01x11 - Disc Golf

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- [laughs]

[blows whistle]

Come on!

Pick up the pace!

This ain't a stroll through
grandma's blueberry patch!

Run faster!

Run!

- You know what's worse
than running laps?

- I don't know, what?

- I was hoping
you could think of something.

- Pick up the pace!

[whistle blows]
Get up!

This ain't the nap shack!

- No, just leave me
here to die, Chase.

Tell my parents I loved them.

- Come on, man.
You're not dead yet.

Getting heavy, though.

[whistle blows]

- Good grief,
you kids are lame!

I mean, look at you,
all sweaty and out of breath.

Hey, you know why
you don't see me

all sweaty and out of breath?

- Because you've been
sitting in a chair

reading a comic book?

- All right, Matthews,

you just bought yourself
an extra lap.

- Can I return it?

- No!

Now listen up.
[muffled whistle blows]

Dang it!

Why do
my whistles keep breaking?

[muffled whistle blows]
I'll be back.

- Hey, check and make sure
Michael's not dead.

- You dead?

- I wish.

- [groaning]

I hate running.

I hate it so much.

- Hey, um,

I think
you got a little oatmeal

on your shirt.
- No, that's just vomit.

[all groan]

- Sorry, but running this
much makes me throw up.

For some reason, my vomits
always looked like oatmeal.

My mom says it's because--
- You know what?

I really don't
need to hear this.

- No one ever lets me
finish that story.

- Man,
I got to lose some weight.

I don't know why,
but somehow I've put on



- Gee, you think it might
have something to do with

the fact that you never
stop eating potato chips?

- I prefer
to live in denial.

[whistle blows]
- [screams]

- Oh, good.
A new whistle.

- Give me those chips!

Hey!

This is gym class,
not a snack-a-teria.

- Is there even such a
thing as a snack-a-teria?

- All right, that's it.

You just cost this class


Get going!

- Just give me a minute.

- What's she doing?

- Making oatmeal.

[Nicole retches]

[whistle blows]

- Get moving!

[Nicole groaning]

- Oh, I'm so sore
from all that running.

- I feel like
one giant bruise.

- I feel ok as long as
I don't move or breathe.

Yeah, that hurts.

- Ow! Leg cramp,
leg cramp!

Ohh!

I cannot go back
to gym class.

A girl can only run and vomit
so much, you know?

- Why did basketball season
have to end?

- What do you mean?

- When you're on an
official PCA sports team,

you don't have to take gym.

- I miss basketball so much.

- I wish I played a sport
so I can get out of gym.

- You know what,
that's not such a bad idea.

Why don't we all
just join another sports team?

- No. Sports hurt.

- Well, not all of them.

I mean,
we could pick some cushy

sports team,
then no more gym.

- So no more running laps.

- Well, that's great for
you guys, but I stink at sports.

- For once, she's right.

- Oh, come on, Nicole.

There has to be some sport
you can play.

- No, there's not.
You guys just go ahead

and join some team.
I'll be fine...

in gym class,

running and puking.

Ow, my calf is throbbing.

- Oh, come on, guys.
I say we find a sport

that Nicole can play,
then we join that team

and then no more gym.

- Let's do it now.

ALL: Oww! Oww! Oww!

- Or later.

- So, Michael,
how's the diet going?

- Yeah, look who's eating
a salad for lunch.

- Well, since you guys
were giving me

such a hard time
about my potato chip habit--

- You were the one that was
complaining all the time

about gaining weight.

- Well,
I'm proud of you, man.

You should keep on eating
those salads

and lay off the chips,
and you'll have that

sexy figure back in no time.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Hey, chase,
want to throw some?

- Yeah, sure.

- Hey, nice throw.
- Thanks.

- Too bad that's not
a sport.

- You know,
my cousin in high school

has a disc golf team.

- What's disc golf?

CHASE: I've heard of it.

It's kind of like
regular golf...

except you use these.

- And your cousin's school
has a real team for that?

- Yeah.
- A lot of schools do.

- Well, that's perfect!
We'll just start

a disc golf team here at PCA

and then we're out of gym class.
ALL: Yeah!

- Michael,
what are you eating?

- Salad.

- Potato chips?
- I have a problem!

- So I hear you have
a little potato chip problem.

- Yeah, I'm, like,
addicted to them.

- Not anymore, you're not.

- What's that?

Potato chips.

- They look like
potato chips, don't they?

- They're not
potato chips?

- These are 100% healthy.

No fat, no carbs,
and no calories.

Taste one.

- Hey, these are good!
You made these?

- Mm-hmm.

- Out of what?
- Well...

I combined
macrobiotic sorbitol

with luminescent beryllium,

then added periodontal
molding gum

with nordic acid infused
with potato gas.

- Is that safe?

- Possibly.

- Well, all right, then.

[mouth full] Mmm, mmm.
[mumbling]

[mumbling]
You a good cook.

- Ha ha!

[blows whistle]
Come on! This ain't--

This ain't
a slow-poke convention, huh?

Pick up the pace!

- Hey, Coach.

- You're late.

Now get to running.

- Sorry, Coach,
but we just came by

to tell you we won't
be running laps anymore.

- What in the name
of captain pike

are you talking about?

- Well, you happen
to be looking at


official disc golf team.

- Disc golf?

Ha ha!
Disc golf!

Disc go--
that ain't a sport, huh?

What do you think I am,
some kind of tuna melt?

- No,
but according to Dean Rivers,

disc golf is now
an official PCA sport.

- See? He signed the form
and everything.

- [scoffs]
"Official pet--petata--"

- Petition?
- Petition.

"to make disc golf
a ker--kerfee--"

- Certified.
- "Certified sport."

I better go check this out with
the dean myself.

Come on, run, people, run!
[whistle blows]

- Tuna melt?

- Hey, you people.
Sorry I'm late.

- Hey, I thought
you said you were gonna

lay off those potato chips.
- I have been.

- Those are Quinn's fake
potato chips.

- Totally healthy.

- I've been
eating these things nonstop,

and I already lost 3 pounds.

- Oh, wow.
That's very cool.

- Thank you.
Now I'll just grab a disc

and we can get started.

- Uh, Michael?
- Yeah?

- Are you ok, man?
You're walking kind of funny.

- Oh, yeah.
It's just a side effect

from eating Quinn's
potato chips,

but don't worry.

They're worth it.

- Ok, whatever you say.

- All right, you guys,
who's ready to play?

- Wait.

Before we start
our first practice,

we got to pick a team captain,
and I nominate Zoey.

- Zoey,
you're team captain.

- Yay.
- Ok.

Let's play disc golf!

Uh...
how do you play disc golf?

- Come on, Nicole,
you can do it.

- It's all in the wrist.

- [gasps]
Yay! I did it!

- Nice!
And it only took you...



- I'm not very good, am I?

- Aw, who cares?

The point is we
don't have to run laps anymore.

- True.
- Ok.

Let's work on our drives.

- I'll get the discs.

- Uh, Michael,
maybe you shouldn't eat

all those potato chips
if it makes you that dizzy.

- Oh, I don't mind
being a little dizzy.

- Look who's coming.

- Eww.

[whistle blows]

- Hey, hey, hey,
ho, ho, ho!

Dean Rivers may have approved
your little girlie

foo-foo sport,
but let's just take a look

at the California State Sports
Regulation Guide.

Page 187.

Read the first paragraph.

- "Before a school can
officially recognize a team,

said team must play a minimum
of one sanctioned game

against another team
from an accredited school."

- I don't understand.
- Ha!

Neither did I...

till I had it explained to me
by a seventh-grader.

- It means our
disc golf team isn't official

until we play against
another school.

- Well, fine, we'll set up
a game for next week.

- Bu-bu-but
read the next part.

- "Team will become
officially recognized

upon first victory."
- That's right.

You have 10 days
to b*at another school,

and when you don't,
you'll be right back here

in gym, running laps.
- Come on, that's not fair.

- And you get to
make up all the days you lost.


That's...



See you at the track,
children.

- I'll be right back.

- Going to make some oatmeal?

- Uh-huh.

- And clean up
the discs!

- I can't believe
we're gonna have

to go back to gym class.
- Yeah, this is not good.

- Do you realize
how many laps

Coach Phelps
is gonna make us run?

- Look, maybe we can b*at
another team.

- Zoey, we've been playing
disc golf for one day.

There's no way
we can b*at another school.

- All right, Michael,
you have to stop

eating Quinn's potato chips.

- You can barely walk
without falling over.

- Oh, come on,
I'm not that bad.

- Hey, look.

It's PCA's
cute little disc golf team.

- Not the time, Logan.

- Coach says you guys
will be back in gym class

by the end of next week.

- You know,
it's weird, but you're not

making us feel better.

- Yeah, why are you
even here, anyway?

- So you can beg me
to be on your team.

Hole in one.
Or in disc golf,

I believe they call it an Ace.

Well, see ya.

- Wait.
Don't move.

Zoey, we got to let Logan
join the team.

- Yeah, we'll totally win
if he plays.

- We can win without him.

All we got to do is practice
our butts off.

Come on, let's do this.

- [grunts] Aah!

- Sorry!

- All right, Logan.
You're on the team.

- Duh. Later, losers.

- Did you get
my text message?

- Uh-huh
and I've done some research.

I think what's happening
is the periodontal molding gum

is somehow throwing off
your equilibrium.

- Well, I'm not
giving up your chips.

- Well,
you don't have to give them up.

I'm gonna fix them.

- Um, what is that?

- It's sort of a mild
liquid form of plutonium.

- Plutonium?

- Mm-hmm.
Now I'm gonna spray

some of this on the chips,

which should neutralize
the effects

of the periodontal molding gum.

Open the lid.

There.
Now eat some chips and call me

in a few hours.

- Uh, how about
you try one first?

- Nah. Too risky.

- Mmm.

Ohh!

So good.

- Come on, guys, focus.

Throw it like I showed you.

- I'm trying.

Oh, hey, Michael,
you're walking normal again.

Quinn fixed you up, huh?
- Yeah, she sprayed

my chips with this red stuff,
and all of a sudden...

[speaks gibberish]

- Uh, Michael,
you may be walking fine now,

but I think those chips
are causing a new side effect.

- Whad duh ya mee?
- We can't understand you.

- [speaks gibberish]

- So what school
are we playing, anyway?

- Uh, I just picked one
at random.

Uh, Ridgeway.

[siren chirping]

- What's it say on that bus?

- "Ridgeway
Youth Detention Facility"?

- A reform school?

- We're competing
against teenage criminals?

- I didn't know!

- [growls]

- They don't look very nice.

- All right, guys, look,
just calm yourselves down.

Just 'cause they're criminals
doesn't mean

they're better than us
at disc golf.

- Nice going, Chase.

- Ok, who's the captain
for the PCA team?

- Me.
- You got your roster?

- My what?

- The names
of the 5 players for PCA.

- But we have 6 players.

- Sorry,
only 5 on a team.

One'll have to sit out.
Just let me know.

I'll be right back.

- Well, I guess one of us
is gonna have to sit out.

- Sorry, Logan.
- Why Logan?

- 'Cause Logan joined
the team last.

So it's only fair
that he sits out.

Right, Zo?

- Uh, yeah, I guess.

- Cool! I'm gonna go
limber up my throwy arm.

- Zoey, you're not
seriously gonna

bench Logan, are you?

- Well, I mean,
it does seem fair.

- Look, you're team
captain, so you just got to do

what you think
is best for the team.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- So is Logan upset?

- Look, Logan's playing
and you're on the bench.

- What?!

Zoey!
- It's best for the--

- I can't believe
you'd do this to me.

- Well, do you want to win
or do you want to

go back to gym class
and have to run a billion laps?

- But I've been practicing
really hard.

I mean, do you really think
I'm that suckish?

- No, you're not suckish.

I mean, you're just...

the least good player
on the team.

- Ok.

I'll sit out.

Play good.

[whistle blows]

- All right,
we're gonna play 9 holes

of regulation disc golf.

The team with the lowest
combined score wins.

- Ridgeway team,
listen up!

If you intentionally hurt,
injure, punch,

or k*ll anyone on the PCA team,

you will be punished.

- Why doesn't that make me
feel any better?

[whistle blows]

- Let's play disc golf!

- Ready?

ALL: 1, 2, 3, k*ll!

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- [speaking gibberish]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[whistle blowing]

♪ ♪

- Oh, yeah!

[whistle blows]

♪ ♪

[Ridgeway team cheers]

- Ok, the score.

Ridgeway, 32,

PCA, 28.

- Ok, guys, that means
if we get the disc

in the basket in 3 throws
or less, we win.

- [speaks gibberish]

- Who's up?

- Zoey.

- Come on, Zoey,
you can do it.

- I don't know.

- Don't blow it.

- Thanks for that.

- Good luck, Zo.

You can do it.

- Ow!
Ow, my wrist.

I think I sprained it
or something.

- Well, the rules say
you can sub in another player

if there's an injury.

- Awesome.
Hand me that thing.

- No.
I'm putting in Nicole.

Nicole, come here!

LOGAN: Zoey?

Wha--

- Ok, obviously,
the injury's to your head.

- Zoey, are you sure
this is a good idea?

- Do it.

Come on, you've got 3 sh*ts
to get it in.

- You can do it.

- Oooka oo-it!

- Please.

[Ridgeway team snickering]

- It's ok.
You still got 2 sh*ts left.

- Player,
go get your disc.

- Allow me.

It's the least I can do

since you just won the game
for us.

- I am so sorry, guys.

- It's not
your fault, Nicole.

- Yeah, it's Zoey's fault.

- Did anybody see
where it went?

I can't find it!

- Why don't you
look harder?

- Why don't you help me
find it, butt-head?

- You know,
you're a new kind of obnoxious.

- Hey,
you know Nicole stinks

and you still put her in.

- Will you boys hurry up
and find that disc already?

Third - Come on,
let's go help those idiots

find it so we
can win already. Gee.

- Dude, lay off her, man,
all right?

Sometimes winning
is less important

than actually
doing the right thing.

[Logan scoffs]

- [speaks gibberish]

- Dude.

No one can
understand a word you're saying.

- Bug-hah.

ZOEY: Look,
we're probably gonna lose,

so let's just
deal with it, ok?

[whistle blows]

- They're making a break
for it!

Stop! I'm ordering you
to stop!

[alarm sounds]

[whistle blows]

Stop!
[alarm sounds]

- Um, what just happened?

- I think
the other team just escaped.

CHASE: This has been
a really weird day.

[whistle blowing]

- Ok,
the Ridgeway team has fled

before completion
of the tournament.

PCA wins by forfeit.

[all cheering]

- [gasps] Wait! We won?!
- Yes!

- Yeah, we won,
because of you!

- For real?

- Yeah! That's it,
let's all get sushi.

I'm buying.

- Not so fast.

- What?

- How's your wrist?

- Oh, yeah, my wrist.

Yeah, it still hurts.

- [sighs]
You're so full of it, Zo.

Thanks for letting me play.

But next time,
don't be so stupid.

- They're gonna catch us!

- We need a car!

ALL: Stop! Stop!

- Stop the car!

Stop the car!

- Hey! What--
I made the payment!

I made the--
No, that check was good!

The check was good!

No, it got lost in the mail!

[officer shouts]
[whistle blowing]

Wait!

I need my ointment!

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ And do what
you choose to do ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ And follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[dings]

man: Mmm.

Michael: [speaking gibberish]

[electricity buzzing]