03x14 - Dance Contest

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Perfect.

- Okay. Do it.

- Orange-grape.
- Oh, pretty good.

- Excellent. Excellent.
- Yeah, you know.

- Grape-cherry.

Plain water.

- But where is the water from?

- I don't know.

- The toilet.
- Dude!

- Kidding. Kidding.

- Did you guys see this?

- Oh, yeah,
the PCA dance contest.

- You sign up?
- Yes, I signed up.

This is such a great idea.

Whose idea was this?

- Um, I think it might've been--

- It doesn't matter.
I need a partner.

Michael, be my dance partner?

- Um, I would, but I can't.

- Why not?
You're an awesome dancer.

- And he is awesome
at getting in trouble.

- What trouble?
- We got busted.

- For takin'
the groundskeeper's golf cart

for a little joyride.

- How much trouble
did you get in?

- Two weeks
of extracurricular suspension.

- No sports, no club activities.

- No dance contest.

- But I need a partner.

- Sorry, Zo.

- Too bad.

- Well, see ya.

- Oh, come on.

- Look, you know you're
like my best friend.

- But?

- Are you gonna make me say it?

- Say it.

- You can't dance.

- I can dance.

- Well, yeah, but not in a way
that anyone would wanna,

you know, see.

- I know.

[disco music playing]

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Iced coffee, please?

[French pronunciation]
Average.

- Average, comin' up.

- Whoa.
You can't cut in line!

- Hey.
- Hey, hey, easy, easy!

Hey, hey, hey!

Darla is customer of the week,
which means

she doesn't have to wait
in line,

and she gets free coffee
whenever she wants

for a whole week.

- Well, who picked her?
- Uh, I did.

- And how do you get to be
customer of the week?

- Well, I just pick someone
who I feel

is an awesome customer.

I'll get your iced coffee.

- Thank you.

- I wanna be
customer of the week.

- So do I.

- Yeah, I think we know
who's gonna be

the next customer of the week.

- I wouldn't be so cocky, and,
hey, get behind me.

I was ahead of you.

- Too bad.

When you stepped out of line,
you lost your place, so just--

[groaning]

- You gotta teach me
how to do that.

[jaunty British music]

- [British accent]
Hello, Lola.

Good afternoon, Lola.

Should we walk through the park
and have some fish and chips?

Why, that would be lovely.

Oh, look.

It's my gorgeous roommate,
Zoey Brooks,

with a bottle of Blix
in her hand.

- Should I call
the campus psychologist?

- No, not yet.

I'm just working
on my British accent

so I can get a part
in this play.

- "A Crumpet Among Us"?

- Yeah, it's such a great play,

and I've got to get the role
of Margaret.

- Big part.

Margaret's on every page.

- Indeed, which is why
my British accent

must be totally flawless.

Oh, hey, you find
a dance partner yet?

- No, and I've asked four guys
already.

- Oh, I bet my friend Gene
would dance with you.

- Who's Gene?
- A guy in my drama class,

and he's, like, one
of the best dancers at PCA.

- Then dial faster.

- Hey, Gene.

You wanna be in the dance
contest with my friend Zoey?

She's cute and boyfriendless.

- You're such an idiot.

Hey, Gene, it's Zoey.

Yeah, you wanna do
the dance contest with me?

Awesome.
Let's meet tomorrow at lunch,

and we'll figure out
which routine we wanna do.

Okay.
Later.

- [coughing]

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, Margaret chokes on
a chicken bone in scene four.

[coughing]

Caw, blimey!

There's a chicken bone lodged
in my gullet.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Okay, man.
You know what to do.

- Pay me first.

- There.

Now go do it,
and make it look good.

- Who took my pants?

I wanna know who took 'em!

Was it you?
Was it you?

- Hey, hey, calm down.
Calm down.

- Don't tell me to calm down!

If I don't get my pants,

I'm gonna turn this guy
into applesauce!

- I'm just a coffee guy.

[whimpering]

- Hey!
Leave that coffee guy alone!

There!
Get out of here!

Don't ever let me see you
botherin' this coffee guy again!

That's right, run faster!

[applause]

- Geez.
That dude's insane.

- Yeah.

But you're okay now,
thanks to me, Michael Barret.

[laughing]

We'll see who's the next
customer of the week.

Heh heh heh!

- Gene is a great dancer.

He won first place
in the Fresno Foot Fest.

- Oh, yeah, big deal.

- Winning two Footie Awards
is a big deal.

- Well, I hear Zoey's got
a few moves herself.

- Yep, I got dancin'
in my blood.

My grandmother was a Rockette.

- No way.

- Yeah, she used to dance
at Radio City Music Hall

back in the '50s.

- And she's coming all the way
here from Boston

to watch Zoey dance
in the contest.

- Yikes.
We better be good.

- We'll be good.
We just gotta rehearse a lot.

- Absolutely.
Tonight at 6:00.

- I'll bring my feet.

- Bye.
- Bye, see you later.

[toots horn]

- He's so cool.

- Wait till you see him dance.

- [British accent]
You all go on ahead.

I'm gonna get myself a bag
of crisps.

- Hey, is that guy from England?

- Oh, yeah.
He's in my study hall.

You should go see if he thinks
your British accent sounds real.

- Ah, my accent's perfect.

But I can think of other reasons
I should go talk to him.

- Forget it.
He's undateable.

- Girlfriend?
- No.

He's just, like, really serious
about his grades.

I heard he has this rule,

he only dates girls
during summer break.

A little weird.
- But a lot cute.

- You're wasting your time.

- We'll see.

Um, excuse me.

- Yes?

- [crying]
Oh, never mind.

- Wait.
Well, why are you crying?

- Well, it's just--you see,

they're doing this play
here at PCA,

"A Crumpet Among Us"?

- Right.
I know the play.

- Well, I really wanna get
the role of Margaret,

but I just can't do
a British accent.

- Ah, so you were going
to ask me to coach you?

- Yeah, but I feel
so silly and--

- No worries.
I'd be happy to help.

- Seriously?
- Sure. Come on.

Let's go somewhere quiet.

- Somewhere quiet would be good.

[sighs]

- Thanks.

- Hey, question.
- What's up?

- Students who work
at the coffee carts,

you guys on commission?

- Yeah.

For every cup of coffee we sell,
we get to keep 10%.

- Really?

Then I'll take, uh,


- 32?

Why so many?

- I don't know.

I see you workin' hard here
every day.

I just thought I'd help you out.

Keep the change.

- Wow.
Thanks, dude.

- Sure.

And, uh,
just in case you need it.

Anybody want some coffee?

Free coffee.
Who wants some coffee?

[toots horn]

Hey, anybody want some coffee?

- Hey, watch out!
- What?

- Get out of the way!

Out of the way!
Oh!

[crash]

- Oh, my God!

- It's that dancer guy!

- Ooh!

Why?

Why? Why?

- Free coffee.

Anybody want some coffee?

- Well, he's still gonna be able
to dance

by next Saturday, right?

- Dance?

That boy will be lucky

if he can pee by next Saturday.

- Oh!

- [groaning]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[slurping]

- Oh, come on.
It wasn't my fault.

- It was absolutely your fault.

- What'd he do now?

- He m*nled Zoey's
dance partner.

- Gene?
What happened?

- Little scooter accident.

- Well, is he gonna be okay?

- Eventually.

- He'll be in the infirmary
for a month.

- So now Zoey doesn't have
a dance partner?

Her grandparents are driving
all the way here

from Boston to watch her dance.

- So she'll find
another partner.

- Dude, the contest is the day
after tomorrow.

Everybody's partnered up.

- Well, I'm not gonna let Zoey
drop out of the contest

if her grandparents are driving
all the way here.

- What are you gonna do?

- I'm gonna be her partner.

[both laughing]

- You know that involves
dancing, right?

- Dude, you can't dance.

- Yeah, you know I love you,
man,

but you got, like, zero rhythm.

- I'm aware of that.

But I got 37 hours
till the contest,

and I have two roommates

who do know how to dance.

- Wait, so you want us
to teach you to dance?

- Chase.

- Teach me.

- There's not enough time.
- Forget it.

- Teach me to dance,
or I'll tell everyone at PCA

that you both cried at the end

of last year's
American Idol finale.

- "Pardon me,

but could you please show me
the way to the car park?"

- [clears throat]

[bad accent]
"Pardon me,

"but could you please show me

the way to the car park?"

Did that sound British?

- Not a lot, no.

Um, here, here, let's try,

"My mum would be delighted

to drive you to Liverpool."

- "My mom would be delighted

to drive you to Liverpool."

- Dear God!
Um...

- That didn't sound British?

- That didn't sound human.

- Oh.

- I'm sorry.

That--that was
insensitive of me.

Could I get you
some more chamomile?

- Sure.
Thanks.

I am so in.

- Wow, I'll never forget the
time I had a book in my hand.

- He loves me.

- Who?
British boy?

- Yes.
You watch.

He's so gonna ask me out.

- How'd you even get him
to talk to you?

- He feels bad for me 'cause
of my suckish British accent.

- You do a perfect
British accent.

- He doesn't know that.

- Wait.
- What?

- What am I gonna do?

My grandmother's already driven
halfway across the country

to come watch me dance
on Friday night,

and I can't find
another partner.

Help me!
- Okay.

Let me just think for a sec.

Ooh. He's coming back.
Thinking's over.

- Thank you.
I feel so much better.

- See how smooth that guy moves?

- Yeah.

You're sure this is the dance
Zoey was learning with Gene?

- That's it.

- We're just copying
from that video.

[turns video off]

- Okay.
Teach me the dance.

- Whoa, whoa.

- First, you gotta learn
the basics.

[music playing, snapping]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Can't catch me,
'cause my feet are on fire ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Don't follow me
'cause I'm on a high wire ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Can't copy any
of my burning licks ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And you can't teach a new dog
your old tricks ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Johnny could barely
walk the line ♪

♪ And the king couldn't help
shakin' his behind ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm a contender ♪

♪ I'm a contender ♪

♪ I'm a contender ♪

♪ I'm a contender ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Gonna wake this town up
with my friends ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Gonna make sure the party
never ends ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Never was one
to follow the rules ♪

- Ooh!
Ugh!

- ♪ Hey, and I still get
straight As in school ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Johnny could barely
walk the line ♪

♪ And the king couldn't
help shakin' ♪

♪ I'm a contender ♪

♪ I'm a contender ♪

♪ I'm a contender ♪

♪ I'm a contender ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm a contender ♪

- ♪ I'm a contender ♪

- ♪ I'm a contender ♪

- ♪ I'm a contender ♪

- ♪ I'm a contender ♪

- ♪ I'm a contender ♪

- ♪ I'm a contender ♪

[laughing]

- Yeah!
- Nice!

- Hey, hey!
Hey, that's my boy.

- Not horrible.
- I've seen worse.

- Cool.

Well, let's go over it
a few more times, you know,

just to lock it in.

- Uh, it's after midnight.

- We gotta crash.

- Okay.
You guys go.

I'm gonna stay here
and practice some more.

- Don't you think
you should get some sleep?

- No way.

If I'm gonna surprise Zoey
and dance with her,

I gotta be perfect.

I want her to win.

- Okay.
- Whatever.

- All right, man.
- Later.

- Night.
Thanks.

- He's really gettin'
the hang of it.

- Yeah, he's not half bad.

- Do you think they could win?

- Oh, not a chance.

- I know, right?

[music playing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Can't catch me
'cause my feet are on fire ♪

- Next.

- Hello.

Stacey Dillsen auditioning
for the role of--

- Next!

- Ah...

- Lola Martinez auditioning
for the role of Margaret.

- Read the monologue on the top
of scene 11.

- Sure.

[clears throat]

[British accent]
Where do I go?

And what do I do
when I get there?

These are questions for which
no answers present themselves.

And yet I search and yearn,
despite the peccadilloes

and foibles of men and women.

I still hold faith in humankind
and always will.

Without a beginning
there can be no ending,

which pleases me
and gives me a feeling

of sublime contentment.
Life--

- Her British accent's
quite good, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- If I've learned
only one thing,

it's to find the joy
in simplicity

because wherever we've traveled
in this world,

wherever the wind takes us,

whether we're weary,
sick, lost, or doleful,

there is always

a crumpet among us.

- Oh!

That was excellent, Lola.

And your British accent
was perfect.

You're definitely Margaret.

- Awesome.
Thanks.

- Of course.

Next.

- Whoo!

Oh, Simon.

- Hello.

- Um, when did you come in?

- Just in time to hear your
very convincing British accent.

- Yeah.

Um, about that--
yeah--see, I--

- Lied to me.

- Yeah, sorta.

- I see.

- But I only did it
'cause I wanted to meet you,

and I wanted to prove
to my friend

I could get you to talk to me.

- And that's all?

- Well--and then I--
I kept it going

because, you know,

I kinda like you.

- Very well.
[clears throat]

- You're mad.
- Oh, yes.

- And now you don't want
anything to do with me.

- I said I was angry,
not stupid.

Come, let's go share
an egg salad sandwich.

- Okay.

- You like egg salad?

- Nope.

- Right.

- Um, yes.

My name is Susan Sarandon,
and I am auditioning

for the role of--

- I know it's you, Stacey.

Next.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- And the new
customer of the week

is Quinn Pensky.

- Me?

- Yup.

- Dude.
- Why Quinn?

- I bought 150 cups of coffee
from you this week.

- I saved you from being
att*cked by a crazy man.

- Why'd you pick Quinn?
- Yeah. Why did you pick me?

- 'Cause I always pick
a cute girl.

She gets to cut in line,
get some free coffee,

and I usually get
some free makin' out,

if you know what I mean.

- What?
- Brilliant.

- Wait, I am not making out
with you for free coffee.

And anyway, I have a boyfriend.

- And the new
customer of the week

is Molly Talbertsen.

- Me?
Really?

- Do you have a boyfriend?
- No.

- Yes. Molly Talbertsen.

- Yay!

- ♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you wanna be
my squirrel ♪

♪ And I look all away ♪

- Hi, you guys.

- Hey.

- Hey, where are
your grandparents?

- Vegas.
- Vegas?

- I thought they drove
all the way here

from Boston to watch you
in the dance contest.

- They did,
but when they got here

and I told them I wasn't
gonna be in it,

they were like, "Ooh, blackjack.
Let's go to Vegas."

- Wait, you didn't compete
in the dance contest tonight?

- How could I?

You guys know Gene got hurt
and couldn't dance with me.

- Well, yeah, but--

- Didn't someone else offer
to be your dance partner?

- Someone clumsy and awkward?

- With a crazy Jewish afro?

- Okay, what are you guys
talking about?

[music]

♪ ♪

Chase.
Chase.

- Mom?
Is carpool here?

- Not really.

- Oh.
Hey, Zo.

What time is it?

The dance contest--we gotta--

- It's over.
- What?

- It ended, like, two hours ago.

- Two hours?

I slept through the contest?

- You did.

- I'm the worst.

- You're the best.

You practiced dancing
for almost 24 hours straight,

just so I wouldn't have to drop
out of the contest.

- Well--

- That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

- Yeah?

Well, thanks.

But, you know,
it was all for nothing.

- Oh, I don't think so.

[music playing]

Come on.
Let's see what you got.

♪ ♪

- ♪ When I get up ♪

♪ The first thing on my mind
is love ♪

♪ Just can't get enough
of your kisses ♪

♪ And your sweet love ♪

♪ I'm counting down the minutes
Till I knock on your door ♪

♪ And grab you by the hand ♪

♪ And we'll hit
the dance floor ♪

♪ Crazy 'bout the way
that you look in my eyes ♪

♪ You make me feel
like I don't have to try ♪

♪ Crazy 'bout you ♪

♪ Every single day and night ♪

♪ Nobody makes me feel ♪

♪ So alive ♪

♪ Till I met you ♪

♪ I don't know
how I made it through ♪

♪ You turn ♪

♪ My world around ♪

♪ I'm crazy 'bout the way
that you look in my eyes ♪

♪ You make me feel
like I don't have to try ♪

♪ Crazy 'bout you
every single day and night ♪

♪ Nobody makes me feel ♪

♪ So alive ♪

♪ I'm crazy 'bout you ♪

♪ Every single day and night ♪

♪ Nobody makes me feel ♪

♪ So alive ♪

WOMAN: ♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

- Caw, blimey!