01x11 - seaHarmony

[bunniefuu]

( Tires screeching ) Help! ( People shouting ) Yay, race car driver me.

I win! I win! And, more importantly, you lose! You lose! You know, I'm not a poor sport, but, London, you really do have a bit of an unfair advantage.

Victory lap, Dale.


- ( Tires screeching )
- Whoo! My passengers should be able to be on the ship without being hit by a car.

Don't worry, I'm insured.

These people are here to enjoy a singles cruise.

The last thing they want is to be around children.

That's why they're still single.

Miss tutweiller: Mr.

moseby? My apologies.

You realize this was not my doing.

I know.

It's the doing of the people who should be doing their homework.

Guys, I told you we shouldn't be doing this.

Now, let's go back to our rooms, and feel shame.

I know I do.

Then I suggest you stay in your rooms.

From now on, you will not be allowed on the sky deck except for one hour a day.

All: Aw
-ww! That works for me, 'cause now you'll have time to do the extra 50 pages of homework I plan to give you.

But you already gave us 50 pages.

Oh, you're right.

Make it another 100.

But
-
- but
-
-
- care to make it 200?
- Sold.

What'd I buy? Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows
- we say
- hey
-ho, let's go!
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! This just is so easy.

The questions are all about me.

That's because it's not a test.

It's a dating questionnaire.

Still, I think I have a really good chance of getting an "a".

Don't get your hopes up.

What'd you get for number five? You like sardine sorbet? Of course not.

I answered the first two for real, but then I got bored, so I put in goofy answers.

Oh, I get it.

( Gasps ) This is real goofy.

Loves corn cob art.

That one was real.

That's frightening.

Good morning, ladies.

I'm using the one hour moseby lets us be on deck for a little yoga.

I prefer my yoga with fruit on the bottom.

Right.

So, you guys getting to all that extra homework?
- I was.


- I wasn't.

Now we're filling out this singles cruise questionnaire.

Who knows? Maybe we'll find Mr.

right.

You know, Mr.

right could be right under your nose.

( Bones crunch ) Oh! My back! My back, it's seizing up! It's seizing up! Cody, what can we do? Look away! Let's go get a smoothie.

Sure.

I'm done with my questionnaire.

How'd you do? Pretty sure I got an "a".

I should've copied off yours.

Copy
-
- send
-
- yes! ( Bones crunch ) Spasm! How long have we been doing our homework? About 30 seconds.

I'm b*at.

I'm not used to focusing this long.

You know that I've never met someone with a shorter attention span than me? Sorry, I zoned out after "I never met someone.

" Too bad tutweiller doesn't have a date.

I mean, if she had a boyfriend, maybe she'd make his life miserable and not ours.

Moseby could use a girlfriend, too.

I mean, he hasn't had a date since
-
- my allowance was only a thousand a week.

You thinking what I'm thinking? Is it " dumpty, dumpty, dum " ? No.

We're gonna use that questionnaire thingy to set them each up with dates.

You convince tutweiller to take the test, and I'll convince moseby.

Ooh.

You're evil.

I like evil.

Did you know your brother was evil? Uh, yeah.

When I was two, he short
-sheeted my crib.

( Gasps ) Zack, did you take my computer again? No.

I borrowed it without asking.

Look, I need to check my e
-mail.

I sent Bailey's dating questionnaire to myself, and I'm about to find out what she likes.

I'm gonna guess not you.

Ignoring.

Now, let's see.

"Favorite flower
-
- iris.

" "Favorite tree
-
- pine.

" And, oh, that's interesting.

She likes corn cob art.

Funky.

Stupidy.

Now, let's see what she's looking for in a guy.

That's odd.

Oh, then you're perfect for her.

No, I'm not.

She's looking for a Swiss guy who loves yodeling and sardine sorbet.

Whoa.

Girlfriend's into some weird stuff.


- Hi!
- ( Yelps ) What you doing? I'm charting how the lunar cycle effects weather and current patterns, thus altering the ships longitudinal position.

What you doing? Big wind make big ship bouncy.

Ah
-hh What are you doing here? I can't even get you in class when you're supposed to be here.

Don't get used to it.

I just want to show you this compatibility questionnaire.

From the singles cruise? Thank you, but I am not looking for anyone right now.

I mean, it's Friday night, and you're standing in a classroom, drawing squiggly lines on a blackboard.

Good point.

What's the first question? Goody.

"Do you care if a man has money?" "Must be rich.

" "Do you like the outdoorsy type?" "If he's outside a jewelry store.

" Excuse me.

These are supposed to be my answers, and I am not that shallow.

You want me to change it to "wants poor guy who lives outside jewelry store"? Let's go with rich.

You've already typed it in.

Hey, Marion.

Speaking of marryin', don't you ever want to get married and have kids? Ah.

Why on earth would I want to do that? Besides, I'm married to the ship.

Let me guess.

She was a cute little sailboat when you met, but as soon as you got married, she blew up big.

( Inhales, honks ) I'm sure you two will be very happy together.

Are you naturally annoying, or do you have to work at it? Hey, why don't you fill out this singles cruise questionnaire? Hey, why don't I not? I'm just trying to help you find a little happiness.

Then leave.

You know what? Fine.

I will leave.

But just for the record, you're doing all the women on this ship a disservice.

Go on.

Listen.

I see the way the women look at you when you walk on by.

You don't see it, but I do.

Really? Here's an easy question.

What's your favorite food? Ooh.

In the summer, it's a lovely fruit salad with a delicate pomegranate dressing.

However, in the winter, I prefer something hearty
-
- you know, like a steaming cassoulet.

Actually, that doesn't fit in the box, and, frankly, I just can't spell it.

I'm just gonna write, "loves to eat everything.

" No! No, don't put that.

They'll match me up with a, you know
-
- ( inhales, honks ) No.

Okay, let's check for matches.


- ( Laptop trills )
- Great news.

The computer found a match for tutweiller? Even better! For me! Who is it? It's me! I'm my own perfect match.

Yay, us! I'm happy for you both.

Let's check on moseby.

( Electronic fanfare whines ) Both: Oo
-ooh.

What about tutweiller? ( Fanfare whines ) Both: Oo
-ooh.

No matches for either of them? What are we gonna do? The only thing we can do.

We have to match them with each other.

They have something huge in common
-
- they're both unappealing to everybody.

Well, we'll just have to change their answers so they match.

No kidding.

Miss tutweiller's looking for a six
-foot guy.

Well, that's a deal
-breaker.

Moseby's only got two feet.

Hey, Cody.

What are you doing? Whittling a cob.

Wow.

You're into corn cob art? Just my whole life.

I like corn cob art.

No.

Yes.

What are you making? My favorite flower.

An iris.

I love irises.

That is such a coincidence.

Isn't it, though? You know, we're having creamed corn tonight, and there was a mess of fresh cobs outside the kitchen.

Ooh.

We can do our geography assignment, and whittle while we work.

Oh.

Oh, excuse me, miss tutweiller.

Oh, entirely my fault, Mr.

moseby.

( Silent ) ( Music plays softly ) Well, this is awkward.

Apparently, we've been matched up together.

Apparently.

I hope they don't start talking about the answers they gave, and realize we changed them.

They're not going to be picky.

They're going to be grateful they got any kind of date at all.

( Music continues ) Oh, I love this song.

Oh, really? Me, too.

I guess we do have something in common.

How do you feel about dancing?
- Took ballet for years.


- Oh, me, too.

Ooh.

Well, you're pretty light on your feet, Mr.

m.

I got nothing on you, miss t.

Looks like we did a better job than the computer.

Isn't love wonderful? Speaking of which, I'm gonna go buy myself some flowers.

Shh
-
- don't tell London.

I wanna surprise myself.

This is going great.

( Stammers ) Cody, do you smell pine? Well, it might be my new cologne.

It's called "forest frenzy.

" Do you like it? I love it.

When I close my eyes, I'm back home, lying down, looking at the stars between the pine tree branches.

Oh, did you camp a lot? No, a twister took the roof off our house.

So, the famous silk route went straight through the heart of Asia.

Don't you just love hearts? This is awesome.

Moseby and tutweiller are so in love, they don't care what we do.

I know.

Watch.

Miss tutweiller, I have to leave.

I'm bored.


- 'Kay.


- Yay! You may have beaten me at race cars, but I'm gonna kick your butt at whirlybirds.

Don't be so sure.

( Snaps fingers ) Ready, set
-
- what are you doing? Well, we're sure not gonna race whirlybirds.

I can assure you of that.

Why not? It's the perfect time for it.

Oh, Emma? Who the heck is Emma? Miss tutweiller.

What did you think, her first name was "miss"? No.

So, what shall we do tonight, Mr.

m? Well, miss t, I thought since you enjoy classic movies, that we could attend the three stooges film festival on the fiesta deck.

By classic, I meant like "Casablanca.

" The three stooges are just Silly.

Silly? Au contraire.

The three stooges are a metaphor for the ongoing class struggle.

Moe's the tyrannical bureaucrat, curly the humble servant, and Larry, well, Larry, uh, just has funny hair.

Well, frankly, I don't find them funny at all.

In fact, I think they're juvenile.

( Gasps ) T
-there hasn't been a funnier movie than "half
-wits holiday.

" The stooges don't make sense.

Why is his name "curly" if he's bald? That's the joke! Okay, you have no sense of humor.

How dare you? For your information, I am the funniest person in my family.

Are your family by any chance, morticians? My grandfather on my mother's side, but that's not the
-
- and don't make fun of my family!
- I'm not making fun of your family!
- Hey, lovebirds.

What's with the racket? This fuddy
-duddy doesn't think the three stooges are funny.

You don't think "a
-plumbing we will go" is funny?! Ha! So what if she doesn't like the three stoogies? Both: Stooges! Who cares? The point is you two love each other, and you will until the end of time.

Well, time is up.

I could never date a man who loves the three stooges.

Well, I only have one thing to say about that ( Barks ) Ruff
-ruff! Nyuk
-nyuk
-nyuk! Wise guy, eh? ( Humming ) ( Blubbering ) That was funny.

Don't worry, big guy.

She'll be back.

Oh, I don't want her back.

Wait a minute.

Didn't I ban you two from the sky deck? No.

No, doesn't ring a bell.

You know what? I've changed my mind about the sky deck.

You can be up here as long as you want.

Kids: Yay! Swabbing it! Yay! Depending on what "swabbing" means.

You know, now that I know what swabbing is, not a big fan.

Moseby can't stay cranky for much longer.

Swab! Swab! Missed a swab! Swab! Guten tag, fraulein.

What are you doing? Just dreaming of climbing the matterhorn, while munching on Swiss cheese, and building a cuckoo clock.

Why? I don't know.

Just kind of in a swissy mood.

( Yodels ) ( Yodels ) Ach, du lieber.

All that yodeling sure got me hungry.

Let me guess.

That's sardine sorbet.

As a matter of fact, it is, and it is delicious.

Sure looks like it.

Here, have some more.

Oh, no.

It's really rich.

Mmm.

Mmm, I am so full.

I can't have any more
-
- that'll teach you to sneak a look at my answers on my personal private computer.

You know those answers were fake.

I
-I knew that.

I mean, what kind of idiot likes corn cob art? Actually, that part was real.

Right.

Did you do this to make fun of me? Uh
-
- just what I thought.

Well, I wanna have some fun, too.

Yodel
-lay
-hee ( Squeals ) Hoo! ( Moans ) There's miss tutweiller, drowning her sorrows in frogurt.


- Go talk to her.


- I'm on it.

Juice man, make it a blueberry.

But miss tutweiller, you've already had two raspberries, and a kiwi.

I'll mix fruits if I want to.

Okay.

How can moseby say I have no sense of humor? I'm funny.

Funny
-looking, anyway.

You know, miss tutweiller was really upset in class today.

She blew her nose in the world map.

Hawaii has three new islands.

Ugh.

I really think you hurt her feelings.

She mocked moe! I'm gonna get over him by throwing myself into my work.

I'll assign more and more homework until I feel better.

No! You have to date moseby.

If you don't snap him up right now, you might as well just adopt 10 cats and be the cover girl for "old maid monthly.

" You're mean! Oh! Stop swabbing me! Oh
-
- well, would you look who it is? Miss tutweiller, looking as beautiful as ever.


- Miss t.


- Mr.

m.

Are you guys spelling stuff out so we won't understand you? Is there something you would like to say to miss t? I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

And I will admit the stooges can, at times, be a bit silly.

Now you apologize for putting down the stoogies.

And slapping my nose.

Perhaps that was a bit uncalled for.

Great.

So you're back together.

Both: Eh, I don't know.

Come on! You guys have to do this.

The computer didn't match you up with anyone.

What? Besides each other.

And that's only because we changed your answers to match.


- What?
- Because we love and care for you both so very much.

No It was to get them off our backs, remember? I think we've been had.

I should've known.

I specifically checked the "prefer tall" box.

Not that you are not tall.

In your own way.


- What does that mean?
- I don't know.

What I do know is that I am about to assign a 2,000
-page paper on why you shouldn't meddle in people's personal lives.

Splendid idea.

And they can do it while they're swabbing the deck, and cleaning the outside of the ship, and perhaps the bottom of the ocean! Ooh! Do you wanna think up more punishments over dinner? Oh, sounds lovely.

This has been the loser day of all time.

And to make it worse, I think I need to break up with myself.

Too clingy.

That's why I fly solo.

Air Zack taking off.

London's voice: "Dear London, this is not an easy letter to write, but I think we both know this relationship is not working out.

Please understand, it's not you.

It's me.

Let's be honest.

We'd both be better off seeing other people.

I hope we can always be friends.

Love, London.

P.

S.

I love what you've done with your hair.

" Ooh! A letter for me! ( Crying )