’s a juicy steak.

Looks more like steak-y

juice.

I know some of you don’t hear

well, so we play the nightly

relaxing music at a soothing

decibels.

♪

Where’s our free TV?

ALLYeah, I want my TV!

After you stay the weekend in

your luxury, designer appointed,

eight by eight foot suite.

And now, the thrill a minute

game of shuffleboard.

Let’s dump this stiff and

take the joint.

Well, thanks any way.

I didn’t realize there were so

many retirement homes in

Bayview.

The old circus performers home,

the retired roofers home, the

television producers home.

Come on, Bobby.

Let’s try the dog pound again.

I’m sure I hit it this way.

Are we still playing this

game?

Rats and double rats.

I’m gonna lose two strokes to

Tiger Woods’ guardian angel.

That guy’s such a show-off.

I’ve got Tiger, I’ve got Tiger.

You just wanna whomp him.

Okay, very good.

You’ve stumped me.

I give up.

The help now.

You don’t need any help.

Whoa, I didn’t look in that

water trap.

Thanks for meeting me here.

I need your help to-- What’s

wrong?

All our grandparents have

disappeared!

All of them?

What’s going on in this town?

I miss mine more than you do.

Blow it out your nose, you

drama hag.

They’ve got to be all

together.

There’s one place I haven’t

tried.

Why is there a bed and a TV

in this closet?

Turn it on.

Make sure it works.

Ladies, you’re missing the

lecture on pillow fluffing.

Come along.

They’re being held against

their will.

And threatened with pillows.

We grip the pillow thus, and

give it a moderate shake.

Okay, how do we bust ’em out?

It’s hopeless, hopeless.

They’re doomed, doomed, doomed.

Okay.

Any other suggestions?

What’s this?

A meeting of the geek troop?

Your grandmother’s being held

against her will in this nursing

home.

Great!

Does this mean I get all her

Spruug CDs?

Look, if you help us get them

out, I’ll... uh...

You’ll what?

Uh...

JIMMYRats and double rats.

I’ll let you release a bag of

live rats in there.

I’m sure we have some budding

triangle players here, and every

one who signs up gets one of

these attractive fuzzy triangle

cases.

Fluffy pillows,

shuffleboards, triangles!

This ain’t the way to attract

old folks.

It ain’t what we want.

What do you want?

I’m glad you asked.

(Groaning)

Hey, I found that ball.

It was in my pocket.

But now I lost another one.

You’re wearing a raincoat.

That’s a clue for my problem,

right?

Problem?

What, it hasn’t been rainin’

here?

Rain, water, ducks, sky...

See that crane across the

street?

We’re going to borrow it, and

you’re going to lift me over the

fence, like raining ducks from

the sky.

Raining ducks?

Tell me more about the rats.

Yow!

Oh!

This crane is cool.

It’s so sad to think these are

endangered.

Wait, wait.

I’ve got the rats!

Up!

Julie.

We’re, like, best friends.

If you don’t make it through

this, I want my blue earrings

back.

You’ll have to rip them out

of my head!

Oh, rubbish.

Rubbish.

Rubbish.

Ha!

This is better.

(Cheering)

(Gasping)

I’m startin’ to like this

place.

Sign me up, sonny.

Six more feet, Goon.

Six more feet.

(Shouting)

(Screaming)

(Thudding)

They’re torturing them, and

trying to cover it up with

music!

Try some of my tacos.

They’re a lot tastier than the

slop you’ve been servin’.

(Munching)

(Fire alarm ringing)

Mucho gusto!

Here’s the plan.

We walk carefully around the

grounds, not attracting any

attention, until we find them.

Then, and only then, Boyd

releases the rats, and we escape

during the panic.

(Rat squeaking)

(Woman screaming)

Okay, plan B.

We locate our grandparents by

their unique, individual screams

of terror.

Go, go, go, go!

♪

I need somethin’ from ya.

Any thing.

A refund for those ugly wigs

ya sold me.

(Gram-Gram Giggling)

Oh, fresh!

MANOw!

(Shouting)

Awesome!

This is better than eating

somebody’s ice cream right in

front of them.

With any luck, that’s the

only one that got inside.

(Static crackling)

Turning now to the weather.

Tonight, it is expected--

(Screaming)

(Shouting)

(Squeaking)

Gee, isn’t this nice?

A quiet evening at home, just

the two of us.

(Wailing)

You first.

They won’t att*ck a guy in a

wheelchair.

(Throat clearing)

You ladies have made such a

difference.

Ten of our guests have

registered to move in.

Besides your free TVs, I’d like

to hire you both as consultants.

Did you know you had rats?

Oh, I don’t think so.

We caught these trespassers.

Pfft, those aren’t

trespassers.

That’s my grandson and his

friends... and Boyd.

Boydy-woydy, are you hurt?

Tell Grammy all about it.

Boydy-woydy?

(Giggling)

Grammy, please.

I’m a figure of schoolyard

terror.

Well, it’s gettin’ late, and

I have a surprise party to

throw.

But I do have a suggestion about

the rats.

(Screaming)

They’re just lookin’ for

nestin’ material, and I happen

to have a suggestion.

♪

So, all along there was no

problem?

I told ya.

That’s why I went golfing.

Look at me!

I’m an Irish walrus.

You know, if I could find

Dear Abby’s email address, you’d

be out of a job.

(Snoring)

ALLSurprise!

Guys, wow!

I never expected you to do any

thing like this.

(Rooster crowing)

Ah, look.

Curled up, just like the day he

came home from the hospital.

Except without the drool, and

the staff runnin’ after us,

screamin’ for their blankets and

towels back.

We’re glad to have you back,

Gram-Gram.

KATEAnd I bet Boyd’s glad

to have his grandmother back,

too.

Bull’s-eye!

I really hate that.

♪