01x10 - A Scare to Remember/Hank and the Real Boy

[bunniefuu]

[THUNDER CRASHING]

♪

[SCREAMING]

♪

[BATS SCREECHING]

[LOUD RAP BEATS PLAYING]

Whoa.

Mmm. Pure pus gel.

It may pass!
[KNOCKING]

[LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Dude, those flies really
know how to party.

We brought cake!

[BOTH GRUNTS]

Well, it's the thought
that counts.

Mavis, why we gotta be
on lookout duty

when nobody ever checks
into this room? Ever.

True, but you can
never be too careful.

If Aunt Lydia found us,
she'd freak right out.

♪ Freak right out,
freak right out

♪ I'm really freaky,
Wendy's freaky! ♪

Holy rabies!

Look at the time!

I'm supposed to pre-slime
all the hotel room keys!

Ah! Aunt Lydia promised,
next time I mess up,

we'd all be ground
into zombie meat.

[BOTH WHIMPERING]

Mavis, I expect everything
to be perfect!

It's not every day
Cornelius Shivers visits us.

Really? Him! Get out!

I have no idea
who that is.

He only wrote
the most romantic novel
of all time,

A Scare To Remember!

[SCREAMING]

Nobody captures
the romance of
undead souls

screaming together
in agony
like Cornelius.

[SIGHING]

What...
What's wrong with her?

Is she sick?
Are you sick?

Do I get to be
in charge
of the hotel?

[CLUCKING]
[MARIACHI BAND PLAYING]

Lydia!

[GASPING]
Cornelius.

Yes! Saved by the...
Cockroach.

Oh, the time has come

to crank out
another best seller.

I presume
my usual room is ready?

[NERVOUS
GIRLISH GIGGLING]

Book's due in two days, yeah,
but I'm not sweatin'.

All I need
is good ol' room 1313.

[GASPING]

[LAUGHING]
Oh, yes!

Code rainbow.
Code rainbow!
[GRUNTS]

Make way!
Coming through!

[GRUNTS]

Code rainbow!

[SCREAMING]

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
AUNT LYDIA: Don't worry.

No monster has set a claw
or wing in the room

since the last time
you were here,

when you wrote
Honeymoon in Hades.

Good, good!
I can't stand change.

Even the slightest
little bit

can mess up
my creative pus.
[BELL DINGS]

AUNT LYDIA: Ooh!

Holy rabies!

Aunt Lydia, I think
I should warn you
that, um...

No! Everything is
perfectly fine?

Lydia,

as a token of
my appreciation for
all you've done,

I'm dedicating
my new book to you.

[STUTTERING]
Dedication?

Yeah, that's right.

To me? Oh! [SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

We really dodged
a sunbeam last night.

How'd you guys clean up
that room so fast?

We had a little help...
From the Trash Mouth!

Looks like DeMar threw
a raging party

and now Mom and Dad
are coming home early.
Busted!

Well, DeMar, turn
that frown upside down

'cause it's time
to take out
the Trash... Mouth!

Simply unroll the Trash Mouth

and watch your problems
get eaten away!

Get that gah-bage outta here
and into my trash mouth!

[BELCHING]

Good ol' Trashy.

I gotta say, I really
thought you were done
for this time.

[LAUGHING]
Never a doubt.

[CORNELIUS SCREAMING]

Who's to say that wasn't
a scream of delight?

Okay, what just happened?

Nothing!
That's the problem!

I come to
Hotel Transylvania,
stay in room 1313,

go to sleep, and when
I wake up, book's written.

Hmm... It's like
there's something wrong
with the room.

Like it's changed somehow.

No, no, no, no, no.
No. No way. No.

No one has touched this
room since you were here,

especially us!
So, forget that!

[WHISPERING]
That was so believable.

This is bad,
this is really bad.

What am I going to do?

The publisher
wants the novel
first thing tomorrow!

And I can't do it
without Maggie!

Uh, what's a Maggie?

Maggie is the ghost writer
who lives in the room

and does all the work
while I sleep.
[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]

Is there anything
more romantic

than being stretched out
on a t*rture rack together?

Well, I never told anyone

'cause I don't want to admit
I don't know how to write.

I am just a cockroach.

Did, uh, any of you guys
happen to see

a ghost during the party?

Um, well...

Life's too short!

It's time to leave
this room and experience
all the wonders of the world!

Honey, you are so right!

I've been stuck here
for centuries.

I'm taking your advice!

Code rainbow!
Code rainbow!

This is not a drill!

[BOTH GASPING]

Looks like it's time
to take out
the Trash... Mouth.

I'm going to live my life!

Whoopsie.

So, Maggie is gone?

Without my ghost writer,
I'll be ruined!

I'll have
to go back to scurrying
behind refrigerators!

No!

[SOBBING]

Man, I would not want
to be you right now.

If Lydia finds out
it's all your fault

that he didn't write the book
he dedicated to her... Ooh!

[MIMICS expl*si*n]
Yup, but worse.

Yeah, we gotta get
that ghost back.

Okay, this is not
one of my best ideas.

Hey, that's not garbage...
Mostly! Give it back!

To new adventures!

Uh, you guys go on
without me.

[SCREAMING]

[BELCHING]

[SCREAMING]

Man, check out how big
this Trash Mouth's stomach is.

Respect.
Look! There she is!

[CHUCKLING]

Hey, it's you!

Thanks so much
for your advice!

This place is great!

[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]
Yeah, it sure is.

But wouldn't it be cooler
if you came back to room 1313

and, oh, I don't know,
wrote another novel?

Way to ease her
into it, Mavis.

No way.
I'm done being a writer.

Like the talking booger said,
life's too short!

What did you call me?

I'm never going back
to that stuffy ol' room

when there's so much
to experience here!

[GASPS] Look,
a garbage mound!

And another one! Ooh!

This is bad.

There's no way Shivers is
going to have his book done

by tomorrow.
Unless...

A ghost writer
writes the novel!

Or better yet,
a team of ghost writers!

Sweet! We're gonna clone
a team of ghosts?

Can we just go?

Are you sure
this is Maggie?

Uh, no. This is
her writing partner...

Uh, ah, Sandoval.

Why does Hank get
to be the ghost?

Um, cause he's awesome?

Don't you remember
his big run in
the Lizard of Gauze?

I am the great
and powerful Gauze!

Ahh, fire!

Oh, I love
legitimate theater!

[GHOSTLY MOANING]
I'm a ghost writer

who's going to write you
the best book ever!

[COUGHING]

Oh, perfect!

And just in time
for my next molt!

[SNORING]

Okay, chapter one.

Nailed it!

MAVIS: The kingdom was ruled
by the kind and generous king.

[ROARING]

Well, he wasn't
kind all the time.

He definitely had a temper!

The king's daughter was
the most popular princess
in the land.

But the evil queen
didn't like her
and wanted her gone!

PEDRO:
Yeah, but then the majestic
ninja warrior appeared!

He was so awesome!

MAVIS:
Uh, no. That's totally
unbelievable. Scrap it.

Uh, let me try.

It was a dark
and stormy night.

The hydra appears and, uh...

I got nothing.

Step aside.
I got this!

They have a,
wait for it...

Disco dance party!

♪ Freak right out,
freak right out!

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Ah, we'll leave it in
because we need the pages.

Oh, come on!

MAVIS: So, the king and
the princess saved the day

and there was nothing
the evil queen could do
to stop them!

[YELPING]

PEDRO: But then
the ninja warrior came
and kicked butt,

and everyone wanted
his autograph!

Yeah, nice try.

MAVIS: "The end."

This book is done-zo!

Whoo-hoo!
Shh!

[CORNELIUS SNORING
AND MUTTERING]

[SNORING]

[WEREWOLF HOWLING]

Huh? What?

Yes!

I did it again!

Time to take this hit novel
to the publishers!

[MAVIS CLEARS THROAT]

"Mis-stakes to the Heart
was the worst thing

"I have have ever had
the misfortune to read.

"It made my eyes bleed,
in a bad way." Whoa.

Boy, the critics
really didn't like

the new Cornelius
Shivers novel.

"Why did the writer
put in an unlikable
mummy-ninja warrior

"halfway through
the novel?"

I added him back in when
you went to the bathroom.

"I couldn't understand
why there were
so many dance parties."

Well, I don't understand
what they didn't understand.

♪ Freak right out,
freak right out! ♪

"There's only one place
for Shivers

"after a literary disaster
like this..."

Don't look at me.
I'm hideous.

AUNT LYDIA:
Can you believe this?

"Dedicated to Lydia Dracula,

"the inspiration
for the evil queen
who hates everything.

"Lydia, you're the worst!"

Oh! He thinks
I'm a queen!

[SWOONING]

I bet the ninjas were
her favorite part.

[BATS SCREECHING]

[WOLF HOWLING]

Hey, quit hogging
the worm fries!

Huh?

Dude, I was using that.

Key word,"was."

[CLICKS TONGUE]
You guys really
gotta stop this.

Stop what?

This!

Ow!
Sorry!

[LAUGHING]

♪ Tap, tap, look at me go

[SCATTING]

Not like I was
using those, either!

[GRUNTS]

Why do I have
to be the monster that
comes apart all the time?

What I wouldn't give
to be all one piece.

Huh. I had no idea
you felt that way, Hank.

We promise not
to do it anymore.

Yeah, man,
pinkie swear.

Dude!

Sorry,
I couldn't resist.

Voila!
Your doughnuts.

Not to complain,
but the whole point

of pus sac donuts is that
the jelly is trapped

on the inside of the sac.

This kinda ruins the fun.

Oh, really?
No problem.

[ALL GASPING]

Is that fun enough
for you? [SCOFFS]

Huh.

Maybe there is a way
to keep you from
coming apart, Hank.

Okay, get all the magnets,
paper clips, and tape you can.

Good call.

And I'll raid
the refrigerator for
snacks while I'm at it.

'Course you will.
Always taking things
that aren't yours.

Didn't steal
as much as she did.

[GIGGLING]

[THUNDER CRASHING]

You really think
this is gonna work?

MAVIS:
Of course it's going to work.
Tape is really strong.

Just wait until you see it!
'Kay, tilt him to the mirror.

Come on!
[STRAINING]

Ah!

ALL: Hank!

[THUNDER CRASHING]

What?

Hank, you're all...

Hank, can you
hand me your arm?

I want to poke you,
but I'm too scared
to use my own finger.

Okay. Whoa!
[STRAINING]

Come on, guys!

[ALL STRAINING]

Nothing's coming off.

Holy rabies!

Hank, you're a real boy!

[GASPING]

[STRAINING]

All one piece!

All one piece!
All one piece!

All one piece!

Hey, guys!

Just cause you can't borrow
my arms to eat with anymore,

doesn't mean
you shouldn't eat
at all. Take.

So, how are you feeling?

I feel alive! Alive!

Alive like a reanimated
corpse or alive like a...

[SNIFFING] Human.

[ALL SCREAMING]

Mmm-hmm.

Okay, let's relax here.

I'm sure there is
no reason to panic.

Young man, it seems
you've got an acute case
of the...

[HEART b*ating]

...human!

As I was saying, there
is one reason to panic.

[GULPING]

Hank, you can't leave!

Aunt Lydia, please!
If he leaves,

Wendy is gonna end up
a mess of slobbering
green slime on the floor.

Isn't that
what she already is?

True.

Pedro, this is
no time for jokes.

[GASPING]
You take that back!

It's always time
for jokes.

I appreciate the love,
guys, but this is
a hotel for monsters.

Did you see them running
for their lives?

Even the dead ones!

[GROANING]

Hank, we're your friends.

You belong here with us.

You'll always be
my friends,

but I gotta go be with
the other humans in,

um, Humantown.
Which I wanna say is in,

uh, Canada?

I'm gonna miss you, man.

You mask my natural
stench really well.

That is the nicest thing
any monster's ever said to me.

Can-a-dah?

♪

♪ Hank was a green monster,
made up of different parts

♪ Two legs, a mouth,
three kidneys

♪ A bum that let out farts

♪ His friends were
always stealing

♪ His hand, his leg,
his head

♪ To pick a nose,
to scratch a butt

♪ It made poor Hank see red!

♪ Mavis tried to help Hank
out with an experiment

♪ To try to keep him
in one piece with
more than ligaments

♪ An unexpected side effect
is Hank's no longer green

♪ His stitches gone,
he looks human

♪ Made all
the monsters scream!

♪ Bye, ay, ay,
ay, ay, ay, ay

♪ Ay, ay, ay,
ay, ay, bye!

♪ Now,
Hank's walking down the road,
we follow in a hearse

♪ He's asking us to leave, but
we don't know how to reverse

♪ Oh no, Now we see Donald,
he's taking out the trash

♪ I hope that
we can stop the car or
we are going to crash

♪ Bye, ay, ay,
ay, ay, ay...♪
Ah!

Oh, hi, hi, hi, hi,
hi to you, too!

Lovely evening for a walk.

Humans like to walk?

[LAUGHING]
You betcha we do.

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] So,
what else do humans like?

Oh, wow, we like bacon,
wearing sweatpants,

smelling tennis balls,
high-fiving babies,

clouds that look
like presidents!

What if the humans
are horrible?

The ones in Canada
may not be as nice

as all the other humans
seem to think they are.

Canadians are great.
And Hank'll be back!

I'd say he's got about
six hours tops

before he's human
for an eternity.

Or however long humans live.

ALL: What?

Didn't I mention that?
[GRUNTS] My bad.

[GROWLING]

What's that?

Hank has gone
to the human house?

And he's talking
to them right now?

[GROWLING]

And you're still
in love with Fifi?

[GROWLING]

Ugh! I can only
solve one problem
at a time, Gavin.

Oh! There he is.

We have to save Hank!

[MAVIS STRAINING]

Sorry, Mavis,
I shouldn't have eaten
that last burrito!

Of course human's
have glasses of water.
I'll get you one!

Donald!
What are you thinking,

chit-chatting
outside after dark?

You're going
to get this poor boy
devoured by monsters

and then we'll have
to cancel game night!

Come on in, hun.
Join us!

Adventure will be
there tomorrow,

but Cartwright family
game night
only lasts for tonight!

[CLAPPING]

[GASPING]
I'm not afraid of fire?

Uh, I mean,
you like games?

Almost as much as we like
popping bubble wrap.

And kitten sweaters!

It's so soft.

[WHISPERS] I know.

[COOING]
Arr!

Walk the plank,
matey! Arr!

Ah, my name's Hank,
and I love being human!

Of course you do!

[ALL LAUGHING]

Who's ready for
some hangman?

I'll dig the hole.

[CHUCKLES]
I don't know.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

Hank really is
becoming human.

Can you please pass me
the sugar from up there?

Sure! I'll knock it down
with my head.

[STRAINING]

[COOING]

DONALD: Aw, she's
trying to dance!

Oopsie!
Baby go boom boom?

Ah, here,
use my feet.

They're way better
than yours.

[STRAINING]

Know what this
human could use?

A back scratcher.
This sweater sure is itchy!

Here. Borrow my arm.
[STRAINING]

It won't come off.

Oh, yes!

[CHUCKLING] Yeah.

♪

I miss my friends.
I miss my old life.

Even my scars are fading.

Wait, my scars are fading?

Like going away?

So, I won't still
be a monster?

[SCREAMING]
I gotta go!

Ah! Wait!

Go? But there are
[STUTTERS] monsters
out there!

HANK: Yes!
There are monsters outside!

DONALD:
And we've got more popcorn.
So, much popcorn!

HANK:
Ah, what's popcorn?

Ooh, it's yummy,
try some!

WENDY: Hank's scars
are almost gone!

How do we get him
outta there?

[THUNDER CRASHING]

I have an idea.

Does it involve getting
out of the rain?

No, sir!

Now, all we have to do
is work backward

from the moment
Hank got zapped and
turned into a real boy!

So, if Hank is in the house,

and the house
is struck by lightning,

then everything should
go back to normal

because... Science!
You sure about this?

Of course! Okay, technically,
I have no clue what I'm doing,

but my dad always says...

[IN DRACULA'S VOICE]
"Be confident and you can

"fake your way
through anything!"

[MUFFLED]
I so never said that.

He says,
"I so never said that."

Be right bat!

Hold this metal thingy!

Oh! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!

[GIGGLING] Yes!

Okay, don't be afraid,
it's just...

[SCREAMING]
[SCREAMING]

BOTH: Monsters!

Fire!

Fire! Fire!
Fire, fire, fire!

Fire! Hey,
I'm afraid of fire!

Ah! Fire!

[CRASHING]

Ow! I'm back, baby!

Man, do I feel good!

Hey, wait.
What are these?

Not funny, guys.

Whoops!
Nope, still not funny.

[ALL LAUGHING]
Really, not that funny.

♪