♪
(Honking)
Whoa!
Whoa!
Ah!
♪
Go, Pelswick!
Let her rip, dude!
Whoa!
(Crashing)
(Gasping)
(Yelling)
Congratulations!
If that’s, you know, what you
were going for.
I never miss that trick.
Whoa!
Oh.
Wha!
(Groaning)
Ah!
Well, I almost never miss it.
Actually, don’t sweat it,
dude.
% of all gamers crash.
That’s right.
I wiped out right here big time
yesterday.
Yeah, Goon, but you were
walking.
I can’t crash in the
Paraquest Games.
I’m entered in half-pipe
freestyle and street luge.
I’ve just got to win one of
them.
And you’re skinny!
And you’ve got zits!
And I’ve got your shoes!
And-- We’ll pick this up
tomorrow.
That was only minutes.
You’re not the only person in
the world I humiliate, you know.
(Chair whirring)
Well, if it isn’t Tragic
Johnson.
Ladies and gentlemen, the
feeble insult stylings of Mr.
Boyd Scullarzo.
Saw you wipe out.
Can’t wait to see you do it at
the competition Friday, in front
of a thousand people!
Don’t be jealous, Boyd.
If they ever define crippling
body odour as a disability,
you’ll be able to enter.
I can’t stand here talking to
you all day.
I’ve got some letters to mail.
If that’s your Club For Smart
Guys application, the stamps go
on the front.
When I became your mayor, I
promised to straighten out this
city.
I believe I can do it with this
streak.
By cutting down this ugly old
tree first thing Monday morning.
(Gasping)
No longer will this
once-proud thoroughfare be
littered with hubcaps, garbage
and unconscious paperboys.
Hey!
Listen to yourselves!
This isn’t an ugly old tree.
This is the Bayview Oak!
Is our civilization so debased,
so blasé that no one will take a
stand to protect the oldest
living thing in this town?
(Crickets chirping)
Really good talking of words,
there, Julie.
Way to go!
Thank you, Goon.
But it will take more than
well-spoken words to protect
this tree.
You’re not going to do
something radical, are you?
I’m guessing that’s a "yes".
MAN OVER TVWelcome back to
the Wheelers Half-pipe
Competition.
Now dropping, Joe "Silver Seat"
Becker.
PELSWICKA to a
dead head toe tap drop in.
Now, that’s style.
On Saturday, how would you
like to carry a good luck charm
from your little sister on your
winning ride?
A good luck charm?
Not that you’ll need it.
You’re so talented.
You think so?
You are going to win, right?
’Cause I got a lot invested in
this.
Uh, family-pride-wise, that is.
Sure, I’d be happy to carry
your little charm with me.
I’m so glad we have a
legally-binding verbal contract.
Where’s Gram-Gram?
Yarrick.
Yarrick!
Go away!
I don’t training anybody no
more.
How you been, you old piece
of shoe leather?
I need a trainer for the Geezer
Games.
Do I know you?
(Cheering)
Why are you not trying triple
somersault with feeding the
bird, watering the plants and
typing the limerick?
I can’t do it!
You’re not trying!
It’s impossible.
The most I can do in
mid-somersault is water the
plant, feed the bird, and maybe
write a rhyming couplet.
"There once was a man from
Birmingham,
who would eat his ham with some
jam."
You’re soft!
Anyone can do anything they are
trying.
Yeah?
Well, then why can’t you get rid
of that ridiculous accent?
I only being in the country
three months.
That was all being long time
ago.
I am now old man with accent.
What happened to "Anyone can
do anything they want"?
Times change.
My boxers are reduced to
sparring with members of the
Bayview Symphony Orchestra.
And I am forced to eating the
cement between the bricks of
gymnasium.
Yarrick, my grandson’s in the
Paraquest Games!
He’s inspired me to climb back
on that pommel horse.
This is my chance to show him
what the old lady’s got.
Hmm.
I can’t believe that creep
Boyd!
I’d like to see him try this!
One kid at a time, okay?
Whoa!
Hey, Mr. Jimmy.
Nice .
What ?
I was just trying to find the
produce section!
Are you here to give me
pointers on the Paraquest Geezer
Games?
No pointers.
Hey, do you believe Boyd today?
What a creep.
So, what else is new?
But today, what a creep.
I hope something real bad
happens to him.
I wouldn’t go that far.
I hope his hair falls out.
Oh, no, wait.
I hope he gets his ear caught in
one of those ice rink, washing,
scraping, cleaning machines.
That’s be funny.
(Laughing)
Whoa!
That’s a nice sentiment, but
was there any particular reason
you dropped by?
Maybe I’ll pull his tongue
out and tie it to a
stamp-wetting machine.
I got to go.
It’s illegal to take these from
the parking lot.
Whee!
(Bell ringing)
I don’t know, Julie.
Sandra, a patch of old-growth
forest was saved last year by a
young woman just like us who
lived in a tree for four months.
I remember her.
She did lots of interviews.
Has fame changed you in any
way?
Is it true that your best
friend’s now a squirrel?
I’d love to join you in this
important, and possibly
televised, crusade.
As honorary chairman of these
games, I want to welcome you all
to the Paraquest Geezer Games.
Excitement is in the air.
Oh, Pelswick, can I put that
good luck thing in the back of
your chair now?
Sure.
Hey, Pel-spaz.
Catch!
Oof.
This is pathetic.
You call this a sport?
Can one of these guys play
baseball like me?
No!
Can they high-jump like me?
No!
Can they dunk a basketball like
me?
They could smell like you,
but unfortunately, they showered
this month.
Laugh it up, Spine-Stein.
I know something you don’t!
Oh, don’t mind him.
He can only stand on the
sidelines and yell in impotent
rage as you win medal after
medal.
You are going to win medal after
medal, aren’t you?
(Microphone giving feedback)
I have an announcement--
Ouncement-- Ouncement--
Ouncement...
(Laughing)
I love doing that!
Due to a large number of
anonymous written requests for
greater inclusivity, this year’s
games are open to the
able-bodied.
What?!
As long as they compete in
wheelchairs and on crutches like
everyone else.
BOYDSurprise!
(Laughing)
(Coughing)
Told you he was a creep.
(Grunting)
Ten more!
I can’t.
Look at you.
Weak!
Giving up.
You’re getting soft.
I give up once.
"Too hard," I said.
What happening to me now?
I’m eating all the cement in my
building.
Do you want to win or do you
want not to win?
Whoa!
Actually, you’ve got nothing
to worry about, you know.
Except for Boyd beating you and
being harassed for the rest of
your life.
I’m over the shock.
I’m looking at the positive side
now.
Whoa!
I wonder why Julie and Sandra
aren’t here.
Oh, they’re probably up that
tree.
Tree?!
Sandra, what were you
thinking?!
What do you mean?
Well, as one example of what
I mean, what is this?
My walk-in closet!
If there’s going to be, like,
interviews, I can’t wear the
same outfit for the CBC as I do
for CNN.
Sandra, we’re trying to save
this tree!
Not turn it into deluxe condos!
(Rumbling)
You do the passion thing,
I’ll do the media relations
thing, okay?!
I’d like to order a medium pizza
delivered, please.
Big endangered oak tree,
Bayview.
Boyd’s useless.
But he’s leading on points.
Hey, look, I’m a wheelchair
athlete.
It’s kind of freaky how
everyone else wiped out, or
their wheels fell off.
Ah!
Way to go, Boyd!
Way to go!
You’ve got to be able to beat
that.
Watch me.
(Cheering)
Something’s wrong.
It’s off balance.
Limited edition Paraquest
Geezer medallions for sale right
here.
Help!
Oh, too bad!
And the winner, with, um, two
and a quarter points, is Boyd
Scullarzo!
Yee-haw!
You told me you were going to
win!
Now what am I going to do with
these?
What are they?
They were my college fund.
They were going to be worth a
fortune.
How do you like my medal?
I’ve been walking around showing
it off.
Great.
When the nose-picking finals
come around, you’ll have two.
Ignore him, man.
Yeah, nobody pay any
attention to him.
Whoa!
A medal!
Can I see it?!
Ooh, it’s so shiny.
My brother’s going to crush
you in the street luge.
Then we’ll see whose
commemorative coins are worth
more.
Kate, it’s not about coins.
Quiet!
You’re an athlete.
You have no head for business.
Welcome to the street luge.
Only two uninjured athletes
remain!
Sure you don’t want to get up
and stretch your legs before the
race?
(Laughing)
Remember, no pressure.
This only makes the difference
for me between Oxford and a
minimum-wage cashier job at the
Floor Mart.
See you at the bottom.
On your mark, get set, touch
your nose, eat some corn...
Draw a picture of a happy
gnome, and go!
I just remembered, I have a
gift for you.
It’s that sand for your wheel
bearings.
Bye, Pels-loser.
This town ain’t accessible
enough for the both of us.
(Laughing)
Hey, Boyd!
What?!
Nothing.
Ah!
(Screaming)
My makeup mirror!
(Cheering)
Whoo!
Pelswick, you’re the winner!
I mean, the award goes to you.
Look!
These heirloom-quality
medallions were in the winner’s
chair.
(Siren wailing)
You’re ready, Priscilla.
You finally got the wrinkle of
the tiger.
What’s going on?
Didn’t you hear?
This is such a turn of events, I
can hardly tell you.
Boyd’s medal?
Isn’t it beautiful?
Not Boyd’s medal.
Are you sitting down?
Well, of course you are.
Boyd’s in a wheelchair.
No.
Actually, yes.
After all the stupid cracks he’s
made about you over the years,
now’s your chance to get him
back, man.
Everyone’s waiting for him to
show up so you can tear him into
little tiny bully shreds.
Two, four, six, eight!
Scorn and mock and denigrate!
Yay!
Go ahead, get it over with.
Hi, Boyd.
I...
Hope you feel okay.
(Laughing)
He hopes he feels okay.
(Laughing)
Am I the only one who got it?
Don’t tell me you feel sorry
for me?
Well...
I don’t have to take that
from you!
Ah!
(Laughing)
And now, vocabulary.
Pelswick, can you use the words
"Boyd Wheelchair" and
"Haw-haw-haw" in a sentence?
Uh...
"When Boyd gets out of
his wheelchair, he’ll be so
happy, he’ll say,
’Haw-haw-haw’".
And that’s why we cannot let
this tree, like the very tree
that Robin Hood was buried
under, be ripped from its
earthly umbilical cord.
What kind of tree is it?
A big, like, leafy one?
I don’t know!
My partner has the details.
Save the tree!
AllSave the tree!
Save the tree!
Save the tree!
Sandra, what’s going on?
Save the tree!
Save the tree!
Save the tree!
Hardened news professionals
have cast aside their, like,
cherished neutrality to embrace
this cause.
No, don’t!
It’s not safe!
What are you all lying around
for?
You have an uplink
deadline!
Go on, hit me.
I can take it.
I don’t really want to.
This stuff’s kind of
insulting.
That’s the whole idea.
I’ve lost my edge.
I’ve got to get back in the
zone.
I need you to remind me how he
treats me every day.
Go ahead.
Hey, jelly legs.
Okay, more.
Give me more of that.
Well, if it isn’t "Tred"
Flintstone.
(Laughing)
That’s a good one.
Okay.
Okay, I’m feeling it.
More!
"Crip" Van Winkle.
Butter knees.
"No-leg" Cassini.
You stupid dead butt, big
nose.
Ah!
Okay, I feel it!
I’m ready.
I hear you’ve got something
to say to me.
I sure do!
I-- I wanted to say, I’ve got an
extra butt pad, if you want to
borrow it.
Head solo.
Go, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
I can’t do it.
I can’t enjoy Boyd’s humiliation
and misery.
No?
Heck, I can.
What’s gotten into you?
Helping me is one thing, but
insulting and gloating and
laughing at pain and misery?
That’s just mean.
You’re acting like-- Like--
You wish you could?
Yeah.
Maybe the reason you’re not
having fun at someone else’s
expense is you’re not a creep.
So being a creep isn’t as
much fun as being a decent guy?
Are you kidding?
I didn’t think so.
Of course it is.
It’s a blast.
Oh, well, don’t tell me that.
The creeps have the life.
They get the best cars, they
laugh more, ’cause someone’s
always--
Thank you, that’s fine.
But on the other hand, who
wants to be a creep?
Look at Gram-Gram go!
Inspirational!
(Cheering)
Hey, Pels-wheels.
Notice something?
Aren’t you going to say
something smart?
I beat you once, Boyd, and it
felt good.
I don’t need to do it again.
Unlike you, I learned something.
Like what?
Well, I learned never to
stand on a big, white "X".
Huh?
Ah!
(Cheering)
Prissy!
You being success!
Get your winning
commemorative medallions with my
brother’s face scratched off and
my Gram-Gram’s face hammered on!
And they’re only...
Let me see, how much do I need?
Mayor Breadcup isn’t going to
like this.
No, but the press will, like,
eat it up.
Did you know that this tree is
from the seed of the very orange
that fell on Galileo’s head?
It was Newton, and an apple.
Whatever!
♪
02x06 - Oh Bully, Where Art Thou?
Watch/Buy Amazon
Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.
Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.