02x12 - Hoop Schemes

[bunniefuu]

[theme song playing]

Gee, Brain,
what do you want to do tonight?

The same thing we do
every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world.

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ One is a genius ♪

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain ♪

♪ Before each night is done ♪

♪ Their plan will be unfurled ♪

♪ By the dawning of the sun ♪

♪ They'll take over the world ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Their twilight campaign ♪

♪ Is easy to explain ♪

♪ To prove their mousey worth ♪

♪ They'll overthrow the Earth ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

[Pinky] Narf!

- [rumbling and cracking]
- [steam hissing]

[people screaming]

- [screaming continues]
- [cars zipping]

[crashes]

[door whooshes, clangs]

Tell me again, it's the only way.

It is the only way.

A child needs his parents.

A child needs to survive.

[baby coos happilyl]

This ship will protect him,
teach him and nurture him.

- [keyboard clacking]
- Life support coming online.

Guidance set for the third planet
under the yellow sun.

The natives call it Earth.

- [expl*si*n]
- Ah!

[rocket ship f*ring up]

[man] Launch! Launch!

[crackling]

[Brain] Pinky, I'm picking up
a strange signal.

But Brain, you always tell me
never to pick up strange things.

Wah! Ugh.

That's because you
put everything in your mouth.

Listen, Pinky,
that's a distress signal

from an alien spacecraft.

It may contain a visitor
from another planet.

Oh, my! Narf!

I shall have to get the good dishes
out of storage.

They're not coming for tea, Pinky,
they're about to crash.

Just imagine all
the advanced scientific equipment

we'll find on board.

Ooh! Maybe they'll have
a salad spinner!

[Brain]
Miles and miles of wheat fields!

Somehow,
we have to find that crash site!

[engine whirring]

[zooms]

Um, would it look
something like that, Brain?

- Yes!
- Whoa!

Apparently, no one else
knows about this yet, Pinky.

Do you know what that means?

More lovely scrap metal for us!
Yay! Narf!

[Brain] Not just scrap metal,

but whatever unearthly payload
awaits on board.

[whooshes]

- [crying]
- A baby?!

- Ohh. Kootchy, kootchy, boing!
- [giggles, babbles]

There must be something else here...

Advanced computers, ray g*ns,
a phaser, something!

Narf! Oh, I like
playing with this little fellow.

- [laughs]
- [suckling]

I'm sure you two have much in common.

Wait a minute! This child
is no more than a year old,

yet the nearest star
is more than four light years away.

That means, this ship is capable
of faster-than-light travel.

I have to get the engine.

If I attach the winch
to the nose cone,

and drive forward
at a thirty degree angle...

Brain?

Yes, Pinky?

Are spaceships very heavy?

As a rule, yes.

He's very strong, then, isn't he?

- [babbling]
- And he flies!

Pinky, imagine what we could do
with a child with those powers!

Teach him to carry on
the never ending battle

for truth, justice
and the American way?

- Don't be foolish.
- [baby babbling]

This baby is our ticket
to global domination!

Come, Pinky. We'll stop for supplies

and then, head back
to the lab to train him.

[giggles]

[giggles]

Perhaps we can find an urgent care
facility along the way.

[babbling]

- [squelches]
- [chomps]

There, baby's had enough.

- [splats]
- Ugh!

That makes two of us.

Now, for our postprandial lesson.

Oh, I don't know
if that's a good idea, Brain,

right after he's eaten, and all.

[Brain] Nonsense, Pinky,
there's no better time.

The stomach is full
and the mind is empty.

Now, repeat after me...

World domination. World domination.

Wah... Wor...

[belches]

No lessons after meals.
I'll make a note.

If we take into account
the dynamics observed so far,

why, everything this child does
will be of massive proportions!

Brain? Poit. He's made
a little boo-boo of, um...

massive proportions.

Mother of mercy!

[blowing raspberries, babbling]

[gulps] Wipe.

- Powder.
- [babbling continues]

Safety pin.

- Oh! [baby giggles]
- [twangs]

[babbling happily]

Perhaps these flash cards
from the Young Dictators Collection

will stimulate his interest.

This is Napoleon, a man
of small stature and large ambitions.

Uh, excuse me. It is imperative
that you pay attention.

I only wish I had some of
these advantages when I was a child.

Oh, look at the pretty card, baby.
Narf!

- [zaps]
- [babbles]

Oh, what a funny trick.

Doesn't he do the cutest things,
Brain?

He's adorable, Pinky.

Oof!

[baby giggles]

In fact, he's painfully adorable.

Now, the big, yellow giraffe is

the International Tribunal
at the Hague.

They settle border disputes.

[blows raspberry, babbles]

Isn't he clever, Brain?

He will be. Now, under my rule,

their function will be subsumed by
the Office of Prime Minister Pinky.

- [baby giggles, babbles]
- Hey! [strains]

No! You can color later. Whoa!

[screaming]

Perhaps judicial protocol
is better taught with puppets.

[gasps]

Good afternoon. Could you, by chance,
point me towards the airport?

- [baby crying, yelling]
- [crashing]

Poit. Oh, I'm glad you're back,
Brain.

The baby's been a little cranky,
lately.

- He's teething.
- [bangs]

[crying]

[Pinky] I tried to entertain him.

I've played the Singing Nun album
three times through.

It just upsets him.

I don't know why they
keep that record in the lab!

Well, if you must turn to
the mass media, Pinky,

at least try some of the fine
programs on educational television.

Look! It's everybody's favorite
big orange dinosaur, Bologna!

[dinosaur laughing on TV]

♪ It's a yum yum doodle dum
Gosh, oh, golly ♪

♪ Doodle, jolly day! ♪ [laughs]

[screams]

[glass shatters]

Maybe he'd prefer The Flying Nun .

We'll never know unless we find him.
Fuel up the ATV!

Chances are,
he's returned to the ship, Pinky.

It's the only other place he knows.

Well, maybe he left his pacifier
in the glove box.

[baby babbling]

Listen, Pinky, through there.

It just don't seem right,

a little baby,
out here all by his self.

Where did you come from, young'un?

We've always wanted a child,
Jonathan.

Well, if the sheriff
can't find his parents,

I suppose we could take care of him.

We could call him Clark and
raise him like he was our own.

What'll we do, Pinky?

They obviously don't have
the proper scientific expertise

to raise a child.

You know, Brain,
Sister Patria always says,

"If you love someone, set them free."

Really, Pinky?

Oh, yes.

Then, perhaps she's also familiar
with the corollary statement...

If someone trashes your lab,
keeps you up at night,

causes you nothing but pain and
then deserts you, good riddance!

Still, I hope the little fellow
will be all right.

[Pinky]
They look like nice people, Brain.

Bye-bye, Dada.

Brain, he called you...

Hush, Pinky.

We must steel ourselves against
mawkish sentimentality.

Head back to the lab
to prepare for tomorrow night.

Why, Brain? What are we
going to do tomorrow night,

Make a scrapbook?

Yes, Pinky. And then...

try to take over the world!

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain ♪

[Brain] Left. This is ridiculous.

Left. It's beneath my dignity.

Right. I don't even know
why I put up with it.

A superior intellect is
an appalling object to squander.

This maze wouldn't challenge

a developmentally
disabled sea cucumber!

[Pinky calling]
Yoo-hoo, Brain! Oh, Brain!

Where are you? [panting]
This maze is so confusing!

I wonder if sea cucumbers
make credible sidekicks.

- [pops]
- Nah.

Over here, Pinky.

Poit! Where, Brain?

Oh, I... can't... find... you.

Really? And when did you last see me?

Well, Brain,
it was quite a while ago.

And what did I look like?

Oh, well, you were about so tall,
with big ears and a lumpy head

and a kind of
scowling look on your face.

Like this?

Yes! And now,
you're way over there, somewhere.

[gasps] Oh, there you are, Brain.

I have something to tell you!
I found the exit.

[Brain] Indeed?

Ta-da!

Brilliant! Perhaps one day
you'll find those marbles you lost.

Oh, I don't think so, Brain.

I've been looking for those
for a long, long time.

- [sign clangs]
- [Brain] Pinky...

remind me to hurt you
when we get out of here.

[Pinky] 'Kay!

Day after day, we must endure
the same mindless ritual!

And for what?

A weekend in Branson, Missouri?

No, Pinky, a moldy piece of cheese.

[chomps]

- [electrical zapping]
- Aah!

Mm, that new jalapeño flavor
has quite a kick! [chuckles] Olé!

Here, have mine.

Mm! Thank you!

- [chomps] Aah!
- [electrical zapping]

[door squeaks]

That's enough fun for now.

Soon, our ceaseless torment
will be over, Pinky.

The moment we've been waiting for
is nearly upon us.

[gasps]
The Banana Splits reunion tour?

No, Pinky, something
almost as extraordinary.

A harmonic convergence of
every celestial body in our galaxy.

Incredible, Brain! Stupendous!
Um, just one question, though.

Yes, Pinky?

Where are we going to get
all those harmonicas?

You can stop trying to
break the record

for absolute idiocy, Pinky,
there are no other contenders.

I am the king! Narf!

The harmonic convergence is a precise
alignment of planets and stars,

which occurs but once every



Egad! How did you
figure that one out, Brain?

The same way
I figure everything out, Pinky,

a little winged fairy told me.

Ohh, did she tell you the one

about the gelatin monster
in the chocolate sauce?

[giggles] Oh, that's my favorite!

Now, the convergence
will cause a gravitational flux

throughout the entire Earth,

which will, in turn, trigger
an inner ear imbalance in mankind.

This will render them susceptible
to the power of suggestion

- for precisely fifteen seconds.
- [humming]

Stop that, Pinky!

Ooh! I'm strangely susceptible
to the power of your suggestion.

[chuckles] Poit!

[Brain] Fortunately,
I am poised to take advantage of

this once in a millennium
moment of vulnerability.

I have obtained this rare
prototype dilithium matrix chip.

Yummy! Does that go with onion dip?

If it did, Pinky, your dippy brains
would be the perfect accompaniment.

No, it goes with this...

The first subsonic transmitter,

which will broadcast my message
of total subjugation

to the disoriented masses.

The harmonic convergence
begins at high noon, Pinky.

[clock ticking]

[buzzes, hums]

Yes!

In precisely twenty-seven minutes,
I shall rule the world!

[scientist chuckles]
This'll be swell!

Quickly, Pinky!

At last,
the Labyrinthatron Four Thousand

is ready for a trial run!

We just need to
find that controller chip.

There it is!

No, not my chip!

[transmitter powers down]

[gasps]

Pinky, we have to get it back!

[snorts] This virtual reality maze
oughta stump 'em. [chuckles]

Isn't it dangerous?

[chuckles] Oh, Guy,
they're just lab mice,

we can always get more.

Oh, goody, Brain! More moldy cheese!

Don't you understand, Pinky?
We only have twenty-six minutes!

They're about to put us into a
never-ending morass of sheer t*rture

full of roads leading nowhere with
no light at the end of the tunnel.

Do they have fruit salad?

- [cage opens]
- [gasps, strains]

[Brain and Pinky] Aah!

Where are we, Brain?

We're inside the maze.

Native Americans call it maize,
we call it corn.

[groans] I shall ignore that, Pinky.

'Kay.

Now, come. We must
quickly ascertain the proper path.

To find the moldy cheese balls?

No, to find the dilithium matrix...
Chip.

[pops]

Oh, the glass box! Nice one, Brain.

Can you do
"walking in very strong wind"?

[imitates wind blowing]

Look! Leaning on
an invisible broom handle. Zort!

[Brain] Yes, with your
invisible mind. [whacks]

Whoa! [thuds]

Holographic imaging. Impressive.

Look, Brain. Poit!

Cheese!

We must be at the end!

No! Be not tempted, Pinky.

This is not cheese.

But Brain, it looks
so golden and yummy!

Be that as it may, it's just an
illusion designed to lure us into...

A trap!

[flames whoosh]

[image hums]

Oh, well, good thing
it isn't rhubarb pie!

- Ohh! Rhubarb pie...
- No, Pinky!

It's just a hologram.

Pie! Narf!

The hologram will display
whatever you desire most

to lure you into that trap.

You mean, the Vinny Barbarino doll
I asked you for last week?

[image hums]

- Pinky...
- What do you desire most, Brain?

[image hums]

You don't want to know.

When do you think we'll
get to the real cheese, Brain?

The important matter is,
when will we find the chip?

[Pinky] Ooh, maybe the chips will be
right next to the cheese!

Sort of an hors d'oeuvres spread.
[laughs]

Maybe they'll have a crudités
or pigs in a blanket!

And what do you call those little
cocktail weenies on toothpicks?

Your intellectual superiors, Pinky.

[laughs hysterically] Troz!

Time is of the essence, Pinky.
We must hurry!

Curious. It seems we're
right back where we started.

Ohh, just like Dorothy
in The Wizard of ...

Oz.

Just as I suspected. Come, Pinky!

Now, wait.

Woo, my head is spinning!

In your own childlike way, Pinky,
you are quite correct.

The entire corridor is revolving.

By my calculations,
this is the way out.

Egad! Brilliant, Brain!

Yes, Pinky.

Narf! The cheese
at the end of the maze!

[gasps] No, Pinky!

If our captors learn
we've completed the maze,

they'll remove us before we can
recover the dilithium matrix chip.

We must continue our expedition
unsated.

Unfortunately, we're back
at the beginning of the maze.

[laughing] I know where to go!

No, Pinky! That's the room
with the hologram. It's a trap!

Have you forgotten? Time
is running out to find the chip!

Well, I know, Brain.
That's why I wish we had a map.

[gasps]

Sometimes you astound me, Pinky.

At last, Pinky, there's the chip!

Where's the sour cream and onion dip?

[Brain]
One more hors d'oeuvres joke, Pinky,

and I shall run a toothpick
through you!

But I'm feeling a bit peckish.

Luckily, I brought along
one of those cheese balls!

Pinky, no! Not here!

- [chomps] Aah!
- [electrical zapping]

Run for it, Pinky!

[both] Aah!

- [clangs]
- [both] Ugh!

[both] Aah!

[debris clattering]

[timer ringing]

Pinky, are you pondering
what I'm pondering?

I think so, Brain.

But how will we get
a pair of Abe Vigoda's pants?

No, Pinky, the transmitter is ruined.

We've missed the planetary alignment,
a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence.

Well, we'll just have to wait for
the next one then, won't we?

Ugh!

Come, Pinky, we must rest up
for tomorrow morning.

Why? What are we going to do
in the morning, Brain?

The same thing we do
every morning, Pinky,

run that stupid maze.

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain ♪

[theme music playing]