02x27 - Mean Chicks

[bunniefuu]

Yeah, so then I snuck into the pump room and turbo
-charged the wave pool.

Yeah, that wasn't funny.

You know, moseby's gonna be ticked.

Oh, please, he'll never figure out it was me.

( Robot voice ) Zachary Martin.

I think moseby figured it out.

Zachary Martin.

I think that moseby figured it out too.

Ah! ( All screaming ) Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows
- we say
- hey
-ho, let's go!
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho, oh ay oh let's go! Holy hanky, what is going on here? There are two mosebys? One was bad enough.

I must annihilate Zachary Martin.

Hah, been there.

Oh, I don't know who or what you are, but you will have to annihilate me first.

( Gears whirring ) Understood.

Programming updated.

Oh, dear.

( Yelps )
- ( Yelping continues )
- Must annihilate.

Go, moseby.

Get him, moseby, yeah.

Wait, how can you tell which one's which? I can't.

I just wanna see a good fight.

( Grunting, whimpering ) ( Screams ) ( Gasps ) Moseby's a robot.

Well, that would explain why he never needed the company of a woman.


- ( Grunts )
- ( Screams )
- Cody, do something.


- Right.

Okay, someone else do something.

I'll help you, Mr.

moseby.

( Screaming ) Hey look, batteries.

Zachary Martin must d Dude, how did you know his battery pack was in his boxers? I didn't.

I just like pantsing people.

( Beeping, whirring ) ( Rapid beeping ) Must annihilate Zachary Martin.


- ( Girls screaming )
- Recompute, recompute.

You're not gonna do anything without your guidance chip.

Uh, by the way, are all of your vital systems accessed through your rear?
- Give me that.


- ( Screams ) Malfunction.

You'd better tell us why you're here if you ever wanna stop walking like my Uncle dobbs.

He was kicked by a mule and struck by lightning and run over by a tractor.

Uncle dobbs is not a lucky man.

I am from 500 years in the future, sent by the crew of the starship tipton.

Zack's descendant zirk has pulled a prank that has put all of mankind in danger.

So you're the first in a long line of hooligans.

Well, no surprise there.

Ugh, this is boring.

Put his chippy thing back in so he and moseby can wrestle again.

Yeah, wrestle.

Zirk's prank disabled our spacecraft's controls and now we're hurtling toward anterian space, the most horrible place in the universe.

Why? No good shopping? One tiny mall and no play area for the kids.

Violation of anterian space would be considered an act of w*r and zillions of people in the future will die.

Oh, well, bummer.

Hey, thanks for visiting.

Here's a smoothie for the road.

( Growls ) I cannot leave until I annihilate you so that zirk will never be born and his prank will never happen.

Look, I agree that annihilating Zack will solve many many problems, but there has to be another solution.

Well, I got nothing.

Nice knowing you, Zack.

Cody's really good with computers.

Maybe he could help fix your starship and get you guys back on course.

According to the history banks, Cody Martin does have seven nobel prizes in physics and nanomechanics.


- Yes!
- What about me? How many nobel prizes does Bailey pickett have? Eight.


- What?
- For peace.

Oh, I thought they were the real kind.

Given your abilities, I'm willing to take you into the future and let you try to fix the situation.


- Perhaps your friends can help too.


- That sounds so cool.

Fine, but you're putting this chip back in yourself.


- ( Grunting )
- ( Clunks ) Now stand on the temporal portal.


- Group: Huh?
- The hot tub.


- Oh!
- Oh, got it.

Oh, the future I can't wait to see what my stocks did.

( Voices overlapping )
- This is gonna be awesome.


- I wonder what it'll look like.

( All screaming ) Whoa.


- I made it.


- I'm all tingly.

Welcome to the starship tipton.


- How exciting.


- Wow, this looks a lot like our ship.

That is because the design of all tipton vessels was inspired by the s.

S.

Tipton.

Fascinating.

This ship must be enclosed by some invisible force field to keep in the oxygen.

Precisely.

Just don't fart.

We have no place for those things to go.

Now he tells me.

Um, excuse me.

Will the force field protect us from the dinosaur att*cks? Uh We're in the future, not the past.

Well, did you ever think that maybe the dinosaurs disappeared because they went into the future?
- I can honestly say that I haven't.


- Aw.

All right, let's fix this puppy.

Wait, if my programmers see me with people from your time, they will realize I did not complete my mission and I will be recycled into a waffle iron.

They've got waffles in the future? Yes! I love waffles.

What are we supposed to do? We don't exactly blend in.

I have an idea.


- I like these outfits.


- Speak for yourself.

The guys in red always get k*lled.

( Screaming ) See? Note to self: Do not open airlocks without gravity boots.

Note to self: This outfit has no sparkles.

I'm gonna go look for some accessories.

Let's go kick some alien butt Assuming they have butts.

Zack, do not let your emotions control you.

We must approach this conflict logically.

Now what exactly happened to the ship's guidance system? Zirk altered our trajectory for planet bikini.

Oh, that's my boy.

I hope you grounded him.

Sort of the opposite.

We set him adrift in the cold darkness of space where no one can hear him scream.

( Screaming ) Ow! Stupid meteorites.

Ooh.

Where is the exterminator robot? Uh
-oh.

I'm outtie.

No, I don't want to be the exterminator.

( Muttering ) Hi there.

Was your mission a success? ( Monotone ) Uh, yes, mission accomplished.

Target neutralized.

But we are still on course for anterian space.

Why has the timeline not changed? ( Normal voice ) Sometimes there's a lag.

An hour, maybe two.

I don't know.

Could be a week.

Uh Curious
-
- your vocal subroutines seem out of phase.

I'm going to take you in for some diagnostics.

Aw, I'm too young to di agnostics.

There has to be a boutique around here somewhere.


- ( Grunting )
- Oh.

Nope, day spa.

No, London, wait.

Moseby: London, come back.

Help! Help help! Of course I'll help.

First, I'll pull out the language module embedded in your tongue.

No.

I mean ( Monotone ) All linguistic systems are functioning within normal parameters.


- Well, let's test a few.


- ( Whimpers ) French.


- ( Crunches )
- Oh.

Bonjour.

Je m'appelle robot.


- German.


- Uh! Guten tag.

Ich bin ein robot.

And now flidonian.

( Yowling, grunting ) Well said.

By the way, I love that poem.

( Gasps ) Perhaps the problem is your batteries are depleted.


- ( Screams )
- Nope, you're good.

Ooh, now we're talkin'.

Hello.

Oh!
- Are you my new maid?
- Ugh, no.

So I have no maid, no Butler, no massage bot? I hate daddy for making me go to this stupid space school.

You're in school? Don't tell anyone, but I've been left back a few times.

Oh.

( Silent ) I don't think rich people should have to go to school.


- So you're rich too?
- You don't recognize me? Don't you upload the tabloid modules into your neurolink port? Okay, I don't understand most of what people tell me in my time, so I really got no sh*t at this.

I am Rome tipton.

Gasp.

I'm London tipton.

You're my great
-great
-great
- great
-great
-grandmother.

Which makes you my lots
-of
-greats
-grandson.


- Mummy.


- Boychick, oh.

Okay, it looks like the impulse engines are powered by a fusion
-based crystalline reactor.

Wow, you don't check your email for 500 years and your inbox really fills up.


- ( Typing )
- Spam spam spam
-
- ooh, earn big money from home.

( Typing ) Oh look, the captain must be going to the little astronauts' room.

I've gotta sit in his chair.

Uh no no no.

I don't think that's a good idea, Marcus.

Ensign, hail the enemy.


- Uh
-oh.


- This is the anterian commander.


- What do you want?
- Told you.

Um, I'm not here right now.

Please leave me a message.

Beep.

I can see you.

( Sighs ) I can still see you.

( Nervous laughter ) Hello.

Nice to meet you.

You have lovely antennae.

Flattery will get you nowhere.


- ( Squishing )
- But thank you.

Perhaps if I reroute power from secondary systems through the warp core
-
- all right, all right, you've had your chance.

It's my turn.

Zack, I don't think you really comprehend the complexities of particle beam acceleration.

( Beeping, clanking )
- ( Whirring )
- Hey, I did something.

Yeah, you doubled our speed towards anterian space.

You put the entire human race that much closer to total annihilation.


- ( Alarm beeping )
- Ship: Attention crew.

We are initiating evacuation procedures.

Please proceed to your designated escape pod in an orderly fashion.

( All screaming ) ( Alarm continues ) I said orderly.

Why do I even try? Cody's voice: Cody's log.

Galactic time: 43.

6 chronons.

Thanks to my brother Zack we are speeding towards anterian space and our doom.

Most of the crew, including the captain, have abandoned ship, leaving the starship tipton in our hands.

( Beeping, whistling, chirping ) It's not working.

Ooh ooh.

Hi, guys.

I want you to meet my really great
-grandson.

Isn't he adorable? Grandma, not in front of the crew.

Oh.

What are we gonna do? These ant dudes are gonna make a picnic out of us.

Maybe we should try diplomacy.

After all, I do have eight nobel peace prizes.

Fake worthless category.

Hail the enemy.

What now? I was taking my preannihilation shower.

I wanna be squeaky clean when I blow you to smithereens.

Please, you can't destroy all of mankind.

Of course I can.

I have this button.


- I mean you shouldn't.


- Why not? Humans are an ugly and disgusting race.

Yeah, said the dude with hairy feelers and a slime pouch.

Look, maybe we seem ugly to you, but we have so much to offer the universe
-
- art, culture, music.

Music?
- What is this music you speak of?
- Music
-
- it's awesome.

He'll show you.

This is lil little.

Is that supposed to be a humorous name? Like calling a bald guy curly or a short guy stretch? The metal in your arm seems to have lost molecular integrity.

This thing is like mush.

Perhaps you should let me go so I can head off to the robot gym.

Oh, nonsense.

We can just replace it now.

Oh dear.


- ( Screaming )
- ( Drill whirring ) ( Crying ) Oh, it looks like you have some sort of fluid leak.

I will have to pop those faulty eyeballs out.

Is it too late to get a second opinion? Now where is my eyeball scoop? ( Weeping ) Not the eyeball scoop.

Cody's voice: Cody's log.

Galactic time: 43.

98 chronons.

In two earth minutes we will cross into anterian space.

Luckily I have extensive knowledge of both astrophysics and space telemetry.

Zack's voice: Zack's log.

Hurry up, dipstick.

We're down to one minute.

Okay I've jury
-rigged the warp field generator to create a small tear in the space
-time continuum which should form a wormhole, allowing us to jump instantaneously over anterian space.

And yet you can't hit a wiffle ball off a tee.

Hey, guys, can you take a picture of me and my grandson? Granny's taking me to the zoo tomorrow.

Mm
-hmm.

Kids under Yes! Just made it.

That is if we don't get blown to bits today.

We're not gonna get blown to bits when I connect the last wire.

I'm just not sure if it should be the red one or the black one.

Duh, black.

It goes with everything.


- Wait wait wait.

London, no no no.


- ( Electrical crackling ) Did I do it? No, but you did turn on the left turn signal.

( Gasps ) ( Ticking )
- ( Beatboxing )
- retainer baby, retainer baby I require that wire.

Holla gram.

Enough.

You have just entered our sovereign space despite teasing us by signaling left.

We consider that an act of aggression.

Also, as far as your singing goes
-
- four thumbs down.

Prepare to be destroyed.

Uh, prepare? Okay, but I'm gonna need a few hours to wash my hair
-
- silence! It's just an expression.

Let's see
-
- nose probe, ear drill, oh butt sander.

Eyeball scoop.

( Yelps ) No, please.

Oh, don't be such a baby.

You won't even feel it.

Yes, I will, because I am not a robot.

Typical robot answer.

Open wide.

Cody's voice: Cody's log.

Galactic time: 50.

05 chronons.

Despite having entered anterian space, all seems calm.

Perhaps the aliens have had a change of heart.

Oh, great, we're all gonna die! Ha ha, serves you right, suckers.

Ow.

Stupid lasers.


- ( Alarm beeping )
- ( Screaming ) ( Alarm beeping ) ( Screaming ) Oh, oh no.

Oh my.

How many times do I have to go through this?
- Whoa.


- Ship: Ship in danger.

Restraints disengaged.

Ah, stay back.

I'm armed.

Yeah? Well, I have the remote.

Ooh ooh!
- All right, all right.


- Ha ha ha.

Look, the ship is under att*ck.

We robots need to stick together.

No, I'm not a robot.

This is just protective gear.

( Smooth jazz music playing )
- Emma?
- No, my name is ( Screeching ) Can I call you eyaw for short? Sure.

Look, I'm not a robot either.


- I'm human.


- Oh no, you're not.

Yes, I am.

See?
- No batteries.


- Oh.

I see.

You're not a robot.

But you are cute.

And since we're about to be disintegrated ( Smooth jazz music playing ) ( Yelping )
- ( Voices overlapping )
- Quiet! We've got to get out of here.

We can go to our family ski lodge on pluto.

We own a ski lodge on a dog? I know.

Kind of goofy, huh? Humans, we have disabled your ship.

Prepare to be boarded.

Uh, prepare? Okay, but I'm gonna need some time to tidy up a little bit
-
- stop it.

Expression.

We went over this.

The point is we're coming After we pack a lunch.

Well, good job, Zack.

Not only did you mess up the future, but you managed to drag us into it.

Hey, I don't see any of your descendants here helping.

Oh, wait, maybe that's because nobody wanted to have kids with you.

Look, will you two stop bickering? We're about to become space dust.

( Both ) Ooh, sparkly.

Surrender, human filth.

Wow, you guys are a lot smaller in person.

Stop that.

It tickles.

We will now exterminate you and there's nothing you can do to stop us.

( Anterians screaming ) He found our weakness.

Ah, retreat.


- Get 'em.


- Show no mercy.


- ( Whirring )
- Ship: System control restored.

Zack, you fixed the ship.

Really? All I did was this.


- ( Whirring stops )
- Ship: Powering down.


- Uh
-oh.


- ( Whirring ) Ship: Powering up.

System control restored.

Please, stop hitting me.

Zack's voice: Zack's log.

Galactic time: Little hand 8, big hand 2.

Thanks to me, the remaining anterians have surrendered and we're headed home.

Oh, my dear eyaw, I'm certainly going to miss you.

Is there any chance you can come back with me? I'd love to, but I can't risk the great asteroid armageddon of 2018.


- Ahem, I mean I have nothing to wear.


- Ah.


- Yow!
- Sorry, just making sure.


- Bye, romy.


- Bye, grandma.

Thank you for the birthday check.

Grandma's gonna miss you.

What will you do when I'm gone? For starters, I'm going to the spa.


- Ooh.


- No no no, not that door.

Oh my Note to self: Cancel birthday check.

See? That's what he gets for wearing red.

Now let's get out of here before something happens to me.


- Oh, boy.


- Cody: All right, I think I've finally figured out this temporal portal.

So where do you guys wanna go? Ancient Greece? Shakespearean england?
- All: Home.


- Okay okay.

( Electronic chirping ) Here we go.

Bye, Marion.

I'll never find anyone like you.

Oh, hello.

Nice battery pack, heh.

Thank you.

Want to go look at some rings? Rings? Yes yes yes.

( Shrieks ) I have to go call my mom.

No, I meant the rings of saturn.

Lucky I don't need oxygen.

Ooh, I can see mother's house from here.

And then we beamed back from the future, having defeated the aliens and saved the entire human race.

Is all of this just a long
-winded way for you to tell me you didn't do your homework? Yeah, pretty much.

Okay, I should give you an "f," but I will give you a "d" since in your little fantasy you gave me two boyfriends.

One of them hurled himself out of the spacelock.

So? My last boyfriend hurled himself out of my car.

Not a big deal.

And, Zack, you might want to think about changing your mischievous ways or one day your descendants might really be set adrift in the cosmos.

Yes! I finally made it to planet bikini.

Bring on the babes.

Ah! ( Gags ) Yikes.

Ow.

How do I get back into space? Stupid gravity.

Ow.