02x07 - The Fenton Menace

[bunniefuu]

[Tires screeching]

[Sucking]

Jazz, voice-over: you know how sometimes you feel

Like you're the only responsible person in your family?

Well, there are days my family makes me feel

Like I'm the only responsible adult in the world.

Guys, pay attention to the road!

[Music blaring]

What? What?

[Tires screeching]

Jazz, voice-over: after all, ever since

I learned danny's secret...

[Grunting]

I promised myself I'd never let anyone know--

Mom, dad, even danny-- unless his life depended on it.

Well, guess what? It looks like that time has come!

Look out!

♪ He's a phantom

♪ Danny phantom, danny phantom ♪

♪ Yo, danny phantom, he was just ♪

♪ When his parents built a very strange machine ♪

♪ It was designed to view a world unseen ♪

♪ He's gonna catch 'em all, 'cause he is danny phantom ♪

♪ When it didn't quite work, his folks, they just quit ♪

♪ Then danny took a look inside of it ♪

♪ There was a great big flash, everything just changed ♪

♪ His molecules got all rearranged ♪

♪ When he first woke up, he realized ♪

♪ He had snow white hair and glowing green eyes ♪

♪ He could walk through walls, disappear, and fly ♪

♪ He was much more unique than the other guys ♪

♪ It was then that he knew what he had to do ♪

♪ He had to stop all the ghosts that were comin' through ♪

♪ He's here to fight for me and you ♪

♪ He's gonna catch 'em all, 'cause he's danny phantom ♪

♪ He's gonna catch 'em all, 'cause he's danny phantom ♪

♪ Gonna catch 'em all, 'cause he's danny phantom ♪

♪ He's a phantom

♪ Danny phantom

Jazz, voice-over: you know how regular kids freak out

Because of a pop quiz or a pimple?

Well, my brother danny has other pressures.

[Grunting]

[Screaming]

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I guess it all started on a typical fenton family outing.

Nothing like spending quality family time

With the people you love.

[Beep]

And by quality time, you mean hunting down ghosts

In a subaquatic deathtrap?

You betcha, jazzy-pants!

Whether it's air, land, or sea,

I won't stop until we capture a ghost

And tear it apart molecule by molecule.

[Gasping]

Danny? You ok?

Who, me? I'm swell.

Every single molecule of me.

I just don't think that we should go in there.

Go in there? Good idea, danny!

What? No!

[Gasping]

Don't you see it? How can you not see it?!

Ghost!

A ghost that I can tear apart

Molecule by molecule? Where?

Hey!

There's no ghost out there.

[Groaning]

Very funny, son.

Save it for april fool's day, huh?

Hey!

Look out!

Danny, what are you doing?

[Beep]

Danny, there's no ghost out there.

Are you people blind?

We have to get out of here!

Danny, get away from the controls!

What's with you?

Chasing ghosts that aren't there

Is dad's job.

Yeah. What she said!

But he was there!

I--i saw him.

Why couldn't you?

Jazz, voice-over: clearly, something was up with danny,

And as usual, my parents had their own nutty way

Of trying to get to the bottom of things.

Aah!

Just a little longer, sweetie.

Don't you worry, son.

We'll spin the crazy out of you in no time.

I'm not crazy!

Jazz, voice-over: so, as usual, it was up to me.

[Bell ringing]

Danny, you ok? You look a little...

Crazy? Don't say crazy.

[Groaning]

I was going to say you look a little

Like you've been on a big spinning table.

Why? Do you think you're crazy?

I think I'm starting to see ghosts

When there aren't any ghosts.

Jazz, voice-over: so, he was hallucinating,

Which means I had to prevent him from using his ghost powers

While in this delicate state of mind.

Hey, danny, how many times

Has this happened to you?

You need to sneak away and go ghost,

But you're stuck with your family.

Uh...more than a little? Uh...a lot, lately.

Then do I have good news for you.

Now you can throw away all those tired old excuses

With this: the tucker foley

Alibi-o-matic.

Just set it behind closed doors

And presto, you're home asleep.

But wait, there's more.

Does there have to be?

There's head cold.

[Snoring, coughing]

And my specialty...

[Farting]

Now, how much would you pay?

To make it stop?

[Bell ringing]

I never thought I'd say this,

But thank heavens! Class.

Aah!

You!

I might not have been able to do anything last time,

But this time, I'm going--

Going...

Nowhere but back to class.

You...don't see anything?

Just a little brother

Who's looking a little nuttier by the second.

And where do you think you're going?

Wherever I want.

What are you, the hall monitor now?

I'm your hall monitor, danny,

And there's no place you can go

That I can't follow.

Really?

Except there.

[Grunting]

If that's your brother

Making all those noises in there,

I would suggest he get

A little more fiber in his diet.

[Grunting]

Voice-over: it was worse than I thought.

I had to get danny away from the pressures

Of ghosts and ghost hunting.

Somewhere like...

A camping trip? A camping trip?

Studies show that connecting with nature

Has a calming effect on troubled teens.

Are there any studies on the calming effect

Of big sister's minding their own business?

Ugh! Quit it!

See? This toxic home environment

Is making him a nervous wreck!

He needs a normal family outing.

One that has nothing to do with ghosts.

Will you stop talking about me like I'm not here?

Ugh! And will you stop poking me!

I don't know, jazz, honey.

Sure, danny seems a little high-strung,

But I'm sure it's nothing we can't work out here.

Ugh! Ugh!

Back off, punk!

I'll pack the sleeping bags.

And I'll get the ghost hunting equipment.

And by ghost hunting equipment I mean, uh...

The--the other sleeping bags!

[Beep]

It's a...waffle iron?

[Groaning]

Danny, are you gonna be ok?

I don't know. What if jazz is right?

What if I am going nuts?

You're not going nuts. We believe you,

Even if every single other person you know doesn't.

Ok, little brother. Time to go.

And you two, leave him alone this weekend, ok?

He needs to relax.

Jazz, I know you've got danny's best interests at heart,

But don't even think you can tell us what to do.

[Gasps]

Huh?

Yeah, you better run!

I see you again, I am gonna tear you...

You didn't see anything, did you?

But they were right there!

Around the corner.

Uh, I'll get in the as*ault vehicle.

Not this weekend, honey.

This weekend it's just a regular r.v.

Awww.

[Engine starting]

We'll see you monday.

[Sucking]

I feel positively naked without my jumpsuit.

And I'm pretty sure I'm getting a rash

On my unprotected forearms.

Good thing I packed

Plenty of fenton ointment.

Oh, boy, fointment!

And I packed your old bearbert einstein

For you, jazz.

Mom, stop treating me like a baby.

Welcome to my world.

Hey! Ah, danny,

I don't know why you're mad at me.

I'm not the one who trashed the lab

Blasting imaginary ghosts.

It was one ghost... And a parrot.

Was it a ghost and a parrot

Or a projection of your own fears...

And a parrot?

Now, kids, let's not fight. Who's up for a game of I spy?

I spy with my little eye something beginning with "c."

Cola, chafing, cattle prod.

Cowboy?

Where do you see a cowboy?

Duh, he's riding right next to us...

At miles an hour? Oh, no. Not again.

[Boom]

Danny, whatever you're doing,

Cut it out.

I'm not doing anything!

Mom: oh, come on. Isn't anyone gonna guess

What I spy beginning with "c"?

Cliff!

Very good, danny.

They still think he's crazy?

Yup. And they will...

All the way to the bottom of that ravine.

Jack!

Fear not, maddie.

I'll engage the treader re-threader.

Good thinking, hon.

I invented that technology

To help me when my belts break.

It's nice to know it has other uses as well.

Aah. Aah.

You think it's smart to get this close?

Fft. They're gonna be road pizza soon.

I want a closer look!

Sure is hard to drink, drive,

And scratch at the same time.

Curse these infernal capping clothes!

Maddie, take the wheel!

[Grunting]

Uh, jazz, you wouldn't consider unlocking

The ghost weapons, would you?

Not a chance. Why?

No reason. Uh, excuse me.

[Groaning]

Man, what's tucker been eating?

Figment of my imagination or not,

You need to back off, cowbrat.

Aah!

[Neighing]

Huh, what's that ghost boy doing way out here?

[Groaning]

I don't know, maddie,

But he must really hate that rock formation.

Well, shouldn't we be hunting him down or something?

No! I mean, you promised!

No ghost fighting.

And so did danny.

[Laughing]

Yee-ha!

Yee-ha!

[Groaning]

Ooh. What a relief.

And speaking of relief...

You can't go in there!

Um...danny's really sick.

[Snoring]

And now he has to sleep it off.

[Screaming]

No fair. You dogtied my horse.

That's hogtied.

Who cares?

Why can't they see you?

Duh! Why do you think I call myself youngblood?

Only the young can see me. Only kids!

Wait a minute. On the sub,

In the school, at my house...

I was the only kid there.

Well, that and your sister,

Who thinks she's a grownup.

Everybody thinks you're crazy.

Now get back there and prove it!

Whoa!

Jeez, can't a guy get minutes of privacy?

[Beep]

Ah, the healing touch of day-glo orange spandex.

Aw, man. I wanted to see the camper go kaboom!

That didn't sound very cowboy.

Whatever.

One more night of driving him nuts

And his family will be ready to chuck him

In the crazy person's hoosegow.

Much better.

[Neighing]

Jazz, voice-over: ok, maybe in retrospect, putting our family

In a remote wilderness with an unstable brother

Who has ghost powers wasn't he best idea.

But since there's no way I'd admit I'm wrong,

About anything, I had to keep danny under constant watch.

Go away.

Ugh!

I can't do that, danny.

You may not believe it,

But I understand what you're going through.

No, you don't.

But I do, more than you know.

Look, I know you think there's a ghost here,

But there isn't, danny.

And turning your back to me

Won't solve anything.

Fine. Then I'm going to sleep.

[Snoring]

You can't fool me, danny.

I know you're awake in there.

[Farting]

And...gassy?

Ugh. Nice.

[Wolf howling]

Jazz: danny?

Jazz, you have to unlock the ghost weapons.

We're all in danger!

Yeah, from you!

I know. You think I'm crazy, but I'm not.

You can't see him

Because only kids can see him.

Ha!

Wait. I do see him.

He's right behind you.

Where? Ugh!

Jazz, what are you doing?

This is for your own good, danny.

Let me out!

Duh. Ghost powers.

Guh!

And just to humor you,

I'm turning on the ghost shield

So no ghosts can get in...or out.

[Laughing]

[Snoring]

Mmm, jack, your snoring

Is rattling the whole tent.

Jack. Ugh. Better get the fenton earplugs.

Jazz, turn around!

Look! Mom and dad's tent!

Forget it, danny.

I'm not letting you out of there,

And I'm not taking my eyes off you

For one second.

Aah! Oh, real mature, danny.

If you're gonna be delusional,

Can you at least act your age?

Or maybe you should act...your age.

Aah!

You're not an adult, jazz. You're a kid, just like me.

We're focusing on your problems, danny.

Not mine.

[Funny noises]

Grr!

♪ Jazz is a spaz! Jazz is a spaz! ♪

♪ Jazz is a spaz!

Cut it out, you little brat!

I know you are, but what am i?

Huh?

Will you grow up?

Will you grow up?

Stop mocking me.

Stop mocking me.

Oh. Oh! Who's this?

Is this bearbert einstein? Oh, oh, oh, no!

Leave him alone!

[Laughing]

Put him down! Put him down!

Put him down! Put him down!

Put him down!

[Laughing]

Man, she's even brattier than I am!

Who said that?

Huh?

Huh!

A ghost? A ghost!

You're not crazy!

You have now stooped to my level.

Thank you for shopping fenton-mart.

[Beep]

I'll take the r.v.

You go...somewhere I can't see you, and get help!

This is for bearbert!

[Tires squealing]

[Grunting]

[Neighing]

I'm going ghost!

Huh? Why that hasn't happened

Since I stopped drinking coffee before bed.

Huh?

Maddie, wake up!

I spy something beginning with a "w"!

We're about to plummet into a roaring

White-watery...doom?

For bearbert!

Whoa! What are we running away for?

[Laughing]

[Tires squeal]

[Neighing]

[Grunting]

Want to play with the big kids, youngbutt?

Aah!

Having fun yet?

Jack, what's going on? Where are the kids?

Maddie, look, it's that phantom kid again.

And this time, he's attacking our wheels.

Hang on, kids! Daddy's coming!

Jack, where did that ghost w*apon come from?

I'd, um... I'd rather not say.

[Neighing]

Not so tough now that she can see you,

Huh, kid?

What are you gonna do, huh?

At some point, I'm gonna squirm free.

It's not like you can lock me up in jail

Or something.

Sorry. Slipped out of my hand.

Aah!

Actually, it's just like

I can lock you up in jail or something.

Jazz, voice-over: so, in the end, no matter how abnormal things seemed

Or abnormal our life can be...

Dad: put the thermos down

And step away from my daughter, punk!

Jazz, voice-over: everything was back to normal...

Or our version of normal.

Get me a fenton towel, stat!

Jazz, voice-over: so, yeah, sometimes I do feel like

The weight of the world is on my shoulders

And I'm the only responsible adult in the family.

But danny's responsible.

And he's a kid, which means it's probably safe

For me to be a kid every now and then.

[Farting]

Oh, real mature, danny!