03x22 - The Tailor and the Mice/Bah, Wilderness

[bunniefuu]

Gee, Brain,
what do you want to do tonight?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky,

try to take over the world.

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ One is a genius ♪

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Before each night is done ♪

♪ Their plan will be unfurled ♪

♪ By the dawning of the sun ♪

♪ They'll take over the world ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Their twilight campaign ♪

♪ Is easy to explain ♪

♪ To prove their mousey worth ♪

♪ They'll overthrow the earth ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

Narf!

[orchestral music]

- [click]
- [smack]

[gasps] Gak!

♪ There was a tailor, had a mouse ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ They lived together in one house ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin-tay-roo-tump-tin ♪

♪ In the town of Ramsey ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin, over the knee ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ The tailor thought his mouse was ill ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ He gave him part of a blue pill ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin-tay-roo-tump-tin ♪

♪ In the town of Ramsey ♪

♪ hi-diddle-lumkin, over the knee ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ The tailor thought his mouse would die ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ He baked him in an apple pie ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin-tay-roo-tump-tin ♪

♪ In the town of Ramsey ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin, over the knee ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ The pie was cut, the mouse jumped out ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ The tailor chased him all about ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin-tay-roo-tump-tin ♪

♪ In the town of Ramsey ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin, over the knee ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

[rhythmic sobs]

♪ The tailor thought his mouse was dead ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ So he caught another one instead ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin-tay-roo-tump-tin ♪

♪ In the town of Ramsey ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin, over the knee ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ The tailor really loved his mice ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ He let them sleep on a bed of rice ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin-tay-roo-tump-tin ♪

♪ In the town of Ramsey ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin, over the knee ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ The tailor chased them 'cross the bay ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ He chased them to this very day ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin-tay-roo-tump-tin ♪

♪ In the lab of Acme ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumkin-tay-roo-tump-tin ♪

♪ In the lab of Acme ♪

[both] Aah!

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Hi-diddle-lumpkin-fee-do ♪

[murmuring]

[ringing]

- Yay!
- Let's get out of here!

[clamoring]

Yes! Finally, summer is upon us.

You know what this means, Pinky?

Poit! Endless lines
of demanding German tourists

at the nation's theme parks, Brain?

Yes, and all the time I need

to implement my latest plan
of world domination.

Troz! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Pinky, what are you doing?

Heh heh. Oh, I'm using
the a*t*matic food dispenser

the scientists hooked up
for us, Brain. Heh. Watch.

- [click]
- [whirring]

[bells ding]

Narf! Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Funny, no matter
how many times I do that,

I'm still hungry.

Don't worry, Pinky.

Where we're going,

we shall have no need
for such contraptions.

Where are we going, Brain? Oof.

We're going to a place

where children and animals
cavort all day long...

and the nights are silent,

save for the plaintive call
of the field cricket.

We're going to the WB Network?

Zort! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

No, Pinky. We are going to camp.

- [click]
- [squeak]

Camp.

[gasps] Ooh, we could stay in a log cabin.

Oh, no. No, wait. Bad idea.

Heh, heh. We'd get all syrupy.

I'm not talking about
just any camp, Pinky.

I'm talking about Camp David!

Built in 1953
as a retreat for US Presidents

to hold high-level talks
with foreign leaders

in a relaxed and rustic setting.

Oh, we'll have fun there, Brain.

Maybe the president will tell us scary
campfire stories about his wife.

Riveting as that would be, Pinky,

you and I will be over here...

Camp Davey, a sleepaway camp

for the children of the visiting
world leaders.

Oh, I see, Brain.

We're going to make
the world leaders' children all syrupy.

Not quite, my friend.

I will get us jobs
as craft counselors at camp Davey

and have each camper
make a log pencil holder

for his or her world leader parent.

Each one will contain a microscopic
listening device

attached by yours truly.

Very cunning, Brain.

We'll finally hear
what those mischievous pencils

are saying behind our backs.

Zort! Oof!

Perhaps a few more pellets to the head

might stun you back
to consciousness, Pinky.

Yummy! What a good idea.

Eavesdropping
on the world's leaders

will provide me with
the information I need

to take over the world!

I'll eat to that. Narf!

But then, how can I expect you...

Um... oh, dear.

To understand the beauty of my scheme

when you can't even...

[both] Aah!

Ohh, that was fun, Brain.

My whole body is numb.

Good. Then the pain
I'm about to inflict on you

won't be quite as intense.

Uhh!

Now remember, Pinky...

Let me do all the talking.

Well, your resumé is impressive indeed,
Mr. Brain...

That's Dr. Brain.

As you can see, I received a Ph.D.
in camping from Harvard.

But let's cut to the chase.

My assistant Pinky and I
would like to begin immediately.

Of course,
I'll have to run a background check

with the folks at the FBI.

We can't be too careful
with our clientele.

Whoopsy doodle.

Whoopsy doodle?

Did you by any chance once head up a plot

to train giant vegetables
to take over the world?

What? Well, of course it sounds bad
if you put it that way...

what's this?

Caught trying to harness
the power of tornadoes

to seize control of Earth?

Oh, that's all behind me now,
I assure you.

My sole interest these days

is to share my love of camping
with the younger generation.

Tell you what, boys...

I'll put your names on the waiting list
and call you if anything comes up.

[secretary] Excuse me, sir.

The camp supervisor is headed this way.

Oh, now what?

But, Brain, I thought you said

we'd only have to fool one
dim-witted flunky.

Ixnay. Ixnay. Shh.

Big foot is entering the cave.

Supervisor, it's so nice to see you.

Can the happy talk, Ranger Rick.

Did I or did I not request caviar
in the Grand Duke's trail mix, hmm?

Of course. I was
just saying good-bye to our visitors.

Oh, aren't you
the cutest little things?

[both] Gaa!

Dr. Brain and his assistant

are applying to be counselors
here at Camp Davey.

Oh, that is too sweet.

When do they start?

Now hold up.

You know how long the waiting list
is for new counselors.

[both] Oof!

Listen to me, nature boy,
one phone call from me,

and your career's in the woodchipper.

B-b-but where can I put them?

The only place I might possibly
have an opening is...

vegetable garden counselor?

Absurd.

Unless I think of a way
to become craft counselor,

all of my planning will be for naught.

I'll help you, Brain,

just as soon as I'm finished
writing you this letter from camp.

Pinky, why would I want a letter from you
when you're sitting two feet away?

Oh, everyone loves getting mail, Brain.

Here, here, here.
Let me read it to you. Ahem.

Ahem. "Dear Brain, hello from camp. Narf!"

What do you think?
Too chatty?

Let me see that letter.

Egad! And save me a stamp.

Good thinking, Brain.

"Camp Davey counselors.
Top seniority.

Craft counselor."

Where did you get this piece of paper?

Zort! From the head
camp man's office, Brain.

This is a list of every
counselor at Camp Davey

in order of their seniority.

Pinky, are you pondering
what I'm pondering?

I think so, Brain,

but I find scratching just makes it worse.

Fascinating, Pinky.

No. I meant if I want to be promoted
to the post of craft counselor,

I must eliminate
every person above me.

Hmm. I don't see anyone
above you, Brain.

Really? Then who's this?

Ooh. Ha ha ha ha.

Oof.

Dig, children, dig.

In a few weeks, your hard toil will be
rewarded with huge, shiny vegetables!

[Dutch accent] Ach, I'm tired,
vegetable garden counselor Brain.

I want to go back to ze camp.

[British accent] Yes. Why must this hole
be so very deep?

I told you. These are
the growing conditions

required for the giant elephant yam!

[Canadian accent]
if you're really a counselor,

how come us kids
are so much bigger than you, eh?

Because I'm a lab mouse

using my counselor position at your camp
to achieve global domination.

Boy, I'm glad you're
not storytime counselor.

Your stories bite.

[whistle blows]

All right, campers, back to your cabins.

Our work here is done.

- Yay!
- Yippee!

Pinky, anything to report on lookout?

Yes, Brain. I've spotted
a teeny-tiny forest

full of itsy-bitsy trees.

Try looking through the other end, Pinky.

Poit! Okay.

Egad, Brain!
Someone's coming this way.

Good. The storytime counselor's
right on schedule.

Come here, Pinky.

Aah! Oof!

Aah!

You can take down
the binoculars now, Pinky.

Oh, right. Aah!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

That, people, is how
the grizzly got his growl.

Heh heh. Ok, run along.

- [child 1] Bye-bye, Counselor Jim!
- [child 2] Bye.

Hmm. "The Poems of Ally Sheedy."

[gasps] Far out.

Drat.

"Ode to Judd Nelson."

Aah!

Do you think he's okay, Brain?

"There once was a man
named Judd Nelson

who had nostrils like nobody else'n."

One down.

[British boy] I heard
the storytime counselor went quite batty

and ran off to live in the woods.

And I heard he was eaten by bears.

Wow. I heard that at night,

you can hear his ghost
read poems by The Brat Pack.

[all] Ooh.

[Brain] Good evening.

[all gasp]

Don't be startled, children.

During Counselor Jim's absence,

I will be filling in
as storytime counselor.

So, sit back, get comfortable,

and prepare for the fright of your life!

My story begins on a night
just like this one.

Dr. Bill Hubbard
of the institute for Advanced Studies

was computing algorithms
to the power of 27,000

when the cosine button
of his calculator became stuck,

causing his results
to increase exponentially.

Unaware of the problem,

he continued to use
the Briggsian system!

Needless to say,
the sine curves of his indices

were distorting along
a quadratic progression,

and what he saw when he looked down

filled him with an unspeakable terror,

for it was the largest prime number
ever computed!

[yawns]

Excuse me. I'm trying
to tell a story here.

This story's not scary, eh.

Not scary?

Don't you realize the repercussions
of Dr. Hubbard's mistake?

Big deal.

Oh, oh, may I try, Brain?

I want to tell a scary story.

You? Ha!

Go ahead, Pinky.

This should be entertaining.

Hmm... let's see...

Narf! Something scary...

Oh, oh, oh, I know. Ahem.

Once upon a time,
there was a talking lab mouse

who was very angry
because he couldn't take over the world.

Oh, ripping.

Yes, and all day long,

he would fuss and fume
and think up strange ideas

with his huge, oversized head.

- This is good.
- This is really good.

So, one day, the big-headed mouse
was busy making his plans...

[yawns]

it's working, Pinky.

The archery competition
is in complete chaos

due to the campers'
lack of sleep last night.

All because of my scary story, Brain?

That and the tiny sand crabs
I scattered all over their beds.

Look, Pinky.

I can't believe our luck.

You're fired.

That's two.

I thought we'd spend my first day
as athletics counselor

playing a rousing game of magnet tow!

- I've never heard of that.
- I do not understand.

[grunting]

Let's go, people.

Every second counts in magnet tow.

Counselor Brain,

are you quite certain that magnet tow's
a real sport?

Why, of course it is!

It's very big in, uh, Bulgaria.

My father is Prime Minister of Bulgaria,

and I have never heard of it.

Did I say Bulgaria?

Ha! I meant Outer Mongolia.

B-b-but my father is...

All right, let's cut the chatter.

The game of magnet tow ends

when you have
placed the magnet inside a big knapsack,

such as that one over there.

Ok, good game, everyone.
Go hit the showers.

[camper 1] That game stinks.

[camper 2] What a waste of time.

[camper 3] Oh, yeah.

Good job, people.

Just a couple more miles.

Monsieur counselor, pardonnez moi.

I believe ze lake
is in ze opposite direction.

Not a chance, Chamonix.

My magnetic compass never lies.

We're heading due south.

Ahh...

[gasps]

[dogs barking]

There's three.

♪ The friendly forest creatures ♪

♪ Never frighten us because we love 'em ♪

Aah!

[all gasp]

[all] Aah!

Four down.

Wha...?

That's five.

Aah!

Six.

[counselor] My, you've all
done such a lovely job

with your crafts projects.

Your parents
will cherish these punch bowls.

They're teacups, ma'am.

Now everyone put your cups into the kiln.

Little do they know

I've mixed 28 cakes of yeast
into the clay.

Twenty-eight cakes?

That's more than Lucy and Ethel used.

[rumbling]

Ew! I've got clay in my hair.

You're fired!

[both] Aah!

A successful outcome, if a bit messy.

Oh, Brain. Troz!

You make a lovely first impression.

Finally, Pinky!

As craft counselor at Camp Davey,

I can implement my plan
of distributing bugged pencil holders

to all the world's leaders.

Goody, Brain. Troz!

As assistant craft counselor,
I get to lick the sandpaper.

Good idea, Pinky.

Perhaps it will erode
your ability to speak.

Come, we must scout logs
for the work ahead. [gasps]

Twenty-five... 26... 27... 28... 29... 30.

- Good-bye.
- See ya, Counselor Brain.

What's going on?

Where's everyone going?

They're going home.

First session's over, counselor.

Over? That's impossible.

It's... it's still the middle of summer.

Oh, we have a whole new
load of kids starting today.

Nothing but Vice Presidents' children.

[shouting and screaming]

Come, Pinky.

I'm afraid the window
of opportunity at Camp Davey

has slammed shut on our fingers.

But, Brain, aren't vice presidents
important, too?

In the corridors of power, Pinky,

you might say vice presidents
are stuck in the broom closet.

That's him!

As Emilio Estevez once said...

"Get him!"

[angry muttering]

Head for the lab, Pinky!

Why, Brain? Zort!

What are we going to do at the lab?

Lay low till fall, and then...

try to take over the world!

♪ They're dinky,
They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

[orchestral theme music]