01x07 - It's All Greek to Me

[bunniefuu]

I can't believe we only have two days in Athens.

How are we gonna fit in all the great museums? Easy.

We need to get the bus driver to go 2,000 Miles per hour.

Or we can cut out the museums entirely and go straight to the beach.

( Tone sounds ) Uh, Cody, why do you have a giant nose screensaver? That's arwin calling!
- Hey, guys!
- Hey, arwin! Arwin, back up.

Your nose hairs look like jungle.

Sorry.

Hey, do I have any bats in the cave? Huh? Check it out! So you're the famous arwin! Guys, you didn't tell me there was a girl there! I'm all up in my nose! Don't worry.

She won't bite.

I'm Bailey.

I don't suppose the boys have mentioned me.

Are you kidding? Cody sent me a nine
-page email just about your hair.

Cody: Uh, that was a typo.

I wasn't writing about Bailey's hair.

It was supposed to say "Daily bear" which is a column I write about bears Daily.

Nice save! Hey, your mom told me you're going to the museum of Greek antiquities! My cousin works there.

You gotta look him up.

His name's milos hakakopolis.

All right, what's he like? He's a little quirky, awkward, clumsy, nothing like me.

Here we go.

Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows
- we say
- hey
-ho, let's go!
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! Ah, London, there you are.

Your father has funded a new exhibit at the museum of Greek antiquities, and he wants you to give a speech.

Okay.

Making speeches is easy for me.

I've been talking since I was nine.

Well, you have a day to work on it.

Oh, please.

I could give it now.

Ahem.

My daddy paid for this exhibit to show boring old stuff, which apparently your country is filled with.

Enjoy!
- See?
- London, you have to take this seriously.

You are the sole heir to tipton industries.

One day you're going to have to fill your father's shoes.

Ew! They're big, brown and clunky! ( Growls ) Just write the speech! Mr.

moseby, you don't nurture children by bullying them.

London responds better to gentle encouragement and stickers, especially the shiny gold stars.

Miss tutweiller, if you can get a speech out of London, be my guest.

But if you can't, Mr.

tipton is going to put a frowny
-face sticker on your final paycheck.

London, let's work on your speech.


- I have shiny gold stars!
- ( Gasps ) Wow! These artifacts are breath
-taking.

Hardly.

I'm prettier than her.

Prettier than her.

Prettier than her.

( Gasps ) Hey, Zack! Three old ugly triplets! You know, you'd think in a fancy place like this they could at least afford statues with arms.

Zack, they're thousands of years old.

Okay, their arms'd have a little flab hanging down.

( Gasps ) What a beautiful sculpture.

What a magnificent vase! ( Gasps ) What a hot guy! London, you're surrounded by some of the world's most magnificent pieces of art.

How are you gonna be distracted by
-
- sweet potato pie.

I wouldn't mind looking for a penny in haystack with him.

Look at her drooling over him like he's some kind of Greek adonis.

Hello, my name is adonis.

I will be your student tour guide.

Come.

Follow me.

( Giggles ) This guy might mess up my six
-month plan to win Bailey.

This is month one, so we have to get to at least hand
-holding.

( Giggles ) Dude, while you're working on your six
-month plan, this guy's just working it.

And tomorrow, we'll be unveiling a new exhibit ( chuckles ) Generously donated by Mr.

tipton.


- My daddy.


- It will feature the recently
-unearthed amulet of Aphrodite.

Ooh, I love a good amulet, especially with egg whites filled with low
-fat cheese and mushrooms.

London, that's an omelet.

The amulet is the most important artifact Found in the last hundred years according to Greek mythology, this is the necklace the Zeus gave to his daughter Aphrodite when she was born from the sea.

I was gonna say that.

Me too, but it sounds so much better coming from your lips.


- ( Giggles )
- ( Mock giggles ) Hey, tour guy, you're supposed to be telling us what stuff is.

What's this? That is a fire extinguisher.

Thank you.

Want me to take your picture in front of it? Will you join me on our rooftop garden to watch the God helios pull the sun across the sky? As it sets, it winks good night to you through the pillars of the acropolis.

( Giggles ) Okay.

Oh, he is smooth.

I mean, I'm thinking about going.

How am I going to compete with this guy? Well, Bailey loves Greek stuff
-
- you know, the Parthenon, the amulet, adonis.

Why don't you get her a gift? You can probably afford this.

It looks used.

Why aren't there any price tags on these things? Put that down! It is very fragile! I got it, I got it! ( Gasps ) You got it! Thank you, kind stranger.

No problem.

I'm Cody.

This is Zack.

You must be milos, arwin's cousin.

( Gasps ) How did you know? Here we are going.

( Loud crash, clattering ) Lucky guess? I love cousin arwin like my own life.

( Chuckles ) Did he happen to mention
- anything about me owing him money?
- No.

He is a lying pig! Did you say no? Never mind.

So you save the vase.

Is there any way I can repay you? Uh, I'm trying to impress this girl I know.

Is there anything in the museum's gift shop that girls really love? Ooh, uh
-
- ah! Come, come.

Follow me.

The souvenir replica of the amulet of Aphrodite.

And your beloved will be the first to have one because they are not on sale yet.

Excellent.

Thank you, milos.

So, milos, what's your actual job here at the museum.

Ah, well ( Chuckles ) I am in charge of many things.

Milos, the toilet on the second floor is backed up again.

This is one of those things.

Curator: Do it now.

Tomorrow the museum will be stuffed with people like rice into a grape leaf all here to see the amulet of Aphrodite.

( Mimicking angelic chorus ) Toilet.

Right.

Oh no! ( Mimicking angelic chorus ) Excuse me! Are you busy? Good.

I've been working on my speech.

And if I say so myself, it is very moving.

I can't wait to hear.

Ahem.

Four score and seven years ago,
- our fathers brought forth
-
-
- wait! Wait a minute.

Abraham Lincoln already gave that speech.

Yeah, but it was so long ago.

Nobody remembers it.

You can't steal a speech! ( Calmly ) You need to write your own.

I really have to write the speech all by myself? ( Crying ) All right, I'll help you.

Great! So you'll write the speech for me? No, but we'll go to the library.

Then you'll write the speech for me? No, but we'll do some research on Greek culture.

Then you'll write the speech for me? I'm gonna put a sticker over your mouth.

Then you'll write the speech for me?
- Now will you write the speech for me?
- No! Hi, Bailey.

I see you're drinking a prune whizz
-
- great for colon health.

So listen, I know how much you enjoyed the museum today, so I got you this souvenir amulet of Aphrodite.

Wow, I love it! Thanks, Cody.

Yes, a hug! I'm two months ahead of schedule.


- Guys, guys!
- Milos! Looks like he's in a hurry.

I just found out! The gift you gave your beloved
-
- the souvenir amulet of Aphrodite? It is the real one! Oh my gosh.

How did you find out?! The one at the museum says "made in China.

" If they find out, I will be fired! It's terrible.


- That's awful.


- It's tragic! I'm gonna go grab a burger.


- Zack!
- After they fire me, they will send you to prison! Greek prison is very very bad.

The philo pastry is hardly fake at all.

Plus, prison looks really bad on a college application.

Ooh, that's a you problem.

London, how's your speech going? I have the beginning.

Ahem.

"Ladies and.

"
- Yes?
- That's all I've got So far.

To be fair, it is some of her best work.

She misspelled "ladies.

" London, where do you hear the letter "q" in "ladies"? It's a silent "q.

" ( Scoffs ) Oh dear.

London, you cannot put this off any longer.

You are going to have to do the work.

That means reading about Greek mythology.

Ugh.

Boring.

Who cares about these people anyway? If you read the book, you might.

Maybe you'll find something that you relate to that inspires your speech.

Okay, fine, I'll read.

But there'd better be pictures.

I got it.

I will distract Bailey with a Greek dance.

( Hums Greek tune ) Then you hit her with a sheep bladder.

Then you rip the amulet from her neck! Ha ha! Or I just ask for it back.


- Can I still dance?
- Sure.

Ya pa! Hi, Bailey, this is kind of awkward, but
-
- Cody, I love this necklace so much if I live to be 100, I'll never take it off.

( Chuckles ) Happy 101st birthday.

Huh? Look, by mistake, I gave you the real amulet of Aphrodite.

You mean this is the actual priceless artifact?
- I wore it in the hot tub!
- Oh great! We'll be returning it clean.

Aphrodite was the goddess of love ( Yawns ) And beauty, daughter of Zeus
-
- Zeus, zzzz.

( Harp playing ) ( Snaps fingers ) Wow, I look great! No wonder I'm the goddess of beauty.

Good morning, Aphrodite!
- Hey, Herman.


- It's hermes,
- messenger of the gods.


- Whatever.

I just flew up from earth and boy are my winged feet tired.

Whew.

You are such a whiner.

I bring you a message from your father Zeus.

Don't tell me he's marrying medusa.

Her hair is hideous.

No.

He wants you to represent him at the council of the immortals.

Ooh! Is it on mount Olympus? No, this year it's in Atlantic city.

Why can't Athena do it? She's the smart one.

Well, he thinks you're smart too.

It's just that you haven't lived up to your full potential.

He thinks I have potential?
- Potentially.


- ( Gasps ) And as a token of his belief, he has had this lovely amulet forged for you.

Ooh! I do love a good amulet, especially egg whites filled with low
-fat feta and mushrooms.

It's a good thing you're pretty.

( Gasps ) Oh, it's beautiful.

He wants you to wear it when you address the council.

I don't know if I can do this.

That makes two of us.

Tried to talk him out of it and he threw a thunderbolt at my butt.

Don't insult Aphrodite.

She needs understanding, encouragement, and gold stars.


- You mean stickers?
- No, actual stars.


- I get them from orion's belt.


- Ah.

Can't I just keep the amulet and forget the speech?
- ( Thunderclap booms )
- ( Hermes shrieks ) I'm guessing that's a no.

Sorry, daddy.

Don't smite me.

Smite me, smite.

London? London.

London!
- Are you okay?
- Yes! It just hit me like a lightning bolt.

Got a speech to write, Herman.

Milos, you work at the museum.

Why can't you just make the switch?
- I can't.


- Of course he can't.

I'm sure there's some type of advanced security system
-
-
- motion detectors, laser trackers.


- No.

Just a big heavy glass case.

I cannot lift it.

I need your help.

How are we gonna get past the guard? ( Gasps ) Milos has a brilliant plan.

What are you looking at? This is your brilliant idea? Boy am I gonna need some sun.

How long do we have to stay like this? I'm starting to cramp up.

Just until they put the amulet in the case.

When they all leave the room to go to dinner, we make big switch.

Everything knock knock, good good.

They are coming.

Quick, act like rock.

( Speaking Greek ) Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to place the amulet of Aphrodite In a place of great honor where all can marvel at its beauty.

Did someone say beauty? Because here I am.

Ah, this is London tipton, the daughter of our generous benefactor.

( Sneezes )
- Bless you.


- Ah, thank you.

Ahem, ladies and qentlemen.

Get ready to flee the country quickly.

Legend says this amulet was given by Zeus to his daughter Aphrodite.

Perhaps it was because she was beautiful like me.

Of course, I'm not a goddess Officially.

I've got to go to the little statue's room.

Shh.

Statues don't go to the bathroom.

Well, this rock has to make pebbles.

Mr.

moseby, do the faces on those statues look familiar to you? How old do you think I am? I like to think I know what it was like to walk in her shoes.

I mean, everyone thought she was just a pretty girl with a powerful daddy, but it turns out she was more than that.

I think Zeus gave her the amulet because he was proud of her, just as I'm proud to represent my daddy today.

So even though the amulet is 2,000 years old, the emotion behind it is eternal.

I think that's what museums do.

They remind us that people then and people now aren't so different after all.

Thank you.


- Mr.

moseby, are you tearing up?
- No! ( Choked )I just ate a spicy olive, that's all.

And now I invite all of you to our garden courtyard, where we will have a wonderful meal.

I hope everyone likes Chinese.

The coast is clear.

Get moving! Ow! Who knew arwin was the normal one? Milos, just keep everyone out so we can exchange the amulet.

Let's go.

I'm so stiff.

You wouldn't be if you'd join me for morning yoga.

You know what? I will as soon as I want to look like a dork.

Curator: I think I left my briefcase behind.


- Oh
-
-
- stop it.

I want My briefcase back! Don't worry! I will get it for you.

( Groans, speaks Greek ) I will get you some ice! All right.

Here's the real amulet.

Now lift up the case.

( Both grunt )
- It's too heavy.


- Milos, we need your help.

No, he needs to guard the door.

Cody: We can't do this without him.


- No!
- We need you!
- No! Door.


- I'm getting dizzy! Too bad adonis isn't here.

He could lift it.

( Growls ) Maybe I should rethink this yoga thing.

Cody, that was incredible.

Your muscles rippled.

Well yeah.

Did you see, he lifted the glass
-
- ( cries out )
- There is nothing
-
-
- thieves! Thieves! They are not thieves.

They are statues.

You are stealing the amulet of Aphrodite.


- Call the police!
- No no no.


- We weren't trying to steal it.


- We were trying to replace it.

Hah! Oldest story in the world.


- Well, it's true.


- Hah! The children are telling the truth.

I accidentally gave them the real amulet.


- ( Gasps )
- What?
- The second we found out about it
- We replaced it! You see? There it is! And this is just some cheap piece of souvenir junk.

Glad you liked my gift.

So everything is fine.

Everyone is happy.

Everything knock knock, good good.

Not really.

You are fired.

You can't! I owe everyone money! Milos is arwin's cousin.

Do something! Get out of here and never come back! If you fire milos, I'll tell my daddy to stop funding this museum.

You didn't let me finish.

Get out of here and never come back until you take up your new position as vice president of souvenir chotskis! Yes! I get to sell the little bobble
-head Hercules! He's so cute.

He goes like this! Everything is good good, knock knock.

( Greek folk music playing ) I hear the band playing! Let's not stand here like statues.


- ( Beats rims hot )
- We dance! And Sorry if this messes up your six
-month plan with Bailey.

I'm holding hands and dancing.

That's month two.

You might want to look again.

No wonder her knuckles were so hairy.

Ooh, sorry.

I forgot to shave them today.

( Yells in Greek ) ( Fly buzzes )
- ( Tone sounds )
- Hey, cousin arwin! Your little friends were very fun Until they almost got me fired.

Yeah, they'll do that.

I miss the little dickens.

So how is that beautiful wife of yours? Oh! Carey? She's good! Fine fine.

Fabulous! Tell me, arwin, why have I not seen any wedding pictures yet? They're still in my camera? It's been four years! Speaking of which, don't you owe me money? I'm not hearing you.

You are breaking up.

There is much noise on this line.

Milos, I can see you crumpling paper in the camera! You're a deadbeat! And you are married to cardboard lady! I am not! She is not cardboard.

She's just Tired.