02x09 - Shall We Dance?

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Honking)

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ah!

♪

♪

Can you guys imagine what the

world would be like without

computers?

Without computers, the

fearless Pels-warrior wouldn’t

get to save the human race from

the clutches of poison.

Empress of Evil.

This time, I’ve got her.

Say your prayers, oh evil one,

before I smash you with my

mighty hammer.

ACEDude, that’s a bunny.

She’s a master of disguise.

Eat iron, devil woman!

(Screaming)

I guess that wasn’t her.

That’s her.

Actually, are we allowed to

use the public school intranet

system for role-playing games?

(Microphone screeching)

Is this thing on?

ALLYes, it’s on!

This weekend, Alcatraz Junior

High will be holding an all

night party!

Cool!

Ahem.

An all night party which will

end at nine o’clock.

(Sighing)

Teachers, read them to small

print.

"Anyone caught holding hands

with the opposite sex, slow

dancing or having any fun, will

be immediately suspended."

"Offer not available in all

classes."

"Surcharges and other

restrictions may apply."

What?

(Computer beeping)

Pelswick, check it.

There’s some kind of message on

your screen.

Probably the other player

bragging about k*lling me.

"Sorry for stopping you; let me

buy you a shake."

"The first booth at Burger

Barrel, noon tomorrow."

"Empress Poison a.k.a.

Christina, Brembridge Junior

High."

Oooh.

I can’t believe you’ve been

summoned to meet Empress Poison.

It’s a game, Goon.

She’s just a girl our age,

sitting at a terminal at another

school.

Actually, you don’t know

that.

I mean, face it, dude.

Anyone can call themselves

Christina.

Hello, I’m Christina.

Every kid in Bayview’s on the

school intranet.

Christina could be anyone.

You guys are freakin’ for no

reason; it’s a burger in a

public place.

What’s the worse thing that

could happen?

Pelswick, I’ve got the

biggest crush on you.

On second thought, why don’t

you guys meet me there, say,

:ish?

Sandra, you have to help me

k*ll Hamster.

Like, trap it with sticky

paper.

That’s what my dad does.

Then you release it in the wild.

Not a hamster.

Hamster!

The free online music service!

There’s a free online music

service?

Oh!

Talented musicians pour their

souls into their music.

(Computer keys clacking)

Then, it gets posted on the web

and people who care nothing for

their struggle download it for

free!

I’m starting a petition, will

you help?

I just got Glad by Sad Boys,

Rad Boys and No Boys Allowed on

one cent CD!

Help?

Sure.

Like, with what?

Agnes Scullarzo, for a

million dollars or absolutely

nothing if you get it wrong,

what’s your answer?

I don’t know much about hip

replacement surgery; I think I

have to phone a friend.

A little more off the ischial

tuberosity and iliac fossa and I

can kick box with this baby.

GAME SHOW HOSTWho would you

like to call?

AGNESPriscilla Eggert!

Gram Gram, Mrs. Scullarzo’s

gonna call you!

(Phone ringing)

Hello?

(Indistinct chattering)

Oh, not now, Agnes!

I’m carving a new hip!

Hi, everyone.

Look what I’ve got!

You know how you keep asking if

we can get a puppy?

Really, really, really?!

Meet virtual Spock.

Oh, doggy!

He-she, is a completely

gender-neutral, non-cat

oppressive electronic dog.

Who’s going to assemble him,

her, it?

We, she, he, us can do it

together!

(Sighing)

Now, if this is gonna work,

you two will have to sit over

there.

And I’ll sit here.

Yeah, I’m gonna have to ditch

the wheelchair.

But this way, I’ll see her the

moment she walks through the

door.

No evil empress is gonna sneak

up on me!

You guys watch for my signal.

If I pull my ear, it means I’m

in trouble and I need you to

jump in and kick some butt, got

it?

If Ace kicks my butt, I’ve

gotta jump in and pull your

ear.

Explain it to him.

(Door opening)

You’re Christina?

But I-- but you- I-- uh--

I’ll have whatever he’s

having.

I’ll have the same.

You know who I’m looking for!

Oh, do I?

Tug, tug, tug.

(Repeating)

Your grandmother cost me a

million bucks!

Where is she?

I think she’s out buying dog

screws.

I had plans for that money.

I was gonna buy that new car for

seniors.

A GTS Lane Wanderer, with the

special no view window, and the

left turn indicator that never

turns off.

Whew.

It’s okay, guys.

False alarm.

I don’t need your lightning

swift assistance.

How many pieces of gum are

stuck under your side?

Oh, well.

She’s not gonna show.

I guess we better leave.

Choose your w*apon,

Pels-warrior.

Huh?

The lactic chocolate, or

Venusian vanilla?

What’s the matter?

Never met an empress of evil

before?

Hi, Christina.

Hi.

"So we, the undersigned,

believe the creators of our

entertainment should be repaid

each time their work is used or

performed."

(Computer keys clacking)

You do realize when we put a

stop to this outrageous travesty

of justice, you won’t be able to

do that anymore?

Write slower, I’m only at

Limp Bizkit.

Okay, let me get this

straight.

You think boy bands are

talentless losers whose only

skill is looking cute?

I don’t even think they’re

that cute.

And you’d rather watch

extreme sports than the For Us

Women Only channel?

How many times can you watch

Oprah shed a tear?

You know, for an empress of

evil, you’re not half bad.

For an intergalactic warrior,

you’re kind of cute yourself.

(Car honking)

Oh, that’s my dad, I gotta go.

Hey, you wanna hang out at the

big Alcatraz victory party

tonight?

I’d love to!

Save me a dance?

Oh, yeah.

Well, about that-- the thing

is-- you know--

You do dance, don’t you?

Well, you know, I would.

Except for the fact that I have

no feeling from the waist down

and my legs are basically as

useful as two white noodles with

shoes.

Me?

Oh, yeah.

I’m a dancing fool!

He touched his ear!

Get her!

Whoa, guys!

Guys!

Hey, you maniac, why don’t

you watch where you’re--

(Tires squealing)

Mr. Jimmy?

What do you think of my new

ride?

It’s very pink.

And you were looking at it,

right?

The car, not at my head.

Yeah.

So it didn’t even occur to

you that I’m going bald?

Going bald?

Are you having a mid-afterlife

crisis?

Need any help in any way at

all from a fully haired person

like myself?

As a matter of fact, I am

sort of confused about this girl

I just met.

Girl?

I’ve got just the solution.

Rub this ointment into your

scalp and within days it smells

so bad that people don’t even

notice you’re losing your hair--

I mean, the girl.

Did you see my funny bumper

stickers?

No, it was the front of the

car you almost hit me with.

Take a look as I drive away,

and you might wanna yell out,

"Hey, look at the guy with the

hot pink car and all the funny

bumper stickers!"

"Wait, was he losing his hair?"

"I didn’t even notice!"

(Coughing)

"Honk if you don’t notice any

thing odd at all about my head."

Pelswick!

I had an accident filling the

dog’s drool reservoir.

Let me in!

What’s that?

Any guy can wear big, baggy

pants to an all night party that

ends at o’clock.

But it takes a real man to show

up in an authentic Hawaiian

grass skirt.

If I wasn’t covered in

synthetic dog slobber, I’d ask

what this is about.

But you can tell me tomorrow

between my th and th

showers.

(Students chattering)

Hi, guys!

Whoa, dude!

Let me guess, you didn’t tell

her yet.

What, what?

Don’t you think this works?

Come on, Pelswick.

You gotta tell her.

I will, I will.

It’s just, now that she thinks

my legs work, I can’t.

As soon as she gets to know me

better, I’ll tell her.

Honest!

Hi, Pelswick.

Hi, Christina.

Hi, Ace.

Hi, Goon.

We’re real sorry about

jumping on you in that

restaurant.

That’s okay, Burger Barrel

burgers taste better when you

accidently swallow them whole.

Oh, what’s with the skirt?

Yeah, well.

See, all my non-grass clothes

were in the wash.

Plus, the hockey coach being

Hawaiian, it’s kind of a

tribute.

I love it.

Look at all these goofs all

dressed in the fashion du jour.

About time somebody showed

a little originality.

Let’s kick it.

♪

You’re so good!

And you don’t seem out of breath

at all.

What can I say?

The Pels-warrior never tires.

Pels-weird!

Who’s your date?

Oh, I’m sorry.

I see by the skirt, you’re your

date.

This is Boyd.

I believe you’ve heard his IQ on

rocket launch countdowns.

For your information, this

outfit is a tribute to Coach

Kamihanihackahoonialoopawani.

It looks more like a nest for

a chicken!

You two want me to request the

bird dance for you?

Or, maybe the funky chicken?

(Clucking)

Come on, don’t even talk to

him.

No, he has to be taught a

lesson.

Goon, could you put one of

those heavy cinder blocks on

each of my foot rests?

Oh, good idea!

Oh!

I meant those ones over

there.

But that’s okay, these will do.

So, are you two gonna hatch

an egg later?

Boyd, get away from my date!

I can’t watch.

That’s because your hands are

over your eyes.

Oh, yeah?

What are you gonna do about it,

chicken butt?!

(Crunching)

(Screaming)

Don’t you think you owe me

and my date an apology?

And a promise that if I back up

right now, you’ll leave the

party and go home?

Oh, yes!

I’m sorry.

I’ll go, just move please!

It’s :!

Which means the all night party

that ended at o’clock is now

over!

ALLHuh?

Oh!

That was awesome how you

scared that guy away.

It was nothing.

Especially with him being so

much bigger than you.

What are you saying?

You don’t like small guys?

You’re not that small.

I mean, not compared to some

really, really tiny guys I saw

once in a documentary.

This is my street.

Goodnight!

She kissed me!

But she thinks I’m small.

I’m sitting, of course I’m

small.

But she doesn’t know that!

"Sorry we missed you."

"Your package can be picked up

tomorrow."

Maybe it was a kiss goodbye

because I’m too small!

Bummer.

Without my custom mail order

wig, I’ll have to do this.

What do you think?

I think I need to be bigger.

GRAM GRAMYou put the back

leg on the front, you dimwit!

How do you know it’s the back

leg?

Oh.

AGNESPriscilla Eggert!

Oooh, gotta go!

Where is she?

Jane Goodall?

I think she’s in Kenya with the

chimps of Gombe.

You know who I mean.

She’s hiding.

I mean-- no-- not hiding.

What’s that other thing that’s

like hiding?

What’s going on?

Your mother cost me a million

bucks!

That’s terrible.

Do you know how to screw in a

dog tongue?

Guys, guys!

I need to be bigger.

Your nose is bigger.

Not just my nose, all of me!

And I need it by the next time I

see Christina.

You mean in about fifteen

seconds?

(Gasping)

Quick, in here!

(Knocking)

(Scuffling)

Pelswick, are you in here?

I just came to ask you--

Oh, my gosh!

What happened to you?!

You got so...big.

Big?

Really?

You guys think I look big?

You do look like you might be

retaining a little water.

What can I say, I’m one of

those guys whose weight goes up

and down from day to day.

By pounds?

It’s unhealthy to binge like

that.

I thought you said you liked

big.

I meant tall.

Oh, tall.

Can’t help you.

Why don’t you meet me at your

school gym, after school?

I’ll show you some exercises to

work it off.

A gym?

Well, the thing about that is...

Pelswick loves the gym!

Awesome, see you there!

Pelswick loves the gym?!

(Groaning)

You look...thin!

And taller, don’t you think?

I can’t believe it!

You lost pounds in less than

six hours!

I cut out bread.

I remembered what I wanted to

ask you earlier.

How do you feel about roasted

marshmallows under the stars?

Better than roasting them on

the stars.

’Cause we’d need real long

sticks.

You’re so funny.

Meet me at the top of Bayview

hill after dinner?

I’ll be there.

Afterwards, we can dance by

the fire.

Again with the dancing!

And this time I can’t be fat, or

Hawaiian.

Hmmm.

Didn’t you say your family has a

mechanical dog?

We have mechanical dog parts.

Even better, we have the

technology.

Mr. Mayor, on behalf of

songwriters everywhere, and the

thousand impassioned, outraged

people whose names I had to

forge on this petition, we

demand that Hamster be removed

from the city hall computer.

Download, download.

Go, go!

I can’t do that, because I

believe the free exchange of

ideas and information is the

only way to better our society.

And I believe Shane Farney gave

me , shares on Hamster worth

over three million dollars.

Yacht time!

Didn’t you see this morning’s

business section?

Crabster came out with faster

software.

Hamster’s down to a nickel a

share.

What?!

What?!

Kick that freeloading music

hooligan off our system, now!

Hooray!

Justice for copyright holders

everywhere!

(Crickets chirping)

Screwdriver.

(Rustling)

Here she comes!

Hi, Pelswick.

You built the fire!

I’ve got music and marshmallows.

Wanna collect some roasting

sticks?

♪

Sure, collecting sticks!

(Electronic whirring)

(Grunting)

First day with the new legs?

(Laughing nervously)

Cramp.

Here we go.

(Electronic whirring)

Whoa!

You’re wild.

Wh-- whoa!

Huh?

Gram Gram, what are you doing

here?

I’m hiding from Agnes.

Oooh, the doggy remote?

Oh, let me try!

ALLNo!

What are you doing?

I’m not sure!

Whoa...ahhh.

Don’t you wanna dance?

(Electronic whirring)

What?

Christina, I’m really sorry.

I didn’t mean to kick you.

Pelswick, I don’t know how to

say this, but I don’t think this

is working out.

What do you mean?

You’re really nice, and

obviously a very limber guy.

But, between threatening bigger

boys, putting on and then losing

pounds plus two feet in

height, and now the wild

dancing...I need someone who’s

just a little more laid back.

I can be more laid back.

I don’t want you to change

just for me.

See you online, Pels-warrior.

I better take the marshmallows.

You know, the binging thing.

Christina!

Come back!

Oooh, he touched his ear with

his foot!

No, Goon!

She was a great girl.

Maybe we’ll meet again one day

when I’m older and she doesn’t

recognize me.

JIMMYYou don’t notice any

change in my naturally dark,

glossy hair, right?

Especially with me juggling live

cane toads and riding a

unicycle.

Mr. Jimmy, it’s a wig!

You’re still bald underneath.

You’re going through ridiculous

lengths to hide something that’s

not even that bad with-- wait--

With a dozen things that are

worse.

You got it.

Bye!

Couldn’t you have told me

before I lost the girl?

Oh, well.

At least it’s ten minutes to

midnight.

Nothing worse can happen to me

today.

(Banging)

When I get in there, I’m

taking a million bucks out of

your hide, Eggert!

Again, Grandma!

♪