02x12 - Quinn's Alpaca

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ ♪

- Well, is it ready?

- Patience, Dean Rivers.

I just have to adjust
the auditory flux modulator.

- Of...course.

[Beeping]
- There.

Your automated voice activation
system is ready to rock.

- Great! What do I do?

- Say "lights."

- Lights.

- Now say it again.

- Lights!

[chuckling] Very cool.

- Yep. Hey, want some coffee?

- Sure.

- Then say it.
- Coffee.

[coffee maker beeps]

Okay, I love this.

- Who wouldn't?

Now close the door.

- All right.

- Nope.
Don't do it.

Just say it.

- Door.

Excellent.

- Oh, and if your office is
ever invaded by an intruder,

just yell "dogs."

- Dogs?
- Shh!

Only if you're in danger.

- [whispering] Right.

- Well, I'd better get
to class.

- Okay.

Well, thanks for getting me
all hooked up.

- I'll e-mail you my bill.

Ciao.

BEVERLY:
Dean Rivers?

Your wife is here
to see you.

- My wife?
Uh...

tell her I'm not here.

[beeping]

BEVERLY: Mrs. Rivers!
He's not in there!

MRS. RIVERS:
Don't give me that!

Carl!

Carl, what kind of grown man

spends $2,000 on video games!

Carl!

Carl!

- Dogs.

[dogs snarling and barking]

MRS. RIVERS: Huh?

Aah!

[barking]

- Thank you, Quinn.

- Ha ha!
All righty, boys.

Check it out.

Back to the basket,
eyes closed,

reverse hook off the backboard,
and in.

- Oh, come on.

- Relax.
That sh*t's impossible.

- Oh, is it?

Oh ho ho!
Ha ha ha!

Did someone say impossible?

- Yeah, keep showin' off
for Vanessa.

- Oh, is that Vanessa
over there?

- Dude, why don't you just ask
her out already?

- Ah, she's too cute.
I'll throw up.

- Aw, girls love that.

- Yeah, just puke on her,
and you're in like flynn.

- Can we just get back to
the game?

You're up, dog.
- Score?

- Uh, I got "H."

You have H-O,
and Chase has H-O-R.

- Yes, I'm losing.

We're all clear on that.

- Oh! And he gets the "S."

[laughs]

- No, I reject the "S."

- You missed.
You can't reject the "S."

- Yes, I can.
I hate "S."

I'm starting a petition to
remove "S" from the alphabet.

- Dude, you can't live
without "S"s.

- I could live
the rest of my life

without ever using a word
that has an "S" in it.

- Bet I could go longer
than you.

- Uh, shall we make
this a 3-way bet?

- Bring it.

- Okay, the first one of us

to say a word with the letter
"S" in it, has to...

run through campus wearing

nothing but a bikini top

and a hula skirt.

- And with a flashing light
on his head.

- It's a bet.
- All right.

- I'm in.

- Okay.

"S"s are off-limits
starting now.

- Okay.

Well, do you people

want to continue
playing...

the game we were
recently playing?

- Yeah.

Indeed, I would like to

continue playing that game.

- Well, I am hungry,

and I would like
to go get a tuna f--

food item.

Food item to eat.

- Hey.
Here...come...

the girl you like.

- Right.
Girl very pretty.

- Correct.

- Hi, Michael.

- Hey, Vane...

Ha ha ha!

Hey, you!
Ha ha!

- See? I told you.

One regular bagel,


- How many carbs?
- No one counts carbs anymore.

- Yeah. When did people stop
counting carbs?

- When they figured out
it was stupid?

- I know.
I'm gonna sign on right now.

Get off the computer.
I need it.

- Uh, why can't you use
the computer in your room?

- The wireless is down.
Now hush!

There's an illness in my family.

Otis!
Otis, can you hear me?

Look into the camera!

Otis?

[Otis bleats]

- Is that a llama?

- Otis is not a llama!
He's an alpaca.

[Otis bleating]

- Sorry.

- I got him for Christmas
when I was 9,

and he's my very best friend
in the world.

- So what's wrong with him?

- We're not sure.
He's been sick for 3 weeks.

The veterinarian's there right
now talking with my parents.

MRS. PENSKY: Hi, Quinny!

Can you see me
on the computer?

Look.
I got my eyebrows waxed!

- That's great, Mom.
Dad, is the vet there?

- Yes! She's right here!
Dr. Lang!

[bleating]

- Hello, Quinn.
I'm Dr. Lang.

- So what's wrong with Otis?

Why has he been crying
and not eating?

- Well, I can't be sure,
but my best guess is that

Otis is, well, depressed.

- A depressed llama?

- Alpaca! Now hush!

Why would Otis be depressed?

Mom, have you been reading him
your romance novels again?

- No, baby!

- I think he's depressed
because he misses you.

- Oh, I'm a terrible,
terrible person!

Oh, Otis, I never should
have left you to come to PCA.

- It's okay.
People get over depression.

My uncle Ronnie was
depressed for years.

- How'd he get better?

- He didn't.

He robbed a convenience store,
then got arrested.

- Why would you tell
that story?

- Quinn, is there any way you
could come home for a few days?

I think Otis would be fine
if he could

just spend a couple of
days with you.

[Otis bleats]

- You can't go home.
It's the middle of the semester.

- Don't worry, baby.
We'll cheer up your ostrich!

- Mom, he's an alpaca!

- Love you, too, sweetie!

- Aw, Quinn, now don't you go
get all depressed.

- I'm not depressed.

[playing mournful tune
on trombone]

- She is so depressed.

- Yeah. Listen to that.

ZOEY: I've never seen Quinn
like this.

We should do something for her.

Hey, let's throw her,
like, a really cool party.

- Her birthday
was 3 months ago.

- Not a birthday party.

- What? Do you mean like
an alpaca party?

- Yeah, with like a whole
alpaca theme.

- All right,
when should we do it?

[Quinn playing louder]

- As soon as possible.
BOTH: Mm-hmm!

- "The Boston Tea Party."

On the evening of
December the 16th, 1774,

thousands of Bostonians packed
into the Old South Meeting House

to hear Samuel Adams speak.

- You two people are gonna lo--

- Adams denounced
the governor...

- Not win the bet.

- No, you will...

not win,

for I can go longer without...

invoking the letter...

after "R."

- Wrong.

I will win the bet,

for one of you will...

talk the bad letter

before me do.

Before me.

No need for the "do."

MR. FLEMMING:
Hey, Chase, Michael, Logan,

you guys have been whispering
this whole class.

- I, uh...I-I apologize.

- Ha!
- "Z."

- Oh.

- Guys, check out
the alpaca cake.

- [gasps]
- Whoa! It's perfect.

- Yeah!

- Not till Quinn sees it.

- Hey, where's
the alpaca costume?

- Oh, yeah, where is it?

Nicole: [laughs]

Um...Mark, come over here.

- Um, that's an aardvark.

- Well, you try finding
an alpaca costume!

They don't exist.

- [breathing heavily]

- Ew!
Why are you all sweaty?

- It's a million degrees
inside this thing.

Do I have to wear the head?

ALL: Yes!

- Hey, guys!

Quinn's coming!

- Oh, hurry! Put it on!

- Don't talk.
Hit the music.

WOMAN: ♪ Yeah, you think
that I don't mind... ♪

ALL: Surprise!
Whoo!

- What's all this?

- It's an alpaca party.

[blowing noisemaker]

MARK: Moo!

- An alpaca party? Why?

- To cheer you up.

- 'Cause we know how much
you miss Otis.

- Oh, you guys are so sweet.

- Well, it gets better.
Turn it on.

- Otis!
Hi, Otis.

- Look, Quinn!
We're on the interweb again!

- Happy alpaca party, baby!

- Thanks, Dad.

Oh, Otis, you look so cute
with your party hat.

[Otis bleating]

He still sounds depressed.

- Come on, Quinn.
Let's cut the cake!

- Yeah, cake!
Yeah!

- Well, ok, but first
I gotta go get my camera

to take pictures of all this.

- Okay, but hurry
'cause, you know...cake.

- I'll hurry.

I promise.

- Think we made her happy?
- I think so.

MARK: Can I take
my head off now?

ALL: No!

- Oh!
- Whoo...

WOMAN: ♪ Confession... ♪

[song changes]

MAN: ♪ Near the sun,
shinin' down ♪

♪ I have learned the... ♪

- [yawning]

Where is she?

- How long can it take to get
a camera?

- I better go check on her.

[Mark panting]

- Ok, it's like 120 degrees
in this thing.

I can't keep this head on!

Okay.

- Where's Quinn?

- She ran away.

- Huh?

- Okay, how do we know Quinn
really ran away?

- Yeah, what does her note say
exactly?

- "I'm running away,"

which to me sounds like
she's running away.

- Did she say why?

- Yeah.
She says she has to go home

and be with Otis
"in his time of need."

- Aw!
A girl and her beast.

MARK: So hot.

Feeling dizzy.

- I guess our alpaca party just
made her miss Otis even more.

- Hey, if she leaves the PCA
campus without permission,

can't she get suspended?

- Or worse.
- We gotta stop her.

- And fast, 'cause it's gonna
be dark soon.

- Okay, but we need to split up

so we can cover
more of the campus faster.

- Right.

- [gasp]

- Quinn?

Quinn!

Quinn?

Quinn!

Uh, you go this way;
we'll go that way!

Come on. Let's go!

Quinn!

- Quinn!

Quinn!

Quinn!

- Don't try to stop me!

- You can't leave PCA!

- Otis needs me!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Leave me alone!

- No!
- What do you want?

- I'm not letting you leave
PCA!

You'll get suspended!

- But there's a 4-foot-tall
furry bundle of sadness

who needs me!

- So what are you gonna do,
Quinn?

How are you gonna get home, huh?

- I don't know.
Monorail!

- There's no monorail from
California to Seattle.

- Well, there should be!

- Quinn!
- I have to see Otis.

- Ok, look, just...just give me
time to think.

Let me try to fix this.
- How?

- I don't know yet,
but you gotta promise me

you won't leave PCA.

- All right.
- All right?

- All right.
- All right.

- All right.

- Quinn actually tried
to leave PCA?

- To go be with her alpaca?

- Okay, how long
is this gonna go on?

- Yeah, would one of you use
a word with the "S"

in it already so we can have
a normal conversation?

- No.

I am determined

to go longer

than Michael and Logan

without uttering that letter.

- Could this be more annoying?
- No!

- Hey, Michael, there be
the girl you like.

- Michael likes her?

- A lot.

- What's her name?

- Tell her, Michael.

Tell her the name of the girl
you enjoy.

- Nice try,
but I will not do that.

- Her name must have an "S"
in it.

- Give me your cell phone.
- What you gonna do?

- I'm gonna trick Logan into
losing,

so I don't have to listen
to these guys

talk like idiots anymore.

- Hey!
Lola called we

the plural of "idiot."

- I am offended.

- Logan's last name is "Reese,"

with an "S," right?

- Yeah.

- Good.

[dialing]

[cell phone ringing]

- Go for Logan.

LOLA: Hi! This is Jammin' Jamie
from KCool 107,

and you've just won a trip
for 2 to Honolulu!

- No way! For real?

- For real. Now, all you gotta
do is tell us your name.

- Logan.

- And your last name?
- Ree--

- "Ree" what?

Come on, for the love of God,
"Ree" what?

- Re...jected!

Buh-bye.

[exasperated sighs]
- Oh!

- Lights! Lights!
Lights!

[electricity buzzing]

[dogs barking]

Lights!

[dogs barking]

I didn't say "dogs!"

Hey!

Beverly, did you reach Quinn?

[knock on door]

- Dean Rivers, you got a sec?

- No!

Yes, come in.

Keep tryin' to get Quinn here!

Lights!

[dogs barking]

Life is hard.

- Dean Rivers, can I get you
to sign this, please?

- I suppose.

- What's up with the lights?

- Aw, Quinn set up this
voice control system,

and I spilled coffee
on this thing here,

and now it's all kerblooey.

[dogs barking]

Watch.

Coffee.

- Whoa!

My nose.

- Yeah, you should put
some ice on that.

- Thank you, sir.

- I called Quinn five times

and she refuses to come
and fix it.

Says she's too depressed.

- Well, that's actually what
I came to talk to you about.

I think I know how we could
cheer her up.

- How?

- Have you ever heard
of an alpaca?

- Al...paca?

[dogs barking]

- Can you two believe...

half a week without the letter?

- I can go much longer than
that

without...the letter.

- But I will go even longer
without it,

for I will not be
the one

to wear that bikini top

and hula bottom.

- Don't forget the light
on your head.

- Your head.

- No.
For I will not be defeated.

- Nor will I.

- Well, I think that you--

- Okay, Michael,
I've been waiting six weeks

for you to ask me out.

What's up?

- Huh?

- Do you want to go out
with me?

- [stuttering]

- Yes, I do!

- Ha! Yeah!
- Yes!

- Yes ends in "S."
- You lost, dude.

- I don't care.

See, I will be escorting
Miss Vanessa

to Sushi Rox, okay?
Yeah.

And afterwards perhaps we shall
grab some sorbet or soda.

So see ya.
Vanessa.

Ha!

- Sassy.
That's three "S"s.

- Nice.

- Zoey, where are you
taking me?

- Come on. Talk less.
Walk more.

- I don't want to do
anything fun.

I told you I'm too depressed
about Otis to...

[Alpaca bleats]

- No, you did not.

Otis!

Otis!

Oh, how did you guys get him
to PCA?

- Zoey called your mom.

- Who's a little insane, so she
asked to speak to your dad.

- And then we just set it up.

- Oh, my God, this is so great.

Oh, but we have to hide him.

PCA has a strict rule against
pets on campus.

- It's cool.
You're covered.

- Dean Rivers said it's okay
just for one weekend.

- As long as you fix his
voice control system thingy.

- No problem.
Otis, did you hear that?

We get to spend
an entire weekend together.

[bleating]

[Quinn bleats]

- Quinn speaks alpaca?

- Are you surprised?

- Come on, Otis.

We're going to have
the best weekend ever!

[Otis bleating]

- Oh, so cute.

MAN: ♪ Well, hello, let's go ♪

♪ Everybody must know ♪

♪ Love in my heart
like a b*mb ♪

♪ It's blowin' a song ♪

♪ Inside I'm singin' ♪

♪ Sunshine that
you're bringin' now ♪

♪ And it makes me happy ♪

♪ Everything I need ♪

♪ Handed from above ♪

♪ I can't get enough
of your love ♪

♪ 'Cause it makes me happy ♪

♪ You meet me in the middle ♪

♪ The game just got
so simple now ♪

♪ And it makes me happy ♪

♪ Yeah, you make me happy ♪

♪ Save those rainy days
for another time ♪

♪ I'm just here to say ♪

♪ Read between the lines ♪

[Otis bleating]

♪ I'm so glad
that you're mine ♪

♪ 'Cause you make me happy ♪

♪ You make me want to sing ♪

♪ Do do do-do-do do ♪

♪ Do do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Do do do-do-do do ♪

♪ Do do-do ♪

♪ Do do do-do-do do ♪

♪ Do do-do do do ♪

- And I got this scar
when I was about 7.

See, I was riding my bike
on this insane hill,

and there's a canteen swinging
on the handlebars,

and it got caught
on my spokes.

- Hey, guys!

- Hey.
- Hi, Quinn.

- What's up, Otis?

[Otis bleating]

Aw.

- Um, did Quinn just walk
by here with an alpaca?

- Uh-huh.
- Yep, sure did.

- Weird.

[siren blaring]

- Okay, did Michael
just run by here

wearing a bikini top?

- And a hula skirt?

- Uh-huh.
- He did.

- Weirder.

ALL: Yeah.
- Definitely.

MAN: ♪ Well, hello, let's go ♪

♪ Everybody must know ♪

♪ Love in my heart
like a b*mb ♪

♪ It's blowin' a song ♪

♪ Inside I'm singin' ♪

♪ Sunshine that
you're bringin' now ♪

♪ And it makes me happy ♪

♪ Everything I need ♪

♪ Handed from above ♪

♪ I can't get enough
of your love ♪

♪ 'Cause it makes me happy ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

DEAN RIVERS: Life is hard.