01x08 - Adventures in Trollsitting

[bunniefuu]

- [owl hooting]


- [rustling]

[heavy breathing]

[grunting]

[panting, laughing]


- [mobile playing soft music]


- Aw [baby cooing]

Ooh! Chaka, chaka, chaka, chaka.

Check that baby out.

[exhales]

Vespa 300 GTS Super.

Single
-cylinder catalyzed four
-stroke Quasar engine.

Hmm Can you imagine me going down the road on that? Wind whipping through my hair, Claire holding tight to my back Me, cruising in the sidecar next to ya.

Oh.

You imagined you and Claire alone, didn't you? [sighs]

What are the chances of your mom getting you one for your birthday? Only slightly worse than me winning the lottery and buying it myself.


- How much you got saved?
- Only 328 bucks and 32 cents.

[scoffs]

By the time I have enough, these things will drive themselves.

[gasps]

Do you see that?
- [baby cooing]


- [grunting]


- Goblin!
- What?
- It's a goblin, with a baby!
- Come on, Jim! It's just a bird! [goblin laughing]

Chill out, man! This trollhunting is making you hallucinate! I mean, what would a goblin want with a baby? I don't know, but I'm gonna find out.

[grunts]

Let me get this straight.


- [gears turning]


- [screams]

Hoo! They steal babies so they can replace them with changelings? Precisely, Master Jim.

Uh, allegedly steal.

I just saw a bird.

And, in order for a changeling to maintain its appearance in our world, no harm must come to the human child in theirs.

I assure you, there is no safer place for a baby to be than the bowels of the Darklands nursery.

[gasps]

Well, that's good to know! Whoa! Hold on, there.

Okay, suppose they did take the baby to the Darklands.

Isn't that where Gunmar is trying to escape from? The doorway to his realm is sealed for now, but it doesn't exonerate the cracks that inevitably form over time.

Cracks that allow small things to pass.

Small, like babies and goblins.

So, if we can find out whose baby was stolen, we'll find a changeling in its place, right?
- [gears turning]


- [gasps]

[grunts]

And once we have the changeling, we'll have the proof to finally convince Vendel [screaming]


- Jim!
- No!
- [grunts]


- Got him! [grunting]


- I told you I'd fall.


- You fell because you knew you could.

What if you're endangered and we aren't there? Next time, we'll climb sans the safety line.

We'll? The only lesson learned here today is that, with this many changelings, Arcadia is far more dangerous than previously thought, for the both of you.

As Jim has Draal now to protect his home, Tobias, you will now have Aaarrrgghh to protect yours.

Really? For real? We're gonna be roomies? Yeah! High
-five, big guy! [screaming]

[squeaks]

Ugh! You're still carrying that germ
-infested thing around? I am going to find out who it belongs to, and when I do Maybe you didn't see what you thought you saw.

You've been spending so much time in Trollmarket.

Maybe your mind is starting to play tricks on you.


- Maybe you're right.


- You have Suzy Snooze? My brother's bunny! I've been looking all over for him.


- You've been looking for this?
- Yeah.

He's been acting so weird without it.

Where did you get it? What do you mean, he hasn't been himself? Exactly how has he been acting? Easy, Jim! [chuckles]

Always concerned about the children.

But just for clarification, are we super sure this is his? I mean, you could probably pick this up at, like, any store.

I think I'd know the stuffed bunny I grew up with.

Claire, I'm so sorry, but I can't babysit tonight.


- I can't.

I really can't!
- You promised! My parents have a work thing and the Papa Skull concert's tonight.

Papa Skull! I, like, live in their shirt every day! Sorry, but Dean finally asked me to a movie, and then Hank invited me to ice cream! "Tight jeans" Hank! Love can't choose, Claire!
- Do you believe this?
- I know.

Mary Wang's a player? No! She doesn't know her brother's gone because Claire's brother is a changeling.

Claire, I can babysit! Tonight? Really? You would? Wait, have you ever babysat before? Uh, yeah.

[chuckles]

Yeah, no.

They call me "Jim the Baby
-handed.

" Oh, my gosh! You are a life
-saver! I could kiss you! Just come by my house at seven, no sooner.

Thank you, Jim.

Thank you.


- He's not a changeling, Jim.


- Only one way to find out.

Nana, I'm home! It's your Toby
-Pie! I have a giant troll with me! All right, big guy.

Coast is clear.

Let's go.


- Nana?
- Don't worry, big guy.

You'll love her.

As long as she never sees you, which she won't.

She's legally blind.

[moans]

Also, Nana's not really big on stairs.

She maybe comes up once a month to clean.

The entire upper floor is pretty much ours.

Oh! Sorry.

Blinky was totally right.

I totally need a troll bodyguard.

A troll
-guard! [grunting]

And this is my [clears throat]

excuse me our room.

We got everything.

Rock collection, video games, movies.


- [humming]


- Hmm? And this is where the magic happens.

I got the vanishing coin, classic rope trick, the floating ball
- Ladies love the floating ball.


- Huh? [ball humming]


- Oh!
- [gasps, groans]

[angry chattering]


- Mm blood magic?
- No, no.

It's just a trick, see? For fun.

[angry chattering]

[angry yelling]

I know it's a little cozy, but that's part of the charm.

So, what do you think, roomie? [groaning]

I get it.

This place cramps your style.

[sighs]

I guess I was just excited to have a roomie, you know? It's just been me and Nana here for a while.

[sighs]

Oh [moaning]

[ball humming]

More magic? [chuckles]

Thought you'd never ask!
- [knocking on door]

Hey, Claire!
- Jim! [chuckles]

Come on in.

I put his routine up on the fridge.

After playtime, you just have to put him down.

He's a good sleeper.


- On the fridge.

No problemo.


- Phone numbers are here for emergencies.

Whatever you do, do not call my parents first.

Oh, because they don't know you're going to the concert, do they? You're not the only one hiding a secret.

So, if your secret is eating babies, now is the time to tell me.

[chuckles]

Hm, good enough for me.

Oh, there's my ride.

Don't worry.

He's buckled in good.

Besides, he'd rather play with his food than eat it.

My parents are at some kind of fundraiser, so they won't be back until "late" late.

I'll be two or three hours max.

What else am I forgetting? He loves games.

Peek
-a
-boo, hide
-and
-seek.

What else? I've got this.

Enjoy the concert.

And help yourself to anything in the fridge.


- [horn honking]


- I'm coming! Sheesh
-kebab! What?
- What's up, my Juliet?
- You're going with him?
- He, um, bought the last tickets.


- Like my ride, buttsnack? Last on the showroom floor.

Handles like a dream.

No big deal.


- [laughing]


- Thanks again, Jim! You're my hero! [Steve chuckles]

Buttsnack!
- [cooing]


- I'll give you this much.

You seem a little too adorable and drooly to be a changeling.

Hey, are you now, or have you ever been a shape
-shifting troll
-creature? [cooing]

[chuckles]

Oh, man, what was I thinking? You're no monster.

But just in case want to play the horseshoe game? Huh.

That's weird.

It was just here.

[cooing]

Wait a minute.

You were buckled in a minute ago.

This is supposed to be childproof.

Where did you hide it? Speak.

Oh, you want to play games, do you? Then let's play.

[g*n f*ring in game]


- [man in game]

Fire at will!
- Eat a grenade, scuzzweed! Ba
-boom! [grunts]

Oh, no! I'm drawing enemy fire! Go get the laser sword! Now, Aaarrrgghh!
- Where are you, wingman?
- Wingman? My partner, my compadre, my comrade in virtual arms.

We've got to work together, wingman, to k*ll the cyber ninjas.

k*ll?
- Get to the tower!
- Reload, reload! k*ll them all, k*ll them all.

k*ll them all! Locked and loaded! Move! Retreat!
- Retreat! My leg!
- [Toby]

k*ll them all! [in slow
-motion]

k*ll them all! [panting]

[growling]

[roars]

[breathing heavily]


- Okay, we can pause it.


- [game beeps]

[whimpering]

Wow.

When you get into a game, man, you really, um commit.

I'm sorry.

Pacifist, pacifist, pacifist.

[moans]

No, hey, hey! It's cool, dude.

Is something wrong? Come on, I'm your wingman.

Look, I get it.

You get angry.

Everybody gets angry.

Is that why you're a pacifist? I should go.

You know what I think? This game's lame.

How about we play something else? I've got Bubble Buddies, or maybe Go
-Go Sushi.

You have to dodge sushi as you're serving hungry tourists.

It's awesome.

And the best part is, we're on the same team.

[traditional Japanese music playing]

Oh, no! I'm drawing spicy tuna fire! You gotta ask for tips, wingman! Ask for tips! [chuckles]

Sushi.


- [ringtone playing]


- Shrimp.

[chuckles]

What's up, Jimbo? Everything okay with Enrique?
- [Jim]

I sort of just lost it.


- What do you mean, you lost it? No! What in the world? You don't happen to have another gaggletack, do you? [giggling]

You hid the horseshoe in the diaper bin, didn't you? [cooing]

Because you're just a normal baby, and that's what normal babies do.

Ooh, doggy! Oh, it is really packed.

[grunting]

[gasps]

Enrique? Enrique! Uh, excuse me, uh, Mr.

RotGut.

It is with great respect that we return to you to ask for another gaggletack.

Go away.

We're closed.

You haven't closed your apothecary since the wart outbreak of 1982! I urge you, if we do not acquire one at this very moment, we may be dealing with an exigency that could shut you down indefinitely.

What's an exigency? Should I be scared? Indeed.

It doesn't matter.

We already gave them a gaggletack.

I told you never to give out free merchandise.

But you said you had a bag of them.

Stand back.

I think I know how to deal with this.

Mm? [sniffs]

Mmm.

How about a bag of sweaty, tasty, slightly moldy argyle socks?
- Argyle?
- Argyle, Gut! That's argyle! Mm Enrique! Oh Enrique? Huh.


- Enrique?
- [gigging]


- [metal clattering]


- What's that sound?
- [growls, yowls]


- [screams]

[yowling]

[banging]

[baby giggling]


- [twig snaps]


- [gasps]

I've brought the gaggletack.

Now, where is the child?
- I sort of just lost him.


- Are you not babysitting? Well, I'm not saying I'm good at it.

I don't understand how the baby could elude you if you were rightfully sitting on him.

Babysitting doesn't literally mean you sit Never mind.

Just keep an eye out while Toby and I handle this.

What? [grunting]

Do you see this? The little poop
-bag locked us out! [sighs]

He's been playing me all along, hook, line, and sinker.

Jim, he's a baby, not a poop
-bag.

Get a hold of yourself.

He can't even reach the lock.

I'm telling you, Tobes, he's a changeling and he knows about the bridge.

We have to climb through Claire's window.

Climb? Sure, why not pole vault while we're at it? Get your head in the game, Jim! [Aaarrrgghh]

Pole vault.

[yelps]


- Thanks, wingman.


- [Aaarrrgghh grunts]

Whoa! Dude holy Ow! Whoa Hey, little guy, where are you? Ooh Ah! I'm in a real girl's bedroom.

Oh, Eli totally owes me five dollars.

[gasps]

Hmm What? [baby crying]

[chuckling]

This is what a girl's lips taste like!
- [crying continues]


- [sighs]

[chuckling]

[crying continues]

Aw, there, there.

Did the nasty Trollhunter
-man scare you? Oh, come here, come here, little baby boy.

Don't worry.

Don't cry.

Shh.

Come here.

Yeah, yeah.

Come here, come here.

Oh, hey, little guy! [deep grunt]

[sobbing]

Hey, what are you doing? You're freaking him out.

He is freaking me out! He made me stick my arm in a diaper bin! [sniffs, retches]

Oh, no.

Made you, Jim? Really? You're better than that.

Who's a little baby boy? You're a little baby boy.

You're such a little baby.

That's it.

I've got to do this.

It won't hurt him.

Hey! Stop! Slow! Hey, can you not? Dude, get away from him! You're scaring Enrique!
- [baby crying]


- All right, come to daddy, poop
-ling!
- [grunts]


- [whimpering]

[crying continues]

[groans]

[gasps]


- [snarling]


- [screaming]

Oh, no, that is not Enrique!
- [Toby whimpering]


- [snarling]

Stupid flesh
-thing! [both screaming]

Oh, no! That is not Enrique! [sniffing]

Whoa!
- [purring]


- Real food! [panting]


- [Toby]

Where'd it go?
- There! [slurping]


- [gasps]


- [meows]

Put the kitten down.


- [screaming]


- [cat yowling]


- Wah!
- You're a real killjoy.

That is not Enrique! [meows]

For the glory of Merlin, daylight is mine to command.

[grunts, groans]


- [laughing]


- [both grunt]

[laughing]

[continues laughing]

[both grunt, groan]

[grunt]

Whoa!
- [blows raspberry]


- [grunts]

Do you realize how good you boys have it here? It's a party compared to those troll
-turds in the Darklands.

[yelling]


- [groans]


- [laughing]

[grunting]


- [laughing]


- No, hey! You're a very bad baby! My word!
- [laughing]


- Whoa!
- [gasps]


- [vase shattering]


- I'm going in.


- No! We're not his safety line.

This is a good test for our Trollhunter.

Jim must learn to stand on his own.

Stay hidden.


- I mean, lie low.


- Lie low.

Where's the real Enrique, you filthy rugrat? As if I'd ever tell you!
- [objects shattering]


- [grunts]

Ooh, cake!
- [grunts]


- [grunts]

Don't make me use this.

You can't touch me.

I'm her baby brother.

What do you suppose is gonna happen when they come home and see something's happened to their precious? [laughing]

I'm untouchable, baby.

[continues laughing]

Jim, catch! Uh
- [grunts, groans]


- [laughing]


- [growls]


- [gasps, yells]

[grunts, snarls]

[laughs, gasps]

[whimpering, screaming]

[gasps, screams]

[continues screaming]

[grunts]


- [Toby]

Oh, no!
- [both screaming]


- [both crash]


- [ringtone playing]

[snarling]

Oh, hey, Claire! How's the concert? Jim, my parents just called.

They're coming back early.

I'm leaving now.

[Toby yelling]

Who's there? What's that music?
- [dance music playing]


- [chuckles]

Tell her how you were elbow
-deep in me dookie
-bin.

[music continues]

Are you having a party? No! No, no party! Gotta go!
- Enough's enough.


- Aaarrrgghh, what about our lesson?
- Need help.


- But we are helping them by not helping.

[scoffs]

Can't you see? By coddling a pupil, we're only stunting [screams]

Aaarrrgghh, remove this door immediately! But be careful.

Human houses aren't built to withstand troll [both gasp]


- strength.


- Oops.

Stupid, smelly trolls! Their door! [groans]

What did you guys do to their door? [laughing]

We Uh, we're here to help.

Well, I don't remember inviting these two to dinner! First course, frozen peas! [grunts]

Don't make me climb up there, foul beast! Whoa! My eyes, my eyes! Green balls of madness! They hurt very badly! [laughing]

Aaarrrgghh, it's just like our video game.

You with me, buddy?
- Sushi.


- Yeah!
- Draw fire?
- No, it's my turn.

Oh, it's hailing peas and I hate peas! Oh, ooh, ow! [wheezing]


- [laughing]

Way to go, wingman!
- Boom, boom! All right, enough! Where's the bridge? What bridge? London Bridge? I hear it's falling down.

Ow! Fleshbags no sense of humor.

Where is the bridge? [wheezing, groaning]

Give me a break! I don't know anything.


- It's me first day.


- Squeeze him till he pops! [Aaarrrgghh grunting]

Okay, okay, okay! Can't blame a guy for looking out for himself.

But you can't tell anyone I told you.

I got a pretty sweet deal going here.

If the bossman hears I squealed, he'll feed me to Bular.


- Bular's working with someone else?
- Who? Who is Bular working with? Oh, er [clears throat]


- Forget I said anything.


- [vehicle approaching]

[Jim]

Oh, no, someone's home! I suggest we make our egress.


- Egress?
- It means to exit.


- Whoa! I'm supposed to be babysitting it!
- And I need the proof for Vendel! And I need not to be split in two.


- Okay, you have to go now.


- With haste.

[grunting]


- [goblin screaming]


- [grunting]


- Wah!
- [both gasp]

Claire, we're home! [gasps, grunts]


- [objects shattering]


- [both gasp]


- [car alarms blaring outside]


- Hi, Mr.

and Mrs.

Nuñez.

Heh.


- [object shatters]


- I'm Jim, the babysitter.

[chuckles]


- [car alarms continue blaring]


- [gasps]

Fudgeknuckle!
- [chuckles]


- [cooing]

[moaning]

Chaka, chaka [goblins]

Chaka, chaka