02x06 - Family Thais

[bunniefuu]

- Good evening.


- Hi.


- You're blocking my moon.


- My bad.

Let me make it up to you.

( Gasps ) Wow, it's gorgeous.

And so are Oh! You.

In that case, let me show you another trick.


- Okay.


- Do you have any $1 bills? Oh, you mean these things I use to blow my nose? ( Blows ) ( Laughs ) Let's use these instead.

( Gasps ) Wow! I'm so rich I have money coming out of my ears.

London, I see you've met the amazing Armando.

Yes, and I like him even more than "all
-my
-dough.

" Mr.

moseby, may I borrow your pocket hanky? Oh, yes.

But please be careful.

It's a Cary grant collectable.

I'm planning on wearing it to hanky
-con.

I hope that's not the same weekend as ascotpalooza.

( Screams ) That's wonderful.

Bravo bravo.


- Now bring it back.


- Oh, it's over there.

Oh.

( Screams ) ( Laughs ) Oh! ( Gasps ) Wow! I missed you so much.

Did you miss me? Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows
- we say
- hey
-ho, let's go!
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! Hey, beautiful.

I've been waiting here for 45 minutes.

Hey now, hey now.

It takes time to look this good.

Well, let's see how good you look sitting by yourself.

Still pretty good.

Did you know that we met exactly three hours ago? Happy anniversary.

( Gasps ) But I didn't even get you a card.

Sure you did.

It came airmail.

( Giggles ) And here's your present.

Here's 10,000.

Wow, thanks.

Glad you didn't get me pants.

Hey, guys.

What's for dinner? ( Sniffs ) These are cold.

Hey, Zack, what happened to your date? Mm, I don't know.

I thought Sarah and I were really hitting it off.

Her name is Tanya.

I can't take those head games anymore.

I'm so sick of women.

They expect so much out of you, like show up on time, remember their name.

What am I, superman? Hard to believe you haven't been in a long
-term relationship.

Pfft! Who needs relationships? I can hang out with your guys.


- Oh, great.


- Oh, great.

Oh, I got it.

Hey, my ear's out of money.

Moseby, check this one.


- London, I really don't
-
-
- check it! Oh, okay.

( Lounge music playing ) ( Applause ) Thank you.

Thank you.

Welcome to the show.

I am the amazing Armando.

( Applause ) ( Crowd gasps ) Wow, short show.

Armando: It's not over yet.

Who said that? ( Screams ) Isn't he adorable? He makes my heart skip a b*at.

He made mine stop altogether.

Thank you.

And now please welcome the lovely and talented karina.

Good thing I wasn't taking a shower.

( Audience laughs ) Who is that girl? I'm just guessing here, but I think that's his assistant, the lovely and talented karina.

London: Well, I don't like her.

He's got his hands all over her.

Now for the good part.

I learned this from a great magician who also made a mean shish kebab.

Yay, he's poking her! He's poking her! Skewer her! Skewer her! Skewer her! Yes! More! Another one! This is my favorite trick.

I love this.

This is so fun.


- One more?
- Yes! Yes! Yes! That should do it.

Oh, she loves magic.

( Laughs ) Just Here you go, Bailey.

I got us a double mango
-fandango with a fiber boost to promote intestinal health.

Cody, you're so romantic.

And colonically conscious.

Ah.

So what's next? Zack, Bailey and I were about to go dancing, so
-
- well, there's three of us, so it's gonna have to be a line dance.

( Stomach gurgling ) Would you please excuse me? Because as Beethoven said, I gotta make a movement.

( Groans ) Okay, I can't stand this anymore.

We have to find someone to take Zack off our hands.

Yeah, but who do we know that has so little in their life that they would be happy to hang out with him all day? Hey, cailey.

See what I did there? I combined Cody with Bailey and got cailey.

Like Brangelina.

Except nobody cares about you two.

He's perfect.

Hey, wait.

Why don't you join us? Me? Really? Because last time you guys saw me coming you went over the railing and hung there till I left.

Um, chin
-ups.

Working the upper body.

Well, keep it up, 'cause so far I'm not seeing a lot of results.

Whew, that was horrifying.

Hey, Zack.

Look who joined us.

Woodster.

The woodchuck.

Little red riding wood.

The wood, the bad and the ugly.

Sit down, Zack.

Yeah.

So, farts
-
- who doesn't love 'em?
- I was just doing one.


- Oh, yeah.

I'm working on one that sounds like an owl hooting.

That was you? See, I was up late last night thinking, "there are no owls at sea.

" You, sir, are an artiste.

Right, guys? Thank you.

Thank you.

And now for our finale, Armando's amazing sketch pad of mystery.

You can't get rid of this girl.

I mean, she survived swords, being sawed in half, and a pretty obvious nose job.

Now, karina, what have we here? We have a bowling ball.

But wait, there's more.

( Grunts ) ( Audience gasps ) ( Applause )
- That's good.


- Thank you.

And another hand for my assistant the beautiful and striking karina.

Oh, spare me.

London, she's just his assistant.

Daddy had assistants too.

He married numbers three, five and seven.

And then remarried three and five.

London, Mr.

moseby, thanks for coming.

Have you met karina? London, it's so nice to meet you.


- I hope you enjoyed the show.


- Oh, yes.

My favorite part is when you disappeared.

But then you came back.

Will you excuse me? ( Dialing ) Armando, you simply must tell me how you Daddy, I need you to get rid of a girl.

Send her to one of our oil rigs in the north Atlantic or better yet, our guano mines in Peru.

The point is I never want to see her again and I want her to suffer.

( Laughs ) Oh, sorry, ma'am.

Wrong number.

( Dialing ) Daddy, I need you to get rid of a girl.

Wasn't that rock climbing wall awesome? Yeah, once I found a place to keep my corn chips.


- Want one?
- Maybe later.

You know, I love girls, but I forgot how much fun it was just to hang out with my buddy.


- Elmer bud.


- Budopotamus.


- Boom.


- Boom.

You know, girls are just so high maintenance.

I mean, would you mind if I showed up late? I'd still think you're great.


- And if I didn't comb my hair?
- I wouldn't care.

And if I didn't compliment on how you dress? I couldn't care less.

I know I'm a mess.

Plus you never nag, you pay your own way and I never have to guess what you're thinking.


- Doughnuts.


- Doughnuts.

( Laughs ) Hey, woodpile, there's an air band contest tomorrow night.


- Cool, let's enter.


- Okay.

Be in my cabin by 7:00 and we'll practice.

Do you really think we need practice? Yes.

And a broom.

Oh my gosh, thank you so much.

( Squeals )
- Good news?
- Like you didn't know.

I just got a call from your dad.

He saw a picture of you and is making you the new tipton spokes model? Actually the new Mrs.

tipton.

He proposed! Wow, he switched that up on me.

Either way, you're leaving, right? Yes, your dad wants me to meet him immediately.


- But I have to go tell Armando.


- No no no.

I mean, I'll tell him.


- Well, what about the show?
- Don't worry about it.

I'll take care of everything.

Now you've got a helicopter to catch.


- Mom.


- ( Squeals ) ( Laughing ) Goodbye.

Thank you.

And now please welcome the lovely karina.

Karina? Don't you mean the even lovelier londina? Um, sure.

( Drum roll ) ( Applause ) What are you doing here? I wanted to be close to you.

Sure, but where's karina?
- Karina who?
- My assistant.

Oh, I don't know.

I looked everywhere.

That's why I'm here to help.

Now let's do some magic together.

s*ab me! I can't bear to look.

I think we should start with something a little less sharp.

Less sharp than London? Good luck with that.

And now Armando's amazing sketchpad of mystery.


- Hand me my sketchpad.


- Okey
-doke.

Oh, do you want the bowling ball that goes with it?
- Oh!
- Ahhh! That's the floor show.

And now for the magical doves of shangri
-la.

Oh yeah, that reminds me.

I found a whole bunch of birdies backstage in your pants and I let them go.

Now let's see the magical dove trick.


- I can't do it now.


- Why not? Because you let the birds go.

So just make some more with some magic.

I can't, it's a trick.

Hence the term magic trick.

Wait, you mean none of this is real? Of course not.

There's no such thing as magic.

( All gasp ) ( Children crying ) Oh, great.

Now you woke up the rabbit.


- ( Plays note )
- ( Humming in tune ) Hey, buddy.

Ready to rehearse? Yup, I was ready when we were supposed to rehearse.

Sorry.

I had to get my air guitar back.

My imaginary friend borrowed it.

( Laughs ) Okay okay.

I was sh**ting hoops with Fred.

Well, isn't that nice for Fred? Meanwhile he's not entering a contest tomorrow with a woeful lack of preparation.

How much preparation do we need? We play invisible instruments.

We're basically mimes without makeup.

It's not just the practice.

It's you being thoughtless.

You could've called.

I could have, but I didn't think it was that big a deal.

Okay, not a big deal? All right.

So suddenly my feelings just aren't a big deal for you.

What is the matter with you? Nothing.

Nothing at all.

Are we having our first fight? It's not a fight! It's a conversation! It's a lousy conversation.

You know, when we first started hanging out you were fun.

But now it's just nag nag nag.

Now let's just practice our stupid act.

I will not be spoken to like that.

I don't even know who you are anymore.

And as of now, this is no longer a power duo.


- This is a power one
-o.

Out!
- Fine!
- Fine!
- Fine, be that way! You forgot your guitar.

( Grunts ) Ow! I am so sorry that little Billy was traumatized by our magic show.

However, at 17 you'd think he'd have more control over his emotions.


- ( Dial tone )
- Hello? Moseby, I need to talk to you about Armando.

Oh, yes? You would like some advice on how to apologize to him? Apologize? But he yelled at me in front of all those people and a bunny.

Plus, he broke my heart.

Well, you broke his toe.

So you're even.


- I want you to fire him.


- What? Out of a canon.

All right, that is it.

Come on, sit down.

Sit.

Don't talk.

And listen.

Now I am not going to fire Armando.

I mean, you're the one who ruined the show.

By the way, what happened to his real assistant? Oh, don't worry about her.

She's in a better place.

( Gasps ) London, you didn't.

Oh, don't get your hanky in a twist.

I just wanted daddy to get rid of her, but I forgot he was between wives.

So now she's mommy number So because you have a problem with an employee, you feel it's okay to just make them disappear? Yes.

It's surprisingly easy.

Do you have a problem with that? No, of course not.

Yes.

Yes, London, I do.

That is no way to deal with people.

That's what daddy does.

He says all is fair in love and w*r.

Not when you hurt the one that you love.

Look, London, with all due respect to your father, there was a better way to handle this situation.

You should have just been honest with Armando.

Well, he wasn't honest with me.

He pretended he was magic but there was no real magic at all.

Okay, maybe the real magic is in how you two feel about each other.

Well, he did make me feel like I was walking on air.

See? And you wouldn't want something like that to just disappear, now would you? No.

So go talk to him.

Work this thing out.

You know what, moseby? You're right.

And I can't wait to call daddy and tell him you think he's wrong.

No! Okay, no no! Daddy, moseby thinks you're stupid and wrong.


- Oh, sorry again, ma'am.


- ( Sighs )
- Oh, no no!
- Moseby.

( Rock music playing )
- ( Music ends )
- ( Cheering ) All right.

Next up, the fake musical stylings of Cody Martin and Bailey pickett.

( Applause ) ( Classical music playing ) I would just like to point out that what I'm playing is not a harp.

It in fact a clarsach ghaelach, a medieval Celtic instrument.

I can understand if you guys were confused because the two instruments are very similar in size and shape.

( Booing )
- We're losing 'em.


- Oh, you never had 'em.

Go.

And now for our next act, smash and trash.

( Applause ) Actually it's just smash.

I put trash out on the curb.

( Rim
-sh*t )
- ( Taps )
- ( Feedback ) ( Rock ballad playing ) When I'm with my best friend I feel a warm wind blow and when we buy a doughnut we both pony up the dough but friends are not forever that's just the way things go 'cause it's tough to make an angel in the hard December snow ( Guitar solo playing ) ( Audience gasps ) Ladies and gentlemen, trash fink.

( Cheering ) I touched him! I touched him! ( Screaming ) Woody, you came back.

Because I was wrong.

I should have been more thoughtful.

Well, I also overreacted.

I mean, I guess I was just really vulnerable and unappreciated.

Now I know how Sarah felt.

It's Tanya.

Whatever.

But all that matters is that the power duo is back together.

By the way, I love the hat.


- ( Music ends )
- ( Cheering )
- Armando, can we talk?
- I'm kind of busy, so make it fast.

Okay, I'm really sorry for ruining your act, losing your birds, making those kids cry
-
- not that fast.

It was me Who got Rid of
-
- my assistant, I know.

I got the wedding invitation.

They've rented out New Zealand.

Hmm, Australia must have been booked.

I just don't understand.

Why would you get rid of karina? Because Because I felt threatened.

I mean, karina's so tall and beautiful.

And she can fit into a teeny tiny box.

London, karina is just my assistant.

You're the one I really like.


- Still?
- Of course.

If you weren't, would I give you all these diamonds?
- ( Coughs )
- ( Laughs ) You're so funny.

Can you do that with real diamonds? Not on what your dad's paying me.

Oh.

Oh, it's almost time for your show.

I don't know how I'm gonna do it without an assistant.

You have an assistant.


- Look, London.


- Mm
-hmm.

You're pretty, you're sweet, you're charming, but you're the worst assistant in the history of magic.

I'm not talking about me.

I got you a new assistant.

And she's a real cutie.

Wait.

You're not gonna see her as a thr*at, are you? I'll try not to.

Dominique.

Ta
-dah! ( Gasps ) Watch it, girlie.

Oh, hey! I'll bet you can fit in the box standing up.

Thank goodness Woody and Zack made up.

Yup.

Now it's just the two of us alone under the stars enjoying a little quiet time.


- ( Pop music playing )
- ( Cheering ) ( Music ends ) ( Screams ) How do you do that? I just walked up behind you.

Oh.