02x19 - London's Apprentice

[bunniefuu]

Hello! I'm London tipton.

Welcome to the boardroom.

London, this is a classroom, not a boardroom.

Then why am I always bored in here? Anywho, I have great news: Daddy just gave me $1 million!
- Zack: Oh.


- How is that news? Man, I'm out of here.

And I want to share the $1 million with you.

Please continue.

Well, daddy asked me to think of a product that will appeal to the youth demographic.

But after putting on my thinking cap, I realized two things: I'm not a thinker, I look great in caps and I have no idea what "demographic" means.


- That's three things.


- Oh, you're right.

Stupid thinking cap.

( Sighs ) I don't want daddy to know I couldn't come up with anything, so I need you guys to help me.

The first person to come up with a great new product gets the $1 million to develop it.

( Stammers ) Man, that's a lot of money.


- You know, I can keep my eyes on it for you.


- London: Oh, please.

I've got a trained professional.

Kirby! Is this a surprise party for me?
- No.


- So there's no cake?
- I'm giving you $1 million.


- But there's no cake? Wait a minute.

$1 million?
- Mm
-hmm.


- What do I have to do? I mean I 'll do it, I just need to know what it is.

I need you to guard it.

Yes, ma'am.

You can depend on me.

I won't let that money out of my sight.

Uh, Kirby, where's the money? Kirby: Out of my sight.

Sorry.

The race for the $1 million idea is on, and may the best man
-
- oh, or freakishly broad
-shouldered woman win! Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows
- we say
- hey
-ho, let's go!
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh, let's go!
- Hey, Kirby.


- Hold it!
- Whoa!
- Oh, that's not good.

I just sent 10,000 volts through a man that can fire me.


- Help me up.


- ( Zapping ) Let go of the button!
- Oh.


- Ooh.

I apologize, Mr.

moseby.

On the bright side, you smell like bacon.

Why on earth would you zap me? I'm a little on edge, because I'm guarding this $1 million for London.

You know, I've actually never seen $1 million before.


- Mind if I take a peek?
- I need to see some I.

D.

.

Yup, you're you.

Wow, that's a lot of cheese.

Well, it is $1 million.

No, I mean actual cheese.

What?! Oh no! This is my lunch sack! Oh.

I must've misplaced the sack with the money.

Now what are you gonna do? Don't worry.

I'm a trained professional.

I know how to deal with situations like these.

Excuse me! If anyone finds a sack filled with $1 million in cash, bring it back to me and you'll get a $100 reward.

( All yelling ) See? Now I've got a whole team of people helping me look.

( Groans ) I know what I'm doing.

London, why is there a desk on the sky deck? Well, I wanted to use my boardroom, but miss tutweiller said she needed to "hold detention" in there.


- Aren't you supposed to be in detention?
- Uh
-huh.

Now if you'll excuse me, my 3:00 is here.


- Oh, of course.


- Dazzle me, farm girl.

Okay, my idea combines the two things kids love most
-
- recycling and heirloom crafting.

( Flatly ) Uh
-huh.

You start with an apple.

You whittle it down, put some old vintage clothes on it and this is what you get.

A badly
-dressed apple? No, it's an apple
-head doll.

And you can personalize them.

For instance, I based this one on Mrs.

gergely.

See? Same clothes, same shoes
-
- same wrinkles.

Ow!
- Hey, she made it.


- Ow! ( Laughing ) Ow!
- Ow!
- Ow! Okay, dazzle me, brain boy.

( Loudly ) Hi, I'm Cody Martin! How many times have you been in the woods
- Never.


- And wanted to cook yourself a meal
- Never.


- But you forgot your lemon zester?
- Never.


- Exactly.

We've all been there.

But those days are over, thanks to the kitchen in a mitt.

Why would I ever wear something that hideous? Please save your questions till the end.

The kitchen in a mitt puts the whole kitchen in the palm of your hand.

It whisks, it ladles, it slices, it dices and for when you want to flip your eggs, the spatula attachment is your best friend.

Look, Cody.

Now you're not the only egghead!
- ( Laughs ) Egghead.


- ( Stammers ) Oops.

Oh, yeah, the "oops" always makes it better.

Perhaps you'd like to stick some bacon in my ear.

And the best part about the kitchen in a mitt is it's heat
-resistant up to 10,000°.

Really?! Cool! Show me!
- ( Sizzles )
- Ow! This is just a prototype, so that burns horribly.

Okay, dazzle me, boy
-that
-looks
-like Cody
-but
-isn't
-smart.

Hey, that's what mom calls me too.


- ( Both laugh )
- Anyway, my $1 million invention is ( Fanfare ) Clothes made out of tinfoil? I think Bailey already has those.

No no no, it's a supersuit.

Having superpowers will no longer require a you see, this suit cane or a deflect missiles,on.

Fire lasers, and even fly into outer space.

Well, how does it do all that? Beats me.

But when I get that $1 million, I'll hire a bunch of nerds to figure that out.


- Hmm.


- Then I'll be indestructible.

Here we go.

Dazzle me, one
-hit
-wonder boy.

All right, I believe I have the next logical moneymaking idea for the music industry.

It is one giant step beyond ringtones.

Oh! I love ringtones! ( Beeps, music plays ) Well, if you like ringtones, you will love flushtones.

( Fanfare )
- ( Flushes )
- ( Hip
-hop music playing ) Oh, wow! You figured out a way to make calls with the toilet? That is so cool! Hello.

No no, this toilet is connected to the Internet.

For just 99¢, you can sing along to your favorite hits from yesterday and today while riding the porcelain pony.

( Sighs ) I don't think my dad wants the tipton name associated with something so distasteful.

Come on.

It brings a whole new meaning to canned music.

Look.

London, this invention will make a fortune.

Over a lifetime, people spend an average of four years on a toilet.

Double that for my grandfather.

But how will it appeal to kids? Kids love music.

They'll play it no matter what they're doing.


- ( Flushes )
- ( Hip
-hop music playing ) Oh! This is the sky deck, not the poop deck! ( Panting ) What did you do, look for the money in the pool? No, I sweat when I'm nervous.

Oh! No, not on the
-
- I've looked everywhere except under that bell.

Dang! No dough under the ding.

Look.

Kirby, you need to retrace your steps.

Now when was the last time you saw the money? In the lunchroom, but I checked and it wasn't there.

I just have to keep looking.

Well, can you look by the ficuses? They need watering.

I don't know why you guys even bothered to show up.

London's going to pick my supersuit.

What's so super about tinfoil? It has the awesome power to bake a potato! Well, it beats your moldy apples
- They're dried.


- And your stupid lemon tester.

Well, at least no one went potty on my invention.

Well, I can rectify that.


- Oh, you want to go?
- Let's go right now.

Hello! I'm London tipton and welcome to the boardroom.

Now the moment you've all been waiting for
-
- the person getting the $1 million for their invention is If you're trying to read the name in that notebook, I think it's pronounced "Zack.

" No, I was just looking at how cute I am.


- There's a mirror in my notebook.

See?
- ( Cody sighs ) She has the attention span of a goldfish.

London! Over here, girl.

Hello, I'm London tipton,
- and welcome to the
-
-
- all: Boardroom.

We know.

Whose invention did you pick? Look, the truth is I can't decide which invention I like best.

What am I gonna tell daddy? London, your father's on the phone.

( Gasps ) Tell him I'm dead! He heard that.

Now stand up! ( Thumps ) Ow! I think he meant come out from under the table then stand up.


- No no, I don't want it! I don't want it!
- Stop it! Stop it! She's right here, Mr.

tipton.

Here, take it.

Hi, daddy.

I'm not really dead.

( Giggles ) Yeah, let's enjoy this moment and not focus on business.

The product idea? Of course I have it.

I just didn't want to talk to you till I have all the details worked out.

Oh, I'll have it done by Furfelday.

Oh, it's not a real day? Okay, Friday it is.


- Bye, daddy.


- ( Beeps ) Ugh! ( Buzzing )
- London, are you all right?
- Yeah, you're just getting a text.

Oh oh oh.

Ow! Sorry.

Ah! It's mother.

"No, I do not have a date tonight, because I am married to my job!" I don't know what to do.

Pick my apple
-head dolls.

You'll corner the girl market.

No no no, pick my supersuit.

Every boy wants a laser death ray.

Come on.

That's a flashlight with a red sock over it.

What boys and girls love is music, so pick my flushtunes.

I think we can all agree that my kitchen in a mitt is the best choice.

What kid doesn't want to whisk in the woods?
- Uh, all of them.


- ( All arguing ) I've got it! Guys, I've got it.

There's something great about each of your inventions, so you should combine them into one great big idea that'll appeal to everyone.

That way daddy will love it and me.

Yeah.

And how are we supposed to do that? Beats me.

You're the inventioners.

But hurry up.

I need it by furfelday no later than berple o'clock.

( Chatting ) Ah! Oh.

I
-
- I thought you already looked through the garbage.

I did.

This is from searching Zack's room.

Oh.

Still no luck? Nope, and I even checked the all
-you
-can
-eat buffet four times In case the $1 million was under the macaroni.


- Oh.

Maybe you'll think of something in the shower.


- ( Elevator dings ) Oh! Wow, Kirby.

Look, I know it's casual furfelday, but you might wanna think about changing your shirt.

I love the hat though.

Thanks.

I know I'm kind of a mess, but you look like $1 million.

And I would know, because I have been looking at $1 million all day, guarding it just like you asked me to.

Well, good, because I'm on my way to see my inventificators' inventions.

And I'm gonna need to divide the money four ways as soon as my accountant does the math on that.

Well, until that time comes, I will continue to keep that money safe, sound and certainly not lost in a vat of macaroni.

Okey
-dokey.

Well, see you later.

Oh, you know what? Maybe you should just give me the money now.


- No!
- Well, why not? Because
-
- bec
-
- oh, here's a good one
-
- you might not be London tipton.

You might be a thief in a London tipton mask.

Oh, you're right.

Good job, Kirby!
- London, you busy?
- ( Chuckles ) Yes.

That's why I'm wearing a busy
-ness suit.

( Chuckles ) Yes.

Look.

I have a $1 million invention of my own I would like to talk to you about.

Your booger rag? It's a pocket hanky.

Well, how does that appeal to kids? I got my first one from my Uncle Cedric the morning of my eighth birthday.

When did you first get b*at up? That afternoon at my eighth birthday party.


- Not interested.


- Oh no, but this Is a mood hanky.

It changes colors to reflect how you're feeling.

See? Green means I'm happy.

So is it worth $1 million? Ow! London: Look! Red is anger.

( Gasps ) It works! Purple is embarrassed? I want to see that! Oh oh! Moseby, take off your shoes so everyone can see your tiny little girl feet.


- ( Gasps, shrieks ) It works!
- Mm
-hmm.

( Loudly ) Ladies and gentlemen,
- prepare to be astounded!
- What did we say about the voice?
- ( Normally ) Sorry.


- Yeah.

Presenting Granny Smith!
- ( Crowd gasps )
- The last dancing, cooking, combat
-ready doll you'll ever buy.

Let us demonstrate.


- ( Clicks )
- ( Beeping, whirring ) Ooh.

( Clanking ) She can make you a snack.


- How was the voice? Okay.


- Better.

Have a grilled cheese, sweetie.

You're too thin.

( Chuckling ) And you're too kind.

Mmm! Cheesy! With lots of protein to help you grow.

And she plays your favorite music.


- Just flush.


- ( Hip
-hop music playing ) I'm a dancing granny, just watch me hip
-hop once the music starts, I don't wanna stop I can break, hop hop,?? Just watch me move come on, Sonny, let's start to groove let's groove, let's groove
- let's groove.


- ( Clicks )
- ( Music stops )
- She's cute and cuddly just like grandma, but she won't spend your inheritance on lottery tickets and cat food.

Oh, that is so nice.

Oh.

Okay, granny's got a grip.

( Clicks ) She can take out 12 city blocks using rocket launchers and a high
-intensity microwave pulse and still have time to make a nice noodle pudding.

( Whirrs, clanking )
- Oh!
- ( Popcorn popping ) Wow.

Thanks.


- What else can I cook?
- ( All screaming ) All right, deactivate this k*ller granny immediately!
- Put it back on cook mode!
- Enemy approaching.

( Beeps, alarm blares ) Acquired target.

Must make soup.

Oh, no no.

Just hit "stop"!
- It's jammed!
- Get into the pot, talking vegetable.

I am not a vegetable! I'm a human being! ( Screaming ) Okay okay! I'm a vegetable! I'm a vegetable! ( Granny humming ) Oh! Oh! Oh! Hot! Hot!
- We have to stop her.


- How? She's got superhuman strength.

She's unstoppable.

Oh! That hurt, you old ba
-
- ba
-
- ba
-
- wow, I haven't seen a granny fight like this since my last family reunion.

What am I gonna tell daddy? I mean, all that thing can do is make people soup, and daddy's already working on that.


- You
-
-
- now now, Mr.

moseby.


- Simmer down.


- ( Kids laughing ) Yeah, you look boiling mad.

( London sobbing ) London, is that you?
- No.


- I hear crying.

London, what's the matter? I just wanted to prove to daddy that I could be a smarticle business
-type woman.

I went to the smarterest people I know and all I ended up with was moseby soup.

It wasn't a picnic for me either.

Actually, I almost was a picnic.

I just don't know what I did wrong.

Oh.

What you did wrong was you didn't trust your instincts.

Look.

London, you know what people like to buy.

Hmm? I mean, no one's bought more stuff than you.

That's true.

I have more shoes than Spain.

And you're a trendsetter.

Who was the first to wear a solid gold bikini? Me.

I sank like a rock, but I met lots of cute lifeguards.

And doctors And briefly Elvis.

So instead of trying to figure out what everyone else likes, why don't you go with what you like? Isn't that why your father hired you to do this in the first place? You know what? You're right, moseby.

I'm gonna get myself cleaned up and get back to work.

What exactly is that? Oh, it's my makeup notebook.

It looks like I'm studying, but, really, I'm making myself look more beautiful.

I invented it myself.

( Giggles ) ( Gasps ) Gasp! I'm an inventorer! Kids would love this.

And it's way better than those other ideas, especially that stupid mood hanky.

What's it mean when it turns black? ( Harshly ) Love.

Aww.

Guys, I have great news.

Daddy loved the product! Oh, awesome.

Awesome.


- The man's a visionary.


- Oh, not your stupid piece of junk.

He loved my makeup notebook.

The man's an idiot.

Anywho, kids everywhere will be pretending to study, learning nothing while looking fabulous.

( Sniffs ) I couldn't be more proud.

So you brought us here to gloat? No.

Why would I do that? You realize gloat means to make other feel bad by your success? Then I guess it is why I called you in here.

Gloaty gloat gloat gloat.

If I don't find that money, I'm going to jail.

And I can't go to jail
-
- you only get three meals a day.

Kirby Kirby, look what I found.

You found the money.

Where was it?
- In the staff refrigerator.


- I looked there.

I go in there
- It was behind the lettuce.


- Oh, that explains it.

Oh, miss London, I can imagine how upset you are.

Upset? I'm thrilled.

I heard there's a $100 reward.

Right you are.

Here it is.

Yay! Whoo! Oh oh! Now on to other business.

Where's that $1 million I gave you to guard? Uh here it is.

Safe and sound.

Thanks, Kirby.

I knew I could depend on you.

Whoa.

It feels about $100 short.

Thank goodness that's over.

I have to call Mr.

moseby and tell him.


- Mr.

mo
-
- ooh!
- ( Zapping )