03x30 - You'll Never Eat Food Pellets in This Town Again!

[bunniefuu]

Gee, brain,

What do you
want to do tonight?

The same thing
we do every night,
pinky,

Try to take over
the world.

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ one is a genius ♪

♪ the other's insane ♪

♪ they're
laboratory mice ♪

♪ their genes
have been spliced ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

♪ before each night
is done ♪

♪ their plan
will be unfurled ♪

♪ by the dawning
of the sun ♪

♪ they'll take over
the world ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ their twilight campaign ♪

♪ is easy to explain ♪

♪ to prove
their mousey worth ♪

♪ they'll overthrow
the earth ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

Narf!

[Roaring]

[Roaring]

Look, pinky.

Look at them
flee in terror.

I told you nobody
would like your
scary float, brain.

People like
happy floats--
Like nathan lane.

And as i told you,
pinky,

It is precisely
by scaring people
as the cyclops

That i intend to take
over the ancient world.

Rahrr!

Rahrr!

By the staff of poseidon's
barnacle-Encrusted trident,

Come no closer!

Here's a free sample
for you!

Rahrr!

[Pinky and brain screaming]

Brain!
Aah!

Aah!
Ooh!

Waahhh!
Waahhh!

Come. If we leave now,

We can be back
at the pharmacopoeia
by tomorrow night.

Why? What we going
to do tomorrow night,
brain?

The same thing we do
every night, pinky--

Try to get o--I--

No. Take over--
Oh, drat. Line!

Man: cut!

Reset!

Brain: i'm
sorry, bobby.

I've only said the line
a million times.

No. It's my fault.
I just--I need--

Oh, we're so behind.
Does it pinch? What?

No, no, no.
Let's just go again.

Where are the writers?

Jed, jed, jed.
If we're going again,

Can we find
something better than
the nathan lane thing?

I mean, margaret and i
are having lunch
with him next week,

And this is...
well, it's insulting.

Insulting? What?

Where's an insult?

It's a fat joke!

I'll be in my
dressing room. Zort!

Excuse me, brain.

I have a call for you
from sandy dreckman.

Sandy dreckman?
The head of the network?

Uh, this is the brain.

[Fast, indistinct chatter]
sandy! Hey, hey!

Uh-Huh! Yes!

[Rapid chatter]

Uh, excuse me,
sandy.

What is it, pinky?

Tell him thanks
for the tiffany
candy dish.

Troz!
Margaret and i
love it.

Margaret is a puppet.

Yes?

Yes, sandy.

[Rapid chatter]

Oh. Oh, i see.

Yes, we'll be
right over.

Boys, i'll nutshell
this for you.

These are the season
ratings for
pinky and the brain.

Say no more, sandy.

Pinky and i
would be honored

To join the network's
exciting prime-Time lineup.

Prime time? You?

Maybe i didn't
make myself clear.

A close examination
shows an enormous decline

In the most recent sweeps.

Enormous? Why, if that
were any smaller,

It would be...

extremely small.

Good one, brain!

What do you want, pinky?

In real life, i don't
have any writers.

Now, there's
no need to panic.

Stu and jim
from market research

Have been working up
a revamp.

Thank you,
mr. Dreckman.

Uh, using focus groups,
state-Of-The-Art
polling techniques,

And these magic
chicken bones,

We've formulated a list
of changes to your show.

First, we'll lure
more young adult viewers

By taking the show
out of the lab

And setting it
in a funky coffeehouse.

What would


Intent on
taking over
the world

Be doing in
a coffeehouse?

Perhaps relaxing
after a hard day

Of raising your family
of adopted orphans.

Adopted orphans?

We also see
strong support

For replacing
the current
catch phrase "narf"

With
"wakka wakka doo."

Ha ha ha!

It tested strongly
in all markets.

This is absurd.

You people
would take oedipus rex

And stick in
a talking chimp

If you thought
it would scare up

Another half
a rating's point.

Yeah! You people
would take
star wars

And set it
in outer space...

or, um, put in
a sassy robot
or something.

I mean, really!

Brain: gentlemen,
what do your
polling numbers say

About my hurting pinky?

Big numbers!

Through the roof!

Good. Come along,
pinky.

I feel a rehearsal
coming on.

"Sassy robot."

Hmm.

Tour guide:
and this is the home
of pinky and the brain,

Stars of tv's
pinky and the brain.

All: ooh!

And right next-Door
is the home of tv's
d*ck clark.

All: ooh.

Savages!

Throwin' trash
onto somebody's lawn.

Learn some manners!

They're riding me, nifty.

They're messing
with the show.

Listen, i have
people clamoring
for you and pinky.

I'll have the networks
eating out of your hands.

You mean that?

I'm your agent.
Would i kid you?

You have heat.

I have heat.

You are hot, baby.
in the shade.

I'm on fire! Yes!

Sound the fire alarm!

Somebody train
a hose on me!

Your are
the towering inferno!

Yes!

All right. Uh...
say hi to the missis

And give my love
to margaret.

Margaret.

That's pinky's
puppet.

Yes?

Ok.

Am i gonna have
a bigger part

When they redevelop
your show?

No, sheila, not
unless you can play
a third-World orphan.

Well, what's the use
of being married

To mr. Big tv star

If you can't
even get me a part
on your show?

I told you.
I have nothing to do
with the casting.

I've only done


And i always have to
play that whining
billie character!

What a stretch.

What did you say?

I said, i hate to cut short
this pleasant conversation,

But pinky and i have
a show to rehearse.

Where is he?

I don't know.
In his room.

Pinky?

Oh. Ready?

Good-Bye, margaret.

Mmm-Muh!

Sheila's being
particularly irksome
today.

Poit. Do you know,
when margaret's
like that,

I turn her inside out.

Ok, places
for rehearsal.

It's a little
different,

But i'm thinking
funny different.

Where's
the cage, bobby?

Cage?

The cage
where i unfold my plan
for world domination?

The cage was nice,
but...memos...
and no cage.

Places! I hope.

Quiet. Quiet!
And...

action.

"Brain. When
i'm done cleanin',

"Can we go
to the coffeehouse

And hang out
with our single
friends? Brain?"

I am up here, pinky,
fixing this ceiling light.

"Oh. Let me
turn on a light

So you can see
what you're doing."

No, pinky.

Yaaaahhhh!

"Welcome home
from school,
yurkel."

Pinky, my man.
Mmm, mmm!

You are lookin'
sharp today.

Yes, yurkel,

You can have
some pimento loaf.

Mmm, mmm.
Wakka wakka doo!

Come on, g*ng!

No, yurkel.

Aaahhh!

Uhh!

"Oh, brain,
how did a couple
of bachelors like us

End up looking
after a house full
of orphans?"

"I don't know,
pinky,

But we sure have
grown to love them."

Hi, boys.

"Robot. How
many times have
i told you?

Use
the front door."

Door...

shmore.

"Oh, robot..."
you sure are sassy.

All right, all right,
all right. That's it!

Cut?

This is the worst
piece of drivel

I've ever had
the displeasure
of performing.

I'd be ashamed
to have this mess

Bear
the title pinky
and the brain.

We could change it...
maybe to
suddenly yurkel.

Ok! I quit!

I quit, too!

Don't worry, pinky.

Nifty says
he can get us
lots of work.

Oh.

Brain?

Yes, pinky?

What does
"quitting" mean?

Well...

[mumbles
indistinctly]

Nooo!

Are you sure nifty knows

To call us at your
restaurant, brain?

Yes. I left him
a message.

[Ring]

Brain's famous.
Are you pondering
a reservation?

I'm pondering
a 40 share
opposite seinfeld.

Nifty!

Have i got a gig
for you two!

A gig?

Strike while
the iron is hot,
and you are hot!

Sss! Ouch!

Yes. Hot. Ha ha. What--
What kind of a gig?

You are
one mouse flambé.

Drop and roll, baby.

Fire. Yes. Ha ha ha!

So--So what kind
of a gig?

How do you look
in gold lamé?

Announcer:
the pinky and the brain
variety hour!

[Applause]

[Show theme plays
ala i got you, babe ]

[Applause and whistling]

♪ i used to want
to rule the earth ♪

♪ but now i'm happy
bringing people mirth ♪

♪ i've no idea
what you just said ♪

♪ but would you
like to bop me
on the head? ♪

♪ narf ♪

♪ please bop me,
brain ♪

♪ narf ♪

♪ please bop me,
brain ♪

♪ narf ♪

♪ please bop me,
brain ♪

♪ please
bop me ♪
♪ i'll bop you ♪

♪ brain ♪
♪ pinky ♪

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Stop the music.

What's wrong, brain?

I thought i was
a little flat.

No. You're just
a little short.

How can you tell

With that big nose
of yours in the way?

Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

Ohhh...
ha ha ha!

We've been blessed
by good writers.

Yes. Wait till
you see tori spelling
in the camel sketch.

Tori spelling?!

Hmmph! You couldn't
find a part for me

In your big new show?

I--I pushed and pushed
for you, dear,

But the network
forced us to use

An assortment
of talented celebrities.

What were they thinking?

Very funny,
mr. Tv comedy genius!

You can laugh
yourself to sleep
on the couch tonight.

Ouch, brain. Ooh.

That's all right,
pinky.

She'll be fine once
we get the ratings.

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

This is the brain.

Canceled? How
can it be canceled?

This is
the first show.
It just started.

What can i say?
The numbers come in
fast these days.

But don't worry
about a thing.

You're still burning up.

I am?

Scalding!
You radiate heat.

I could toast weenies
over the phone.

As i told the great
buddy gunther,

When you have heat,
you never lose it.

Ya can't put out
a fire.

Who's buddy gunther?

Well...he doesn't work
as much as he used to,

But he was hot,
baby.

So...what's next?

How'd you like
to do some cameos?

Something
for spielberg?
Tarantino?

I was thinking
maybe we start
with episodic.

[Show theme plays]

Hostile alien life forms
approaching, sir.

k*ll them.

Arrhh--Aah!
Arrhh--Aah!

[Show theme plays]

[Siren]

[Chatter
on police radio]

They're
over here.

[Radio chatter]

I'd like to get
the dirtbag
who did this.

Blue sky it for me.
What do you want
to play next?

Something other
than a corpse?

New rumco solid

Takes care of all
my smelly, foul
refrigerator odors.

Take this,

You smelly, foul
refrigerator odors!

Ooh!
Ooh!

Thanks, rumco.

[Rapid chatter
on phone]

Yes. Uh-Huh.
Surface of the sun.

Mm-Hmm. I'm burning
a hole in my couch.

Yes. Oh. Yes. Yeah.

[Fast chatter]

[Sighs]

You know what, nifty?

I hate you.

Mm-Hmm. Ah. You've been
hated by the best.
Yes, i'm sure.

By the way...
you're fired.

[Fast chatter]

Mm-Hmm. Oh, yes.

If i ever have
a career again

And i want it
to go straight
down the toilet,

I'll give you
a call. Ok?

Yeah. Well, you,
too! Bye-Bye.

[Sighs]

[Sniffles]

We're all alone
in the world.

Daryl.
Bring me some more
of those crawdads.

[Sobbing]

No! No, brain!
Stop it!
Stop it for me!

You're not a quitter!

I'll get us jobs.
Yes, that's it. Yes!

You don't spend


Without making
connections!

You, pinky?

[Chuckles] yes.

Perhaps some of your
little puppet friends
can help us.

Yes! Oh, i know
they will, brain.

Now, let me see...

what favors
can i call in?

Narf! Oh, you know,

I used to lunch
with a fellow who did
frank oz's nails.

You know, pinky...

those crawdads tasted
a little funny.

Does this month
have an "r" in it?

No, brain! Oh, no!

I'll save us!

Margaret!

Children,
we're very lucky

To have pinky
and the brain

To entertain us
for timmy's birthday.

[Children cheering]

Good gig, pinky.

Yes. And
no pesky agent's fee.

Brain: thank you,
mrs. Gribnick.
Children,

For the next 2 hours,
pinky and i will be
sharing reminiscences

Of our days
as the stars

Of tv's pinky
and the brain.

Time allowing,
this will be followed

By a brief question
and answer period.

[Indistinct chatter]

What are you
doing?

Did you not
hire us

To perform an evening
with pinky and the brain,
madam?

I hired you to entertain
timmy and his friends.

Now, get to it, buster!

Children, mr. Pinky
is going to make

Balloon animals
for us!

[Children cheering]

Um...

a worm!

[Cheering]

[Laughter]

Uh, like, you're
not the real brain,

'Cause, um,
the real brain's
on tv and stuff.

And he's shinier.

And, uh, like,
he's all a genius,

And, uh,
you're really
stupid.

Timmy, have you
ever heard of a man
named w.C. Fields?

No.

He would've
referred to you

As an ignorant,
snot-Nosed little brat,

And he would've
been right!

Wahhh!

Daddy!

The fake brain
yelled at me!

[Timmy sobbing]

Aah--Oomp!
Aah--Oomp!

There's
a certain liberation

In having one's
last remaining
bit of pride

Cracked into
a thousand pieces.

Well, that's funny,
brain.

The same thing
just happened
to my collarbone.

Ha ha ha ha! Ow!
Ha ha ha! Ow!

Pinky, why
do i do this?

I'm letting a bunch
of hollywood idiots

Dictate my self-Worth.

I'll move to the country...
live with the real people.

Sheila and i
could sell everything.

We could start over...

be happy...
fall in love again.

Yes!

I'm going home
to tell her right now.

[Crash]

Oof!

Sheila: and stay out,
you bum!

Oh, darn it!

Hey!

Oh, sorry,
brain.

I thought
you were another
piece of trash

From those
darn tourists.

Oh. No. Heh heh.

Just a little
difference of opinion
with the missis.

Yeah, pulled the old
"who needs show
business" bit, huh?

Mm-Hmm.

Yep. She'll
get the house.

Oh, d*ck.
You've been there.

Tell me what to do.
How do i get back
on track?

How do i put the pieces
back together?

Did you ever think
about adding hamburgers
to the menu?

That cajun thing's
a little passé.

Yeah, how's margaret?

Margaret's a puppet.

Yes?

Brain!

Sheila
kicked me out.

I know, brain. Poit.

Margaret's
left me, too.

Or maybe she just fell
behind the dryer.

Hey, boss,
they're talkin'
about your old show.

Programming chief
sandy dreckman
announced today

That pinky and the brain
will soon return

To the network's
regular schedule.

Pinky! I knew it!
They want us back.

Yay!

Why haven't
they called?

I'll bet nifty
didn't give them
this number.

Here's a clip from the show
with its brand-New cast.

New cast?

[Southern accent]
brain? Where are
y'all, brain?

[Southern accent]
up here, pinky.

I'm fixin' the dang
ceilin' light.

Well, sh**t. Let me
turn on a light

So's you can see
what you're a-Doin'.

No, pinky!

[Crackling]
aah!

Who is that?

It's beau and luke,
brain.

The dukes
of hazzard?

Brain, how did a couple
of dang bachelors
like us

End up with a houseful
of dang kids?

I don't know, pinky,

But i loves
them dang kids!

Wakka wakka doo!

Show biz insiders
predict high ratings.

I always said
those dukes boys
were hot.

Turn it off.

Oh, cheer up, brain.

At least you still have
your lovely restaurant.

Mr. Brain?

I am the brain.

You are hereby evicted
from this property
for nonpayment of rent.

I'm here to ensure
the transfer

Of said property
to the new owner.

New owner?

Really well-Known
yurkel's pimento loaf
steamboat

Is open for business!
Wakka wakka doo!

No!

Nooo!

Uh...what? Huh!

Hmm.

A nightmare.
Oh, yes.

Ha. It was all just
a horrible nightmare.

I'm not an actor
at all!

Ha! I'm the brain!

I live in acme labs!
Ho ho!

Hello,
you beautiful bars!

Mwah!

Hello, cage.
I love you!

[Yawning]

Narf! What's
going on, brain?

I had
a horrible dream.

We were big stars,
but everybody hated us.

And we lived
right next-Door
to tv's d*ck clark.

Oh, i told you
not to eat crawdads
before bedtime, brain.

Now, go back to sleep.
You'll wake margaret.

Margaret?

Hey! Can you two
keep it down?

I'm tryin'
to get some sleep.

[Gasps]

Aaaahhhh!

♪ they're dinky,
they're pinky ♪

♪ and the brain, brain,
brain, brain, brain ♪