WOMAN: Are you ready?
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪
♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪
♪ Do I look good today? ♪
♪ Today, today ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪
♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪
♪ And you want
to see my world ♪
♪ So come and run away ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ If you wanna play ♪
♪ Come and play today ♪
♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪
♪ I will make you see ♪
♪ All of the things ♪
♪ That you can be ♪
♪ Believe in yourself ♪
♪ Come follow me ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
[rock music]
♪ ♪
MAN: ♪ Well, well,
kiss and tell ♪
♪ It's been on
my mind as well ♪
♪ Well, well, kiss and tell ♪
- Ew, this is not pudding.
What is this goo?
- That's hummus.
- Well, why is it posing
as pudding?
- It looks nothing
like pudding.
That's clearly hummus.
- Which is made from eggplant.
- No, that's baba ghanoush.
- Who is Bob Ganush?
Wait, doesn't he pitch
for the Lakers?
- There's no one
named Bob Ganush.
- Then why'd you say--
- Just eat your pudding.
- All right.
- Hi.
ALL: Hey, Coco.
- Ooh, someone's been shopping.
- Hey, I'm not in the mood
for peppy cutesy.
- Wow.
- I'm sorry.
It's just that time of the year.
- Year?
- For my job review
with Dean Rivers.
Once a year, I have to
sit in his office
while he tells me
what a bad dorm advisor I am.
- At least he's honest.
Oh, come on,
you know you're awful.
- Hey!
- She's not that bad.
- She took that group
of sixth graders
on a camping trip
and lost two of the boys.
- They found them.
- Yeah, two weeks later,
huddled together
in a freezing cave.
- Okay, I'm the worst.
We all get it.
- Look, you want to make
Dean Rivers like you--
do something really nice
for him.
- Yeah, take him camping.
- Just find out
what makes him happy,
then use that.
- Okay. Okay.
I'll give it a sh*t.
Hey, uh, that hummus looks
pretty good.
- Take it.
- Sweet.
Mm. [chuckles]
♪ ♪
MAN: ♪ A grand scheme ♪
♪ I dreamed a little dream ♪
♪ But it was not to be ♪
♪ On this night ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I put my heart up ♪
♪ On the line ♪
♪ To be stepped on ♪
- Hey, man,
let's go hoop it up.
- I don't feel like hoopin'.
- Dude, Chase is just gone
for a while.
He'll be back again someday.
- You're making my best friend
sound like Frosty the Snowman.
- You got to get over this.
- Look, I don't miss Chase,
all right?
- Really?
What are you writing?
- Nothing.
No.
- Give it, I want it.
- No, I said it was nothing.
- I want to see it.
- No, just--
- I--
You don't miss Chase.
- Well, he's my best friend.
- What about me?
- You're my worst friend.
- Look, I miss Chase too.
But until he gets back,
let's look at the upside.
- What upside?
LOGAN: Well...
If we move that single bed
out of here,
rearrange stuff a little,
we got a lot of extra room.
- [sighs] So?
- Let's use it
for something fun.
- Like a...
Hot tub?
- There you go.
We could have a hot tub
in here.
- You'll pay for it?
- Uh, yeah,
that's a problem.
MICHAEL: Why?
Your rich daddy gives you
$15,000 a month allowance.
- Which I already spent
this month.
- On what?
- On this.
- What is it?
- Tan Credo from
Galaxy Wars.
- You spent 15 grand
on a movie man head?
- With a certificate
of authenticity.
- Oh, well, then.
- Come on, we're smart.
You're smart.
Let's think of a way
to get ourselves a hot tub.
♪ ♪
- Where are you dragging us?
- Just hurry.
- You're squishing my wrist.
- Coco, tell them
what you're doing.
- Okay, Zoey,
remember you told me
to find out what
Dean Rivers likes
and then do something special
for him?
- Yeah.
- Well, I called his wife
and she told me he loves lions.
- Oh, no.
- Lions?
- Yeah, he has lion artwork,
little lion statues.
- Tell them!
- I put a lion in his office.
[chuckles]
- A lion?
I just meant, like,
give him a gift card
to the Pottery Barrel.
- But this is so much better,
and no worries,
the lion's totally tame.
I rented him from Pete here.
[chuckles]
- Look, I really don't think
that it was a good idea--
- Coco, ladies.
- Uh, wait.
- I don't think
you should go in there.
[all shouting]
[lion roaring]
[Dean Rivers screaming]
[gasping]
WOMAN: Is that the dean?
[sirens wailing]
♪ ♪
- Dean! Dean Rivers,
I am so sorry
the lion scared you.
He looked so friendly
in the online brochure.
- [weakly] Come closer.
You're fired!
- [screams]
[rock music]
MAN:
♪ 'Cause we are the ones ♪
♪ You can't control ♪
♪ We are the ones... ♪
- We got us a hot tub.
- Yeah, we do.
Chase who?
[laughter]
- Hey, the water is getting
kind of cold.
- Mm.
Stand by.
Hey, Del Figgalo,
more hot water.
- How long do I got to keep
doing this?
- Till we're through
hot-tubbing.
MARK: All right.
[beep]
♪ ♪
- Ahh...
MS. BURVICH: Excuse me.
Logan Reese, Michael Barret?
- Hello.
- What?
- I'm Ms. Burvich
from the housing office.
- Oh, well, how are you doin'?
- Uh, I'm fine.
I don't mean to interrupt
your pool time fun...
But I wanted to introduce you
to your new roommate.
- Huh?
- New roommate?
- This is Dietrich.
- [speaking foreign language]
- Oh, man.
- Oh, come on.
- Is there a problem?
- We don't want
another roommate.
- Yeah.
There's--there's already
three of us living here.
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
It's me and Logan
and, uh--
- And Chase Matthews.
- And Chase Matthews.
[chuckles]
- Chase Matthews transferred
to another boarding school.
- [scoffs] No, he didn't.
- [speaking foreign language]
- Well, according to
the computer--
- Computers make mistakes.
- That must be what happened.
- Well, I...
guess I should go
look into this.
Come along, Dietrich.
Dietrich!
- Mushna!
- Yeah, "mushu."
I don't want to live
with "mushna."
- Dietrich.
- I don't want
any new roommate.
- Then we got
to figure out a way
to make her think
Chase still lives here.
[radio crackles]
MARK: Can I stop doing this?
- No!
[radio crackles, beeps]
[keys clacking]
- Either of you guys seen
the remote?
- It's right there.
- [straining]
I'll just take a nap.
[footsteps approaching]
- Hello, fellow girls.
This is Mira.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Mira is our new dorm advisor.
- Oh.
- Oh, really?
- So you're Coco's replacement?
- Uh, yeah, I guess
you could say that.
- I met Mira before anyone.
- Nice to meet you.
- I'm Quinn.
- Zoey. That's Lola.
- Quinn, Zoey, Lola.
Got it.
- And I'm still Stacey.
I'm from Massachusetts.
Do you want to know my hobbies?
In alphabetical order,
they are acrobatics, astronomy--
- Hey, could you talk less?
- Well, it's really cool
to meet you guys.
If you need anything from me,
call anytime.
- See you, Mira.
- So long, Mira.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Wow, a dorm advisor
who's normal.
- And dresses cool.
- And doesn't smell like bugs
or ravioli.
- [chuckles]
- Okay, can we stop
trashing Coco behind her back?
- Come on, most people
trash her right to her face.
- Yeah, but I feel like
I got her fired.
- It wasn't your fault.
STACEY: Anyways,
Coco already
got another job.
- She did?
- Really?
- Already?
- Yeah, she's working at
Vaccaro, that
really fancy restaurant
just a half mile up PCH.
- See? I bet a server there
makes a ton more money
than a school dorm advisor.
ZOEY: Good.
That makes me feel
a little better.
- Um, Coco is not
working there
as a server.
- Then what's she doing there?
[indistinct conversation,
lounge music]
[toilet flushes]
- Hey, I'm Coco,
ladies' restroom attendant.
You havin' a nice dinner?
What'd you order?
Steak.
- Hi.
- Zoey,
what are you doing here?
- Well, Stacey told me
you got a job,
and I just wanted to come by
and say "hey."
- Hey.
- Look, I'm so sorry about
what happened.
- I'm not.
This job is fantastic.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, seriously.
Don't worry about it.
It's really great.
And sometimes they let me,
like--
WOMAN: Oh, my God.
This toilet's stopped up.
Would you mind?
- Yes, ma'am.
[wailing] k*ll me!
Go get a hammer,
then come back,
and k*ll me with it!
[sobbing]
Oh, God.
What is that?
[crying]
♪ ♪
- Hey, Michael.
[water splashing]
- What?
What?
- Our problems are over.
- You got us
that special shampoo?
- No.
I found a way to convince
that housing lady that
Chase is still our roommate.
- How are we gonna do that?
- I'm back.
♪ ♪
- Okay, that's the
housing office, right?
- Yeah. Ms. Burvich
should walk by any minute.
Come on, let's set fake Chase
up against the rock.
- You sure about this?
What if we get busted?
And I cannot get suspended.
My grandma
will be so mad at me,
and that woman
has a rage issues,
she's crazy.
I'm telling you--
- It's gonna work.
We just got to make sure
Ms. Burvich
doesn't get too close.
- Okay.
Okay, okay.
Hey, here she comes.
- Let's do this.
His hair is fine.
Ms. Burvich.
- Hey.
- Good morning, boys.
- Aloha.
- Good morning.
- I'm glad I ran into you.
I checked the computer,
and it says Chase Matthews
transferred out of PCA.
- Ma'am...
- There is Chase
sitting right over there.
- Huh, that is Chase.
- Yep.
- See?
- But I-I just don't
understand how--
Chase, will you come over here,
please?
BOTH: Shh.
- You shouldn't interrupt him.
- Yeah.
- He's, uh, got
a monster history paper due.
- Yeah, let Chase study.
- Well, all right.
I guess someone made a mistake.
I'll go modify
the computer records
since Chase is still here.
- Yes, you modify.
- Excellent.
- And when Chase is finished,
please tell him
to come by my office
to sign some papers.
- How come?
- Why?
MS. BURVICH:
It's required
for me to change
the computer record.
Good day.
- Well, now what?
- I don't know.
Maybe we could--
BOTH: [stammering, gasping]
Oh, man.
- My laptop!
♪ ♪
- Yay, I don't have to go
to chemistry class
'cause Mr. Banville
broke his collarbone.
- How did he do that?
- Who cares?
No chemistry. Whee!
- Hey, where's my other
blue sparkly sneaker?
- I don't know.
I gave them back to you.
- I only have one.
- Well, I gave them both back.
Why would I keep one shoe?
- To make me crazy.
- Yeah, I need
to make you crazy.
- For you.
For you.
- Thanks...for the clipboard.
- Those are petitions.
If we get enough students
to sign these,
I think I can get Dean Rivers
to give Coco her job back.
- Nah.
- Guys.
- We like Mira.
- She's a really good
dorm advisor.
- She baked us cookies
last night.
- Coco made us brownies once.
- Yeah, then she ate them all
and went to bed.
- And threw up in her sleep.
- Mira's a way better D.A.
- I know that, but come on,
it's kind of my fault
Coco got fired.
Please help me fix this.
She's working in a bathroom.
- All right.
- Give us the clipboards.
- I still need
my blue sparkly sneaker back.
- I gave it back to you.
- No, you didn't.
- Yeah, I did.
- [shouting]
♪ ♪
- Oh, hey, me and my friends
are having a petition
to bring back Coco.
Do you want to sign?
- Ugh.
- No way.
- Uh, no.
- [growls]
- Hey, do you want to sign
my petition
to bring Coco back?
- No.
- Just sign it. Sign it.
Sign the petition.
Sign it. Sign it.
Sign the petition.
- Oh, hey, will you guys
sign this
so we can bring back Coco?
[laughter]
Wait, you guys.
- Hey, Dean Rivers?
- Yes?
- Um. Listen.
Me and my roommates,
we've been going around
getting some of the girls
to sign a petition
to bring Coco back.
- I don't like Coco.
She almost k*lled me.
- But you lived.
And a lot of us
really want her back.
- Look, Zoey.
I'll admit that maybe
I shouldn't have fired Coco.
- She was just trying
to do something nice for you.
- I know,
but I've already hired Mira
and the girls really seem
to like her.
- But couldn't you maybe--
- Zoey, forget about Coco.
We're all better off.
- I'll catch you eventually!
Just sign the petition!
♪ ♪
- But I don't understand
why Chase can't just
come into my office
and sign these papers.
- I'm telling you, he's sick.
You can see
just by looking at him.
- [coughing]
MICHAEL: Okay?
- But if he feels well enough
to ride around on a Jet X,
then why can't he come into
my office for two minutes
and sign these papers?
- 'Cause he could be
contagious.
Are you looking to catch
a Portuguese head cold?
- What is a Portuguese--
- I'm not a doctor.
Look, just give me
the papers.
I'll run them over there
to Chase, he'll sign them,
I'll bring them back,
everybody's happy.
- All right.
- B.R.B.
- She buying it?
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
Yeah.
- Hurry.
- Here I am.
Signed, sealed, delivered.
They're yours.
- Thank you.
Well, I'm glad
this is settled.
And I do apologize
for trying to--
- Oh, you're a fine lady.
[dog growling, horn honks]
LOGAN: Quit it, get away, shoo!
[dog growling]
Get out of here.
- What is going on?
- Uh, nothing!
[stammering]
Everything is hunky-dory.
Just do what you do.
[chuckles]
- Hey, get back here.
That's my Tan Credo head.
Hey, hey!
- [wails]
- Fake!
He's a fake boy!
- No--
- I knew Chase Matthews
left PCA.
And let me tell you something,
mister,
you and Logan are getting--
- [sobbing] No!
- You and Logan are getting
a new roommate.
MICHAEL: No! [sobs]
♪ ♪
- How many signatures
did you get?
- Not enough. You?
- Three.
- I just got one,
from some kid named
Pea'nut Bu'tierre.
- Some foreign kid?
- That says "peanut butter."
- Well, he has awful
handwriting.
- Why'd some kid write
"peanut butter"
on your petition?
- I don't know.
But now I want some.
Come on, let's go get
some peanut butter.
Who's with me?
- I'll go.
- Okay.
- Yay. Just give me a sec
to brush my hair.
Okay, who took
my crazy cool hairbrush
and didn't put it back?
- Not me.
- Maybe you lost it
when you were busy
not returning my left shoe.
- I put your shoe back.
- Back to oblivion.
- I don't care.
I just want some peanut butter.
- [sighs]
Wait.
Didn't you say
you were missing a bracelet?
- Two.
- Okay, so where's
all our stuff going?
- There's a thief among us.
- So let's go tell Mira.
- Oh, yeah.
We finally have a dorm advisor
that can actually help us
with something.
- I hope she can help me get
a mouthful of peanut butter.
- Will you stop?
- What is wrong with you?
- When I was little,
I only liked
smooth peanut butter,
but now I'm a chunky girl.
- Chunky?
- Well, not that way.
- Mira, we got a problem.
It's open.
Mira?
Mira, are you in here?
We wanted
to talk to you about--
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
QUINN:
What is all this stuff?
- My hairbrush!
- And my shoe.
- Mira's the thief.
- You don't have
any peanut butter
in your pocket, do you?
- How are you?
Hey. How's it going?
- Hi.
Girls, Dean Rivers,
may I ask what you're all
doing in my--
- Stealer.
- Mira, can you explain
why you have
all these things here?
- Well, of course,
I'm--
I'm a contestant...
On a new reality show.
It's called "Take the Stuff."
- Mira.
- No, seriously, it's for Fox.
All right!
I'm sick! I take things.
I don't want to,
but I can't help it.
I have a problem.
[sobs]
Are you gonna fire me?
- Well, duh.
- Get out of here, you nutbar.
- All right.
- Stop her!
- Mira!
- What?
- What are you doing?
- I need this back.
- I need this one.
[yelling]
- So Coco
can have her job back?
Come on.
Come on...
- I gotta have this stuff!
I need this stuff!
- Are you crazy?
- I need this stuff!
- I can, really?
I'm on my way!
[screams]
Yay!
Coco's a dorm advisor again!
- I don't want a new roommate.
- Like I do?
- So, what if he smells weird
or tries to talk to me?
- Look, just 'cause
some guy's our roommate
doesn't mean we have to--
[tools clinking]
Hey, who's that?
MICHAEL: I don't know.
[engine turns over]
Isn't that Dean Rivers' car?
[engine revving]
- Ha!
- I think that's the new
girls' dorm advisor.
- I thought she got fired.
MICHAEL: Me too.
- Ha, later, PCA!
Whoo-hoo!
[laughing]
- Whatever.
WOMAN:
♪ If you want to play ♪
♪ Come and play today ♪
♪ Let's just get away ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I will make you see ♪
♪ All of the things ♪
♪ That you can be ♪
♪ Believe in yourself ♪
♪ Come follow me ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
[ding]
MAN: Mmm.
LOLA: Get out of here,
you nutbar.
04x02 - Fake Roommate
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Series centers around Zoey Brooks as she enrolls in Pacific Coast Academy, a prestigious Southern California boarding school that previously only allowed boys to attend.
Series centers around Zoey Brooks as she enrolls in Pacific Coast Academy, a prestigious Southern California boarding school that previously only allowed boys to attend.