01x61 - Once Upon A Dime

[bunniefuu]

- Life is like a hurricane

- Here in Duckburg

- Race cars, lasers, airplanes

- it's a duck-blur

- Might solve a mystery

- Or rewrite history

- DuckTales
Ooh-woo-ooh!

- Every day they're out there making

- DuckTales
Ooh-woo-ooh!

- Tales of derring-do
Bad and good luck tales

- D-d-d-danger

- Watch behind you

- There's a stranger out to find you

- What to do?
Just grab on to some

- DuckTales
Ooh-woo-ooh!

- Every day they're out there making

- DuckTales
Ooh-woo-ooh!

- Tales of derring-do
Bad and good luck tales

- Ooh-woo-ooh!
Not pony tales or cotton tales, no

- DuckTales
Ooh-woo-ooh! -

Mirth and be merry!

Look what day it is!

Happy Dime Polishing Day, sir.

- Thank you, Duckworth.
- Love the skirt, sir.

It's a kilt.

Come along, Duckworth.
Let's begin the yearly polish.

It's rather large for a dime,
wouldn't you say, sir?

A quarter? Where's my
Number One dime?

Sound the alarm! Call the police!
Someone took my lucky dime!

Hey! What's going on, Duckworth?

The Number One dime.
It's presence is sorely missed.

Uncle Scrooge, wait!
We've got your dime!

Later, boys. This is a crisis.

You've got it?!

That's it. Whew!

- We took it.
- We gave you our lucky quarter.

Yeah. We won six rounds
of Ducky Kong with it.

It came back out of the machine
every time.

Besides, it's a quarter.

That makes it two and a half times
luckier than your dime.

Boys, you've got to promise me never
to touch my Number One dime again.

Gee, Uncle Scrooge,
what's so special about it?

It's responsible for my move to America.

And for my wealth.

How did one measly dime
do all that, Uncle Scrooge?

Sit down and I'll explain it
while I give the dime its yearly polish.

Now then, boys, it all started

when I was a wee lad,
knee high to my father's kilt.

I wanted to grow up
and play the bagpipes like me father.

But i saw a better future in the
newly invented electric bagpipes.

For some reason, McPoppa thought
my talent was in business.

And insisted i try it first.

So that's exactly what i did.

I'd like to be president of this bank.

I insist on a top salary, pension plan
and a two week paid vacation every year.

Don't worry, I'm qualified.
I was me eighth grade class treasurer.

I learned the hard way that the bottom
is where you start in life.

I tried my luck at the telegraph office.

But when i got my wires crossed,
it made my boss very cross.

Finally, the only place left to try
was Curly's Barber Shoppe.

You're to shine shoes,
sweep up the hair and feathers,

and help customers with their coats.
Got it?

Aye. But I insist on a top salary,
pension plan

and two week paid vacation every year.

I'll pay you nothing.

- Sounds fair.
- You'll work for tips.

Get to work shining
this ditch digger's boots.

Aye, sir. Right away, sir.

Hour after hour
i chipped away at that mud

like McMichelangelo would marble.

It was me first job and i don't think
i've ever worked so hard in my life.

Finally i finished.
And from the shine in his boots,

i could see how tired i was.

But it was worth it
when he gave me this.

My Number One dime.

A dime must've been worth a lot more
back in the old days.

'Cause it won't even buy bubblegum
these days.

Well, that first dime
certainly didn't make me rich.

In fact, as far as my parents
were concerned, it was worthless.

You worked yourself weary for this?

That dime isn't worth ten cents
here in Scotland.

You'll have to go
to America to spend it.

Might not be a bad idea.

I hear it's the land of opportunity.

Oh, I could never
leave you and McMomma.

I want to stay in Scotland,
smell the heather,

and play the bagpipes
just like you, McPoppa.

It's hard to squeeze out
a good living that way.

You deserve better. I want you
to work smarter, not harder, lad.

i knew McPoppa knew best.

And somehow i also knew
that dime was a sign.

A sign that my fortune
lay across the sea in America.

As it were, i had an uncle,
Catfish McDuck,

who had migrated there.

He was a riverboat captain.

He wrote to us the abundant wealth
there for the taking.

So i decided to save my money
and move to America.

I'd take my McPoppa's advice.

I worked smarter not harder.

It took most people years
to save enough money to go overseas.

I did it in a few months,
with the help of my father's suspenders.

- Goodbye, Scroogie. Write to us.
- I'll send money home, McMomma.

Good luck, son. Remember...

I know, McPoppa.
Work smarter not harder.

No. Take these blasted
bagpipes with you.

- I'll miss the lad.
- Aye.

i set sail
on the Queen Mary of Scots.

It took two weeks to cross the Atlantic.

And a long, hard two weeks it was.

Lucky for me, i had my bagpipes
to keep me company.

And, of course, my dreams
of the riches that awaited me

on the other side of the Atlantic.

America wasn't at all what i'd expected.

Still, i was certain
riches were just around the corner.

- You're under arrest.
- Arrest? What for?

For wearing a dress in public.

It's a kilt!

I don't care if it's a hoop skirt,
I'm running you in.

'Twas in jail where i
first encountered the Beagle Boys.

Look at them legs, Butch.

Kind of homely,
ain't she, Wild Bill?

Ma would k*ll for a pretty skirt
like that, and she has.

How'd you get out of jail,
Uncle Scrooge?

Well, I had to post
my Number One dime for bail.

Finally,
my case came up in court.

But it looked grim.

The defendant will rise.

Your Honor, the State charges Scrooge
McDuck with disgusting the public.

His appearance is unmanly, un-American,

and those bony knees
are the biggest crime of all.

- Why, you no good...
- Oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna...

Order! Order!

This court has decided
to sentence you to 30 days.

Me? In the slammer?

- No. In a skirt.
- On what grounds?

For insulting Judge Scotty McGillicutty.

- Does this mean I'm free?
- Aye. You're Scot free.

- Do I get my dime back?
- Welcome to America, laddie.

So, with that
situation settled,

i used a wee bit of Scottish charm

and set out to find
my filthy rich Uncle Catfish.

Of course, i was hoping some of my
uncle's success would rub off on me.

He was more filthy
than he was rich, though.

I found out why they called him
"Catfish. " That's what he smelled like.

What about those letters you sent?
I thought you were rich.

Well, if cats were money, I'd be rich.

I will be rich, if I could just
settle the rights to that plantation.

Cornpone Gables. I used to haul freight
for old Colonel Cornpone.

- So did I.
- Who are you?

They call me Old Man Ribbit, monsieur.

Colonel Cornpone went to his reward
owing me money.

The plantation is mine,
you crazy Cajun!

Oh, no, sir.
That belong to moi.

- I got the freight liens to prove it.
- Well, my freight liens say it's mine!

- Poppycock! It's mine.
- Mine!

Oh, you ribbit me the wrong way,
Mr. Catfish.

Wait. Why not settle this
once and for all?

Oh, oui. Perhaps a duel.

- Shall we say pistols at dawn?
- Swords at sunset.

- Grenades after dinner.
- Canons at midnight.

Why not a race?
A riverboat race.

- Winner takes all.
- That's a good idea, mademoiselle.

Let's race.

The two riverboats were
to race from Notches to Buzzard Bend.

Uncle Catfish made me his partner
and we manned the Cortland Queen.

Old Man Ribbit was being helped by one
of the Beaver Boys in the Silt Slapper.

At the sound of the g*n... we were off.

The Cortland Queen took an early lead.

But what Uncle Catfish and i
didn't know,

was that Old Man Ribbit
was more cagey than Cajun.

With help from the other Beaver Boys,

Old Man Ribbit
was going to see to it he won.

Sacrebleu! We sacre blew it!

I will show them, mon ami.

Faster, partner, faster!

But faster didn't help.

That cagey Cajun's bad turn

kept our paddle wheel
from turning at all.

We were certain to lose everything now.

Nasty old riverboat captain used
every dirty trick in the book.

And some, he just made up.

But Uncle Catfish and i
weren't out of the running yet.

- Ah!
- Uncle Catfish!

Worthless contraptions!

Now work hard, Scroogie. We've got
to catch up with the Silt Slapper.

Why didn't I think of it before?

"Work smarter, not harder,"
my McPoppa always said.

Move your tail, you worthless beaver!

We can still win.

Good work, Scroogie!

The plantation is ours, partner!

Hold it. Who said anything
about sharing the plantation?

I thought we were partners.

We were. In the race.
And for that, I intend to pay you.

Uncle Catfish gave me
a shiny half dollar.

So is that how you got rich,
Uncle Scrooge?

No. That's how Uncle Catfish got rich.

I figured if I was going to get rich,
I'd have to go into business for myself.

Be me own boss. Cotton swab.

So, I bid my cheapskate uncle farewell.

And i worked my way north
to mine for gold on the Klondike.

This time i was certain
all i had to do was find a plot of land

and start digging.

No women allowed.
b*at it, Betty.

The landscape
looked like a gopher hotel.

But eventually i found a claim to stake.

The weather on the Klondike
was as nasty as the grizzly bears.

Snow, wind, sleet.

My assets were frozen. It was horrible.

But i kept on digging, even though
the other miners gave up hope and left.

My hard work paid off handsomely.

I even made enough money to send some
to my poor McMomma and McPoppa.

Look what Scroogie sent.

Very nice, McPoppa,

but how are we supposed to spend
American money in Scotland?

So you got rich digging for gold, huh?

Well, I did make a plaid dandy living,
but I didn't feel rich.

Not yet. Something was missing.

I wanted more.

- More what?
- I wasn't sure, lad.

But I did try to use the gold wisely.

- Like my McPoppa said...
- "Work smarter, not harder. "

Right. So I invested every penny of it.

My first real business venture
was to buy my own plot of land.

Oklahoma Timberland. The best there is.

Trees for days.

You'll make so much money,
you'll have to build a bin to put it in.

Hey, nice skirt.

i even bought a train
to haul the lumber.

Aah!

There was only one wee problem.

He sold me a train with no tracks.

There was only one thing i could do.

Lay railroad tracks as i went.

So i hired some workers
and promised to pay them a fair wage

as soon as i reached
my Oklahoma Timberland.

We were making good time
until we were stuck in our tracks...

...by Ma Beagle and the Beagle Boys.

Jump that track. This is a stick-up!

Uh-oh. Those are either train robbers

or the ugliest welcome wagon
I've ever seen.

Well, if it ain't Purty Skirty.

- It's a kilt.
- I don't care if it's a hoop skirt.

Get away from that safe.

Never. My most valuable possession
is in there.

Then we're blasting it open.

You wouldn't dare blast
with me standing here.

A lousy dime?

I used the best dynamite
stolen money can buy

for a lousy dime?

Here, Ma.
Happy Mother's Day.

You always steal such pretty things.

- You're such a good boy.
- Aw, shucks.

That was the second time
i lost my Number One dime.

And the first time i lost my kilt.

I was determined to get them both back.

So, i tracked them to their hideout,

bringing along a little help.

Come out of there, kilt snatchers!

- You're surrounded.
- We're not coming out!

All right. You leave me no choice.

This calls for Scottish warfare.

He's fighting dirty, Ma!

Tell him to play fair, Ma!

Play Fair Ma? I don't know that one.

If you'll hum a few bars,
maybe I can fake it.

I can't wait for the
peace and quiet of a nice prison.

With Ma Beagle and her boys
back in the slammer,

i moved on to me Oklahoma Timberland.

But when i got there,
there was another wee problem.

No trees.
I'd been swindled out of all my money.

There wasn't enough wood on the land
to feed a baby beaver.

And the railroad workers were ready
to take their pay out of my hide.

It was time for me
to make some tracks of my own.

All the money i had
was my Number One dime.

And i couldn't let them have that.

So i buried it, right in the center
of my worthless timberland.

But i struck oil. A gusher!

And all thanks
to my lucky Number One dime.

I made enough money
to pay the railroad workers.

And start my first savings account.

So you got rich selling oil,
right, Uncle Scrooge?

Uh... Well, I made a lot of money,
all right. But I didn't feel rich.

- Not yet, I didn't.
- So what did you do next?

I risked it all to go international.

Tell me, Scrooge,
are you still trading crude oil?

Don't you know
the real money is in diamonds?

Yes. Wiggley and I just bought
some African diamond mines.

We'd be willing to sell you
a teensy weensy share.

You know, just so you can keep up
with the Piggley Wiggleys, as it were.

I don't think so, Piggley.
What about this plot of land right here?

Oh, that? Just worthless coal fields.

Coal has no value in Africa whatsoever.

It's so hot there,
who needs to burn it?

Then I'll buy your coal fields.

This is the spot
to put out the peanuts.

Does he really expect to make money
planting peanuts?

I knew he was a little off
the day I laid eyes on that kilt.

It's a skirt!

I mean...

I hate to tell you this,
Scrooge, old boy,

but peanuts won't grow in Africa.

Who's growing peanuts?

What's that? An earthquake?

The stock market crashing?

No. Just the sound of money
coming my way. Look.

Elephant stampede!

They're heading
for the peanuts!

See, with the peanuts
I attracted the elephants.

With the weight of the elephants,
I created enough pressure

to turn the coal into diamonds.

Oh, brilliant, McDuck!

Where can we buy some peanuts?

Why, from McDuck Peanut Imports,
of course.

By this time i had made so
much money i couldn't sleep at night.

So i had to build that money bin.

There was so much money,
i could swim through it.

Which is still one of my
favorite pastimes.

Now were you rich, Uncle Scrooge?

Oh, just the opposite, lad. Without
me parents I felt poorer than ever.

Then when did you start to feel richer?

Well, I guess it was about the time
your Uncle Donald went away to sea.

What did he do?

Well, he left you boys with me.

And then Mrs. Beakley
and wee Webby showed up and...

...for the first time I... that's it!

You boys and Mrs. Beakley and Webby.

Why, even Duckworth made it happen.

What did we do?

Don't you see? For the first time
since I left Scotland...

...I have a family.

And having a family
to share my wealth with makes me...

...well, truly rich.

Does that mean we can
have a raise in our allowance?

You don't need it.
We've got each other.

What do you say we all go over
to the money bin for a dip together?

I'd rather have a raise in my allowance.

But... OK.

Yay!