01x01 - Pilot

[bunniefuu]

- All right, mark that take. Good to move on?

- Yep. We got the boss.

Now let me put on some sprinkles.

[bass-heavy rap music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Huh ♪

♪ Stanky ♪

- [trills]

- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

- [imitating various birds trilling]

- Genius adlibs, Lil Stinker.

- Nah, man. It's all birds.

Double crush the cormorant,

fan-tailed cuckoo,

common-ass kestrel.

[garbled rap sample playing]

- Nah, I don't like that sample.

- It's "Baby Shark" backwards.
But we can find something else.

-Keep it cheap.
-You could go

with Joe Scarborough's funk album,

anything by the Stones,

Sharon or Oliver,

this by Girls5eva.

[soft pop music playing]

- Oh, yeah.

They were a thing for a
second back around '99, 2000.

Remember them, Lil Stinker?
-No, I was a baby in '99.

Ask smarter questions, Paul.

But I like it.

It's old school.

Makes me think of my mom's boobies.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪

♪ Oh, no, no ♪

♪ Gonna be famous 3-gether ♪

♪ 'Cause that's one more 2-gether ♪

- Here they are, Girls5eva!

[all cheering and yelling]

- Now, ladies. Why Girls5eva?

- Because, Carson, we're gonna
be in the game longer than...

all: ♪ Forever ♪

- [continues riffing]

[cheers and applause]

- Now, how did you guys get together?

I'm sorry--three-gether.

[laughter]

- We've been best friends
ever since we auditioned

for a man in a motel in New Jersey.

- We also had the same
ad written onto a newspaper.

- But it was fate that Larry picked us,

because we're gonna be friends five-eva,

famous five-eva, young five-eva.

-Or maybe six-eva.
-Or seven-eva.

-Forever.
-Longer than a millennial!

[all yelling and cheering]

all: ♪ Girls five-eva ♪

[light orchestral music]

- I have to say, your breasts are perfect

for a mammogram.

They're already so smooshed.

- Thank you. My son had a violent latch.

[machinery beeping]

It's my first mammogram.

I guess I'm officially a ma'am now.

- Take a deep breath and hold it.

[Lil Stinker's "Line Up"
playing in the background]

- ♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

♪ 'Cause 4eva... ♪

- Sorry. Is that a new song?

- Ma'am, please do not move.

- Can I just grab my phone really quick?

- I can't do the imaging if you don't stay still.

-I just want to Shazam it.
-You cannot leave the machine!

- God damn it! It's pinned like a wrestler!

Sorry!

[under breath] Oh, God.
My brother's gonna k*ll me.

- I need food now!

- Javier, will get Randy some bar cherry

so he can take his pill?

♪ ♪

[Lil Stinker's "Line Up"]

[door slams]

- I got a call that the restaurant is locked.

I can't keep running down here

and doing your job for you, Dawn, all right?

I've got five to six businesses, huh?

- Your brother said the restaurant was locked.

So I biked back from work.

- Sorry, honey. Then why'd you come, Nick?

- 'Cause your husband's slow. That's why.

-[sighs] Wait, is that...?
-♪ 4eva's too short ♪

- Yeah, this guy, Lil Stinker,

he sampled "Famous 5eva," I guess.

- How much did you get for that?

- I just found out about this.

- Well, he can't have it for free.

We need a new walk-in.

The lambs, they keep coming back to life.

Track down that old manager of yours.

I bet he's got some money for you.

- Larry? No.

- This is the only one

of my nine or ten businesses that's losing money.

Find Larry, get the money,

and wear the jacket on the commute.

Love you, sis.

[slow tempo music]

♪ ♪

- [knocking]

- Ah, Darn Solano, get in here!

[laughs]

I just did mandatory sensitivity training,

so let's do a side hug where
none of our parts touch.

- Mm-kay. Hey... Larry.

[both laugh]
-Still at it, huh?

- Heck yeah! It's all about clicks now.

I got a streaming farm going here.

I'm generating likes for a
teen who sings so quietly

you can't even hear her.

I gave her a spooky makeover.

She's gonna be the next Billie Eilish.

- Cool.

So you said you had a royalty check for me?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're here somewhere.

[files rustling]

Hey!

It's been here for months.

- $372?

- My classes taught me to recognize the look

of a disappointed woman.

Your face is making that face.

- [sighs] I mean, it made Hoda's playlist.

- Dawn, nobody gets rich from a sample.

This was a simple licensing deal

based on the terms of your original contract

with Plum Management and Junk Removal.

And no artist ever makes d*ck--oh--

Or vag*na off his first record.

What can I say, somebody took advantage of you.

- Yeah, you.

- Do me a favor; Will you
get these to the other gals?

- I haven't seen anybody in forever and I'm busy.

- All right. I'll just toss them then.

- Don't do that.

It's real money.

I'll mail them.

These are void after 90 days.

Larry, these expire in...

-What is this, a party trick?
-Two days.

- Well, then you better deliver them in person.

You could use the steps.

It was great to see you.
We'll catch up next time.

There's so much to talk about.

Brexit, tiny houses, Bindi Irwin is hot now.

Bye, Dawn!

- I'm Summer, and the media trainer

said to repeat the question in my answer.

So why don't you introduce yourself, Summer?

Thanks, Carson. I'm Summer.

[gasps]

- Oh, my God! Dawn!

Shut up!

I thought that was you on my Nest cams!

-Summer, you're home!
-Always!

Oh.

I just heard us during Peloton.

We are back. What are we gonna do?

You know, Carnival has a '90s-themed cruise

that goes around the Pacific garbage patch...

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

I just have your licensing check.

-Oh.
-It expires on Friday, so...

Oh, and I brought you this baby gift

that I've had for you for, like, five-eva.

- That is so sweet. Thank you.

Oh! Come.

You have to meet Stevia, but don't touch her.

She's not vaccinated.

- Oh, my God, you guys.

This new Brody Jenner's
ex-wife's poutgasm palette

has me super sad face that I only have one mouth.

-Stevia!
-Well, that take was ruined.

- Oh, I'm so sorry, baby.

Mommy's friend Dawn

brought you something to unbox.

- Wow.

I thought you were, like, four tops.

'Cause time is fast now.
-[laughs]

- Thank you, but if you want me
to show your product on camera,

you really need to go through my reps.

- Yes.

Hoo, lady boss!

- Whoa. A wall of us.

- How is Kev?

- Oh, he's great. He's really great.

He's an entertainment reporter

at WTIT News Tampa.

- Wait, Tampa, like Florida?

- Kev insisted that we stay in New Jersey

because "don't wanna disrupt Stevie's education"

even though she's homeschooled, but he comes home

the 31st of every month that has one of those.

- Hey, so I found Gloria's work address online,

but I guess I'm gonna have
to Fedex Wickie's check to LA.

- [scoffs] Dawn.

Wickie Roy does not need $300.

- On the runway, to the runway,

fashion life, wheels up, heels up.

- Her shoe line is, like, number one in China,

and they have the most feet.

How are we gonna get her for the reunion?

- Summer, there's no reunion.

- Don't say that!
[grunts]

Was that good?

I've tried out for the
"Housewives" like eight times.

-Cool.
-[chuckles, sighs]

- Well, I'm probably gonna head out,

'cause I got to give Gloria her check.

- Oh, good. I'll drive you!

I just got my license back.

- The excelsior.
[chuckles]

I'm Gloria, and I love performin'

almost as much as I love boys, boys, boys.

[girls cheering]

Because I like how men's bodies are flat

and then there's a tube.

Mrs. Santini's jar rejected the graft.

So let's try another cadaver.

- Gloria?

- [gasps] Get out!

Oh, my God.

Look at you little pixies.
-[giggles]

- Oh, my God. How am I the youngest here?

- Oh, I'm just drinking so much water

and, you know, getting a ton of rest.

Thank you.

- So after we got chewed up and spit out,

believe me, I got serious fast.

-Good for you.
-Yeah.

- I work for my brother
at a restaurant Yelp calls,

"A guilt-free place to have
a bathroom blowout," so...

- Sure, being a dentist is stable and everything,

but it's no dream job.

I have a form of rosacea
that's from other people's breath.

- [inhales] Oh, oh.

- Hey, didn't I hear you got married?

- Yes.

Caroline and I were actually the first gay couple

in the state of New York to get...

divorced.

Love doesn't always win,
guess what, but don't worry.

I've got a new roommate.

My rapidly aging father, so f*ck me.

[phone buzzing]

- Oh.

Larry, I delivered the checks.

[dramatic music] Oh, God.

Girls5eva booked a gig.

- "The Tonight Show."

-[gasps]
-Oh, come on.

- "The Tonight Show." Are you serious?

- As serious as the heart att*ck

that k*lled my first wife.

There was no foul play on that scuba excursion.

Anyway, Lil Stinker booked Fallon

and Jimmy thinks it would
be cool if you did live backup.

-[laughs]
-Does Wickie know about this?

- I left a message for her at her LA office,

but I wouldn't count on her.

Have you seen her Instagram?

She only follows Michelle Obama and Swarovski.

- But "Famous 5eva" is three-part harmony.

So we need at least four voices,

because Summer doesn't count.

- Yeah, I always end up
drifting to whatever the person

next to me is singing, remember?

That's why I have handicapped plates.

The only thing that I can do solo

is end songs with a sultry femi-nasty phrase...

But that's just Paris, baby.

See you never, boy.

What are we gonna do about Kosovo, y'all?

- Hello? Ugh.

Streaming farm problems, fam.

Hello? No.

You got Larry.
-Nope.

It's not that one.
-Clear for Larry.

Oh, pocket.

That's why I wrote "pants" on my hand.

Hello. Go for Larry.

- This is Jonathan Barron,
assistant to Wickie Roy.

-[giggles]
-As fancy has it,

Ms. Roy is heading east to Milan

to launch a line of room-temp refrigerators

called fabinets, very eco-chic.

I could tickle the sched

so she can pop into New
York for your little show.

-Oh!
-Hot damn.

Now we just gotta find Gloria.

- I'm Gloria.

- I can't believe Wickie is in.

- I thought she was done with music.

And now she's like an icono mogulpreneur.

-I know!
-Guys, guys.

-What?
-I don't--

I don't know if we should do this.

We're not little Ariana Grandes anymore.

-[scoffs]
-I'm getting targeted ads

for a cream that fights party streamer neck.

- I don't know if I can still do the excelsior.

No.
-I haven't even performed

since our follow-up album tanked.

- Why did it have to come out on September 10th?

All: ♪ Quit flying planes at my heart ♪

♪ Quit flying planes at my heart ♪

♪ Quit flying... ♪

- You guys, you never forget how to perform.

It's like riding a bike into the river

to get your husband to pay attention to you.

- I just feel weird making
any decisions without Ashley.

- I'm Ashley.

And this is actually my seventh girl group

after Daddy's Crush,

Fades Baby, JO Sistas,

and Twins!, Divacups,

and Dale Froutsight.

They all failed,

but I have an amazing feeling

about the future.

[all cheering]

[light music]

[jackhammer clanging]

- [sighs]

- I suck.

I haven't even been here since the dedication.

-I know.
-Me neither.

I remembered it being nicer.
-I know.

- Didn't we plant a tree or something?

- Yeah.
[gasps]

[jackhammer clanging]

- Ugh. God.

Ashley deserves better than this.

-She does.
-She was our big sister.

And she got us through
all our breakups with Moby.

- Ash, give us a sign

if we should do the show.

- My wife's in labor. I gotta run.

- But we can't do this with four.

- It's a five-man job, Ashton.

- Yes, you can.

It will be different, sure,

but you can do it without me.

[triumphant music]

- Oh, my God.

We're gonna do "The Tonight Show."

- Wait. What was the sign?

- A dress that I wore to my dad's wedding

or a dress that I wore to your dad's wedding?

- Mm, my dad's.

- Is it gonna be weird seeing Wickie?

She ever apologize for ditching you guys?

- I've taken Girls5eva as far as it can go.

They drag me down.

You see, there comes a time when you're trying

to save a drowning person
where you just have to let go,

otherwise they hit you with their panic arms

and drown you too.

- Well, that's, uh, interesting.

What charity are you playing for?

- Oh, um...

Medicine? [applause]

- No, she never apologized.

And I never said anything

because I never say anything to anyone ever.

I passed Giuliani in the street the other day.

And all I said was, "Happy Tuesday."

Oh, buddy, your Cheerios.

You know what? It's one show.

I can get through one show with her.

I'm sure she's grown up a lot.

I mean, she hangs out
with the Dalai freaking Lama.

- Who's the Dalai Lama?

- Never been a big Dalai Lama fan.

You live in the Himalayas

and you don't mountain bike? What?

- Hey, do you guys have a steamer?

I hung my dress in the shower, but it fell.

- Yes, but wardrobe pulled some looks,

in case you like options.

- Right.

- Can I get you anything before rehearsal?

Water? An iced tea?

- [chuckles softly] I'd love an iced tea.

- Mm!

- I literally cannot remember

the last time someone offered me something.

- This is a stark contrast of this morning

when my disoriented father grabbed my thigh.

- I so did not appreciate this stuff

like I should have back in the day.

- I know!

It's like how many 20-year-olds could say

that they've been att*cked by two stage tigers?

- I'm gonna savor the... ass head out of this.

[bright music]

Crank that pony tight as J.Lo's.

I want my ears to touch.

-Girls5eva?
-Hi!

- Hey, so one of your
members has not checked in yet.

- Oh, no. Ashley d*ed

swimming off the edge of an infinity pool.

She was partying with these magicians.

- No. Wickie Roy isn't here yet.

-What?
-It's okay.

- Why did I think she'd be normal?

Nobody gets more normal as
they age except Nicole Richie.

- I thought she was just doing that thing

where she doesn't say hi.

- Farts. Elephant farts.

- Maybe Mr. Fallon can sing with us!

- Oh, as who? Neil Young?

Those genres don't mix, Summer!

-What are we doing?
-I don't know.

- Who's gonna be the leader?

I can't take this on, not
with my dad's sleep running

and having full custody of four spaniels.

I am tapped out!

- I don't know what we're doing.

- Are my pit stains bad?

- We gotta get out of this.

We could say there was a robbery.

[grunts] [items crash]

- To what ends, Summer?

- Oh, flag on the play.

She's where?

-Wickie?
-Oh, my God.

- [gasps]

- [gasps]

[dreamy music]

- Let's go, ladies.

♪ ♪

- [exhales]

- Oh, God. I gotta make it match.

I gotta make it all pit!

[groovy jazz music]

[distant low chatter]

♪ ♪

[shoes sloshing]

- Just to get ahead of it, it's me.

- Gloria, I know.

I used context clues.

- Here to sing "Line Up," Lil Stinker.

And... remember these ladies?

So cool. Girls5eva!

[cheers and applause]

- ♪ I know you wanna line up ♪

♪ Ay ♪ [bird caws]

♪ 4eva, 5eva enough, ay ♪

[birds chirping]

♪ Them opps pulled through ♪

♪ Threw me in a lineup ♪

-♪ Stinky ♪
-♪ Now I play a show ♪

♪ They all wanna line up ♪

♪ Industry suits, they wanna sign up ♪

♪ Tell 'em it's a Stinker's world, baby ♪

- ♪ Smell me ♪

all: ♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪

- ♪ Look ♪

all: ♪ Gonna be famous 3-gether ♪

♪ 'Cause that's one more than 2-gether ♪

- ♪ I'm underrated, always
highly compensated, yeah ♪

♪ Whether I'm loved or hated ♪

♪ Boy, they all talking 'bout Stink ♪

all: ♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪

- [riffing]

♪ Gonna be famous 3-gether ♪

♪ 'Cause that's one more than 2-gether ♪

- ♪ And I know you wanna line up ♪

♪ The party get started with us ♪

all: ♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪

- So what are you waiting 5?

- ♪ 4eva, 5eva enough ♪ all: ♪ Girls 5eva ♪

[cheers and applause]

- [laughs]

I sang my own part, I think! Oh, my God.

- We were good!

- Gals, something's up with me.

I feel weird. Is it a mini stroke?

No, it's something I've felt before.

Second grade, Jenny Nestle brought a fat kitten

to show and tell.

It's joy! [squeals]

- Ladies, that was stanky.

That means good.

-Ooh.
-That was fun.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but we should do more shows with him.

- Wait? For real?

- Five real.

Running a fempire is fulfilling in every way,

but I forgot what it feels like

to m*rder a crowd of tourists.

- Oh, reunion!

I'm gonna clear my sched.

Oh, I do have to get my car detailed in April.

I can cancel it. I can cancel that.

- Okay. Reunion.

- Let's celebrate. Let's go the eff out

like somewhere with columns.

- The M&M's store has spaghetti now.

- Oh, we could do my suite at The Peninsula

or...

what if we went to that cheesy

rotating hotel bar in Times Square?

- Oh, my gosh, remember we
went there after we did TRL?

-Yeah.
-Thought it was so fancy.

-We did.
-It'll be hilarious.

- Done. Help me to the dressing room.

I got joy legs.

- Let's go chat deets with Stinks.

I'll do the talking, famous to famous,

make sure we don't play any states

that are rectangles, etc.

Hello! Stanky Stink!

- Hey, did Lil Stinker say
anything about upstate shows,

like near Cornell?

- Oh, we didn't get too deep into which cities.

- That's where Caroline is teaching

The Memification of Dwayne Johnson.

-Mm-hmm.
-I send her a ticket.

I say, "You might enjoy this."

She shows up. I'm on stage ass-popping.

Next thing you know, we're postcoital

watching a m*rder documentary.

- [laughs]

On tour, can our clothes be lollipops?

And then I grab a big lollipop,

but it's a lever.

And I pull it.

A giant tongue comes out...

- Oh, my God. Stop.

- Fine. You can pull the lever.

- No.

Girls5eva is not happening.

- Wickie, we said we weren't

gonna say anything.

- Great news.

Girls5eva is in for your tour.

- What?
[chuckles]

Y'all look like y'all freeze grapes for dessert.

- But you said we were stanky.

- 'Cause I'm nice. But real talk,

y'all kind of remind me that this might not

last forever, that fame,

in its essence, is transient.

And I don't like that feeling.

- Cool. Cool.

Let me ti-zake the ziz, Stank.

Nobody wants you, okay?

-Fallon did.
-Yeah.

Because they have a boner for nostalgia.

They reunited "Saved by the Bell,"

"Kenan & Kel," everyone from Iran-Contra.

You think I haven't been
working the phones all day?

There's nothing out there.

For ladies, 35 is checkout time.

That's a quote from our greatest president.

Have a nice life.

See? I air honk now.

Growing.

Learning.

Ally.

- Dawn didn't want to spoil tonight,

but I can't listen to this delusion anymore.

Honestly, I get why no one wants more Girls5eva

because this mess is tragic.

Music was never my bag anyway.

Bags are my bag because I'm launching a bag line.

They're bat leather, and they're tiny like bats.

- And there goes the joy.

So long, joy. [sighs]

Perhaps we'll meet again
during colonoscopy dr*gs.

- Ashley would have never
let her walk out on us like that.

- Yeah, well, Ashley is not here.

She's a bench now, Dawn.

[light piano music playing]

- Then I'll be Ashley.

[exciting music]

[elevator chimes]

- [sighs]

- You know who's a real lil stinker?

You.

- What are you doing?

- Calling you out for insulting us

and for making us panic before the show,

and for not once apologizing for anything

'cause you're a big sh*t with the perfect life.

[elevator chimes]

Aren't you going down to the lobby?

- My pilot is staying here.

I just came to give him gas and sashimi money.

[elevator chimes] Bye, Dawn.

♪ ♪

[knocking]

Captain... Phillips,

it's Wickie.

Probably at the Admirals Club. You know pilots.

- [grunts]

[scoffs]

- This is your pilot's hotel room?

- You're saying a bald woman can't be a pilot?

Wow, Dawn.

- You're lying. I should have known.

This is like when you were dating Rick Fox,

but you'd only let us meet
him from really far away.

- What? That was totally Rick Fox.

- Then how come he never
yelled back about basketball?

-[scoffs]
-I never said anything

'cause I was the chill one, but now I'm 40,

and I don't care!

Also I've had three [whispering] negronis.

- Did you just whisper negronis?

- I don't know the history of the word.

- Fine!

I'm staying here, okay?

The show put me up here!

The show flew me out here!

And I almost missed everything

because I volunteered to get bumped for cash

and had to connect through Port-au-Prince.

- So obviously, you don't own a jet.

- I just work at the Van Nuys Airport, Sherlock.

Wheels up, heels up. Milan, here we come.

- What the hell are you doing, Wickie?

There's a sh*t ton of gooses by runway two.

And take that scarf off.

You want to get sucked into an engine?

- Sorry, sir.

I sh**t geese at the airport.

And I get paid by the goose.

There is no fempire.

Then who is Jonathan...

- [British accent] Jonathan Barron?

Me, you fanny wank.

[normal voice] I stole that move from Tr*mp.

- But we're the tragic ones.

- I was never done with music, okay?

After I went solo,

the label decided I was difficult

just because I wouldn't let my
backup singers wear makeup

and refused to play venues

that also did sports.

I thought this Lil Stinker stuff

was going to be my ticket

back to the fame and the lifestyle

I am owed because of the

♪ Voice God ♪

♪ Put in my mouth ♪

- [knocking on wall] Go on!

- Sorry it turned out to be nothing.

[distant sirens wailing]

Probably us dragging you down again.

[playful music]

♪ ♪

I guess you do need this.

- Uh! Don't try to walk out here all superior

when you couldn't even
tell this isn't the Dalai Lama.

It's an old man dressed like a hot dog.

All: ♪ Girls five-eva ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Ah!

-You were the best one.
-Lil Stinker and Girls5eva!

- Honestly, I'm relieved it's over.

- Still, we should celebrate.

[groovy jazz music]

Want to start "The Americans"?

- Oh.

Sure.

- I get so pumped when we
start a new show together.

- I know how we'll get this secret,

through sex.

[dramatic music]

- Final boarding call for flight...

- It's a Victoria's Secret water bra.

- Well, it's more than 3 ounces,

so you can throw it out or you can drink it here.

- It was $38.

[sighs]

- Wait. Do we know each other?

- No, I just have the same face

as that brat's doll that got recalled.

[grunts, spits] [cap clatters]

- Please stand in line with
your ticket and ID in hand.

- I saw you on TV!

You gals sounded good!

You sure got me and my boyfriend dancing.

[laughs]

He'd been drinking, so
the escalation didn't work,

but that's not on you.

Ooh-ooh! Can we do a selfie?

Sorry, are you sick of randos bugging you?

- No.

Not at all... Derpy.

You are a beautiful soul.

- Start pre-boarding for flight 144

from Dallas...

[both laugh]

- It's great that you're still
working with those ladies.

'Cause I'll tell you, the friends you make

when you're young, they're
the ones who really know you.

They're not just trying to suck up to you

'cause you got a trampoline now!

You--

You don't got to drink it all.

Go on through, famous lady.

[light, bouncy music]

♪ ♪

- For this secret, sex again.

- [snoring]

- Dawn!

Dawn!

Dawn! Dawn! Dawn! Dawn!

Oh, good. You still live here.

Of course you do. Italians never move.

[scoffs] Let me up!

- No, Max is sleeping. Just wait.

[car chirps, door opens]

- Look, I'm not the best at apologies.

I mean, I'm the best at
a long list of other things,

but I'm sorry...

[distant siren wailing]

I always thought I needed
to be on my own to shine,

but I was wrong.

You girls don't drag me down. You make me better.

I actually wish I was more like you, all happy.

- Wickie, no adult is all happy.

I'm-- [scoffs]

I'm an anxious mess.

My most recent Google searches
were "hidden signs of stroke"

and "can a mouse get in your vag*na at night?"

- It can.

- [laughs]

Last night was the first time in forever

that I felt like a person.

- Dawn,

I think we should do this again.

Forget Lil Stinka. Forget Larry.

I don't care if we have to start from the bottom.

People like hearing us sing.

And they can't take our voices. Those are ours.

Just tell me you don't need this like I do,

and I will go back to LA

via Bogota on Kirkland Airlines.

- Fine.
[laughs]

I need this.

I need this!
-[laughs]

I need it too, girl.

♪ ♪

- Did your boobs get smaller?

♪ ♪

- [grunts]

- [grunts] Got it?

-Yeah, almost there.
-I think?

- Okay. We're here.

- Like, right here? Right here.

All: Ah!

- This is a better spot for Ashley.

-Yeah, this feels good.
-Mm.

Well, strap in.

Four grown ladies trying to be pop stars.

Get ready for the same amount of respect

I get when I'm riding my recumbent bike.

People throw fountain sodas at me.

- No. We got this.

Come on, girls.

♪ Mm ♪

all: ♪ Five-eva ♪

- Too early.

[all yelling]
-Oh, wha!

Oh.

- That was Sprite.

-Girls5eva has a little heat.
-Whoo!

- We have to turn that heat into a fire

at Jingle Ball.

-Yes!
-It's not just a concert.

It is a coronation.

[exciting music]

- Baby!

- We're Summer and Kev!

Boy band and girl groups' royal couple.

♪ ♪

- ♪ You're too pretty for college ♪

- Aw, thank you, honey bunny.

- The fact that Kev lives in a different city

is just-- - No, Kev and I are amazing.

♪ ♪

- Wow!

- There's been a lot of wind lately.

- Well, that's a lot of wind, babe!

♪ ♪

- Girls5eva, and only one is dead.

That's pretty good, actually.

It has been an entire Zendaya
since you have recorded music.

♪ If my man does cheat ♪

♪ We'll only get real mad at the other girl ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ It was her fault only ♪

- I get why we sang this stuff as teenagers

but we have adult ear holes now.

- We need his song.

- I'm doing something that's insane.

-Dolly Parton?
-There's a song in you, Dawn.

Let's get it out!

- Back to one, b*tches!

♪ ♪

- We are Girls5eva!

[cheers and applause]

- Wheels up, leaving derailment city.

- [laughs]

- I was shook. This is real pee.

♪ ♪

- Hot damn, Jingle Ball, here we come.

[all cheer]

all: ♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪

[Lil Stinker's "Line Up"]

- ♪ I'm underrated, always
highly compensated, yeah ♪

♪ The haters grated, mad I made it out ♪

♪ Say I'm on the rise, never gonna compromise ♪

♪ They on my jock ♪

♪ 'Cause your boy's got clout ♪

♪ Whether I'm loved or hated ♪

♪ Boy, they all talking 'bout Stink ♪

all: ♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪

♪ Gonna be famous 3-gether ♪

♪ 'Cause that's one more than 2-gether ♪

- ♪ Them opps pulled through ♪

♪ Threw me in a lineup ♪

♪ And now I play a show ♪

♪ They all wanna line up ♪

♪ Industry suits ♪

♪ They wanna sign up ♪
-♪ Yes, they do ♪

- ♪ Tell 'em it's a Stinker's world, baby ♪

♪ Better tell 'em get the dollar signs out ♪

♪ Cameras flash, Balenciagas on the dashboard ♪

♪ Used to be a wanted
sign, now I'm on a billboard ♪

♪ I won't sit down ♪
-♪ No, I won't ♪

- ♪ 'Less I'm leaving with an award ♪

♪ 'Cause everybody just wanna see stink! ♪

♪ Bigger than Biebs ♪
-♪ Yes, yes ♪

- ♪ And I'm cuter than Chalamet ♪

♪ I know you wanna line up, ay ♪

♪ I know you wanna line up, ay ♪

♪ 4eva, 5eva, enough, ay ♪

♪ I know you wanna line up, ay ♪

♪ I know you wanna line up, ay ♪

♪ I know you wanna line up ♪

♪ 4eva, 5eva, enough, ay ♪

♪ I know you wanna line up ♪

♪ And now they wanna line up ♪

♪ The party get started with us ♪

all: ♪ Gonna be famous 5eva ♪

♪ 'Cause 4eva's too short ♪

- So what are you waiting 5?

- ♪ 4eva, 5eva enough ♪

-Good night, everybody.
-Good night!