12x06 - The Gettysburg Address

[bunniefuu]

These fresh meatballs in here?
Gotta get that corn on the cob.

On the cob, off the cob,
it don't matter.

Y'all ain't playing around
this m*therf*cker, huh?

And what the f*ck is this right here?

You guys don't have
the lobster bibs no more?

Sorry, hon'.

Oh my God. Another plate?
Are you out of your mind?

It says, "all you can eat", right?
So you f*cking eat.

I know, but still…
You are really going at it, man.

Let me ask you this question.
Have you ever considered

how much time you've wasted
in your life urinating?

- Hundreds of hours.
- You're f*cking right.

I mean, you could be learning
something in that time, you know?

You know who's gonna be a billionaire?

m*therf*cker who's gonna create
a car that runs on piss.

No more time wasted.

Now that idiotic brain of yours
has landed on something.

You drink water and Gatorades
and sh*t, f*cking coffees and sh*t,

the whole f*cking trip,
you pull over, take your d*ck out,

put it in that little hole where
the gas goes,

fill that m*therf*cker up.
You're on your merry way.

The Peeus.
That's what it's f*cking called.

- Fantastic idea.
- You know another good idea?

Me getting up
and getting another plate.

Oh God. Don't.

Leon, come on, man.

And once I undo these pants
and this top buckle…

- You're gonna get sick.
- Watch my smoke.

What's wrong with you?

- I'm going in, Larry.
- Jesus!

Oh, yeah. Those snow crab legs!
These fresh?

It's enough already.
Sit down and eat it.

No, no, no! We're done.
That was your last plate for today.

You have four plates. Too much food.
I'm cutting you off. That's all!

You got a sign outside that says,
"all you can eat".

You mean to tell me I can't eat
all the f*ck I want to eat?

All you can eat if you are reasonable.
You've already ate, my friend.

I've been counting.
Five-pound short rib, 10-pound prawns.

- Who are you, by the way?
- I'm Shimon.

- You're Shimon?
- I am Shimon.

So you're the Wendy's
of this m*therf*cker.

I'm f*cking Wendy. Do you want me
to put on a little red wig and freckles?

How about this?

I do that after you get the f*ck out!
You're banned forever.

- Lifetime ban. Lifetime.
- That's not fair.

You, my friend, you still can come
when you want

because you eat
like reasonable person.

I had one plate. You know why?
'Cause the food stinks.

- You stink!
- No, you stink!

You stink!

- You stink, Shimon!
- Get out. Both of you out.

You, forever. You,
maybe you have a chance.

- f*ck you, Wendy.
- Lifetime ban!

Only person besides you,
Gary Busey.

If this was a brothel,
I'd be f*cking pissed.

- Lifetime ban. You're gone.
- I'm still good?

You're still fine. Go.

- He did me f*cking dirty.
- Yeah, he really did.

Wow, man. Now I need dessert.

What, are you nuts?
You had four plates of food.

- You want something?
- No.

- Okay. Don't f*cking leave me.
- Hurry up.

- Hey!
- Look at this.

You know something? This is perfect.
I have a favor to ask you.

Oh, boy, that's a horrible way
to introduce a sentence.

I'm doing a play.
It's called House Divided.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. I get to play Lincoln.

You're playing Lincoln?
What fun.

And Lori Loughlin is playing my wife,
Mary Todd.

- Lori Loughlin?
- Yeah, Lori Loughlin.

And here's the thing.
She loves to play golf,

and I was just hoping that maybe
you could sponsor her at the club.

There's nobody else
who could sponsor her?

No. Because of that whole college
admissions scandal thing,

no club will touch her.

- That's not fair.
- She's a lovely lady.

Yeah, I'll bet she is.
She's being blackballed from the clubs?

- Yes.
- Terrible. l'll sponsor her.

Larry. Thanks, man.
I really appreciate that.

Happy to do it. You know I'm a champion
to the underdog.

Wait a minute.
You worked with her, didn't you?

Yeah, on Seinfeld.

That was the last two years.
I wasn't there for that episode.

But you did the finale, right?

Yeah, Ted, I did the finale.

That's what I thought. Yeah.
Anyway, thanks. I'll let Lori know.

Thank you so much, buddy.
I got to run.

Voila!

- Yeah.
- Look at you.

"Catch As Caftan".
My business! All mine.

I like how you plastered yourself
all over Santa Monica Boulevard here

like Queen Nefertiti.

You got to spend money to make
money, and it's an investment.

And I think the business
is just gonna take off.

Now you see
why I wanted you to come.

All right, I got to take off.
Got a big date tonight.

Wait, Irma's gone, right?

Yeah. This is my first one.

- Anyone I know?
- Oh yeah.

- Who?
- I can't even tell you.

- Come on! It's me!
- You're gonna mock me to death.

I'm not gonna mock. Tell me.

Sienna Miller.

She's going out with you?
That gorgeous woman?

Yeah, I'm going to her screening
for her new movie tonight.

- Get the f*ck out of here.
- She's got a thing for me.

- You know why?
- I know what it is.

Atlanta.

When you're out with Sienna,
maybe mention the caftans,

'cause they'd look fantastic.
She's tall, thin.

It would flow beautifully on her.

Think she's gonna wear
that f*cking thing?

Get out of here.

"Catch As Caftan".
I love it.

"Fourscore and seven years ago,"

"our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation,"

"conceived in liberty and dedicated
to the proposition"

"that all men are created equal."

Fourscore and seven years ago…

By the way, if you think
you're getting any of my popcorn,

you're gravely mistaken. Gravely.

If you think you can go on a date
with someone and not share popcorn,

you're gravely mistaken.

Is this a date?

I don't know, Larry. You tell me.
If you share the popcorn, it's a date.

All right, well…

- Thank you.
- If you must.

I get a little bit nervous.

lt's friends and family,
you got nothing to worry about.

This is the easiest thing
you'll ever go through.

Aren't you sh**ting another one?

- Right now.
- Very busy gal.

Busy gal. I'm like Rachel
and the rug merchants.

Who?

Rachel and the rug merchants.

What's that?

It's a famous
Old Testament Jewish parable.

- Rachel and the rug merchants?
- Have you never heard of it?

- Never heard of it.
- Call yourself a Jew?

- What's it about?
- Rachel and rug merchants.

And what happened?

Did she get cheated on a rug,
and she had to return the rug?

Did they give her the wrong rug?
Was there a stain on it?

There's many possibilities
for what the story is.

No, no stain on the rug.

Was the rug too big for her tent,
and she got the dimensions wrong?

Was it about her relationship
with the rug merchant?

Did she have an affair
with the rug merchant?

Johnny? Johnny, where are you?

Johnny?

Oh my God. Johnny!

Johnny, come on!

I noticed you like to eat a lot of fruit
in your movies.

We're only halfway through this, and
you've already eaten a cantaloupe,

a nectarine, and some mulberries.

In fact, now that I think about it,

didn't you eat a lot of fruit
in Anatomy of a Scandal?

Is that part of your process?

You take a bite, you act,
you take another bite, you act.

- I'm just trying to watch, you know.
- Sorry.

Excuse me, have you seen
an 11-year-old boy?

You're doing it again.

He's wearing like a black and green
checkered shirt.

No, I'm sorry.

He's been missing for, like,
three hours.

I haven't seen him. Sorry.

Hey, chief. What's up?

- You talking to me?
- Yeah.

- We got to have a little powwow.
- What's your problem?

My problem? I don't have a problem.

Your problem is that you're way
in my area with your jacket.

That's where a jacket belongs,
on the back of the chair.

It's my chair,
so I get to put it on my back.

Just leave it alone.

This is draped beautifully
over the back of my chair.

It's not disturbing anybody.

It's draped like you're giving me
a lap dance, okay?

Everybody knows that a jacket goes
on the back of the chair.

You drive a car, you go drive
into every lane on the parkway, huh?

I'm married. I can't just go to the mall
and f*ck any woman I want.

Both of you, stop it!

- Why don't you put it on the front?
- What an idiot you are.

His neck is gonna be on my jacket.
My jacket's gonna be on his neck.

That doesn't make any sense at all.

Both of you, shut up! Sit back!
That's enough!

Something's happened. I can feel it.

Johnny!

By the way, you're very good in this.

"It is for us, rather, to be dedicated
here to the great task"

"remaining before us, that from
these honored dead we take"

"increased devotion to that cause
for which they gave"

"their last full measure of devotion."

"For which they gave
their last full measure of devotion."

Next on the agenda,

we are reviewing the membership
application of Lori Loughlin.

- Really?
- After what she did?

Is there anyone present who wishes
to speak on her behalf?

I will.

Mr. David. Nice to see you here.
Floor is yours.

Members of Oceanview,
our esteemed board.

Eighty-seven years ago,

our fathers brought forth
on this property a new golf club

dedicated to the proposition that men
can have fun and women can't.

But that was a long time ago,

and things have changed.
For the better.

The world will little note nor long
remember what we say here

in the Monte Carlo room,

but it will never forget
what they did here.

Men like Hiram Goldfarb,

who started the Turkey Day
best ball scramble,

and William Jacobson,
who donated that parcel of land

where we play pickleball.

And I highly resolve that she shall
not have served her time in vain,

and that this exclusive club
of specific people,

by specific people,
and for specific people

shall have a new, specific member.

And as much as that woman
in Atlanta was thirsty for water,

Lori Loughlin is equally thirsty
for membership!

I say we let her drink!

You did it!

I did it. What do I mean,
"You did it"? I did it.

- You did!
- Could have been a great lawyer.

Could have been a great butcher.
And I would have enjoyed it, too.

You take a mallet,
you pound the beef.

You pound it, you pound it,
you slice it. That's fun.

As far as the club, what next?

You have to play two rounds of golf
with some of the committee members.

And I'll be playing with you.
It'll be a breeze.

Great!
Larry, I can't thank you enough.

People say that, and, and they
don't really. They stop thanking.

You'll probably won't thank me
again after this.

In fact, if I ever get another thank you
from you, I'll be shocked.

Oh my God!

- There's a d*ck in my mouth?
- In your mouth.

- With balls?
- A drawing.

Like a graffiti d*ck?

It's not in your mouth.
It's kind of grazing your lips.

They grazed your lips with the d*ck!
How hilarious is that?

They ruined my poster, my billboard!
They ruined it.

- I'm sorry.
- I have one more detail to share.

What?

You're cradling the balls.
I'm sorry.

Grazing and cradling.
f*ck me!

What are you laughing at, Jeff?
What's so funny, Jeff?

No, it's not funny.
It's shock laughing.

- Who the f*ck would do that to me?
- I don't know.

I don't even put a d*ck in my mouth.
Right, Jeff? I don't give blowjobs.

You need me to agree with you?
I know.

Why can't you give a blowjob
every now and then?

- Larry, come on.
- Would that k*ll ya?

- You know, it might k*ll me.
- What is this revulsion?

And what difference does it make?
You're a single guy.

You're out there, single,
hot on the town.

- You probably get 'em all the time.
- All the time. Yeah.

How did it go with Sienna Miller?

- You didn't get one from her.
- Not good.

What happened?

I texted her twice.
She never got back to me.

Well, it wasn't gonna work out
anyway with an old f*ck like you.

What does she want to be with you for?

That's what I thought,
but she's the one who started it.

Yeah, well, it looks like she ended it.

I'm gonna go call the billboard company
and get that d*ck out of my mouth.

Speaking of Sienna, I know
the director on her movie. He says…

- The one she's filming now?
- Yeah.

He says they're having
a ton of problems.

- What?
- They're thinking of f*ring her.

You're kidding.

It's her acting.

I did make a comment to her about how
she eats a lot of fruit in her movies.

I wouldn't be surprised
if that's affecting her performance.

It's a possibility.

I'm going to the bathroom.

"Fourscore and seven years ago,"

"our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation,"

"conceived in liberty
and dedicated to the proposition"

"that all men are created equal."

Enough already!

"Now we are engaged
in a great civil w*r."

Hey, Shimon!

Hey!
Can I talk to you for a second?

What is it?

Could you stop jogging for a second
so I can talk to you?

I can't stop. Why would I stop?
I'm in the middle of a jog.

It's hard to have a conversation with
somebody who's bouncing up and down.

What do you need?

Well, I think it's a little harsh to ban
my friend for life from the restaurant.

Let me ask you a question.

In your bedroom, let's say maybe
you have a sign,

"Masturbate all you want".

After a while, you say, "No more.
I don't want to do it anymore."

Because the well runs dry.
There's no more water left.

There can be water, but it's a shame.

If there was shame, you wouldn't have
done it five times to begin with.

Why is there gonna be shame
on number six?

Shame, no shame.
Leon, he is banned. Okay?

I can't. This is so rude.

I think you are rude
for stopping me on my jog.

No, you're rude for putting up a sign
that says "all you can eat"

when you don't mean a word of it.

You don't have to worry about this,
because you are banned for life!

- I'm banned?
- You are banned now!

Like I give a sh*t if I ever entered
that dump of a restaurant again.

I don't care what shits you have
because the sh*t is gone from my life.

Shalom, bitch.

You're from Israel.

Are you familiar with Rachel
and the rug merchants?

- It's a Bible thing.
- I know the Bible.

I've never heard of Rachel.
I've never heard of rug merchants.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Rachel. Yeah, yeah.

She looks at the rug merchants
and says, "You're banned, bitch!"

Shalom!

Hey, hey.

Hey, Larry.
Thank you again for all your help.

Of course. Happy to do it.

We probably shouldn't take a cart
today 'cause it's cart paths only.

We can't go on the fairway 'cause
they punched the fairway.

No problem, I got this.

Got the blue flag.
We can drive anywhere.

We can even drive right up
to the green.

You got to have a doctor's note
to get one of those.

Well, I have Epstein-Barr.

- You have Epstein-Barr?
- One hematologist thinks so.

What do the other hematologists think?

Larry, this is gonna be so much fun.

Isn't that a Jew disease?

- What a putt.
- Thank you.

- Really good.
- Larry, you got to make this putt.

Come on, let's win some money.
Let's b*at these bastards.

Let's go. You got this. Let's go.

Great, Larry.
Way to read a green.

Thank you, you guys.
This was so much fun, really.

Thank you.

A House Divided,
it opens this weekend.

You guys want to come?
I can get you tickets.

- You and Ted? Yeah, I'll see it.
- I'll come.

Thank you very much.

You got to give the guy
your valet ticket.

I'm good. I've got this.

A handicapped sticker?

It's fantastic. I can park anywhere.

- How'd you get that?
- Oh, you know.

Yeah, Epstein-Barr.

- What?
- Epstein-Barr.

Right. Epstein-Barr.

All right, you guys,
enjoy the rest of your day. Bye.

- Bye.
- And, Larry, short game!

- Work on that short game.
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh my God.

"Fourscore and seven years ago,"

"our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation,"

"conceived in liberty and dedicated
to the proposition"

"that all men are created equal."

"Now we are engaged in a great civil
w*r, testing whether that nation"

"or any nation so conceived
and so dedicated,"

"can long endure."

"We are met on a great b*ttlefield
of that w*r."

"We are here to dedicate a portion
of it as a final resting place"

"for those who here gave their lives
so that that nation might live."

"But in a larger sense, we cannot
dedicate, we cannot consecrate,"

"we cannot hallow this ground."

"It is rather that from
these honored dead,"

"we take increased devotion
to that cause…"

"…and that we here highly resolve"

"that these dead shall
not have d*ed in vain"

"and that government of the people,
by the people"

"for the people shall not perish
from the earth."

Yeah, buddy!

USA!

Yeah. f*ck you, Shimon!

That's five pounds of short ribs
and 10 pounds of f*ck you!

f*ck you, Shimon!

Hey, you're not gonna believe this.

I just got off the phone with my CFO.

Business booming. Through the roof.

- What?
- Yeah. In the past two weeks.

- Unbelievable.
- It's the penis.

It's not the penis.
It's the product!

How come it wasn't booming
before the penis got up there?

It's word of mouth.

Hey, I think you're getting
a post-penis bump.

- How?
- Because people talk.

"Hey, did you see the woman
with the billboard with the caftans?

"There's a penis in her mouth."
"A penis in her mouth?"

You sound like you're in a musical.

To me, it's real life,
and I want it down.

No. In fact,
you know what you should do?

- What?
- You need a second d*ck.

No. You think I'm gonna get more
business from two dicks?

It'll double.

You know what I'm thinking?
d*ck up the ass.

- Stop it. You're disgusting.
- d*ck up the ass.

- And how 'bout some jizz on ya?
- I mean, you will sell out.

Jizz will knock it out of the park.

Warren Buffett never made a business
plan having jizz on the face

I'm just telling you
as a businesswoman,

it's incumbent on you
to consider this thing.

- I'll think about it.
- Stick with the dicks!

Go away!

Sienna, it's Larry.
I need to talk to you.

It's a really bad time, Larry.

lt'll only take a few minutes.
It's important.

What's up?

Well, first of all, l just wanted
to apologize for the other night.

I put the coat on the back
of the chair. That's where coats go.

That's where coats have gone for
forever. Even in Shakespeare's time,

they put the capes
and doublets on the back.

It's the least of my worries right now,
Larry, the coat,

but thank you for the apology.

How's everything going
with the filming?

It's not good. No matter what I do,
I just can't get a handle on it.

I'm really sorry to hear that.

It's a nightmare.
They're gonna fire me.

I'm looking around this trailer,
and I notice there's no fruit.

I don't like fruit.
What do you mean?

- You don't like fruit?
- No, I don't like fruit.

I don't care for fruit, particularly.

You don't care for it?
You don't like it? You don't eat it?

I don't need it.
I don't care for it, particularly.

I got you a pear.

I'll make some coffee.

Who could that be?

Hello, ma'am.
Are you Tanya Barstow?

Yes.

Harold!

His plane was sh*t down!

He's dead.

He said we'd sail to the islands,
just the two of us.

"I won't be long," he said.

"When I get back," he said,

"we have the whole world
in front of us," he said.

But time doesn't listen,
and the world doesn't wait.

I begged him! I begged him
not to go to the Air Force.

I begged him not to fly.

It's your fault.

You encouraged him to go
to flight school.

You wanted him to die!
You're the one who should be dead.

I hate you!

I hate you!

Cut!

That was amazing.

How great was that?
That was sensational.

- You were amazing.
- Oh my God.

- Sienna, that was great.
- We got it, right?

- Yes, absolutely.
- You saved my f*cking ass.

Come on.

I cannot believe that you did that.

You figured it out for me.

I'll tell you what I can't figure out.

I tried doing some research
on Rachel and the rug merchants,

and I can't come up with anything.
I can't find it.

- Weird.
- Yeah.

Of all the stories
that I read in your religion,

she was the one that really,
like, spoke to me.

You're sure you read it?
Is it possible you dreamed it?

I don't know where I read it.
I can't remember where I read it,

but I know it definitely exists. Okay?

You know what else I tried to find
was the word schmeitz,

which I couldn't find that either.

Schmeitz exists.

Schmeitz is a real word for
"I've got to go". "I got to schmeitz."

This wig is k*lling me.
It's so uncomfortable.

I think I have to go get it adjusted.

Do you wear a different wig
in every movie?

Now that I think about it,

I don't think I've ever seen you
with the same hair.

In fact, I don't know
if I've ever seen your real hair.

Are you blonde? Are you brunette?
Are you redhead?

l don't even know
what your hair looks like.

I have alopecia,
you f*cking assh*le.

- I didn't know you had alopecia!
- assh*le!

Don't schmeitz!

I didn't know she had alopecia.
Did you know?

- I had no idea.
- Yeah, who knew?

- How can you tell?
- You can't.

Larry. Hey! You ready?
You feeling like a winner?

Oh, yeah.
Feeling like a big winner.

Good, Larry.
'Cause I do not like to lose.

By the way, how did you get
the tee time switched to 10:45?

I couldn't get the 10:45.

Crazy thing.
Starter just likes me. Weird.

All right, I'm gonna go to the range.
Want to go to the range?

I'll meet you there.

Less chit chatting
and more chipping. Let's go.

We're gonna win, Larry.
Take some money today!

- Have fun.
- Hey, Daveed.

- Hey. How you doing?
- Good morning.

I'm just curious. How did Lori get
that tee time moved to 10:45?

I could think of 50 reasons.

She's quite a gal, huh?

Yeah, she's quite a gal.
All right. Thank you.

- Okay. That's good.
- Really?

- Yeah. I'm gonna give you that.
- That is five.

I got a five also,
so we're up by one.

- That's true.
- You're going down, Matt.

- You left your club over there.
- Thank you, Larry.

- You got a five?
- Yeah.

- How did you get a five?
- I found my ball.

- You found that ball?
- I found that ball.

How'd you get it out of the woods?
You were pretty deep in there.

I had a good lie.

Yeah, you had a good lie all right.

Holy sh*t!

Where's Larry? Where the f*ck is he?
Late again?

No, he'll be here.
Trust me, he'll be here.

You're that lady with the d*ck
in her mouth.

Really?

Look, I'm sorry for doing this.

My wife wants me to do this,
so just go along with it.

On the count of three, turn your head
to the right. One, two, three.

Oh, yeah!

And keep my wife's business
out of your m*therf*cking mouth!

You are really something, boy.
Oh, that was hot, baby!

- Larr, you're not gonna believe this.
- No, you're not gonna believe this.

I drove by the billboard this afternoon.

There's a second d*ck in your mouth!
You're gonna make a fortune!

- Second d*ck.
- Oh God.

You should see this one. It's huge!

So sorry.

You could've gotten up.
Wouldn't've k*lled you.

- Hey!
- Hey.

Well, they're good seats.
It's nice to see you.

I'm excited about this.
Are you excited to see this?

Yeah, I am.

- I really like Lori Loughlin.
- Oh, yeah. Quite a gal.

I know you. You're a waiter
at that Chinese restaurant, right?

Yes. I work at Sun Wah Palace.

How's the dead fish?
Still dead?

You the fish guy?
No. We no have dead fish.

Visit downtown restaurant.
You see fish there.

- Very happy. Doing better there.
- I'm gonna go this weekend.

What, are you a big history buff?
You like Lincoln?

Yes. One of favorite president.

You know, if Lincoln had a fish t*nk
and a fish got stuck in the filter,

Lincoln would've freed the fish.

Fish not stuck, so Lincoln
no have fish to free.

It's a hypothetical.
Lincoln would free fish.

Why you care so much about fish?

- Why you no care about fish?
- Maybe you worry about yourself.

You have problem, sir.

No, you have problems.
You pathological liar.

- Fish sick.
- Fish stuck.

- No, fish move.
- Fish dead.

What are you doing?
We're here to watch a play.

- Mary.
- Yes, Abe.

Have you seen my red stockings?

You mean the ones that were riddled
with holes?

I hadn't noticed.

I had, and I had Miranda
throw them out.

Or to put it a way you might appreciate,
they've been emancipated.

Perhaps we should arrive a little later
to the Sewards' than we planned.

Punctuality is the politeness of kings.
We shan't be late.

If he talks about wanting to purchase
Alaska one more time,

I will join the Confederacy.

Frances Seward thinks I'm dirt.

If she looked down her nose any further
at me, I swear her eyes would fall out.

What?

You have not draped the coat
over the back of the seat properly.

- My coat fine.
- Coat long!

Coat long. And fish dead.

Fourscore and seven years ago,

our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation,

conceived in liberty and dedicated
to the proposition

that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil
w*r, testing whether that nation,

or any nation so conceived
and so dedicated,

can long endure.

I have to go to the bathroom.
I have to pee.

He's in the middle
of the Gettysburg Address.

I've been memorizing the Gettysburg
Address every time I pee,

and I'm conditioned to pee
when I hear it.

- It's like a Pavlovian response.
- Okay, that's ridiculous.

- No, it's not ridiculous.
- He's in the middle of it.

You're just gonna have to hold it.

But in a larger sense,
we cannot dedicate,

we cannot consecrate,
we cannot hallow this ground.

The brave men, living and dead,

who struggled here
have consecrated it…

It's bad!

Get this coat out of the way!
My foot!

- Foot stuck!
- Foot not stuck!

Foot stuck!

You okay?

Oh, boy.

And that government of the people,
by the people, for the people

shall hot perish from the earth.

Larry, come on!
What the f*ck?

Oh my God!

Oh, Sienna! Oh my God.

Oh boy!

Me? What?

Oh, please!

- Good evening, sir.
- Hey, good evening.

You realize you made
an illegal U-turn back there?

Honestly, officer, had I known it was
illegal, would I have done it?

Of course not.

Is there any reason that
you weren't paying attention?

You see that billboard up there
with Sienna Miller?

You see what's going on up there?

You do know we've had a rash
of these penises on billboards

all over this neighborhood?

The thing is, I saw that billboard,
and I went,

"Oh my God, I got to get a picture
of this. It's Sienna Miller."

I had a date with her.

- You?
- Yeah.

Sir, you're like 50 years older
than she is.

Yes, yes, I am considerably older,
but she pursued me, actually.

I know it's hard to believe,
but she did.

By the way, that movie's gonna
do gangbusters

with those penises up there.

Sir, that's sick.

No, my friend's wife had a caftan
business, and she had a billboard,

and somebody drew dicks in her mouth,
and business took off.

Mr. David, can you explain to me

why you have a box of spray paint
in the back of your car?

I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you.
My friend and I went

to this all-you-can-eat restaurant.
He ate too many crabs.

And they banned us.

And so we went back and spray
painted "not all you can eat".

You just admitted to another crime.
Step out of the car, sir.

But it's not all you can eat.
It's bullshit.

Out of the car now!

- I didn't do that.
- That's disgusting.

You think I drew those dicks up there?

I can't even draw a d*ck.
I can draw a breast maybe.

I can't draw a d*ck.
I would never draw a d*ck.

I didn't know she had alopecia!