01x03 - Maxine's Like a Dellacorte

[bunniefuu]

[SIGHS]

[GULPS]

Ah!

[SIGHS] Finished.

Finished.

Robert?

Where's my Robert?

Shake me another martini.

And then let's play doctor.

Oh, Robert... [CRIES]
... please come up.

You can't still be mad at me, can you?

Robert?

Robert?

Robert.

[BUGLE PLAYING "REVEILLE"]

[BIRDS SQUAWKING, CHIRPING]

[MAXINE] Like the rising
of the morning sun,

nothing in Palm Beach has
quite the same sparkle

of potential and promise

as the daily delivery
of The Shiny Sheet.

The rise and fall of social stocks,

the cementing and undoing of legacies,

which backs were lashed and
which "pas" were "faux'ed."

[MAXINE] So much promise, so much peril.

[PLAYING JAZZ VERSION OF "REVEILLE"]

Predictably, Mary Davidsoul's stock

was at an all-time high that morning

thanks to her successful
auction for fibrosis.

And Dinah's social standing
was still at a premium

thanks to everything she
did for the Cancer Babies.

Raquel's stock seemed
perpetually in question,

but she was placing all her bets

- on her own ball to come.
- [SIGHS]

- [GASPS]
- [MAXINE] Evelyn,

so sure she was the next
in line for the throne,

was, that morning, thrown for a loop.

Meanwhile, a certain
someone's social standing

seemed even stronger
following her embolism.

As I was soon to find out,
the end-of-season Beach Ball,

the biggest gala of the year,

which never failed to re-cement
her social standing at an apex

as each season came to a close,

was the brass ring every
socialite in Palm Beach wanted.

But with vitals trending positive,

who knew what the future would bring...

[SONG ENDS]

... for any of us?

[WIND WHISTLING]

Hey! Wha... What are you do... [GASPS]

Get your hands off my
unmentionables, you pervert!

- [GASPS]
- Take your sh*t and get.

[GRUNTING, SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

Ah, welcome back.

No. No jewels today.
I need to send a telegram.

Oh.

[SIGHS, INHALES SHARPLY]

- sh**t.
- Okay.

"Chicago O'Hare Airport, Trans
World Airlines, pilots lounge,

Captain Dellacorte aka Simmons.

Big news." Stop. "Norma
is on the mend." Stop.

"Inheritance now weeks
or months away." Stop.

"Lodging in flux." Stop.

"Will let you know where I land." Stop.

- Did you get it?
- Two dollars.

[CHUCKLES]

[MAXINE] What would I do now
that the queen was hanging on?

- I had long relied on a motto...
- [SIGHING]

... from my pageant days,

"She who has the nails never fails."

[MITZI CRYING]

[MAXINE] It's a bit of Latin.

- Maxine?
- Oh, Mitzi!

[CRIES]

- My boyfriend dumped me last night.
- Oh, honey. Here.

Yeah. [CRIES]

After we had sex and then went
to the Great Wall of China

to have hot-and-sour shrimp,
which I paid for...

You had sex before dinner?

- [CRIES, SNIFFLING]
- Oh, look what I happen to have.

You see this framed $20 bill?

This was the first monetary
compensation I ever received

from my storied pageant career.

Sadly, it's also the last
bit of money that I have.

I just about shattered the frame
this morning trying to buy gas.

[SIGHS]

And as I raised it above
my head, I looked at it,

and then I stopped, and I said, "No!

[SIGHS]

Someone at the beginning of their career

might be able to use
this for inspiration.

Or at least for a
hot-and-sour shrimp bill."

[CHUCKLES]

As the only non-duplicitous person
I have met in Palm Beach,

I'd like you to have
this, especially now.

Maybe we could also use it as payment

for, uh, some Cutex Frosted-Ice silver.

My paws need some Mitzi.

Maxine. Didn't you see The
Shiny Sheet this morning?

No. What? Why? I was packing.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [GASPS, CHUCKLES]

Well, you're the lead story. [CHUCKLES]

What? [GASPS]

[PANTING] "Who is Mrs.
Douglas Dellacorte?"

Oh, my God. I feel like
I'm gonna throw up.

Or maybe I'm gonna doo-doo.
No, I think I'm gonna throw up.

Or I might do a little bit of both!

Read the rest of it, Maxine! [CHUCKLES]

"After making a surprise splash
by diving into the action

at last night's auction for fibrosis,

everyone wants to know who
is Mrs. Douglas Dellacorte."

[GASPS, SIGHS]

[DINAH] "And with Norma Dellacorte
tragically incapacitated,

what will become of the famous
end-of-season Beach Ball

held at the beachfront Dellacorte Estate

for an unbroken 49 years?"

- [GRAYMAN] Here comes the brilliant Betty.
- Hmm.

She's on her way to a
pre-dinner cocktail connection

in this silk chiffon confection.

Shown here in the maxi version
for the ankle-conscious.

"Will the heir to the name
be the heir to the gala?"

- [EVELYN] Ugh. [CHUCKLES]
- [GASPS]

- [MAXINE] Ladies?
- [GRAYMAN] Oh.

I am here to ease your worries.

The Beach Ball is alive and well.

Of course, you'll all be
getting an invitation.

Darling, wonderful to hear.
We are at a fashion viewing.

Well, I love to view fashions.

Thanks, fellas. [CHUCKLES]
Thank you, Grayman.

She was on the cover of The Shiny
Sheet this morning. [SIGHS]

May we continue? [CHUCKLES]

Here's the delightful Doreen.

She's dressed in an Empire-waist
dress, patterned to impress.

Ladies, uh, did anybody receive
a Beach Ball invitation

from Norma before she embolized?

- Mm-mmm.
- No.

Hmm. Without those
invitations going out, um,

I'm curious who exactly you'll be
inviting to Norma's gala, Maxine.

Just us chickens?

After all, the few of us are
the only people you know.

The Sheet would smell scandal.

This cape adds flair to this
sumptuous, raw silk, bias cut,

A-line gown, if you dare.

Mmm. I love pink. It says
youth... and hot dogs!

Maxine, I would be more than happy

to help you assemble your guest list.

Evelyn, thank you. Well, that
would be just wonderful.

Well, the secret to Norma's
gala is her famous Rolodex,

perhaps the most valuable
object in all of Palm Beach,

which she keeps under lock and
key at the savings and loan,

along with her more precious stones.

There are more precious stones?

That's where she keeps her crown.

- Crown?
- But the Rolodex...

With that, you could be assured
that the rich and famous

would fly in from around the world.

If not for you,

- then to pay tribute to dear Norma.
- Mmm.

But, Maxine, maybe
they will fly in for you.

Certainly, they'll all be asking
the same question we are.

Like The Sheet says, "Who
is Mrs. Douglas Dellacorte?"

Everyone wants to know.

If you fancy a little peekaboo,

your cigarette-clad pant will show

through this stunning yellow
crepe sleeveless tunic.

Maxine, I think this is an
opportunity for all us ladies

to get to know the real you.

I would love to host you, ladies,

for a little... [INHALES DEEPLY]
... cocktail thingy.

Tonight at the club.

I'm sure cocktail hour works perfectly

for all of us, doesn't it, ladies?

Oh, but too bad you
won't be able to do it

at the Palm Royale, darling.

Tonight is the annual
South Florida Veterans

of the Great w*r Horseback Dinner.

- [LADIES] Mmm.
- Well, tomorrow night then?

We're actually only free
tonight, aren't we, ladies?

- [MAXINE SIGHS]
- [GASPS] Oh!

I am sure everyone would
actually love to see

where you live, Maxine.

One final look-see.

I think if you had us
all over to your place,

it would be wildly entertaining.

Wonderful.

Well, I will, uh, see everyone
at cocktail hour. [CHUCKLES]

Excellent. Where, oh,
where shall we meet?

[STAMMERS] At the Dellacorte Mansion.

Of course.

Idiot! sh**t, sh**t,
sh**t, sh**t, sh**t!

Pull it together, Maxine.
Pull it together. [SIGHS]

Just make some cocktails

and have some ladies
over. [CHUCKLES] f*ck!

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS, SIGHS]

[SIGHING] Pull it together.

[SIGHS]

What do you think you're doing?

I'm moving in. And you're moving out.

Please see to my things. Thank you.

You're not, I'm not and I won't.
This is not your house.

Funny, is it yours?

Can you tell me again exactly
what you do around here?

I told you. I'm Norma's caretaker.

Oh, good job, soldier

'cause she is currently a vegetable
in a home for the sidelined.

And I bet you a root-a-toot-toot

your little visit yesterday
was your first one.

You can leave now. Is the bar this way?

I will call the police,

and I'll tell them I saw
you take Stoned Mabel.

[SCOFFS] The police? Sure, go ahead.

But don't forget to tell them the
part about how I returned her.

- Broken.
- Oh, please.

It's nothing a little eyelash
glue won't repair.

And when they get here,
I'll be sure to show them

my new stationery that unequivocally
pronounces Maxine Dellacorte.

Tell me, do you even
have stationery, Robert?

- No.
- And if you did have stationery,

would it say "Dellacorte"
on it anywhere?

- No.
- Then I implore you...

... dial at will. [CHUCKLES]

- So this is how it's gonna lay out.
- [GLASS CLINKS]

I'm gonna find the
nicest room in the house

to lay out my unmentionables,

and then I'm gonna throw a
cocktail party for the ladies.

And by the time they get here,
you're gonna be gone.

- No.
- What did you just say?

- I said no.
- Put your shirt on and leave.

I don't feel like it.
I'm-I'm happy like this.

- Right. You better leave. [SIGHS]
- Make me.

You're made. And you quit following me!

You should be getting your
things together instead.

You can't come up here.
This is not your house.

It's more my house
than it is your house.

[GASPS]

[SIGHS]

What in the... This place
looks like a crime scene.

Wait, wha... what do you mean?

You purport to be taking care of Norma,

yet you haven't even
cleaned up her room?

Well, this is where it happened.

- Her embolism.
- So?

Well, you don't stop mid-embolism
to... to make the bed.

- A houseboy does afterwards.
- I'm not a houseboy.

Pool boy, bar boy, whatever boy.
[INHALES DEEPLY]

All I know is that you
have been no help to me.

So I will get my things myself.

If I were you, I'd get
your dungarees packed.

Squatter.

You say that like it's an insult.

Well, you should know,
in this great nation of ours,

we have a long and proud
history of squatting.

After all, how do you
think we got Texas?

By squatting on Mexico.

- You squat, I squat.
- Oh, we all squat for hoody-squat.

- Get out.
- I'm not going anywhere. You get out.

I will see you at the club, gin slinger.

We're not squatting. He's squatting.

- We don't own the house yet.
- [SIGHS] We don't have to.

Besides, someone's got
to keep an eye on it,

protect the family interest.

I don't like the idea of
thinking about you alone

in the house with some strange man.

Is my Douglas jealous?

Your Dougie is worried.

I can hear you gnawing on your paws.

Stop. You're not gonna
have any fingers left.

And besides, he's not so strange.

He is a veteran.

And it's so much nicer than the motel.

Peg in room 103 was
essentially an a* m*rder*r.

She was very open about that.

This guy just walks around
with his shirt off all the time.

- He's fine.
- Why is he shirtless?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That's funny. Who could that be?

Look, I would prefer if you found
accommodation elsewhere.

Listen, I must run.
The lady has a caller.

You're... [CHUCKLES]
... getting carried away.

You know, I am the opposite
of getting carried away.

I am a woman coming into her own.

Maxine.

Oh, please hurry home.
I'm having such fun. [KISSES]

Maxi... Max...

[INHALES DEEPLY] Ah!

- Ah! You do live here!
- [GASPS] Ah!

Good morning, Mrs. Dellacorte.

If it isn't Ann Holiday from
The Shiny Sheet. [CHUCKLES]

As I live and almost breathe. [CHUCKLES]

Apologies for the drop-in.

I just wanted to do a
quick follow-up on you.

- [MAXINE] Wow.
- And between you and me,

I was researching your Aunt
Norma's obit yesterday,

which brought me no
pleasure, by the way,

only to discover there is a new
Dellacorte in Palm Beach.

[STAMMERS] I don't know what to say.

Also, I'd like to take a few pictures.

I love what you're wearing
right now. It's so real.

How about one right now,
posing in the doorway?

- Oh, okay. [CHUCKLES]
- Oh. Oh, yes.

- Oh, wonderful.
- [CHUCKLES]

Oh, okay.

- Oh. [CHUCKLES]
- [SHUTTER CLICKS]

It's a beautiful car. How about
we do some photos over here?

- Oh, okay.
- Jaguar. Wow.

Oh, my. [CHUCKLES]
It's like a calendar pose.

- Okay. I've got it.
- Oh... [STAMMERS]

... why don't we take one where it
looks like I'm waving to someone?

- All right. [CHUCKLES]
- Okay.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [SHUTTER CLICKS]

So, who is Maxine Dellacorte,
formerly Simmons?

Other than Miss Junior Ocoee 1943,

Miss Chattanooga '45 and
Miss Mineral Bluff '46?

Yes. Other than that.

[MAXINE CHUCKLES]

I'm just a girl... [CHUCKLES]

... from an aspirationally
glamorous upbringing

who dropped everything... [SIGHS]
... uh, at significant trouble,

to rush to the bedside
of her husband's aunt

while he continues his
duty to his passengers

and the transportational
needs of this great nation.

So wonderfully wordy,
yet so lacking in detail.

- That's a skill.
- Thank you, Ann. [CHUCKLES]

You're from Tennessee.
I hear it. Nashville?

- Chattanooga.
- Oh, Chattanooga.

- Are your people still there?
- No.

No, uh, we've all moved on
from little Chattanooga.

And the big question.

Well, for 49 years, the richest,
most famous men and women

from around the world
have come to Palm Beach

to take part in the most talked
about party of the season.

One written about with awe

in all the gossip columns
from coast to coast.

Will the Beach Ball have a


It will.

And I am going to host it right
here, where it's always been.

In honor of Norma, of course.

Who, if luck will have it, will don
her crown for the 50th time.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

- One more photo.
- Oh.

Ready?

[SHUTTER CLICKS]

Oh, I got it.

I've really got it.

Thanks so much for taking the time.
I'll just make my deadline.

Oh, um, when's this coming out?

By 8 a.m. tomorrow morning,

the entire town will know the
new hostess of the Beach Ball.

- Tomorrow?
- Yep.

[MAXINE] I was stepping into my own.

In 14 short hours,

all of Palm Beach would know the
queen-in-waiting had arrived.

Royal impressions must be made, stat.

I had just over four hours to
put together a nice tablescape

and think up a cocktail.

The world was my oyster.

But in that moment, all I
was digging up were... clams.

Where's all the food?

Are you hungry? I can prepare something

with what I got in my kitchenette.

No, I don't want you to
prepare me anything!

Where's the food in the mansion?

Do you know anything about rich people?

I am a rich person.

Well, then you would know that you
don't keep anything in the house.

'Cause your days are filled
with lunches and brunches,

and your nights are filled with galas,

and you always watch your weight.

Well, I... Of course I knew that.
Everybody knows that.

And you would know that if you
wanna throw a little cocktail party,

you'd have it catered.

But good luck trying to find someone

spur-of-the-moment during the season.

You would have to know
someone to call in a favor.

But wait, you don't know
anybody, do you?

Actually, I do know someone.

And I don't need a fully catered event.

[CHUCKLES] All I need is
a beautiful tablescape.

[SCOFFS]

Tablescape!

[GASPS]

Hello.

[GASPS, SIGHING]

[KEYS RATTLE]

[VIRGINIA] Okay, everyone.

I've had a revelation,

but right now I just want
you to feel my energy.

- [GROUP MEMBERS BREATHING DEEPLY]
- [ENTRANCE BELL JINGLES]

Hope y'all didn't take
a bunch of cyanide.

Oh, good. You're alive.

- Your friend's here.
- [SIGHS]

Told you she'd be back.

Hi, pal.

- Was that a bad joke? [CHUCKLES]
- Oh, Maxine, what are you doing here?

[GASPS]

Linda... [EXHALES SHARPLY]
... look at that tablescape!

No one can arrange cured meats like you.

- [SIGHS]
- Well, thanks, Maxine.

But we're meditating, so maybe we sho...

[VIRGINIA] All right, let's get started.

Why don't you come and join us?

Oh, I just need to... to ask something.

- Yeah. We'll just...
- After the meeting.

- Okay, yeah. We'll...
- [VIRGINIA] Sit.

Okay.

Ooh. Haven't sat on the
floor in a long time.

[LINDA] So, uh, today we're
talking about partnering.

I think, like many of you,
I feel disillusioned by it.

And I keep asking myself the question,

"Is marriage, as it exists today,
what the world needs?"

Yes.

I mean, especially in America,

the female class is expected
to submit to an identity

that's already preordained for her.

And therefore, don't we
as a nation then export

that expectation beyond
our shores by force?

I'm talking about one thing.

[GROUP MEMBERS] Vietnam!

Viet-f*cking-nam.

I'm sorry, I'm lost.

Well, can't you understand
American domination

of South Vietnamese hamlets

is an endorsement of
state-sponsored male chauvinism?

And we've all had experiences of it.

My big one? [SCOFFS]

- Getting left on my wedding day.
- [GASPS]

[LINDA] It takes an entire
system for that to happen.

For a man to be made to
feel he's entitled enough

to do that to a woman.

You get what I'm saying, Maxine, right?

Not really.

We're talking about South Vietnam.

The South Vietnamese
people are the bride.

America is the groom, right?

They proposed, and they
made a lot of promises,

and then the groom left the
bride on her wedding day

in front of all the guests...

[STAMMERS] ... all the world community.

And that's the American male construct,

- which needs to be examined...
- Yeah.

... on all shores that hold
American boot prints.

- [LINDA] Exactly.
- Yeah.

- Thank you.
- That's it right there.

Obviously, it was a bad
engagement. [CHUCKLES]

What?

America should have left
South Vietnam at the altar,

but back in 1963,
in front of all the guests.

Linda, the secret to a great
marriage is not resisting the man,

it's living for him.

- Oh, no, Maxine.
- What the f*ck?

You're not that lost.

I am not lost, Linda. I am but found.

He chose me!

My husband.

I am his wife proudly, and...
and I will proudly bear his name.

I will shout it from the rooftops!
I'll shout it in the shower!

Dellacorte! [BREATHES DEEPLY]

And I will proudly do what I can to...

to lift him up, to make
his dreams come true.

Am I right, ladies? [BREATHING HEAVILY]

Don't you agree?

No?

[SCOFFS]

No?

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Speaking of lifting up, I did just
come here to ask you for a favor.

Okay. [STAMMERS] Let's just
get you out of here. [GRUNTS]

- [MAXINE] It's right through here.
- Oh, great.

- Behind the bar should be good.
- Okay.

Oh, great. And, uh, if you
just go right through there

- and just bear right at the columns.
- Okay.

[LINDA] Thank you.

How do you know where to tell them to...

Everybody knows the
home of the Beach Ball.

[CHUCKLES] Of course.

This definitely strains my idea of
helping a sister in need though.

[SIGHS] Well, thanks
again for helping me

with this huge seafood order.

This is a precision air strike.

Nobody nowhere scapes a table like you.

I'm on the cover of The Shiny Sheet.

Impressions need to be
made and maintained.

Thus elevating your husband,
and therefore yourself,

to a newfound status
amongst Palm Beach society.

You understand me perfectly.

Okay. So, where's your husband?

You're here doing all this for him.

He is 30,000 feet in the air.
Living for me.

Shepherding a 737 from
sea to shining sea.

- Great.
- [FISH GUY] Okay.

Ten pounds of lobster tail,
ten pounds of snow crab legs,

five pounds of jumbo shrimp,
one pound of smoked haddock,

half a pound of caviar...

- Ooh.
- ... a hundred oysters,

and 150 pounds of crushed ice.

That'll be $400. Cash or check?

Check is probably easier.

Okay. How do I look?
Did I strike the right note?

Wow, you look pretty in pink.

You sure it's not too informal?

- It's a one-piece.
- No, you're dressed to impress.

Oh, thank you.

Well, Linda! These towers are exquisite.

Really? I have to admit I miss
doing things at this scale.

[SIGHS] Well, who is
trying to impress now?

[CHUCKLES] Want to help me
with the finishing touches?

You can do orchids, I'll do grapes.

Be my honor.

Just... Okay.

You know, Maxine, I do think you
owe it to yourself to just get clear

on why these ladies
are coming here today.

I mean, no offense, but maybe
it's not 'cause they like you.

I know that. I was on the
cover of The Shiny Sheet.

They're coming to check
out their competition.

No, Maxine. It's 'cause they
want something from you.

What do I have that those
women could possibly want?

The Beach Ball.

The Beach Ball?

Yeah. Beach Ball, these galas,
they're all the same.

They're big moneymakers.

I'm sorry, I'm lost.

Let me give you an example.

Last year, this handsy
young optometrist...

he threw a big ol' gala for
his "family foundation."

Then he kept all the money

and spent it on oil
portraits of himself.

Gosh, what happened to him?

The same thing that happens
to all these people, nothing.

Well, I think the Beach Ball
is pretty straightforward.

It's about preservation,

keeping trash off the beach,
the Dellacorte beach.

Exactly, Maxine.

It benefits the Dellacorte beach.

No matter who it is throwing it,
it's always gonna ben...

[LINDA] Oh.

Hello?

That's the pool boy.

He's got a case of chippy shoulder.

- [ROBERT SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- The pool boy?

Get your mind out of the gutter.

- [EXHALES DEEPLY]
- [ROBERT] You have light.

[LINDA] You talking to the...
[CHUCKLING] ... plants?

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, she's Patsy.

Hello, Patsy. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, semper fi, Marine.

Do or die.

- Did you serve?
- Korea.

I'm glad you're safe.

Am I?

[CHUCKLING] I wouldn't be so sure.

See ya.

- [CHUCKLING] I like him.
- Yes, he's hilarious.

Well... [SIGHS] ... okay.

Thank you.

You're so welcome.

Oh. You're dismissing me.

No! Linda, I'm not dismissing you.
I'm telling you you have to go.

- [SCOFFS] Okay, Maxine, I got it.
- No, Linda. Listen... [SIGHS]

... Evelyn's gonna be here any minute.

You hate her, she hates you.

- Mm-hmm.
- It'd be kind of a pooper

if you stuck around.

You and I had our friend time,

now I'm gonna have friend time with her.

I get it.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

- Okay, that's them. You gotta go.
- Okay.

- You gotta get out of here.
- Okay, all right, I'll say bye.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
not that way. Not that way.

- Out the back.
- Oh, my God.

No, I don't want them to know
you're here, no offense.

- Back door. Go.
- [LINDA] This is ridiculous.

It's not ridi... Look, we'll catch
a movie this week. [GASPS]

There are so many movies I want to see.

[SIGHS] Mary.

I parked on the lawn.

Oh.

- Welcome to the Dellacorte Mansion.
- I should say that to you.

How long have you lived
here? Three hours?

Well, some would say my heart has
dwelled here forever. [CHUCKLES]

- Mai tai.
- [CLEARS THROAT]

Extra mint, slice of orange instead
of pineapple, light on the ice.

And don't forget the umbrella.

- [SIGHS]
- Oh. [CHUCKLES]

Easy as pie. Make yourself comfortable.

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]

[MUSIC CONTINUES, CLEARER]

Hey. Nice music.

Thank you. At least I'm not
talking to plants this time.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES]

- Ladies here?
- Just now.

- Oh.
- Guess what?

- What?
- I got kicked out.

[BOTH LAUGH]

It happens to the best of us.
Don't worry. [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES] Thanks.

Can I fix you a drink? Gin Rickey.

[INHALES DEEPLY]
Um, gimlet? Keep it simple?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Oh. Hey, pal.

Well, well, when the cat's away.

Does Norma know you're doing
dress-up at the Dellacorte?

No, of course she doesn't.
She's in a coma.

I'll have a Mississippi punch with rye

instead of bourbon, extra cold,

and then I'm sure you'll explain
what you're doing here.

'Kay.

[WHIMPERING]

- [MAXINE] Robert?
- Cheers.

- Linda?
- Gin Rickey?

Robert... [INHALES SHARPLY]
... I will pay you $30, by check,

if you throw on an apron,
come inside and help bartend.

I'm busy packing my dungarees.

- You're just sitting there.
- Mm-hmm.

[INHALES DEEPLY] Linda...
[EXHALES SHAKILY] ... what about you?

You made such a fabulous tablescape.

Certainly, you know your
way around a bucket of ice

and a festive umbrella.

- Please?
- I'm on the wagon.

You're drinking right now.

I mean, after this and a few more.

And I don't want to poop your party.

Gee. Thanks, pals.

Hey, bartender's guide
on the counter inside.

[PANTING] Mississippi punch.

Okay, Mississippi punch.
Mississippi punch.

Mississippi punch. Mississippi punch.

Mississippi punch.
Mississippi punch. Cognac.

Cognac. Where's the cognac?
Ha! The cognac.

- [PANTING]
- [DOORBELL RINGS]

[PANTING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

- Welcome to our home.
- [CHUCKLES] Not quite yet, dear.

Right this way.

- Unlike you, I've been here before.
- [CHUCKLES]

I'll have a General Harrison eggnog,
firm foam, but not too much.

Plus a little extra nutmeg
and not too icy.

You're a dear.

Eggs. Eggs. [INHALES SHARPLY]

General Harrison... Eggs. Eggs. Okay.

- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- [BREATHES HEAVILY]

[PANTS] Raquel. What can I
get you? Medford Rum Sour?

Brandy Shamperelle? Arf and Arf?

Port Wine Sangaree? [CHUCKLES]

- Just a glass of white wine.
- Oh, thank God.

Plus a $10,000 check.

If you plan on coming to my
Havana Nights gala next week.

- Oh.
- Proceeds go to support the poor,

underserved Batista
loyalists of Florida.

[CHUCKLES]

- Norma never missed a party in the season.
- Oh.

I'm sure her heir
apparent wouldn't either.

[CHUCKLES]

What?

So you were in the sh*t, huh?

Let's just say I was lucky.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Lucky is its own kind of
trauma though, right?

Who said I was traumatized?

I think if you spend your entire life

trying to excavate your own
generational trauma... [INHALES]

... you learn how to feel it in others.

I mean, even if they don't yet.

Yeah, but you grew up rich.

My family fortune... of which
I possess none, by the way...

was built on the pain of others.

Specifically, my grandfather...
[BREATHES DEEPLY]

... who made his railroad fortune

by dispossessing Native American
tribes across seven states.

- So, surprise. I'm a revolutionary.
- Right.

Cool.

How long you lived here with Norma?

I'm going on three years now.

- Wow. So you're close.
- Very.

Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, but not like that.
- Whatever floats your boat.

She ever talk to you about me?

I know that you hate Evelyn
since she married your father

because you think she's a gold digger.

That's about it.

Unless there's anything
else you want to share.

No, not a thing. How about you?

Nope. Not a thing. [CHUCKLES]

You're a good bartender.

Ugh. Oh, damn it. I'm out of reds.

I've got a red,

- but I need two greens.
- Done.

Oh, Evelyn. I'll give you a blue
one for one of Dinah's greens.

What are the round white ones?

Mary, it's aspirin.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[STAMMERS] Wait.

- Uh, who's got a drink?
- [RAQUEL] Mmm.

- Um...
- [RAQUEL] Ah... Ah... [SIGHS]

[SINGSONGY] Cocktails. Ladies...

Mai tai, extra mint.

- General Harrison eggnog.
- [EVELYN] Mmm.

[MAXINE] Mississippi punch with rye.

Wine.

[GURGLES]

[DINAH] Maxine, your ears must
have been burning all day.

The town is abuzz.

"Who is she? Where is she from?
How does she keep her figure?"

And of course, the biggie,

"How the hell is she living
at the Dellacorte Mansion?"

[MAXINE] In pageantry,

everyone knows that
every interview question

actually hides a second,
more important question.

Oh. Well, someone's got
to keep the lights on

for poor, precious Norma, don't they?

Why, just yesterday, her doctor said
that her recovery would quicken

if her life was ready and waiting
to be stepped back into.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

But if Norma, heaven help us,
does not recover,

darling Douglas will get a head start
and step into his inheritance.

The social order

after such a long, long sabbatical
away from Palm Beach.

If you want to keep Norma's
seat warm for her return,

a little tip.

Norma would never run in bellowing
about her cocktail gathering

in the quiet sanctuary
of Grayman's salon.

Norma would have handwritten invitations

and had them hand-delivered
weeks in advance.

It's simply a miracle
that we were all free

at this moment during the high season.

Well said, Mary.

Well, uh, some would say
I bring perhaps a youthful...

and I think I can say that...
new sense of spontaneity

to the dusty traditions here
that, Mary, feel frankly...

elderly.

Mary, Maxine is new here, so
let's not get critical. [CHUCKLES]

And Maxine, I was in earnest when I said

I'd be happy to help you
co-host your party

as long as we have that
Rolodex of Norma's.

You think she's being
eaten alive in there?

If she is, she's making
them choke on the bones.

[BOTH LAUGH]

You partake? [CLICKING TONGUE]

My body's a temple.

Even the most sacred shrines
need a little incense.

- What the f...
- [g*n CLICKS]

- Oh, my God.
- [CHUCKLING]

[CHUCKLES] That is so lame.

[EVELYN] And speaking of planning,

do you know if Norma had engaged
any help before her tragic event?

Oh, well, a lady certainly doesn't paw

through another lady's secretarial.

But you'll sit on her furniture
and eat off her china?

Raquel. Gauche.

What caterer do you think you'll
be using for the Beach Ball?

[MAXINE] And that's
when it began to turn

at the expert hands of Evelyn.

No wonder that she was rightly
considered the true lady-in-waiting.

I'll be using Norma's favorite.

And who would that be?

You can always ask Norma.

- Mary. Too soon.
- [MARY] Mm-hmm?

This is all being thought of.

After all, it's...
it's not just a party.

It's like an event.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

Dear, it's not "like" an event.

And it's not some
backyard birthday party

for backwater girls from Tennessee.

It's the event of the season.

[STAMMERS] Have you started
planning your entrance yet?

My entrance?

I remember the year
Norma made her entrance

dressed as Botticelli's Venus
in a clamshell of real pearls.

[MARY] And when she was Queen Cleopatra

on a chariot pulled by a swarm
of Australian bodybuilders.

[DINAH] Or who can forget last year,

when she arrived as Marie-Antoinette,

complete with powdered wig

and pastries flown in from gay Paris.

[EVELYN] And always in her crown.

Maxine, the Beach Ball is a production.

[CHUCKLES]

It sounds like it.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

Hmm. Oh, Maxine. That reminds me.

Since we're on money,

the Fibs still haven't received
your $75,000 check

for your incredible winning auction bid.

And after all, that is what
landed you in The Shiny Sheet.

Would any of you ladies
like some fresh crab legs?

Raw oysters? Clams?
Caviar? Lobster tails?

Just the check.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[SIGHS]

- [DINAH] To the Fibs!
- [ALL] To the Fibs!

Palm Beach is such a small town.

Live here long enough,

you have memories in every mansion.

Not all of them good, you know?

I imagine.

You know, I, um...

[SIGHS]

I used to be kind of close to Norma.

She's in the same care
facility as my dad.

What's wrong with him?

He's just been going
downhill for a long time.

[INHALES DEEPLY] He's in a lot of pain.

Aren't we all?

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

Yeah.

- I could really use a hug. [CHUCKLING]
- [CHUCKLING]

[SNIFFLES]

[WHIMPERS, SNIFFLES]

[SOBBING]

- [EXHALES DEEPLY] It's okay. [SNIFFLES]
- [SOBBING CONTINUES]

- I'm so sorry.
- Oh, my God. Don't be sorry.

Whatever you're sorry
for, it's not your fault.

[BREATHING SHAKILY, SOBBING]

- [GROANS]
- [LINDA SHUSHES]

[ROBERT GROANS]

Are you sure you don't wanna
take some lobster with you...

- Mm-mmm.
- ... or throw some shrimp in a napkin

and save it for later in your purse?

Evelyn, please, let me
make you a to-go napkin

with some crackers and
cheese and some shrimp.

Maxine. Permit me to ask
you a rather frank question.

Please.

Do you have any money?

[SCOFFS]

Sure. [CHUCKLES]

Loads.

[STAMMERS] Besides,
when Norma tragically passes,

Douglas will come into his inheritance,

and we'll be able to throw
the end-of-season ball.

Ugh, you poor dear.

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

Something I... [CLEARS THROAT]
... should have told you earlier.

There is no inheritance for Douglas.

What?

When Norma passes, all the
money goes to the big cats.

I'm not following, Evelyn. Who... Who?

When she finally goes... and that
will truly be a sad day for all...

her entire estate will
be moved into a trust

benefiting the Palm Beach
Pedigree Feline Society.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, how do you know that?

Oh, Norma and I knew everything
about one another.

And, surprise, I know
quite a lot about you.

As a matter of fact,

Norma and I used to share
a cocktail and a laugh

over your sunny Christmas
letters you'd send every year,

obviously making a bid to
keep Dougie on the money.

She always told me she wouldn't
give Dougie her money

if he was the last Dellacorte
on Earth, and he is.

Unless you're with child,

but, I'm... I'm pretty sure
you're not. [CHUCKLES]

So I will be hosting the gala this year,

in honor of Norma, of course.

And I will do it right here to
keep traditions unbroken.

I imagine the estate...
whoever that might be...

will want a juicy site fee,
which is to be expected.

How generous.

And in return,

you get to save what's left
of that fresh face of yours.

After all, you said it
would be announced

in The Shiny Sheet tomorrow.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

[INHALES SHARPLY] Evelyn.

[SIGHS]

I've waited my entire life to arrive,

as if arriving would mean
I would have it all,

free of worry, moving as if by magic,

never even touching the ground.

But today I've realized, thanks to you,

that arriving is not
the end of the journey.

It is just the beginning.

I didn't take you for a poetess.

Just a run-of-the-mill interloper.

You caught me red-handed, Evelyn.

Mmm.

I don't have any money.

And yes, this probably will be
in The Shiny Sheet tomorrow.

Mm-hmm.

But, you see, the Dellacorte
mansion is the only place

where the end-of-season
Beach Ball can be held.

So, if you want to have the party,

I think you have to partner with me.

Never.

I know you're slipping.

And I am barely hanging on.

If you fall, I will catch you.

And when I do, I will
hold on so, so tight.

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

You-You find the key to
Norma's safe-deposit box,

get the Rolodex, and the two of
us will get down to business.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Oh, f*cking Norma.

If I were a key.
If I were a key. [GROANS]

[SIGHS, SHOUTS]

[GROANS, PANTING]

If I were a key.

Key!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Maxine?

[MAXINE] I'm in here.

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

I haven't been in here
since... well, decades.

What did you do?

I made a real mess of the
family manse, didn't I?

Are you drunk?

I want you to do something.

Yeah. Sure, babe. Anything.

I want you to take me upstairs
and f*ck me like a Dellacorte.

["ONE STOLEN MOMENT" PLAYING]

- [MAXINE] Upstairs. [CHUCKLES]
- All right.

- [PANTING]
- [MAXINE] Mmm.

- [INHALES DEEPLY, KISSES]
- [MAXINE LAUGHS]

[MAXINE PANTING]
Oh, Douglas, say it again!

Say it again! [SCREAMS]

[DOUGLAS PANTING]
Maxine Dellacorte! [GRUNTS]

- [MAXINE] Say it again!
- [MOUTHING WORDS] Oh, God.

[DOUGLAS] Maxine Dellacorte!

- Oh, no.
- [MAXINE MOANS]

[SHOUTING] Mrs. Douglas Dellacorte!

- [MAXINE MOANING]
- [DOUGLAS] Oh, yeah. Oh, babe. Oh, God.

[DOUGLAS GRUNTING]

- Oh, sh*t.
- [MAXINE] Douglas!

- [DOUGLAS] Oh, God! Oh!
- [LINDA] Gross. Get me out of here.

- [GRUNTS, WHIMPERS]
- [DOUGLAS MOANS] I love you.

[MAXINE MOANING] I'm Mrs.
Douglas Dellacorte! [SCREAMS]

[SONG CONTINUES]