01x08 - These Fragments I Have Shored Against My Ruin

[bunniefuu]

[JO] Alice.

Even if I'm not here...

I'm always with you.

No matter what happens,

my eyes are always on you.

[PANTING]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[PANTING]

[JO BREATHING HEAVILY]

[GROANS]

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

[HENRY] Houston. This is Birdsong.

[HENRY] They are alive.

I must've passed out.

- They're breathing.
- [BUD GRUNTS]

[HENRY] I can see their breath!

But they were dead... Christ!

I can see their breath.

They are alive.

They are alive.

... passed out. They're breathing.

I can see their breath!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[HENRY, DISTORTED]
They are alive. They're breathing.

I can see their breath.

[BUD GRUNTS]

[JO EXHALES SHARPLY]

["TELLUR" BY SURROGATE SIBLING PLAYS]

Daddy, sit down.

Sit down.

Listen.

Mummy d*ed.

I'm sorry.

She d*ed in the accident.

[STAMMERS] Excuse me?

Her body's still up there.

You just spent two days
with her at the cabin.

I heard it.

Mummy's alive.

She's just not with us.

We lost our mummy.

And there's another Alice.

It's her mummy who came back.

There's somewhere else.

Something to do with the CAL.

- [SIGHS]
- [MAGNUS] Alice.

Mummy has a mental illness.

Whatever she's told you,
it's... it's not true.

Mummy's alive.

You're wrong, Daddy.

[CHATTERING]

[PRINTER BEEPS, WHIRS]

[IN RUSSIAN] There's something
wrong with the machine.

The image is corrupted.

Show me.

[AGENT BRIGHT, IN ENGLISH]
The charges are that Mr. Caldera sh*t

Commander Paul Lancaster
at 60556 Lexington Avenue

at approximately 21:05 on Monday
the 8th of November, 2021.

Furthermore, that Mr. Caldera
threw Mr. Ian Rogers

from the stern of the SS Bernice,
off the coast of Santa Barbara

at 23:35 on Sunday the


causing the death by drowning

- of said Mr. Rogers.
- [SNIFFS, SIGHS]

Go on.

Mr. Caldera says he's not the person
who committed these crimes.

Furthermore, uh,
he requests a polygraph test

- in order to establish his identity...
- [HENRY SIGHS]

... and the memory of these things.

I need you to compare my DNA

with the inhabitant of
Bud Caldera's apartment.

But you don't deny that
you are Henry Caldera.

I think we already established

that who I am not is
Bud Caldera, so-called.

What I would suggest

is that these two gentlemen
are one and the same person.

With all respect, they are not.

I need you to establish
where Bud Caldera lives,

what his personal and
economic circumstances are.

In short, I need help
knowing what his life is.

Read this.

[SIGHS]

I didn't write this.

Well, Christ knows how much it cost.

Probably millions.

But she's taken a f*cking axe
and given it 40 f*cking whacks.

[FREDERIC] I'm sorry.

On behalf of the European Space Agency.

[LAUGHS]

She's being treated.
We're going to dismiss her.

- Really?
- Yes.

I remember, back in '64,

first intake of lady astronauts.

They just finished
their physical, right?

And Steven Winderuss,
the head of ops at the time,

he wrote a report discussing
the problem of women in space

and the intricacies of matching

a temperamental
psychophysiological object,

i.e. a woman,

to a complicated machine,
i.e. a spacecraft.

It is... [SIGHS]
... a problem we never solved.

Henry, you're not concerned about this?

No.

No. What? It's a thing.

We got lives to live.

[GASPING]

[PANTING] Ali... Alice?

[EXCLAIMS]

[GROANS]

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

[GROANS]

[GROANS]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[GROANING]

[SPEAKS SWEDISH]

[SPEAKS SWEDISH]

[PANTING]

[WHIMPERS]

[GROANING]

- [PATIENT SCREAMING]
- [KEYS RATTLING]

[JO WHIMPERS, SPEAKS SWEDISH]

[IN SWEDISH] What is happening?

Why am I locked in?

Why am I here?

[IN ENGLISH] You speak English?
You speak Russian?

Wait, wait, wait! Please! Please! Wait.

Wait, wait, please! Hello?
[BANGING ON DOOR]

[STAMMERS] Just... Just
please come back! Please!

[ALICE SIGHS]

Has she got her phone?

I don't know.

Why don't you know?

I have to talk to her about some things.

I thought you thought she was dead.

Alice. Eat your breakfast.

- It tastes like sh*t.
- It does not taste like sh*t.

You've never tasted sh*t.

Look, you can't see your mother

if you keep believing all this
rubbish that she tells you.

[JO] This isn't PTSD.

It's not psychosis.

It's not schizophrenia.

[IRENA] That's what all
schizophrenics and psychotics say.

I need to get back to my daughter.

[IRENA] You play the piano, correct?

Play.

There was a fire at my cabin.

Before that...

I saw my daughter.

The real one.

I haven't seen her since
before I went into space.

Play.

Are you a mother?

You were traveling with your daughter.

She was very sick after the
fire, but now she's fine.

She's with her father.

I could smell her.

The real Alice.

I... I could smell my
daughter. I... I could.

If this condition is not treated,
believe me, it will get worse.

Why would you stop me from seeing her?

Please.

She's my baby.

She's my baby and I lost her.

You're pregnant.

You know we have to
perform pregnancy test

before administering lithium.

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

It can be very toxic for the fetus.

What?

- Normally, we would give you...
- Oh, no.

... 1,800 milligram of lithium-7
to calm your symptoms,

but you're in the early
stages of pregnancy.

Four weeks.

[GASPING]

We have designed an alternative
drug therapy to treat you,

but you must commit to it.

Otherwise we need to shock you again.

I can't have this child.

If I have this child, how
will I get back to her?

Please.

Take these pills.

I can see you are in pain.

I can handle pain!

This isn't madness.

I need to go back to her.

Do you understand? I can't be here.

[SCREAMING]

[JO] What the f*ck is that noise?

There is another guest.

You won't see this person.

Incurable.

[GASPS] Please don't go...

It's... It's you.

[IN RUSSIAN] There are flames...

Fire! Fire!

Capsule is on fire.

- [IRENA GASPS]
- Forty. Forty-two.

I'm hot.

The world is the wrong way round.

- [BANGING ON DOOR]
- [JO SHOUTING IN RUSSIAN]

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

[PHONE BUZZING]

[IN ENGLISH] Yeah?

[IRENA] Henry?

Yeah.

It's Irena.

I need to see you. It's urgent.

[INTERVIEWER] Have you
ever met Ian Rogers?

[HENRY] I don't know who that is.

Have you ever been
aboard the SS Bernice?

Not to my knowledge.

Did you meet with Paul Lancaster
at your home in East Hollywood?

I do not have a home in East Hollywood,

therefore I didn't meet
with Paul Lancaster.

Have you ever met Paul Lancaster?

Many times.

What were the circumstances
of your meeting him?

I don't recall the
original circumstances,

but we were both employed by
NASA, doing the ISS program:

I as Chief Technician on the
Rocket Propulsion Laboratory,

he as an astronaut
and mission commander.

Did you sh**t Paul Lancaster?

No.

[SIGHS]

But I believe I may have k*lled him.

How?

I invented a machine
that caused... [SIGHS]

... or rather allowed for,
the circumstance

of a fatal accident in space.

[JO SINGING IN SWEDISH]

- [ILYA] I would love to hear you play.
- [GASPS]

- [IN RUSSIAN] Hello! [LAUGHS]
- Ilya! [STAMMERS, CHUCKLES]

[IN ENGLISH] Did...
Did they ask you to come?

D... Have you... Have you spoken
to Magnus? Did you see Alice?

[SPEAKS RUSSIAN]

I've been asking a lot of
questions about this condition.

Why don't you play?

I never heard you play the piano before.

[STAMMERS] Ilya, this might sound crazy,

but it... but it's not a condition.

Listen, I've been reading
about Henry's work.

D... Do you know where Henry Caldera is?

Wh... What he's doing?
Maybe I could talk to him.

They call it "astronaut burnout."

Sense of dissociation. Paranoia.

Feeling that familiar places
and people are impostors.

It's happened many times.

Good news is they can medicate it.

Why did you come here?

Irena is sick.

She's hoping I take over.

[CHUCKLES]

There needs to be someone here
who can, uh, look after people.

Ilya,

I've heard recordings

of the radio transmissions
from her capsule.

It broke up in space.

She d*ed.

Irena was the body that hit the ISS.

Paul didn't die. It was me.

Jo, if she was the body
that hit the ISS,

how is it that she's here?

[STAMMERS] The same way as I'm here.

[STAMMERS] We c... We came
from... from somewhere else.

The most straightforward explanation

for the fact that you're both here

is that you both returned alive.

I don't remember her.

She's the head of Roscosmos,
and I don't remember her.

I don't remember the CAL.

I don't remember Henry Caldera.
I don't remember my daughter.

So there's something
wrong with your memory.

Go away.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

There is so much for you here, Jo.

[BANGING CONTINUES]

Stop grieving and get better.

Please.

If you don't get better,
you will only get worse.

I thought I saw her.

In the snow.

And for a moment, I was...

I was so happy to see her again.

I felt how much I missed her

and how much I loved her...

and how sorry I was.

[CHUCKLES]

And then she was gone.

I'm stuck in the middle.

And they're both going through things

that I have absolutely no idea about.

They've got secrets
that I'm not a part of.

I don't know how to move on from that.

And I don't know how to
move Alice on from that.

How... How do we get
back together again?

Do you wanna get back together again?

[SIGHS]

Feels like we're all floating in space.

It just feels like we're
all floating in space.

["THE OTHER HALF OF ME" PLAYING]

[CHUCKLES]

Boy, I'll tell ya,

- this is better than what I'm used to.
- [CHUCKLES] Henry.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [KISSES] Mmm.

[SIGHS] You make me
feel obscurely better.

Hmm.

What?

[CHUCKLES, STAMMERS] What's different?

Come on.

Uh, you know... [CHUCKLES]

... a long time ago,
when I was in training,

Irena Lysenko, she went up to space.

And, um...

And she came back down in one piece.

And oh, my.

Oh, what a fine-looking girl she was.

- [CHUCKLING]
- [CHUCKLES]

[CLICKS TONGUE] I never met her.

But then I went away.

For a long time, I wasn't myself.

But that's when I recall hearing
that there was an accident up there

and, in fact, Irena Valentina
Lysenko suffocated to death.

That is the illness that
makes you think that.

Henry, we both went through an accident.

Felt strange to come back.

It sure as hell was.

You said you felt another
person walking alongside you.

Someone has been sleeping in my bed

and wearing my clothes and
eating my f*cking porridge.

Now, you're the expert.

Now, if I start taking these again,

is that going to smooth out my
little personality disorder?

Henry... [CHUCKLES]
... what's the matter?

I'm not Henry.

Henry is gone.

And knock on wood, if I'm lucky,
he'll never be around again.

But he will remember who he was
and he will live my old age,

my addictions and my f*cking failures.

You need to come back
with me to St. Sergius.

- I can help you.
- No, I don't need help.

I... I am the guy who
won the Nobel Prize.

I had my photo taken with Reagan
and Muhammad f*cking Ali.

That's me.

And you can keep on denying
it and covering it up,

just like you always have.

[PATIENT SCREAMING IN DISTANCE]

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[CRYING]

[GASPING]

[BOTH SPEAKING RUSSIAN]

[JO GASPS]

[GASPING, WHIMPERING]

[GROANING, SNIFFLING]

Do you believe in ghosts?

I don't know.

Sometimes I think my dad is here.

I know he d*ed, but
sometimes I think he's here.

Wendy, I-I think my mum's dead

and there's another
one here who's alive.

I'd trade places with you.

Half alive and half dead
is better than all dead.

Maybe some people can
be there and not there.

What happened to your dad?

He was a bit crazy at
Mamma's funeral, whatever.

I don't know.

He went to see an
astronaut and got sh*t.

He's in the hospital now.

I'm kind of sad.

I'm still sad about my mamma.

I think I saw her ghost.

Your dad's cool though.

He's grumpy.

He's a nice dad.

Yeah. I guess he is.

Daddy, I know it's all make-believe...

what she said.

I know she didn't die.

I'm very glad to hear you say that.

So, can we go see her?

[CHUCKLES]

Okay.

Do you want the stuff in this box?

What is it?

It's some things they
found outside the cabin.

Yeah.

Oh, uh, that stuff's all
marked "sitting room."

- [MOVER] Yeah.
- Yeah, good. Okay.

Alice, last chance.

You wanna check upstairs so
you haven't left anything?

[JO SIGHS]

["TROLLMORS VAGGSÅNG" PLAYING ON PIANO]

Alice?

Alice?

Can you hear me?

You wanna play a game?

Is Mamma there?

I wanna know if I really
saw her at the cabin.

Please?

[SINGING IN SWEDISH]

[ALICE ON TAPE] I wanna talk to her.

Please.

[SINGING IN SWEDISH]

Well, we're going now.

Alice.

Alice.

Bye.

[SINGING IN SWEDISH]

[MOVERS CHATTERING]

[SONG ENDS]

[TRUCK DEPARTING]

There.

[IN SWEDISH] I'm not going
to look for Mamma anymore.

[IN ENGLISH] Okay.

[IN SWEDISH] There is another Alice.

She's somewhere else.

She got Mamma instead of me.

[IN ENGLISH] Well, that's
a great way to look at it.

I can't be angry at the other
Alice just for being luckier.

I'm very proud of you.

Am I brave?

You're incredibly brave.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[WHISPERS] My baby.

[CHATTERING]

And the polygraph?

Passed with flying colors.

[HENRY] Hmm. And the DNA?

If I am right, mine twist
in a different direction

from which you found at Bud Caldera's.

Nope. The DNA is exactly the same.

And the polygraph only proves

that you think that what
you're saying is true.

It is true.

The truth is a rare
commodity these days.

Has that passed you by?

Henry, also known as Bud Caldera,

I am formally charging you
for the m*rder of Ian Rogers

and the attempted m*rder of
Commander Paul Lancaster.

You do not have to say anything,

though it may harm your defense

if you do not mention when questioned

something which you
later rely on in court.

And so we move on to the night
of the so-called "double event."

Three weeks after the
m*rder of Annie Chapman,

September the 30th, 1888.

And it was a wet, miserable evening.

And extremely dark.

At 1:00 a.m...

the steward of the club steered his pony

and barrow through that arch,

into the passageway.

The pony shied to the left,

spooked by something lurking
in the shadows of the alley.

Jack the Ripper.

If we move on to the next location,

I can show you where.

[CROWD CHATTERING]

What the f*ck?

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

I'm a retired police officer.

I know.

Live your best life, Ian Rogers.

[KISSING]

[LAUGHS]

- [KEYS JINGLING]
- [DOOR UNLOCKS]

How are you?

[DOOR CLOSES, LOCKS]

Who are the men upstairs?

There is only one man.

Who is he?

The first man in space.

- What?
- Take your medication.

Play the piano.

Do things your body is familiar with.

It helps.

Otherwise, trust me,
you will break in two.

Did I die up there?

Can I get back?

Can I ever get back?

Are there two of you?

One dead, one alive?

Are there two of me?

How does that improve our
knowledge of ourselves?

But if this is what happens up there...

Enough.

You have a child here to be mother to.

And another, maybe, on the way.

Accept this and let go.

How could I?

I... I... I can't.

Because whatever it is,
it cannot be undone.

You cannot change it.

Ever.

It's done.

[JO BREATHING SHAKILY]

Live.

[JO SIGHS]

Live.

[JO SIGHS, HUMS]

[SIGHS]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

I've been thinking
about the other Alice.

Uh-huh.

I think she feels that it's okay

and that you're here with me.

I feel that she thinks it's okay.

We both lost someone,
but we found someone too.

Doesn't mean we have
to forget the other one.

Just means we have to accept it.

Do we accept it?

You're a remarkable young person, Alice.

Your mother would be
incredibly proud of you.

Are you proud of me?

Yeah.

I need a mummy.

I need an Alice. [CHUCKLES]

That's me. Mummy, that can be me.

This is what I saw.

This is what collided with the ISS.

[MAGNUS SIGHS]

Alice drew this.

Well, she probably heard
you talking about it.

I'm trying to be rational, Magnus.

My husband is here.

My daughter is here.

It's obviously the
same world that I left.

But what?

I'm gonna start taking the pills...

if it means that I...

I won't be living on this Kn*fe edge.

If it means that I can come
home and be with you guys.

And what about this baby?

You always wanted another,

but we haven't talked about it

since before you went into space.

Are we in any fit state to have it?

Do you want to have it?

Do you?

[IRENA] My name is
Irena Valentina Lysenko.

I'm Executive Controller of Roscosmos.

In 1967, I became the
second woman in space.

Since that time under the USSR,

and since the fall of Communism,

it has been my burden
and my responsibility

to conceal a basic fact
about space travel.

That it drives people mad.

We know this.

You know this.

We pretend it's not true,

but very many of us see and hear things

that cannot be explained...

[CHUCKLES]

... perhaps not even by
calling it "madness."

I'm asking whether you might be willing

to report any of your own
issues anonymously to me.

- [THERMOMETER BEEPS]
- [GASPING]

[NURSE] Paul. Paul.

Paul, let go.

- I've seen something!
- Let go!

[PANTING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY, GROANS]

I am sorry.

Things are different.

Magnus, do... do I seem like your Jo?

No.

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

I love you.

I love you, and I...
I want you more than I did.

Me too. [CHUCKLES]

Can I sit with you?

Sure.

Thank you for taking care of her.

Here.

What's your name?

Irena Valentina Lysenko.

[WHISPERS] But my friends call me Valya.

Down the rabbit hole with you, Alice.

Alice!

To infinity and beyond!

[JO] Just give me a minute, yeah?

[ALICE] Mamma?

Yeah?

Can I ask you a question?

Mm-hmm.

If what happened happened...

If I'm from here and Daddy's from here

and you're from there...

where's the baby gonna be from?

[JO] Alice, even if I'm not here...

I'm always with you...

and Daddy.

I don't think you
understand how much I...

I just wanted to be around
and see you grow up.

No matter what happens...

my eyes are always on you.

And my heart...

beats with you, baby.

I love you so much.

More than you can ever imagine.

[IN SWEDISH] My love.

["LULLABY" BY SUVI-EEVA ÄIKÄS PLAYS]