01x06 - Great Eggspectations/Hotel Pennsylvania

[bunniefuu]

[THUNDER BOOMING]

♪

[SCREAMING]

♪

[GROANING]

Why aren't my dad's
plants growing?

Your dad's plants aren't
growing 'cause they're dead.

And not good dead like you.

Dead like dead and gone.

[COUGHING]

Ooh!

This plant is growing!

[SCREAMING]

Or making a run for it.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no.
They can't be dead!

I promised my dad
I'd take care of them
while he's away.

Maybe watering with
acid rain isn't your
best choice.

Urgh!

I don't get it.
I totally have a green thumb.

Same. Though mine is probably
from gangrene.

Ew. You should really see
Dr. Gillman about that!

[GASPING]

I can get new plants
from Quasimodo's garden!

My dad will never know.

Um, isn't your dad a psycho?

I think you mean a "psychic."

Either way, let's hope
he doesn't find out!

Come on, Wendy!

[LAUGHING]
This'll be a fresh start.

I'm taking care of
another living thing,

even if it kills me!

Like you k*lled that
cockroach in your pocket?

Margaret is not dead!
She's shy.

[SINGING FRENCH NATIONAL
ANTHEM WITH LAS]

Whoop, they goes. And...
♪ La, la

Whoop!
♪ And la, la

Hop! Hop!

Whoa!
[VOCALIZING]

Okay!

[SNIFFING]

[SNIFFING] Ah!

[CLEARING THROAT]
Quasi?

Wha?
I need some plants.

Bien sur.

I have Poison Ivy,
Dead Rabbit Foot Fern, and uh,

oh, Daisies.

What about...
[HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING]

No! I don't grow...
[HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING]

...anymore.
Way too annoying.

I mean, you can't
break that egg!

This is a very bad egg.

But it hasn't even
had a chance.

To do what?

I don't know.
Be an egg.

It's so cute.

[GASPING]
I've got it!

I'll raise it!

What better way to show
I'm responsi...ooh!

I tested it with
my taste receptors

and zat is a rotten egg!

That's my spit
and boogers right there.

It will eat you when
it hatches, you know.

Eggs don't eat vampires.

Or...anything.

Hah! That egg will have you
for Scareday Brunch!

Don't worry, as long as
that egg is with Mavis,

it's as good as dead.

[SCREAMING]

Uh, bye!

Saperlipopette!

Don't you think of making
a break for it.

I'm taking care of you,
if it's the last thing I do.

Hmm. I'd better egg-proof
my room a bit.

♪

There, that should do it.

Room service!
How would you like your egg?

Fried? Poached?

Scrambled?
[LAUGHS]

Quasi, stop trying
to poach my egg!

Poached!
My specialty.

Breakfast is the most
important meal of the day!

[LAUGHING]

Go away!

Bah!
You'll be sorry!

Okay! We've gotta
keep you warm.

Hey, we're going bowling!
You in?

We drew straws.
I'm the ball.

Um, yeah, I, uh...

I wish I could, but ah,

I got a whole day of
sitting ahead of me.

Is this real life?

[CLUCKING]
All wrong!

[CLUCKING]
Wings up!

[CLUCKING]
Legs back!

[CLUCKING]
Carry on!

[CLUCKING]

[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]

Seems I, uh,
wasn't doing it right.

Ha-ha!
[VOCALIZING]

I must get that bad egg!

Mavis!

Shh!
Weggsley is sleeping.

You...named it?

Aw, Weggsley is
so darling when he sleeps.

Just look at that...face?

I know, right?

It has no face.
It's just an egg.

Maybe to you!
[COOING]

Yeah, pretty sure it looks
that way to everybody.

That and crazy.

Do you think when
Weggsley wakes up,

he might want to
play egg sport?

I thought you were
going bowling.

That didn't last long.

So long, suckers!

Tell the Draculas
I'm on vacation!

Oh, BTW,
Cheryl's on vacation.

[SIGHING]
Fine.

How do you play egg sport?

Alright, you kick
the egg around

until it breaks into a million
pieces, then you eat it.

You know, egg sport!

Egg sport.

[GASPING]
You monsters!

Uh, duh.

Huh?
[YELPING]

QUASI: Zut alors!
You are not the egg!

WENDY:
Ooh, cool vent.

Don't you worry,
little Weggsley,
I'll take care of you.

[SIGHING CONTENTEDLY]

[CRACKING]

Holy rabies!
He's hatching!

Weggsley!
You're a real boy!

♪

[LAUGHING]

PEDRO:
Hey, Mavis!

New plan: we're goin'
looking for Wendy. Wanna come?

She's missing?
Or hiding! We just don't know.

I wish I could help, but...
guess who hatched!

I have a greater purpose
in my undead life now.

Why?
You did it.

You proved you could keep
something alive,

as weird as it is.

It's really not
about that at all.

But it's kind of
about that, right?

Okay.
It's about that, right?

I mean...
It started out that way,
right?

Okay!
It started out that way.

But look, he needs me.

When you have an egg
with legs one day,
you'll understand.

Is this real life?

Mavis, you heard Quasi.
That dude is a bad egg!

No, he's not.
He is the sweetest,

cutest egg
you could ever ask for.

[CRASHING]

[WHISPERING]
Let's go find Wendy.

"All the king's ghouls
and undead men

"couldn't put Humpty together
again."

Wow. I can't believe
I just read that to you.
Sorry.

[LAUGHING]

Aw, you want to play
creep-a-boo.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING AND GROWLING]

Creep-a-boo!

How long did I cover
my eyes for?

Weggsley!

Wendy!

Hi, Hank!

[STRAINING]
We found you.

Oh, was I lost?

Because it has happened
to me before without
me knowing.

Wah!
Ugh. Who's the giant rat?

Uh, Quasimodo?

No, we're talking about
the other giant...

[ALL SCREAMING]

[GASPING]

Weggsley, there you are!

[SCREAMING]

Oh, careful!
You'll turn yourself
into a chopped egg salad!

Nightshade vegetables
for a snack?

You are either
a very healthy eater

or you are stalling
before bedtime!

Come back here!

Now stay put.

QUASI:
Look! Ze kitchen!

[ALL PANTING]

Aw, did you guys come here

because you're worried
about Weggsley too?

Uh, sure.

Also, we were running
from a giant rat.

Really big.
Like huge.

I thought
we were chasing it.

Uh, Mavis?

You know how you said
you'd take care of
another living creature

even if it k*lled you?
Uh-huh!

Pretty sure the k*lling
part is about to happen.

Oh, he's just playing
make-believe!

Yeah, well, it's about time
you start to believe believe

'cause that egg
gonna cook you!

It is a bad egg!

Get out of there, Mavis!

Ah! Holy rabies!

He flies too?

I told you
he's a fast learner!

C'est pas possible!

Oh, it's possible.

[MAVIS PANTING]

[LAUGHING]

I am b*ating this egg
once and for all!

Sorry, Quasi, but he's still
my weird flying egg baby!

Ooh!

[SCREAMING]

[CRASHING]

QUASI:
Saperlipopette!

MAVIS: Ah!

[MAVIS SCREAMING]

[GULPING] Now what?

We'll put something
really nice on your
tombstone, Mavis!

"Here Lies the bestest
friend ever."

Aw, you are just
the sweetest, Wendy!

k*ller egg?

Oh, right.

[ROARING]

Uh-oh.
Whoa!

Weggsley!
[SOBBING]

En guarde!

[SIGHING]

I guess he was
a bad egg after all.

If only somebody
had warned me.

[SCREAMING]

But on the plus side,
my dad is going to be
so proud

of how huge his
Venus flytrap has grown!

[STOMACH GURGLING]

Well, I still have Margaret.

Nope, I've been
dead for weeks.

[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]

♪

[STRAINING]

Okay,
that was a lot of work,

but we can finally
watch human TV again.

I may be grossed out
by the sight, smell,

and hairdos of humans,
but, man, do I love their TV.

Huh, I didn't realize
you knew how to hook up
cable, Mavis.

It's actually pretty simple,
if you have the right tools,

which I do not.

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING,
MAVIS COUGHING]

I still can't believe
your Aunt Lydia's okay
with us watching it.

[LAUGHING]
Oh, she isn't.

If she finds out,
she'll probably eat
our souls.

Now, who's ready

for the final episode
of Hotel Pennsylvania?

[CHEERING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Sometimes in life,
you can start to feel

♪ Like you got no room,
like you just can't deal

♪ But you can pack your bags,
you can check right in

♪ 'Cause new adventures
are about to begin!

♪ So make some room for me!

[CLUCKING]
What's that?

♪ And make some room for me!

[CLUCKING] TV?

♪ And make some room for me

♪ And me and me

♪ At Hotel Pennsylvania

Is it me or do Davis,
t*nk, Penny, and Petra

seem, like, really familiar?

Nope.

Don't think so.
Clearly just you.

[ALL SCREAMING]

Cable seems okay.
I wonder what happ...

[CLEARING THROAT]

Aunt Lydia! Oh!

We were just trying
to figure out

what this weird
cable-y thingy is. Huh?

What are you just babbling
about there, Mavis?

You just set it up for us
to watch human TV, huh?

I hope you got your
fill of that disgusting
human program

because I have
personally disposed of

every television in the hotel.

Mark my words...

none of you will ever watch TV

in this hotel again!

'Cept on
our birthdays, right?

Ever!

Diane.

[CLUCKING MOCKINGLY]

[GROANING]

I guess we're never gonna see
the last episode of Hotel P.

Ah!
That's not good.

I heard you can
get real sick

if you miss the final
episode of a show.

It's called the
don't-sees disease.

That is so not a real thing.

Of course the don't-sees
is a real thing!

It's just not in text books
or journals.

Also, I may have just
named it yesterday.

Take this case.

He used to be twenty feet tall
and as smelly as a Minotaur.

But then he missed the last
episode of My Three Huns.

[WEAKLY] Barbara!
What happened to Barbara?

As you can see from
this chart I just drew,

missing the last episode
of a TV show turns
normal monsters

into puddles
at an alarming rate.

But, ah, that won't happen
to us, will it, Dr. Gillman?

Not as long as you follow
this prescription...

to the letter!

"Watch TV."

No one ever said
the road to recovery
would be a smooth one.

[SNORING]

Yes! Now we've just gotta give
this to Aunt Lydia and...

Lydia! Ah!

You were never here.

So, not only are we gonna miss
the last episode of Hotel P,

we're gonna be puddles, too?
Awesome.

[THEME SONG PLAYING FAINTLY]

It's like I can still hear
the theme song in my head.

[GASPING]
What if that's a symptom?

No wait!
I hear it too!

It's coming from
the Cartwright house!

[THEME SONG PLAYING FAINTLY]


New record!

Ow, ow!

Are you sure this
is a good idea?

If Lydia finds out...

But she won't find out.

There's no way Diane
is following us.

It's worth the risk.

I am not down with
that gooey puddle look.

Plus, I gotta know what
happens to my girl Petra.

ANNOUNCER:
This week on
Hotel Pennsylvania,

Davis checks in a Mister...
Bank Robbertson?

No way!
He was on the last
episode too!

[ALARM BEEPING]

Sweet chili heat!

Is it really 6:00 a.m.?

Our special guest is gonna
be here any minute!

Mavis, maybe
we should go, too.

It's getting
pretty bright out

and, I mean,
the humans and all...

What? We're finally
watching the last episode!

I will not let you succumb
to the sickness.

Dibs on the lawn chair!
[CLUCKING]

Diane?
But how did you...

[CLUCKING]

I see what's going on here.

[CLUCKING] You do?

You were following us
this whole time!

Lemmie guess, now you're gonna
tell Lydia what we did

and she'll make us
clean out the Cerberus Pit.

Bwak-bwak-busted.

[PANTING]
I feel like...

a big moist towelette!

It must be the
don't-sees taking hold!

Tell my burrito guy
I love him!

I'm dripping too! Mavis,
we gotta find a TV stat!

I still don't get how
Diane followed us
without us knowing.

Unless, what if
she was already there?

Uh, she was?

I mean, what if
she wasn't spying?

What if she was there for
another reason

and just got lucky?

It's just like that
Hotel Pennsylvania episode,

"Catch Me If You Cantaloupe."

Davis and the g*ng
snuck into the lobby

to read the Monster Comics
that Uncle Sid forbid them to.

But at the same time,

Ryan was stealing
Sid's prized cantaloupe
from the front desk!

Then, Davis assumes Ryan
was spying on them

and Ryan,
he just goes with it!

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

No, not even close, Wendy.

That show is fictional. Duh.

This here is real life.

Who's even heard of
"cantaloupe?"

True.

I think maybe it's time
we turned the tables
on that bird.

Come on, guys!

[CLUCKING]

[CLUCKING]

[HORN BLARING]

Diane really is sneaking
over to the human house.

But why?

And why would
she take the 95 bus?

The number 2
is way more direct.

Where'd she go? We were right
on her tail feathers!

Wait! Is losing people one
of the signs of the
don't-sees?

Mavis!
[ROOSTER CROWING]

[CROWING]

No way!

You're back!

Humans!
We gotta warn her!

It's too late.
She's a goner.

I can't look.

[CLUCKING]

ALL: Huh?

[CLUCKING]

[LAUGHING]

Who wants breakfast?

What is going on?

No, don't let her...

No, you can't, you...

[LAUGHING]

[CLUCKING]

You guys know
what this is?

Well, it looks like Diane

has been leading a double
life as a real chicken!

Yup. And it's our
ticket out of Aunt Lydia's
doghouse...

literally.

[SNIFFING]

Going somewhere?

[CLUCKING IN ALARM]
Diane!

[TERRIFIED CLUCKING]

I'm very disappointed.

Adequate work, Mavis.

So, that was awful.

Yeah. Telling on Diane didn't
feel as good as I'd hoped.

Oh no! I can feel myself
getting drippier and drippier!

The don't-sees!
It's happening!

Come on!
Pull yourself together!

With Diane on doody duty,
we're free to cross
that bridge

and catch the last episode
of Hotel Pennsylvania!

WENDY:
So, I guess you don't
know your Aunt?

The puddling has begun!

Uh-oh, here it comes.

We're in for
the clucking of a lifetime.

[CLUCKING DEJECTEDLY]

What was that?

Huh.
Is it possible

Diane actually misses
hanging out with the humans?

Diane. It's me, Mavis.

I know you don't have
any reason to trust me,

but I'm really sorry

for messing up your weird,
weird thing with the humans.

[CLUCKING]

I want to make it up to you.

I think if we work together,
there's a way everybody wins.

[CLUCKING]

Okay, team,
we're running out of time.

We must watch TV!

So, leave the talking to me.

I'm an excellent negotiator.

[CLEARING THROAT]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

Don't look at me! I'm hideous!

Wait a sec!

I have wings!
I can just fly over
and then...

Oh, come on!

Guys, this is just like that
Hotel Pennsylvania episode

when Davis, t*nk,
and Petra had to escape...

[SIGHING]
Let's just dig a tunnel.

Yeah, great thinking!
Nice one!

You da blob, Wendy!
[CLUCKING]

[GASPING]
Made it!

I'm so excited!

Ooh-ooh-ooh!

Oh, gosh...

[CROWING]

You're back.
You're back! You're back!

Oh! Oh, joyous day!

We were so worried!

Humans are just gross.

She did it though.

They're totally
distracted by her!

Even Hotel Pennsylvania

couldn't have thought up
a moment like this!

Now, let's go watch
the finale!

And once again,
TV saves lives.

[ALL SIGHING]

♪ And me and me

♪ At Hotel Pennsylvania
[LAUGHING]

♪