01x27 - Launchpad's Civil w*r

[bunniefuu]

Life is like a hurricane

Here in Duckburg

Racecars, lasers, aeroplanes

It's a duck blur

You might solve a mystery

Or rewrite history

- DuckTales
- Ooh, ooh, ooh

Every day they're out there
making DuckTales

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Tales of derring-do,
bad and good luck tales

- D-d-d-danger
- Watch behind you

- There's a stranger
- Out to find you

What to do?
Just grab on to some DuckTales

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Every day they're out there
making DuckTales

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Tales of derring-do,
bad and good luck tales

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Not ponytails or cottontails

- No, DuckTales
- Ooh, ooh, ooh

Boy, your plane sure gets dirty
when you crash-land, Launchpad.

Ah, the old Joy Rider
can take it, little buddy.

She's as big a hero as I am.

Why, I remember
the time I was...

...flying over
the Big Cheese Mountain range

with zero visibility.

Suddenly, Mount Limburger,
the biggest mountain in the whole range,

jumped right out in front of me, and I...

Uh-oh.

Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

Quack-a-gram for Launchpad McQuack!

That's me. Uhh!

Uh, why don't you
read it for me, little buddy?

Sure thing, Launchpad!

Here you go, pal.

Thanks, sport.

"Dear Mr. McQuack,
the people of Duck Ridge

"cordially request
the honor of your presence

and participation in our annual
Civil w*r pageant."

Wow! The Civil w*r happened
a long, long time ago.

You mean I missed it?

Nah, it's an anniversary celebration.

The reenactment
of the Battle of Duck Ridge.

They want you to play the part of...

General Rhubarb McQuack.

Of course!
My great-great-grandfather!

He was a Civil w*r hero.

It kind of - ha ha - runs in the family.

It says you have to be there tomorrow.

Oh, gee, Launchpad,

you were supposed to take us on our
Junior Woodchuck field trip tomorrow.

So? I will.
But it will be a Civil w*r b*ttlefield trip.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

There it is, little buddies -

Duck Ridge, where my
great-great-grandfather

proved just how great he was.

I'm gonna take pictures of everything you
do for the Junior Woodchuck scrapbook.

Be my guest, little buddy.

Great! Let's start with a closeup!

Whoa-oa-oa!

Do you think this could be Mr. McQuack?

Whoa-oa-oa!

Can there be any doubt?

Launchpad McQuack,
great-great-grandson

of the General Rhubarb McQuack...

...at your service.

Ahem. Allow me to, ahem,

carefully shake your hand, sir.

Say "cheese"!

Cheese!

Uh, Mr. McQuack,
I, Mayor Rufus B. Pinfeathers,

and the Duck Ridge Historical Society,
are honored you accepted our invitation.

The honor is all mine, your mayorness.

It is?

Ahem. You do realize you will be playing
your great-great-grandfather

in our reenactment of the battle.

Yes, and I intend to uphold the great,
great name of my great-great-grandfather

to the best of my great, great ability.

I'm sure you will!

Sir, allow me to introduce
Colonel Beauregard DuBark,

founder of the Duck Ridge
Historical Society

and owner of the Duck Ridge
Civil w*r souvenir shop.

Just let me say,
we accept all major credit cards.

Colonel DuBark's ancestor,

General Elijah DuBark,
fought against your great-great-grandfather

in the Battle of Duck Ridge.

It must be tough to have that loss
hanging over your family.

You have my sympathy, good sir.

Loss? My dear sir... Huh?

Don't upset the apple cart
if the apples are still on the tree, sir.

But, mayor, he...

We were wondering if you wouldn't mind

wearing your great-great-grandfather's
uniform in our parade.

Wow!

A uniform! And a parade!

I've never been on
this side of a parade before.

Why, it's General McQuack.

My hero!

Launchpad,
why are all those people laughing?

Ha ha. I guess they're
just happy to see me.

Wish I could see them.

Mr. McQuack, you don't have to act
like General Rhubarb until tomorrow.

Uh, shall we inspect your troops?
They've been rehearsing for weeks.

Yeow!

And it looks like
you've been rehearsing, too.

Ready, men?
On my command!

One, two, flee!

Hey, what are Launchpad's soldiers doing?

They're acting like
they're-they're running away!

I don't know about you guys, but I don't
think General Rhubarb won this battle.

What these fellas need
is a pep talk from their leader,

the great m*llitary genius
who led McQuack's Marauders to victory.

Well, Beauregard, I'm afraid it's
time we broke the news to Mr. McQuack.

I may be the only person in the world
to ever say this,

but I can't wait to see his face.

Men, we are about to recreate
a great battle of the Civil w*r.

This will be our finest hour.

But we must work as one if we are to win.

But, Mr. McQuack, you cannot win, sir.

Just a moment, sir.

My great-great-grandfather was a hero.

Our hero! Because of
Rhubarb McQuack's blundering,

my great-great-grandfather
won the Battle of Duck Ridge!

I'm sorry that you were confused about
the history of this battle, Mr. McQuack.

If we'd have known
you were ignorant about it, we...

Launchpad is not ignorant!

How many times
do I have to tell people that?

Let's get back to reality.

What exactly are you
trying to say, Mr. Mayor?

Well...

General Rhubarb McQuack
and his troops

were stationed at the top
of Duck Ridge Hill.

The eagle-eyed man
in the observation balloon

signaled that
DuBark's troops were advancing.

General McQuack had the advantage.

His troops were in control
of the high ground.

All he had to do was draw his sword
and call the charge.

Unfortunately, the poor fool -
ahem, I mean, your gallant ancestor -

couldn't even draw his sword!

His men were stunned. Confused.

As you know, sir, one cannot
lead a charge without a proper sword.

The town militia,
led by my great-great-

greater-than-your-
grandfather-grandfather

continued advancing uncontested.

But General Rhubarb McQuack
valiantly tried to turn the tide.

He yelled, "Charge!"
And charge he did.

His troops were so ashamed
that they ran away,

and were never seen
nor heard from again.

So, you see, Mr. McQuack,

you simply cannot win
the Battle of Duck Ridge tomorrow.

Uh, ahem, even so,

you are still the, uh, star
in our little dramatization.

We couldn't have
our celebration without you.

- Well, uh...
- Mr. McQuack,

I'm sure you will do the right thing.

You're obviously a gentleman
of the highest degree,

incapable of disappointing
the throngs of anxious citizens.

I sure am anxious, honey.

Or dampen the spirits
of our da-a-arling children,

who have so looked forward to tomorrow.

We sure are
looking forward to tomorrow!

- Please say you'll stay.
- You'll stay.

- No, say you'll stay.
- You'll stay.

Say "I'll stay," idiot!

I'll stay, idiot.

Ooh-ee!

Is that a real horse?

It looks like some cartoon character.

That is Grace,

the direct descendant
of General Rhubarb McQuack's horse.

Won't the two of you look grand?

I, uh, I have to ride a horse?

And here's your great-great-
granddaddy's saddle, too.

Ye-eow!

Whew, sure is hot.

Yeah, let's go get a soda and look around.

Yeah. Come on, Doofus.

No, thanks, guys. I'm gonna hang around
and finish up my film.

Gee, Colonel DuBark's
souvenir shop is the biggest store in town!

No wonder the celebration
is so important to him.

He'll make a fortune in souvenirs!

Huey! Dewey! Louie! Help!

Doofus, what's wrong?

Launchpad put his saddle on backwards,
and his horse ran away with him!

Do you know which way they went?

No, but I got a great picture of them going!

We'd better start a search!

Gangway!

The search is over.

Whoa! Whoa!

And I mean whoa!

Wow, Launchpad rides a horse
like he flies a plane.

They're going up Duck Ridge!

Follow that filly!

Oh, no!

Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa!

Whew.

Crashing horses takes a lot longer
than crashing airplanes.

Ah, thank goodness for progress.

Wha-wha...?

Well, fellas, looks like
we need a f*ring squad.

Any volunteers?

Say, he looks familiar.

Yeah, so does his horse.

Holy quackamole!

- It's him!
- Who, him?

General Rhubarb McQuack.

He certainly has aged well.

- Heavens to helicopters, it's them!
- Them?

The lost soldiers of...

Of General Rhubarb McQuack!

- What happened?
- A secret w*apon.

We surrender!

You can't take 'em prisoner, Launchpad!

They're on our side.

I'm sure Launchpad has a plan.

What is it, Launchpad?

Attention!

At ease, men.

Men, I am not General Rhubarb McQuack.
I am his great-great-grandson Launchpad.

That's real unfortunate, sonny.

Yeah, real unfortunate.

And we've been hiding out here
ever since the disgrace at Duck Ridge.

We've managed to keep
our whereabouts a secret.

We salvaged what we could
to help us survive.

That was the Merriquack,
our river patrol boat during the w*r.

We haven't set foot out of this cave since...

That lousy, rotten,
bungling polecat McQuack...

...lost us
the Battle of Duck Ridge!

Sorry, son. It's not
a pleasant memory for us.

Ah, even I have unpleasant memories.
Luckily, I don't remember them.

Ah, here's young Billy.

This here's Huey, Dewey,
and Louie, Doofus,

and a guy that looks like
General Rhubarb McQuack. Ain't.

Young Billy here is our bugle boy.

Young?

I lied about my age
so I could join the army.

And I can still blow a charge
as good as when...

That lousy, rotten,
bungling polecat McQuack...

...lost us
the Battle of Duck Ridge!

You, uh, sure you fellas
haven't been in this cave too long?

Halt! Who goes there?

Over here, Eagle Eye.

Whew! You fellers sure can move fast!

Old Eagle Eye here's our lookout.

Look out!

See what I mean?

He used to be able to see a flea
on the nose of a distant dog.

- I can still see as good as when...
- I know, I know.

That lousy, rotten,
bungling polecat McQuack...

...lost us
the Battle of Duck Ridge!

These guys are really in a rut.

- Where you going, Eagle Eye?
- We got visitors.

I ain't got time for visitin'!
I'm on guard duty!

I'm off duty in two hours, ma'am.

Grace, look out!

The roof's falling in!

- Run for it!
- Follow me, men!

Not again!

We've got to save the Merriquack!

There ain't no way we can
show ourselves in Duck Ridge.

The shame is too great.

Guess there's no place we can go.

All because of a goof-up by my
not-so-great-great-grandfather.

Ahem. Men? Men!

I cannot change what happened
in that battle long ago,

but I can give you a second chance.

And give the name of McQuack
a second chance as well.

Tomorrow on Duck Ridge...

- You're pointing the wrong way.
- Oh. Tomorrow on Duck Ridge...

You're still pointing the wrong way.

Tomorrow they will reenact the Battle of
Duck Ridge, commemorating your defeat.

We're gonna give them
their battle. Oh, yeah.

But this time, Launchpad McQuack
is gonna lead the charge!

Ye-eow!

You sure he ain't
General Rhubarb McQuack?

I guess it just runs in the family.

Ha ha. All these people are expecting
Launchpad to lose this battle,

like General Rhubarb McQuack did.

Yeah, but we're gonna show them

what would've happened
if Launchpad was really there. Heh heh.

Uh, are you sure this is gonna work?

Hey, fellas,
there's lemonade back here.

Lemonade?

Well, what do you know? All these years,
and we still kept up with the styles.

Phase one has begun!

I trust you gentlemen both know your parts.

However, should there be a problem,
I will prompt you from the script.

I will lead my brave soldiers forward

to the humili... uh, defeat
of McQuack's Marauders.

Do it again, DuBark.

We'll just see about that.

Uh, testing, one, two, three.

Soldiers to your places.

Remember, Launchpad,
you're not supposed to do anything.

That way there won't be a chance
for history to repeat itself.

Now don't you worry, little buddy.
Ha! We can't lose.

Hey, you never lose, Launchpad.
Except at cards.

And sports.
And checkers.

Oh, yeah, and video games.
And then there's...

Ladies and gentlemen... And I do mean
ladies and gentlemen of the highest order.

I take great honor in saying,
let the Battle of Duck Ridge begin!

Forward... march!

Let's kick 'em in the pants!

"Kick him in the"...

I do not believe that
that is in the script.

Uh, Mr. McQuack -
I say, ahem, General McQuack -

that is... not in the script!

- Hey, what's going on?
- My microphone is dead!

What does that lunatic McQuack
think he's doing?

None of this is in the script!

We've got 'em where
we've always wanted 'em, boys!

Hang on, men!
Your leader is coming to join you!

Launchpad! Don't do it!

Uh-oh!

Charge!

Now that's in the script!

Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa!

Get 'em, men!
att*ck while McQuack's down!

Or should I say "up"?

Gotta get some altitude!

The grits are loaded in the cannon!
It's time for the second charge! Hurry!

The old brake is rusted!
It won't budge!

Look out!

Yaah-ha-ha-ha-hoo-ee!

Huh?

You did it, Launchpad!

You started the second charge!

Take a taste of this, you ornery polecats!

Say, it's grits!

Sir, we surrender.

Well, it's agreed.

No longer will we celebrate
the humiliation of these honorable soldiers.

After all, they were at the real
Battle of Duck Ridge, and we weren't.

Speak for yourself, sonny.

Now we all know
how you gentlemen must have felt.

Gentlemen?
Is he talking to us?

You have suffered long enough,
so we of Duck Ridge

would like to welcome you
into our community for good.

Hey, where's Doofus?

Over here, fellas!
Say "cheese"!

Cheese!

Oh... General Rhubarb McQuack
would sure be proud!